Reflections From 2023, Mindset For 2024, and 3 Questions to Ask Yourself This Dry January

After taking a much-needed break from podcasting, I’m excited to be back as we open a New Year. I’m sharing life updates since I paused the podcast, sharing my mindset for 2024 and how to set yourself up for a successful Dry January.

I will also share...

• Lessons learned in 2023 related to sobriety, burnout, traveling, and breakups
• Why you should hone in on mindset-focused goals and create systems to support this (instead of making New Year Resolutions)
• Why I never successfully completed a Dry January challenge (before getting sober)
• 3 Questions you should ask yourself if you want to crush this Dry Jan.

Stay connected with Nadine:

• Follow on IG: @the.soberbutterfly 
• Follow on TikTok @the.soberbutterfly
• Subscribe to YouTube channel 
• Subscribe to our monthly newsletter,  https://thesoberbutterfly.com/

Resources from the Episode:

FREEBIE Beginner’s Guide to Dry January (e-book)
FREEBIE Guide to Quitting Alcohol - 30 Day Transformation (course)

Partners:
Drink Moment
Use Code Tsb23 for 25% off your order

Audible
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New episodes air every Wednesday :)

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services refereed to in this episode.

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to the Sober Butterfly Podcast, the podcast that celebrates the transformative journey of embracing sobriety. Join us as we explore the boundless world of wellness, the allure of a sober lifestyle, and the beauty that unfolds when we choose to live life fully present. Whether you are a seasoned, sober adventurer, or just beginning your journey, this podcast is your compass to navigate a life of clarity, purpose, and vibrant experiences. I am nad MOA, and I'm so glad that you found your way to the show. Happy 2024. So for context. Especially if you're new here. I took a break from podcasting back in late spring of 2023, and I intended this break to be a mini hiatus. Really what I was trying to do was avoid burnout. I felt the symptoms of burnout looming over me and symptoms of burnout can manifest in various ways and may differ from person to person. SO I'll talk a little bit more in depth about. This impending burnout I was facing in a few moments. But before we get into all of that, I just wanna frame our time together for today's episode. So I've broken today's episode into three parts. Part one is going to pick up where I left off on the pod. That will lead us up to the present moment where I will devote time for part two to discuss my focus for 2024 as we've entered a new year and how I'm cultivating a mindset for success. Part three will end with Dry January tips and strategies to help guide you through this time I will overshare a little bit and kind of go into one of my many Dry January fails. So you definitely wanna stay tuned for that. Okay, let's get into it. If you listened to my last episode of the show, which was published on June 1st, 2023, you may actually detect the burnout in my voice. I'm a little embarrassed because I didn't intend to end the season. Season two. That way I just ran out of juice. My mojo was gone, and to be real podcasting was no longer fun for me. At that time. It very much felt like this job I had to do that I was also not getting paid to do. So for context, that episode. If you listen to it is about six minutes long, and I'm not telling you by the way, to go listen to the episode. In fact, don't go listen to the episode. But in the episode I announced several times. Several times I announced that I was coming back September 5th. I also wrote that in the show notes and I told people to mark their calendars. Spoiler alert. I did not in fact return September 5th. So what happened? You may be wondering. For starters, as much as I love creating content and being a podcaster, it is not my primary source of income yet. a lot of people may not know this, but I'm actually a full-time teacher, and that profession, being in education consumes a lot of my mental and even physical strength also to toward the end of the school year, ask any of your teacher friends or any teacher you know, and they will tell you we are basically babysitting. We are so over it. it's been a long ass year and it's like, what are we still doing here? The weather outside is warming up and summer is calling, so mentally we are checked out, but physically we have to check in. So it's really a mindfuck if I'm being real and being so close to the end of the year. School year, that is AKA summer. Um, work was stressing me at the same time, I had entered a new relationship for the very first time in five years. So I had not been in a committed monogamous relationship since 2018. Now I'm booed up, which means I have to devote time and space to my partner. Which I already felt like to be real, that I didn't have much time or space to give to anyone to begin with. But you know how it is In the beginning phase of a relationship, everything is new and you're really in this like love bubble, this love cocoon, which feels really nice and it feels cozy. At the same time, I was less aware of how being in a relationship was going to impact not just my mental health, like feeling a