The Sober Butterfly Podcast

Soulfully Sober - Jasmine's Story

March 27, 2024 Nadine Benjamin
The Sober Butterfly Podcast
Soulfully Sober - Jasmine's Story
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Show Notes Transcript

In this episode of the Sober Butterfly Podcast, host Nadine Mulvina sits down with Jasmine from Soulfully_Sober about her inspiring journey to sobriety. Jasmine shares her before and after, highlighting the transformation from a life characterized by excessive drinking to one focused on personal growth, resilience, and motherhood. She opens up about the challenges that led to her decision to become sober, including debilitating hangovers and the desire to be a better mother. Jasmine discusses the pivotal moments of self-awareness, the impact of attending AA meetings, and the positive changes sobriety has brought into her life, including improved relationships and a newfound sense of clarity and intention. The conversation emphasizes the value of trying sobriety, viewing it as a social experiment rather than a permanent restriction, and encourages listeners to consider the benefits of living alcohol-free.

00:00 Welcome to the Sober Butterfly Podcast

00:18 Meeting Jasmine: A Journey to Sobriety

01:13 Jasmine's Life Before Sobriety: Party Girl to Motherhood

02:38 The Turning Point: From Debilitating Hangovers to a Sober 2018

03:15 The Relapse and Realization: Embracing Sobriety for Good

04:26 Exploring the Depths of Sobriety and Personal Growth

07:09 The Impact of Sobriety on Relationships and Self-Perception

29:40 Navigating Triggers and Cravings in a Sober Life

31:32 Jasmine's Advice: Giving Sobriety a Chance

33:40 Closing Thoughts and Gratitude

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Hello and welcome to the show. My name is Nadine Mulvina and you are listening to the Sober Butterfly Podcast. TSB is all about diving into inspiring stories of personal growth, resilience, and transformation. Today we are joined with a very special guest. We have Jasmine here over at Soulfully underscore Sober. Welcome jazz. I called you jazz. Is it okay? Yes. Okay. Yes. Of course. I feel like we're so comfortable with each other. I think so. I think so. It's so funny because you know, when you make friends on Instagram and then you get to meet in real life, it just feels like authentic. It's just a natural progression. Yeah. Yes. It's we already know. We had a little day together went to the Whitney we walked over here and in the interim, you know, we got to know each other a little bit. And we are talking today just a little bit about Jazz's story or Jasmine's story. We want to hear what led you to sobriety. And is it okay if I share this is the first time you're like openly talking about it. I love that. I feel like I'm getting an exclusive. So thank you. Okay. Jasmine, tell us a little bit about who you are, and what life looked like for you before getting sober. Okay. Well, first, thank you for having me. I'm so glad we got to meet in person. This is so fun. Who am I? So I am a 33 year old mother. I live in Virginia. I was raised and grew up in Virginia. And You know, I definitely feel like I'm a different person now. So before my sobriety, I was the just straight party girl. Like I'm like, everyone takes shots now. There was no such thing as time. Like we're taking shots every 10 minutes. I was not one of those people that was like, let me wait, like pace myself. No pacing. Almost every time it was pretty much inevitable, but I was just always the one just encouraging people to drink. That was just who I was. I can relate to that so much. It's sometimes hard to decipher if it was like the normal college experience or young adult experience versus it was my experience and I was the problem. I think maybe a little bit of both. Yeah. But yeah, to your point, like I also was the friend that was always doing the most and encouraging other people to also do the most. And you reminded me of the drink every 10 minutes, take a shot. That was a real thing that my friends and I played as well. So I'm curious for you, When did life shift? At what point were you like, maybe I shouldn't be the life of the party or the party girl anymore? Yeah, I think part of it was definitely So in 2018, I think I was just experiencing debilitating hangovers, like literally laying in bed, calling out of work, having sick days because I was just like, literally could not function from how much I was drinking. And in 2018 it was kind of just like, why am I doing this to myself? Let me stop. And You know, stop drinking. I stopped drinking for a year. And then for some reason I was like, Oh, a year feels good. I feel like I've, you know, hit some sort of accomplishment. Let me just go back to what I was doing before. And so from 2019 to 2020. Two, I was back in my drinking habits, like drinking too much, taking three days to recover and just like really putting my body. But then I ended up getting pregnant and I had my son and I did drink postpartum probably like the first six months of his life, but I realized I was like, I have this human now who, wakes up at the crack of dawn who doesn't care if I was drinking the night before. And I just didn't like the kind of mother I was being like dragging and not having the energy and like wanting to sleep it off. And it just, it didn't feel good for me. And so I think that was when I was like, I had a really good year in 2018 when I didn't