From Pouring to Soaring: A Bottle Waitress's Path to Sobriety (Steph's Story)

Join host Nadine Mulvina in this captivating episode of The Sober Butterfly podcast as she sits down with Steph, a NYC bottle waitress, to uncover her remarkable journey from pouring drinks to soaring in sobriety. Steph courageously shares her struggles with addiction, including her reliance on ketamine and alcohol, and the challenges she faced working in an environment where drinking with clients was the norm. Through raw honesty and vulnerability, Steph reveals how she found the strength to break free from toxic relationships and embrace a life of sobriety. Tune in to discover the inspiring story of Steph's transformation and her journey to self-love and empowerment.

Key Points:

• Steph's experience as a bottle waitress in New York City
• The normalization of drinking in the service industry
• Steph's struggles with addiction to ketamine and alcohol
• Coping mechanisms and toxic relationships fueled by substance abuse
• Finding strength and support through sobriety programs like Alcoholics Anonymous
• Embracing self-love and empowerment on the path to recovery

Connect with Steph

• Follow on IG: @meowxsteph

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Tune in to The Sober Butterfly podcast for more inspiring conversations and stories of transformation on the journey to sobriety. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a five-star review!

Transcript

0:06

Hello and welcome to the Sober Butterfly podcast. I am your host, Nadine Mulvina. And in this week's episode, we delve into the journey of Steph, a bottle waitress here in New York City at one of the hottest clubs. Steph proudly embraces over 90 days of sobriety. Before we proceed, a gentle trigger warning. Throughout this conversation, Steph's experiences with her drug of choice, ketamine or K, as well as alcohol. As a bottle waitress, Steph found herself navigating the societal norms where drinking with clients was not just accepted, but expected. Beneath the facade of glamour, Steph grappled with using substances as a coping mechanism. Feeling perpetually uneasy in her own skin and being ensnared in a toxic relationship fueled by drugs. While Steph's journey didn't hit a conventional rock bottom, she encountered frightening moments that served as wake up calls. She credits her newfound sobriety to the guidance of her higher power And the supportive community she found in Alcoholics Anonymous. Through this journey, Steph has not only found sobriety, but also a profound love for herself. Join us as we navigate through the complexities of addiction, recovery, and self love with Steph, as she shares her inspiring story of transformation and resilience. Let's get into it. Hello. Hello. And welcome to the Sober Butterfly Podcast. Today we are joined with a very special guest. We have Steph here. Steph, welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here and so happy to run into you at the Wellness Summit. So for a little context for listeners at home, Steph and I met last month at a Wellness Summit, as you mentioned, and it was really amazing to connect with other women and just professionals in that space. So I was working the event because I work at WeWork and I noticed that you were looking at the alcohol removed sparkling wine. And I came over to you to mention, oh, like this doesn't have alcohol in it just in case. And you were like, oh, I'm sober. And I was like, I'm sober too. And you mentioned your podcast and you were like, I'd love to have you. Here we are today. So I'd love to hear a little bit more about your story and have you share because a like, I don't want to objectify you, but you were beautiful. And so just to learn that you work actually in nightlife. And I feel like nightlife is such an interesting industry, specifically because there's so much that happens on the club scene or in the club scene. So I'd love to get your take about just like. What life looks like for you working as a bottle service. Is it what's a waitress? I'm sorry. I know it's okay. Is it derogatory to say bottle girl? Like I never want to bottle girl, bottle waitress server, probably not cocktail waitress because we don't cocktail. Okay. Yeah. Bottle service is what the activity is. So you're not wrong. Okay, cool. Cool. Cool. So as a bottle surface waitress Is that what, I'm so sorry. Bottle waitress. My gosh, I'm like adding so many words to it guys. Okay, so as a bottle waitress what is life like for you? I want to hear about life before you got sober, but like, what is the industry like working as a bottle? Waitress in New York city. Yeah, of course. So, I started bottle waitressing during COVID actually. Yeah, it was 20. And the day club that I worked at was allowed to open and operate as it did because it was a rooftop and it had a restaurant. So, like, technically, it was open air. And so we were full on operating like, and day club with bottles and everything. And it was just the middle of cobit. It was quite different. I came from. Still working in nightlife pre covid, but from an operation standpoint, so this was all new to me. And the only reason I got