bit of stress because I wasn't getting other things done that pertained to my business, this brand that I'm building. I think this is honestly where a little seed of resentment was planted. So my then boyfriend and I would joke about how I was this social butterfly always on the go. Basically like fluttering from place to place in that first month we dated. I think I was gone every single weekend. like I went to Berlin, I went to Vegas, I went to Miami. And that's within like the first month of actually dating him. He wasn't so much of a traveler and he had in general a very reserved disposition. And so he would, he would say things like, oh, I can help ground you quite literally anchor you. and it felt nice actually to have someone there to encourage me to slow down and to take breaks when needed. And it was Actually a conversation I had with him that basically helped me realize that I should take a pause from the podcast. And this pause was to really kind of get clear or crystallize my vision and next steps for the show. I think he also noticed that I was on the brink of burnout and what I was doing was unsustainable and he was also, this is important to note. He was also sober, so I think that in my mind it gave him more authority, or it gave him more credibility because he understood how important mental health in relation to sobriety is and was. And so after a few weeks off from podcasting and now I was off from work, I felt a sense of renewal. I felt like I had more time to devote to other passions of mine. I'm a project girly, so I always have another project going on. So that place us in July. July rolls in, and I love July because it's also my sober adversary month. My sober adversary is July 5th, and so I got to celebrate my second year of sobriety in Mexico with my Now Sober Bay or then sober Bay. So we went to Isla Hobo, which if you don't know where Isla Hobos is, it's this like beautiful captivating island in the Yucatan Peninsula of Mexico. And it's really known for, its like laid back, chill vibes. I Left Hoach feeling relaxed, and then I came back to New York and just kind of explored what the city had to offer I'm never really like in the city much over the summer, so I got to kind of see the city. From a fresh lens, and I did a lot of cool and free things for the remainder of July in New York. So when August came and I was off again, I had planned a month long, a little over a month long trip to six countries in Asia with a friend from college. It was a whirlwind experience traveling for over a month. And I think. As a sober girly, I didn't realize how important it was to my sobriety to maintain. Certain routines. So I'll definitely do a separate episode to highlight all of the unique experiences and cultures I encountered in each place and what it was like from a sober standpoint. Um, I will add that to my laundry list of things to do, but honestly, I had no problem in Southeast Asia or in Asia finding mocktails or alcohol free alternatives. Mostly everywhere I went, which is amazing. I also think maybe I just manifest this, like I'm constantly looking and doing research to find these opportunities or these, um, AF drinks. So yeah, I will do a separate episode. But anyway, I love traveling. but after a month of living out of a suitcase and catching flights and changing Airbnbs every few days. I craved home and I craved routine. And I was also missing my then boyfriend. When I returned to New York in September of 23, I realized, wow, I have to start training for this marathon that I qualified for the year before. I Basically only have this time, two, two months to train for the New York City Marathon. The marathon is the first Sunday in November, and you may recall earlier that I said, oh, in that season two finale of the podcast I was returning in September. Well. Maybe now you realize that was not going to happen. And at this point, I had been gone from podcasting for about two months and I was really starting to miss it. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I suppose that's true. So I really did wanna get back to podcasting, but I also knew I needed to prioritize marathon training, which I was already behind on. If you've never trained for a marathon, Most programs recommend training for approximately 16, 16 to 20 weeks. Yes. So I had like eight weeks to go so I knew I had to like train extra hard because Lord knows I was not running in that hot ass Sun, Asia Sun. Like the heat over there hits differently on that side of the world., so I was like trying to go extra hard running, doing long runs. And then what happened was after a few days of being back at work, so this is maybe like 10 days of being back at work. I got Covid, which set me back in my marathon training another two-ish weeks. And I wasn't even that sick when I had Covid, but you know, when you have Covid, you shouldn't run you shouldn't be working out. And so I lost a good week of training there and then, um, when I felt, okay, like I need to get back out. I'm testing negative, I still needed to ease into training again. So I did A week of just strength training, so going to Pilates as opposed to immediately hitting the track again and running again. That basically left me with four weeks remaining to marathon