drink, like, why did I go back? And that's when I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna drink it. Well, that's beautiful. I want to kind of backtrack to 2018. People often reference like, I'm air quoting here, a rock bottom moment. Did you experience anything like that in 2018 that prompted you to take that hiatus from drinking? You know, not that I can necessarily pinpoint when I look back at my drinking and my habits, I almost feel like I was. the center of the joke because I was the one who would get blackout and do something crazy or like my friends would call me Bambi because I would fall always and no, it's okay. It's okay. That's kind of funny. Yeah. I mean, that's like what it was. And so it wasn't necessarily Bad things and I have had though bad experiences that you would have thought would have been my rock bottom But I didn't have that in 2018. I think it was just truly A combination of just like my body telling me that I can't keep going like this And i'm, sorry that I laughed at the bambi thing. It just brings me back to like Also feeling like I was always at the brink the crux of someone's joke, like being the friend that did too much and then having people to this day, pair it back to me stories that I'm like, that happened so long ago. It's not funny. Like you can just let it be, let it rest, but it's like for them, it's just monumental and it's forever emblazoned in the friend group chat, like whatever it may be, I'm always going to be the I'm just going to say if anyone with friends listening, the cat story, 20. 10, you had to be there. I picked up a stray cat and walked into a party and the DJ literally scratched the tape like he was DJing. He was like, Nadine, get that out of here. You can't bring that in here. Apparently the cat looked like that. Like it had rabies. It was like, I had to get a tetanus shot. Like it was a whole thing. Anyway, so like stories like that would irk me because I'm like, oh my gosh, like now I can look back and be like, I'm not that girl anymore. So I don't have a, so much of an emotional attachment to that, but I feel you 100 percent on this notion that I was sick of being the, brunt of everyone's totally jokes, you know, and it's like I because I would black out every time It was always other people telling me about how I was acting or what I was doing And it just didn't feel good to not be able to remember everything and hear things from other people's point of view and so I don't know if I can trust you as a source. Yes, that doesn't even sound like me. Right, exactly. But yeah, Blackout, Nadine and me today, very different people. So yeah I hate that too. Having to piece together your night based off of other people's accounts is frustrating. So then you took a year. So what was that year like for you in 2018 when you stopped drinking and how did you stop drinking? Was it hard for you that first time? It actually wasn't. Too hard, honestly. I think I don't know why it wasn't that hard. It was just like, this is something that I'm doing. This is something that I'm going to do. And obviously at the time I wasn't thinking that it was forever. So I was just like, I'm just going to do it. But it was one of the years, like it was a year that I finally. started a business idea, which was like nothing that I had ever done before. But I finally had the mental clarity to actually pursue and start a business. And then I was in my prime fitness wise. Like I was like, Beakroom yoga queen, like body was snatched. Like I was just like feeling really good and like actually doing things outside of work for myself and like pursuing other goals. And so it was. It was just a beautiful year in that way. So I like the idea of treating it like a social experiment. It sounds like to me because it took the pressure off of forever, right? It was just like, I'm going to take a break and see if I can make a year. What shifted in the year? What made you feel like, okay, I can drink again. I don't know. And I think nobody wants to relapse, right? Nobody wants to go back. But I think if I didn't, I would never appreciate my sobriety now. And so I think just feeling like a year felt like completion to me, like I had accomplished something, you know, people are clapping for you Oh my God, you stopped drinking for a year good for you. And so it was just like, For some reason I felt like that was enough. Like I was like, Oh I've proved to myself that I cannot drink. And now that I haven't drank for a year, maybe I can moderate, which is just such a myth, at least in my world. So it was like, I don't know, I guess maybe I thought once I started drinking again, things would be a little bit different. Yeah. That's spoiler alert. I think for most people, it's not like this myth of moderation, as you It's a fallacy. It's for, I don't even think the, not to get too technical here, but I think the design by design alcohol is intended for you to want to drink more and more of it. That's the whole idea of a tolerance, right? Absolutely. So it's really hard to moderate, especially when you are coming from a different perspective. Like you already had more of a toxic relationship with alcohol to begin with. And even taking the break, it's Oh, like I'm back. It's like me recycling my exes, right? It's like nothing has changed or has it? Anyway. So then you mentioned, you know, fast forward a few years. So like you have a son and Obviously, like when you had your, I shouldn't say obviously, but when you had your son, you recognized that you didn't want to regress back to old drinking patterns. And I feel like I've heard this before. I'm not a mother, but specific to kind of like our conversation before around Postpartum specifically and how hard that is. Do you feel like you were using alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with some of the harsh realities of being a new mom and like the hormonal stuff that happens behind the scenes? Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's funny. I think I had this serious self awareness about my drinking for a really long time. And while I was pregnant, I'm not going to say obviously, but like I didn't drink while I was pregnant and I used to say I just won't drink for the first five years of his life. Okay. Like I tried to set something like that. Like I knew that I didn't want to be a mom that drank just because of how I drank and I knew that it would impact like the mom I wanted to be, but yeah, because postpartum was so hard and because alcohol is just, marketed as this thing that's supposed to help you relax and Decompress and relieve stress. Yeah, I definitely was drinking hoping that it would help in some way. But what's crazy is that like postpartum, and I don't know if it was cause like everything my body was going through, like producing milk and you know, all the things that are happening with your body at that time, I would drink so much and not feel drunk. Wow. Yep. Like it was the worst. And so then it's well, what do I do now? If I'm chasing and drinking much and I'm not even like getting drunk or feeling it, then it's like something has to give. Yeah. And it can go in many different directions. Right. This is where I feel like people become more susceptible to trying other things maybe because they're like, well, this isn't working for me. So what else is on the table? My friend has a saying like it's drug of convenience, like depending on like the social circles, like where you grew up, if heroin were on the table, not to make this a different conversation, but like the type of person I was, I'm experimental. And if I wanted to feel something and I couldn't feel for it. Something who's to say I wouldn't reach for something else, but what I can relate to and what you shared about not getting drunk, it wasn't postpartum for me. It was, I think my tolerance was just so sky high towards the end of my drinking that I would go out chasing this feeling. Like I never drank for the sake of just wanting to drink. I drank because I wanted to kind of alleviate some of the stresses and feel an out of body experience. And yeah, lose myself and lose my inhibitions. And I felt like towards the end, I had a really hard time getting there wherever there was, because it was always like I was chasing this like perfect equilibrium. Like I wanted to feel good, but not black out. Right. I wanted to be drunk, but not black out. But I would always skirt Like I would still have blackout moments, but like in the moment, I didn't realize it was blackout. It was really convoluted and complex, but I share that to say that I think that is the beginning of the end. It's almost like a symptom that your body is rejecting this and it's no longer serving you and it's time to release it. And if you listen to your body, which we can get into later, because I feel like you're very in tune with your body now, if you listen to those symptoms and those signs, then you can make a pivot and change your relationship. Yep. Or you can continue chasing or looking to feel something. But yeah, I relate to not being able to get drunk. And then I would have hangovers still. Yeah. Like I would still have the aftermath or the after effects of drinking the amount that I drink, which is a lot. Yeah. So then at what point did you decide, Okay, enough is enough this time. I don't want to be this version. of a mother for my son. How did you get to this place where you decided that you were done with alcohol for real this time? Yeah, I think, I mean, I just remember I was having a really hard time at work where I was just like, kind of really checked out. Crying in meetings, like just having a really hard time and I literally could not wait to pick my son up from daycare, make sure he got home safely, and then have a drink. And then I was like trying to get All of my drinks in between 6pm and midnight and then like waking up and doing it all over again. So like waking up and feeling hungover and sluggish because I'm not getting good sleep. Having a hard time at work of just like feeling stressed and like overwhelmed. I had just started a new job and it was a different environment on top of, you know, Recently having a baby and I remember I got to the point where I told my job. I was like, I need to take time just for my mental health. Like I need to actually step away from work and just focus on my mental health. I just felt like I was slipping somehow. And so I was like I got a note from my doctor that said, yeah start with two weeks, go to therapy, and let's see what happens. And I remember talking to my therapist and telling her like, yeah, I can't wait to make sure my son gets home safely so that I can have a drink. And she said, you know, have you ever thought about going to AA? And I was like, no. And it was still very much during pandemic times where AA meetings were online. You didn't have to be on camera. Like people didn't necessarily