training once I felt confident to really run again. And here's the thing about me. I am highly competitive and I definitely have undertones of perfectionist tendencies and so that's not a great combination But I also, the competitive drive in me can be exasperated when other people. Don't believe in my capabilities, and I know that's not healthy. I know that's something that I need to continue working on. Like I should not care what other people think about what I can do. I should set these goals for myself because I know it pours into myself and I know it's something that I do for myself instead of the external world, however. I kind of do thrive in a very toxic way when other people count me out or tell me that I can't do something. I told many people I was running the 2023 marathon because A, it sounded impressive, and B, I was, I thought it was a good tool or measure to hold myself accountable. But in doing so, I really opened myself up to scrutiny and unsolicited Criticism masked as advice, like under the guise of advice specifically I can recall a time at, at work, um, I was talking to this man I work with and the ironies that he's actually a guidance counselor. It was just like a conversation in passing, like, you know when you're at work and you're making small talk. And he knew I was running and he asked how my training was going and I was just like, oh yeah, I'm feeling a little bit nervous. I felt like I hadn't trained along enough. And then I explained that covid all the things, and I don't wanna fully speculate that he was ill-intentioned, like I really do try to assume good intentions about people, but I. This man, especially being the guidance C counselor, I was half hoping that he would, you know, encourage me, maybe give me a little pep talk um, about maybe like rid myself of negative self-talk and limiting and shedding any limiting belief systems I held. But he literally spoke fear into my plans and I left that conversation feeling worse than when I had entered it. And now a quick word from our partners. It really feels like you're having a moment, pun intended. When you're sipping on the lovely and refreshing moment. Now, what I love about moment is that not only does it taste delicious, I have my favorite flavors. I love the blood orange. I love the spicy mango, but it's also good for you, which is exactly what I need in my life right now as I'm in my early. 30s. It's infused with L theanine, which is great for mental clarity. It also is packed with ashwagandha, which is great for helping to fight stress. It's made with all of these natural botanicals, which really enhances your vitality. It does not contain any added sugar. It's caffeine and of course alcohol free and you can purchase it in still or sparkling. I love a good sparkle moment so that's typically the route I take. In the morning it's great for a boost to start the day versus in the afternoon if you want to beat that afternoon slump and enhance your mental clarity or if you just need like a simple pick me up like for me I love to have a moment after the gym versus going into the gym because it just really helps. Reenergize me. And then in the evening if you want to wind down after a long busy day and enjoy a delicious mocktail without the hangover, then Moment is great for that too. One of the best parts for me with Moment is I feel like it's a really conscientious brand. They donate 1 percent of all their sales to mental health non profits so you can feel good about supporting greater causes as well. Head over to drinkmoment. com and use my code TSB23 to receive 12 percent off your very first order. Let's be moment buddies. We can both have moments together. So instead of encouraging me, uplifting me, he proceeds to ask me, well, is it too late for you to back out Like, he asked me if I could basically bow out of the marathon, which was not an option. Now, I do believe that it's okay to walk away from situations that don't serve you, that you don't feel prepared for, but at this stage I still have like a month to go. It's not like I had never run a mile in my life, like I'd run long distances and we had actually talked about and bonded over that or so I thought, but he didn't believe in me. Long story short, he did not believe in me. And so I'm just using that story because clear, clearly. I'm still salty about it, but also it's just a reminder that we can't allow others to distract us from. That we have set for ourself. So although I was bothered and maybe still a little bit bothered by this man's lack of belief in me, and I almost let that creep into the remainder of my training process. That's as we now move into October, like I started to really doubt my ability to complete the marathon. and so that brings us to October. So back in May, if I was beginning to feel the symptoms of burnout, baby October, I was burnt out. I was so burnt out in October and October was probably one of the most difficult Periods of time for me because I felt so much pressure. So I felt pressure to perform for the marathon. So at this point, remember I told everyone about the marathon. That includes my, my, um, social network, that includes my professional network, that includes my friends and my family. And I had people coming up to Support me. Um, so my family and my best friend were coming up. They, that means that they were spending money people have booked flights and accommodations, and I really did not want to let anyone down. And then I also had another source of pressure or stress coming from this opportunity that my then boyfriend and I created. So we had this amazing idea to throw a Halloween themed, sober October event in his building, and I felt really grateful and I was so excited to have this opportunity. But then I also felt a tremendous amount of pressure to also perform for this event that, by the way, I was totally financing Um, so thank God for some brands that helped sponsor samples for this particular event because as much as I love alcohol-free alternatives, it is expensive. It's almost just as expensive as buying. Real alcohol, but thank you to, you know, some of my sponsors like gia, athletic Brewing, tossed, curious Elixirs, parch. The list really goes on. And then to top things off, as though I didn't already have enough going on, I, um, had this service trip for work to go to the Dominican Republic. So the interpersonal relationships here started to really strain and things with my boyfriend, um, my then boyfriend, my current ex. I think this is where the strain was really placed on our relationship, and I think I started to resent him a little bit, started to resent him because I. I was going into overdrive and trying to balance poorly balance, but balance all of the different things and projects I was working on, and I was missing podcasting and I think anxious about would I even ever return to podcasting and I was prioritizing work and training, building the brand. I started to resent, yeah, if I'm being honest, his more lackadaisical, I'll say approach to life. And if he said that he was tired, or if he complained about his job internally, I would just lose it. Like my eye would twitch. I was still like, Ugh. Like, what do you mean? What are you tired about? And that's so wrong. Like I. Lack empathy basically at this time because I was so stressed and I thought what he was doing in comparison to how much I had going on, um, wasn't even, you know, this, it was, it impossible to compare. That's wrong. That's wrong of me. But it's also true. That's how I felt. And this is where I also started to question if fundamentally we were aligned in terms of our life values, which I'm not gonna get too, too much into, but um, yeah, that's where it started to really like, I think, um, fall apart by the way, I don't wanna speak for him, but I definitely know he resented me for always working and never really being done with work. And yeah, that's, this is just basically where I started to sense that we were maybe misaligned. And so the November came and opened with the marathon, which was an unforgettable experience. Life really is like a marathon. You have to pace yourself and at the start of the race, I was teaming with energy, like you just fill all the energy from the 50,000 plus other runners. but I knew better than to just sprint. I really needed to pace myself and not go too hard and too fast, too soon. The crowds, oh my gosh. New York City Marathon crowds are next level. Just super electrifying and energizing, and it really helped remind me of the importance of community. Honestly, if it weren't for the crowds cheering me on and everyone else, although sometimes it feels like it's just for you. I don't think I would've finished to be real. And that reminds me of sobriety because we need to feel connected and we need to feel supported along our journeys. aNyway, marathon was great. Once the buzz from the marathon slowed down and I felt like few, like, that's done. Check, check off my life bucket list. Thought things would improve. With my relationship. And by the way, like he and I were not combative, we weren't fighting. It was just this sense, this feeling I was carrying with me, and this growing rift that I felt. and I thought it would change and I would start to feel differently, but I didn't. And then I started to feel a lot of guilt, because I was like internally carrying this with me and not necessarily communicating that with him because it's hard to communicate. Something is wrong when nothing has happened. Like nothing happened. Nobody cheated. There was no infidelity. There was no abuse. There was no, um, there was none of that. It was just how, it was just a feeling. It was just a feeling. He has asked me since the breakup., not to divulge much personal information, so I will not get into specifics, um, like specific anecdotes or stories, ,to honor that. However. I wanna be true to myself. And I also explained to him, unfortunately it's part occupational hazard dating someone like me who has a podcast, even though at the time it was not podcasting. But, um, I told him like, you know, I would be respectful of him, but also like I have to hold space for myself and my part in the story. So that's what I'm doing here. But anyway, ending things with someone that you love. Because you love them is sometimes harder than any other kind of breakup, in my opinion. As mentioned, there was no infidelity, there was no drama, there was no abuse. It was solely mutual respect, compassion, and hard troops really is what it came down to for me. I