have to see my face. And she was like, you know, just go and listen. And so I ended up going to a couple of AA meetings and after my first meeting and just Listening to people's stories and like other things that people are battling with. I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like I Can't keep going like this. Like I don't want to get to a point where I'm telling a story about being passed out drunk with my son at home or you know, getting to a point like that. And so I stopped drinking. And I think the power, and by the way, kudos to your therapist. I think that was amazing advice just to listen, because I think AA can be really daunting and scary to hear those words. Wait, what? What are you suggesting? But if you just go and listen, you're often find that your story is sometimes embedded in other people's story. Maybe not to the extreme, but the, nature of alcohol and alcoholism is progressive, right? So if you're not here today, like nobody takes their first step in Oh, I'm a raging alcoholic, right? You build momentum towards this place. And so I think that was really powerful that you were able to take inventory, be self aware and recognize that you don't want to get to that place or become that person. So it sounds like. Going to meetings online and immersing yourself with community was the start of your sober journey Yeah, absolutely. And I just I remember after those meetings I was talking to some of my best friends and I'm like, I don't know if I have the right to call myself an alcoholic just because of what I was hearing from other people and I remember one of my best friends saying like you can't compare Severities of traumas like your trauma is just as traumatic and transformational to you as whatever you're hearing from this person. And I think that was like life changing for me too, because it's like, yeah, I've been through things in my life. And I drink the way I do because I am like coping or like trying to forget, or like trying to deal with some like unresolved things. And just because it might not sound as severe as like this person's story, That doesn't mean that it didn't have an impact on me. And that doesn't mean that I can't say that like alcoholism runs in my family. And my mom would say if it, if there's a gene for it, like you would have it because it runs in our family. And so I wanted to do something about it. I love that. That's beautiful. And your friend also profound words, right? Like it's all relative. Yes. It's all relative. And. Yeah, that's, I'm thinking about that for myself even because I think sometimes going to meetings, I still go to meetings and I'll hear things and I do question like this term am I, do I have the right to say I'm an alcoholic as well? But the way I see it, I'd rather claim it so that I can stay away from alcohol because I know I can't moderate. I know I don't have a healthy relationship with it. Then, you know, delude myself into saying, Oh, I'm not an alcoholic. I can, whatever. Cause when I start slipping into old patterns and like thinking that I'm responsible in, Not even responsible, that's the wrong word to use, but I'm able to have a somewhat healthy relationship with alcohol, and I know that's not true. 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I love this question because it's just changed in the best ways and I will try not to get emotional about it. I told you. Like every, especially becoming a mom. I feel like I cry a lot more easily now. Jasmine almost cried at the museum at this really weird exhibit. I think I see a lot, people are like, people stop drinking and they wish they would have done it sooner. And I wish I would have done it sooner. I think that I'm now in a place where dreams that I've had. For so long, I'm finally like, you're going to do it. You're going to pursue it. You're going to be consistent and you're going to work towards it. And I just feel if I would have stopped drinking sooner, I would just have been just in a different place. But I mean, you know, we experienced things, we go through life, it's all learning lessons and we're meant to be where we are, but my life is just tremendously better. I have just like a deeper gratitude. for life. I've stopped like chasing material things. I've stopped comparing myself to other people. Of course, you know, we live in the age of social media and some of that is still there, but I've really just become comfortable in my skin and the life that I've built and just been so much more appreciative. And I think that as someone who struggles with depression, To be in that place is like really good and healthy for me. And I think also just like taking care of my body. Once I stopped drinking alcohol, I was like, okay, alcohol is a poison. So is that McDonald's that I was eating like every single day. So like, all right, girl, like, how are we going to reign this in and just eat more whole foods and just take care and pour into your body and be more intentional about that. And I think it's just, it's changed my life in the best ways. I absolutely love everything you shared. And I. Also can agree with everything. It's like you make a good decision when it comes to removing a toxic substance, like you mentioned a depressive substance, like you mentioned, and then you start making better choices. It's the trickle down snowball effect, but in the best ways. And then you look and you have more. Surpluses than deficits, right? Like all of the