knew in my heart that he wasn't the right man for me and I wasn't the right woman for him. And while the timing may not have been ideal. This was right before the holiday season, and we'd even booked a trip for his birthday in February, um, of 24. I knew there was never gonna be a right time to end things, especially end things with someone you love. And so even now as I share this, um, I still feel like I have a lot of guilt and even sadness, lingering sadness because I really, truly loved him. And to hurt someone that you love. Hurts. Um, but this is also my truth and honestly who I am, and I'm leaning more into being honest about who I am. And so if I learned anything from 2023, it is the importance of forging a deeper connection with yourself and with your higher power. And even if logically speaking, it doesn't make sense to the outside. The outside world or influences, you know, and you can feel when you're living in misalignment. And that's how I came to be sober back in 2021. I felt it. I literally felt it in my spirit and I couldn't quite explain it at the time. I didn't have the vocabulary back then, but I felt it. And so I started to feel that tug, that internal. Tug, um, within me, which is how I knew it was time to let go. Okay, so then that was November, come December. Um, this was a period of even greater introspection for me, and it was also coupled with this idea that I was no longer a couple. I was grieving the loss of a person who had become like a best friend to me. And he was a great source of strength and one of my biggest supporters, and I'm so glad that I met him. Truly one of the best relationships that I've had in my life. And he showed me so much what it means to love and be loved. But I also have no regrets in my decision. And I also know that I did what was best for both of us. And that's how I used December. I used it as an opportunity to go deeper into myself and tap into what I already knew was true, but like Let it be true and sit in the discomfort of knowing that in the process of those truths, I lost someone that I loved. Okay, so that's pretty much what you guys missed. Um, you were all caught up now, which brings us to part two. So here we are in 2024, and 2024 is number eight in numerology. And if you know nothing about numerology, numerology is a belief in the mystical significance of numbers and basically their influence on events and human life. In numerology, the year 2024, for example, can be broken down into its individual digits, so two plus zero, plus two plus four equals eight. Hence we are in the number year eight, and each number in numerology is associated with very specific qualities or characteristics, and so eight is Linked to themes of balance, achievement, abundance, and power, and it's a number that's usually associated. I like to think of it in terms of success, which is why I am entering my success era or like this mindset of success. Also associated with material accomplishment, and the manifestation of goals and the energy of number eight is often related to this idea of reaping what you sow and experiencing the consequences of past actions. So that makes perfect sense to me, especially because last year, 2023 was a number seven year, and the number seven is often considered a number associated with. Spirituality, wisdom and analytical thinking. If we interpret 2023 as a time when people in society focuses on inner growth or spiritual development, this quest for knowledge, we might interpret this year 24 as a time when we are more focused on achieving,. So for me, I really need to work on balance. I really need to focus on financial success, and I'm definitely manifesting my aspirations. So what is my focus this year for 2024? You may be wondering. Great question. I am focused on my vision for this brand. The sober butterfly, and I'm cultivating this brand, the sober butterfly. And so I'm wondering for myself, what would it look like? Like what would it actually look like to make TSB my main focus? Seriously? Like what would that literally look like? It is not enough to just say what your goals or what your aspirations in life are. We have to define what that looks like for ourselves in a very specific way. I've been really into creating vision boards, but this year I went about it in a different way, and so I made a vision board for 2024 in general, like life goals, but more importantly, I made a vision board for this platform, the sober butterfly, and I made the vision board because I wanted. Crystallize or get super clear about all the ways in which I can better serve those who need to hear these messages, who need to connect to these stories, who need to know what my past experiences or some of my guests that come on, like their past experiences as it pertains to addiction, as it pertains to sobriety. And I need to do a better job of creating content that I can be proud of and stand by not for performative metrics, like I don't need to think about it, how I was thinking about it, if I'm being honest. Like, oh, how can I get my engagement up? Like, because I want to go viral. Or this is a trending audio that will get me more eyeballs. I wanna do and make work that can be of value to people, added value in their life. And don't get me wrong, I love to laugh. I like to make people laugh. There is always going to be something playful, lighthearted in my work because in essence, that is who I am. I also believe that sometimes the best medicine in life is laughter. Um, but sometimes I also feel like I posted or post things that are just kind of lazy. And I don't want to just add more basic, lazy content for the sake of posting every day. What will that look like for me in 24? Well, it's gonna look like quality over quantity and also taking breaks as needed so I can prevent myself from having another burnout. I can't show up as my best authentic self if I'm not taking care of myself and as a sober wellness girly. Um, it's a little embarrassing to admit that I sometimes. Don't prioritize my mental health and that Can impact my sobriety. Um, and so as you can tell from, you know, stories shared from reflections of 23, I was not prioritizing my self-care. I was not taking breaks and I was not setting boundaries. And I also didn't know, you know, because of those choices I made, I didn't know if I would even get back to this, what I truly love. Um, but. Everything happens for a reason. I co conspired with my higher power to make this happen because I believe in the work that I do and I want to connect you to more inspiring stories. And I myself just feel so energized when I create content that matters, that truly matters. And so this year, my successful era is going to be about mindset and focusing on content that I can stand by and share to this community. So I wanna help you figure out what your 2024 mindset will be. I recommend focusing on one main area of your life that you think will have the greatest impact on your life. So instead of trying to do all the things, take it from me, and burning out, hone in on one key area of your life. And then what you can do is once you've figured out and crystallized what that main area of life will be for you, then you should think about three-ish, three or so habits that you can tweak in your daily life that will better aid you to. Honing in on that area. So for me, my key, key area, as mentioned, is related to work success and to this business, and some habits that I'm going to develop and strengthening, involve managing my time better, involve taking break as needed, and really creating systems to autopilot my business. So by honing in and developing or thinking about three habits you can develop, I think that this approach will lead to greater success because you're thinking about all the actions that are needed to support the goal or area of focus. I, I'm drawing a blank right now, but in one of the many self-help books that I read in 2023, this quote is Coming up for me right now, so I'll share it. It's something like, we are not our dreams. We are our habits. And if I remember, I will plug it in the show notes for you guys. But that is what it is. Like we are not all of the things that we dream of becoming. We are what we are doing on a daily basis. Our daily habits make up. Who we are and therefore who we will become. So speaking of habits, let's move into our final part of today's episode, part three, which is all about forming good habits for dry January. I will be touching on dry January, all January long. It is a very busy time for us sober creators, so I'll definitely be sharing tips all month via my Instagram at the period Sober Butterfly and also on this podcast. So make sure that you are following subscribed so that you can stay tuned for all of that. But I really just wanted to open this segment with a really quick story from one of my many failed attempts at Dry January before actually getting sober. So allow me to take us back to 2020 January. Of course. I was oblivious to what was headed our way, and I was also oblivious when I rang in New Year, um, rather blackout before the ball even dropped. I recall that evening, so December 31st, 2019, I had no plans for for New Year's Eve. And in fact, I went to my local wine shop, which conveniently was located across. The street and I had bought like a couple maybe more bottles of wine and I was just intending to have a quiet evening at home getting wine drunk. Definitely it's a given and binge watching. I don't know what I was watching at the time. Maybe like you, I. The show you on Netflix or something. Anyway, um, so I'm chilling when all of a sudden I get a call, from one of my party friends from college. So she calls me and says something to the effect of, oh, like what are you doing tonight? And I'm like, oh, nothing Um, and I just remember she said something like, I'm coming over with a bottle. I. Get ready. We're going out. And I tried to protest. I was even like, oh, I don't have anything to wear. Like, I'm not going anywhere. She's like, no, you're going out. And so I was, I've always been a people pleaser, but especially when I was drinking, I wanted to appease other people and not let anyone down. Even though this person had made zero plans with me before calling me in that very moment. And most likely I was her backup plan because she couldn't really do what she wanted to do with who she wanted for New Year's Eve. But. I, I digress. Anyway, so she comes over with a bottle. I wanna say it was Bacardi. Nothing fancy and no chaser. I remember that part 'cause