benefits. And I just want to say that the part about like almost being regretful that you didn't start sooner. I believe in divine timing. I believe that you quit when you were supposed to quit after the birth of your son. That was the catalyst maybe that you really needed to get you to this place. But I understand like the message, which is just like, everyone should. Do this. Yeah. Everyone should do it now. Yes. Like you, I've never met a single person. I always say this like never met a person who's regretted getting sober, never. Or quitting drinking or slowing down with drinking, like never met a person. Yeah. I'm curious to know how your relationships or if your relationships have shifted or changed since getting sober. Yeah, I think. They have definitely changed in the sense that I'm just so much more intentional about time spent. So if I know that I'm going to spend time with people outside of like my husband and my son, I want it to be quality time. Like I want to be all up in your face, like having serious conversations and just like things like that, because it's just you know, time is limited and we shouldn't take it for granted. The time that we have here on earth. So I feel like my relations have definitely become more intentional and also just more aware. Like a lot of my friends have known me as the drinking party girl. And so it's just okay, do you accept me as sober Jasmine? Do you appreciate me for me and like my personality and my qualities, or did you just. appreciate the energy that I brought or like the time or like the fun or like the jokes that could be made at my expense. So I think that relationships have become a lot more better. And I've also been able to just be more transparent. Like I found myself being a more honest person. So if someone says something or wasn't in the wrong way, whereas before I sweep it under the rug, like now I don't know, the sober girl is just honest as hell. And that's been really good. I also, I think, carried so much guilt around, as mentioned before, when you are blackout drunk, it wasn't always just kiki fun oh, you were so crazy and wild and fun last night. It was sometimes I would do things that I wasn't proud of, lash out on people. So I feel like I was carrying guilt and shame and would tiptoe around certain relationships because I didn't want them to bring up the time that I cussed them out when I was blackout drunk and had no memory. And so that I would. let that seep into other crevices of the relationship where I'd let things slide that really bothered me. Yeah. And I felt Oh, I can't speak up for myself because who am I to, you know, stand up for myself when I did this thing, this bad thing. And now I don't carry that guilt anymore. Yeah. Now I'm like, it is what it is. I think the honesty piece, I'm so glad you brought it up because sober girls have to usually be honest with themselves, which is sometimes the hardest part. Yeah. Honest about their relationship with alcohol, honest about where they stand in life. And yeah, that just obviously trans transfers over into other aspects of our lives, including people. There's this, you know, saying, or like this understanding that you lose quote unquote, lose friends and sobriety. Have you experienced that? I have not lost friends, but I have definitely experienced just feeling like maybe we're growing in different directions or maybe feeling that we're just in different places in our lives. And I, and although I haven't lost friends, I think It's become more of like a peace and acceptance that like, if we don't talk as much as we used to, or if we don't see each other as much as we used to, that's okay. But I am thankful and grateful that I haven't really had like any falling outs or like anything like that. I think I'm. just very thankful for the people in my life and like their understanding, not saying that it wasn't hard for them and not saying that like our, there was like a little bit of rockiness there as like we adjusted to me and my sobriety. But I think it's actually something that I'm very much still actively working through. Fair. I, to that point, I'm also actively still working through it, giving people grace who deserve it and deciphering. who actually deserves grace and who I should just kind of let go, release. And I do believe relationships come in seasons, they ebb and flow, but not everyone is for me. And I recognize it so much clearer now. Like clarity is a part of sobriety, right? Recognizing people's intentions a bit more clearer than I did before. Not to say I was naive, but I think when you're drinking around people, it's You're less aware of like energy and it's just Oh, this is fun. And then we talked about this before too. Like sometimes you're drinking to make people more enjoyable. And it's I don't have that social lubricant anymore. So it's if I'm not feeling it, that's okay too. Yeah. Maybe they're not feeling me like, you know, that's okay. I'm learning. And I wonder if that's also a part of. You know, inching more into my thirties, I'm kind of just you know, they say you care less, but what do you get? It's kind of just like, why would I force this? When I cared so much about every little thing when I was younger, things that I don't even think about today. I'm like, why did you care? Why did you even give you that energy? And now a quick word from our partners. Have you ever wished you could dive into a great story while on the go? Maybe that's during