we were just like throwing back shots, you know, playing music, getting ready. She also had bought some dress options for me because remember I had said I had nothing to wear, um, which is why I wasn't going out. So she bought options for me to, um, wear a party dress that evening and. Um, yeah, that's all I remember. I remember pre-gaming, getting ready, taking some snaps. This is when I was doing Snapchat. Um, I wasn't doing, that sounds old. That dates me right there. I was using Snapchat. I wasn't, that sounds like, I don't know. I was like sending nudes. I wasn't doing that. I was just basically snapping, um, segments of my evening Anyway, um, so that's all I remember. Then I basically. Woke up the next day, thank God in my bed. And of course, makeup smeared everywhere. Pounding headache. What happened? I don't know. So I naturally, you know, look for my phone. Phew. Thank God I have my phone. Um, and I'm looking for answers. I'm like, oh, okay. Like missed call. Missed call. Texts from unknown numbers. Okay, bypass immediately I call my friend and I'm secretly anxious. I'm afraid that, oh my God, she's gonna be mad at me. Um, that tended to happen to me when I blacked out. but thankfully she answered and she sounded normal. So I'm like, what happened? Oh my God. Like I have no memory. And so she helps me fill in some gaps. But basically we had made it to the club. That was our destination. We were going to the club and apparently I was so drunk at the club that I was made to leave because I kept sleeping and apparently you can't sleep in the club. That's not allowed. so right after midnight, she said like, we had to basically go back to my place. Because, um, yeah, I was sleeping and got kicked out of the club for sleeping, and she had to come with me because, you know, as a good friend, she was like, there's no way I'm gonna let you. Go home by yourself. Like you wouldn't be able to, even if I put you in a cab or an Uber, like you wouldn't have been able to get into your apartment. So she apparently had slept on the couch to make sure I didn't like die or choke on my vomit or something. And then she let herself out early in the morning before I'd even woken up from my deep, deep slumber. And so. Yeah, if that wasn't embarrassing or humiliating or, I don't know, traumatic enough later, that same day, I received a text from her and it was just all of these photos, like an album basically taken from the event at the club and me looking like. I don't know, like a character from the show, the Walking Dead, and I haven't even watched that show, but I know it's about zombies and that's how I looked in the photos I condemn. By the way, this is a sidebar. I condemn all club photographers to hell. Okay, hell I say. Why were there all of these nice professional shots of me on some probably really expensive camera asleep in the club. Like, why did you fill the need, sir? Or ma'am, whoever took these photos to snap me, take these professional photos of me dead. So I was actually, you know, a little impressed with how I managed to stand in heels And also sleep propped up against a wall in some photos. I was leaning on people that I've never seen before in my life. so these photos plus the hangover, the nasty, nasty hangover plus like random messages from random people on my phone. Oh, did you make it home? Like you were lit? Whatever. Um. Just did the trick. It was a perfect recipe for me to participate in dry January, 2020. So my journey began following that. And here's the thing about dry January. I feel like sometimes it gets hate in the sober recovery space for being, I don't know, like trendy, but. I say if it helps someone take a step back from drinking like I did, then what is the harm? Like who caress? Um, even though I only made it in that dry January, 2020 experience halfway through. A little over, yeah. Like halfway. It was Great intel. It was great intelligence. It was great data, great feedback into my drinking patterns, and it was forcing me to look at my drinking patterns. I remember the first three-ish days were okay. I wasn't craving alcohol. In fact, my hangover had a hangover from that New Year's Eve. So I really wasn't entrusted in drinking. Plus, I was horrified still by all of the photos, of me in the club. But then the closer we approached to the weekend, the itch started and I really wanted to drink, but I distracted myself with less harmful substances, in my opinion, like marijuana, like I was. Probably popping some edibles and smoking a bunch. And it worked a little bit, but I knew I was still craving alcohol. so I basically white knuckled my way through another few days until I caved, after getting invited to a fancy dinner party with a friend, and I was right back where I started after getting drunk at that dinner. At the time, I didn't really see the value or the point of going back to it abstaining from alcohol, and I think a part of that was because of my perfectionist tendencies. I saw that slip up at dinner as a flop or a complete failure, and I thought or justified in my mind, well, if you can't do dry January perfectly, then you won't do it at all. Like what's the point? And I actually see so many people fall prey to the same idea or some variation of this even this year. So a few days ago, January 1st, actually, one of my friends called me and he was catching up, but also I. Filling me in about his New Year's Eve and how all of these people were mad at him. And so I was like, Ooh, this is, this is a great opportunity to plug, try January to one of my friends. Maybe my, my goal in life is to convert all of my college friends. Low key. Don't tell 'em, but like, I would love if everyone I went to school with and went hard with. Just gives up alcohol. Anyway, so I, I slip in, I slip in this notion of Dry January and I was like, oh, well, you know, like today's January 1st, you can start when new, fresh, you can take a little break from alcohol. And he kind of chuckled. We were FaceTiming so I could see him and he chuckles and then he just holds up this glass and he's like, too late. He was already drinking and this mindset is a perfect example of believing that you're not able to complete a challenge like Dry January, because you're not doing it. According to the standard, but we have to define our own standards of what dry January means to us. And so I encourage anyone considering resetting their drinking habits, whether it's for dry January or whether it's November 30th. I don't know. Start with where you are. And it's truly, as the old adage says, take it day by day, one day at a time. We don't have to be a slave to the confines of a challenge like Dry January that says you should abstain from drinking for 30 or 31 days. Great. But if you can't do that, don't use it as an excuse to, you know, plunge deeper into the depths of drinking or to just continue doing the same nonsense that you've been doing. Okay. So if anyone's interested in. Participating in Dry January. Maybe you don't know where to start. I did create a guide. This guide is, by the way, totally free. I will link it below in the show notes. It's called The Guide to Dry January, or The Beginner's Guide to Dry January, and I really just wanna quickly highlight three questions that you can ask yourself. Before you start Dry January, or if you're currently doing it, just take a moment and journal these three questions so that you can get super clear about your intentions for this month or for this challenge. These questions can be found on page three of the guide. It's called Find Your Why, and I'll just quickly run through them. As mentioned before, please actually write these questions down. So question number one is, are there negative consequences of drinking in my life? This is a great. Point for you to reflect. And also I want you, just like with setting intentions for 24, get super, super crystal clear about the ways in which alcohol may be impacting your life negatively. Think about specific stories like the one I just shared from my dry January, um, or right before dry January, my New Year's Eve experience. Think about, you know, very specific incidents or patterns that you've noticed that may consider or motivate you to take a break. Question two, what benefits do I hope to experience by taking a month off from alcohol? So this is just you thinking about all the ways in which your life can improve that's related to health, relationships, mental wellbeing, productivity, whatever it may be. and this question helps you focus on like the benefits of sobriety. I think so many of us think we're losing something in the beginning of giving up alcohol and even the phrase like giving up alcohol. Lends its hand to this idea that you're losing something. And I always like to refer to alcohol as my toxic ex. Like, oh my God, he miss him so much. But like girl, you've gained so much from having, I. It or him out of your life. And then finally, the third question is what personal goals align with participating in Dry January? So this is a nice segue from part two with you highlighting a very specific area of focus, um, that you want to achieve or work towards in 24, and how taking a break from alcohol can get you there. I saw something recently on Instagram and it was something like, oh. I don't hate alcohol, I don't demonize it. But I don't think it's compatible with greatness. And I think that is so true. It's like it's a substance, whatever, how you use the sub substance is up to you. But I don't think that we calibrate on our highest level when we are drinking. So I think taking a break in any capacity will Help you achieve other parts of your life or help you improve other aspects of your life. All right, and once again, those questions are, are there negative consequences of drinking in my life? What benefits do I hope to experience by taking a month off from alcohol? And what personal goals align with participating in Dry January? Okay guys. So that's all I have to share. I also wanna say thank you for being here, and thank you for allowing me to hold space in your day as you listen to this podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please, please do me a favor and one, make sure you're following the show so that you can stay up to date with everything else that's happening. And two. Please, please leave a review as it helps more people find the show. I would appreciate even more if it's a five star review, but do what's right for you. Do what you think I deserve, thank you so much, and I'll see you next week. Bye bye.