your daily commute or even while working out. Well, now you can, thanks to Audible. Audible is the leading provider of spoken word entertainment in audiobooks, and with Audible, you can turn any moment into a storytime adventure. Imagine having access to an unmatched selection of audiobooks, right now. Exclusive podcast and more all in one place on your phone or your computer or whatever listening device you choose Audible is not just a library. It's a whole Experience with a vast collection of genres from mystery to romance to self help and business Audible has something for everyone and here's the best part Your first month is on me A free trial to explore the world of Audible. Check the show notes below and visit audible. com slash tsb24 to start your free trial today. Don't miss out on an opportunity to discover the joy of listening. Whether you're a seasoned book lover or just getting started, Audible is the perfect companion for your reading journey. So why wait? Head over to audible. com slash tsb24. Audible. Because the best stories are meant to be heard. You had a bad day. I don't know what that bad day looks like for you, but just imagine like the worst day. you get triggered? Do you experience cravings? And if you do, how do you quell those triggers or cravings? This might not be a great answer, but I eat. I eat. I eat too. I eat too. I think that truly is like, if I am feeling down if I am feeling just going through it, I'm going to find food that is going to make me feel better. And it can be whatever and probably not the best thing to do, but that is that's what I do. I mean, it can be good for the soul and I'm an emotional eater too. I'm a binge eater. I go, I think for me, I also. It could definitely food, but also like I exercise, like sometimes I need to like physically get it out, release it from my body. I felt Oh my God, if I don't get cravings as much as I used to, like in my first year, lots of ups and downs, but now I'm like, it's more so emotional. If someone pisses me off, or if I feel like I want something, cause like now I'm completely. Like I don't do any substances. I used to smoke. I used to reach for other unhealthy things, but now I'm like, okay, I can't turn to those coping mechanisms. So I have to get it out of me. Yeah. I mean, the other thing that I do is I do love to have a good cry. So I'll watch a really sad movie. Like a star is born like something that I just know is gonna rip my heart to shreds. I will just do that and like just get a good cry and it just feels like cathartic. And so I'll just go to the museum. I want you all to see this exhibit by Jasmine Star and Takaya. Anyway, I like that. I wish I was telling you before. I wish I could cry more but that's a story for another day. I don't think it's healthy the fact that I don't cry as much as I should but okay. I love that. So. What would you like to share with anyone about the sober life, but maybe a misconception or just people you feel like are not so well versed on? Yeah, I think I would say Just try it. I think the hardest and most intimidating thing when someone decides to stop drinking or whatever is that they're like, I can never have this again. I'm never going to have this again. And it's don't think about forever in the future. Like just think about each day, like each day, make a decision to say I'm just going to try Maybe not drinking today if you're like someone who drinks every single day after work or like maybe I'm just gonna do like a 30 day Detox or just do something to just give it a try and I think that feeling like I think a lot of us might feel like we have to be social drinkers and it's just like maybe You just need to try different activities. Like maybe there's just other things that you need to do where like drinking isn't the center that you might enjoy more. And that can just be a game changer. Cause I just at the fundamental of it all, like it's literally a poison and it's bad for us. And I just think that we as humans, our lifespan is already shorter than it needs to be because of all of the processed foods and everything that we have. So it's don't add this substance on top of that. So I was just saying, just give it a shot. I love that. And I feel like going back to the social experiment piece, like you feel better when you feel better, you do better and you don't put that pressure on yourself. Right. Like it doesn't have to be forever. Although for me, it's forever. I'm a forever girly here. And I love that idea of just like giving yourself grace to. Experience what life could look like for you without a toxic substance. Yes. Amazing. I really am so excited that we had this conversation. I learned so much about you and I feel like you shared some amazing tips that other people can relate to. Thanks for having me. Thank you for coming, Jasmine. I appreciate you. Okay guys. So that's all I have to share. I also wanna say thank you for being here, and thank you for allowing me to hold space in your day as you listen to this podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please, please do me a favor and one, make sure you're following the show so that you can stay up to date with everything else that's happening. And two. Please, please leave a review as it helps more people find the show. I would appreciate even more if it's a five star review, but do what's right for you. Do what you think I deserve, thank you so much, and I'll see you next week. Bye bye.