the job was because of the manager there. It was a mutual friend and I would say. That is when my drinking was at its worst. There were just kind of no rules and we could drink as like, it's encouraged to drink with clients because that's how we get them to spend more and how you kind of like build repertoire with them and how you may end up getting more of a tip. So that's kind of where it started. And there's definitely an increase in my drinking. There was. Yeah, just a lot of drinking there. And then I moved to a different club and this was more corporate. And I would say it's still encouraged to drink with your clients if they're spending, but it wasn't as out of hand, I would say as the day club. And so currently. It's still encouraged to drink with your clients and mingle with them and help other girls with their tables. So it's just, yeah, it's encouraged to drink, but you're also not required to technically. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So I grew up sort of like on the club scene, not working, but definitely attending in Miami here in New York. And so I didn't realize that a big part of the role was actually conversing and mixing with the clients. I don't know why I had this persona, like, While the waitress is just bringing the bottle and leaving and like having this air of just like I'm too pretty and good for you Like let me walk away But you're saying like the actual job role entails like conferring and like getting to know the clients as well Yes, definitely. So that is what you will see on social media as the memes and the reels making fun of How we, you know, how the client's spending like a car payment and we've come out and we're just like, exactly. You're just like really dead pan. So I really think that differentiates my company from other clubs because we are very big on hospitality and what we're known for. So it's definitely encouraged to be friendly and interact with your table. But of course there are people that. Are used to those settings and they will just handle their stuff. Like a lot of the Asian clients that I have, they like to come in, get their vodka, and then they play these little like games, like drinking games. And they just circle around the table and like, you can't even get to it and they don't need you to do anything for them. So it's really. It just depends on the client too. Like some clients are more high demand and they want every drink made for them, every shot, and they want you to like hang out with them. Or, you know, they might leave early. So yeah, it just depends. So if there's this idea or sense that you're encouraged to interact and entertain essentially the clients depending on their needs, at what point, or is there a defined line between how much to drink? Like how much is too much is my question. Yeah, so I would say that is up to each girl kind of and as long as you Don't make any mistakes with paperwork turn in your paperwork clock out at the end of the day and get home safely. That is something that Management is adamant about not drinking and driving, which some of the girls do drive like I drive to work. So they are cognizant about that, but it's really at the end of the day, like, your responsibility for what you decide you want to do even if. It feels like it's a part of the job. That's how I see it personally. I can't speak for all the other girls. So before you got sober, right? you said that your drinking was sort of like at its worst or at a pinnacle. What was that like in terms of working and then also drink your drinking? what was that parallel like for you? Yeah, so there was definitely points I would say in 2022 where I would just like, if I wasn't busy and I didn't have a table to drink with, I would be looking for another girl to help because I wanted to help, but also because I wanted to drink and I can remember it was electric zoo weekend and we did the after parties. And I drink vodka. Like if you know me, I do not drink vodka, but I was just so bored and wanted to drink that I was drinking vodka with my like regulars. So yeah, it, it definitely became where I tried to set a rule for myself where it was like, I'll only drink if it's premium. So like 1942 class a, or like the expensive champagnes. And that was kind of okay to stick with. And then I actually got in a car accident. It's okay. It could have been a lot worse. And that is definitely a moment I recognize is where like my higher power was definitely there for me. It was in 2022 and I was on my way home and drunk and I really only came to you when the airbag deployed and I think I was going down the opposite way of a one way and next thing you know, I like came to again when I parked in my parking spot and I looked at my car and I was just like, I have to deal with that tomorrow and passed out on my couch, woke up in the morning, had to. deal with that. Luckily, I don't think I, you know, no one else was involved and no cops were involved. So I was really lucky. And so that's when I decided to take a little break and it ended up being five months. Okay. Wow. Well, thank God you're okay. I think you're hyper that you're fine, but it's those moments that sometimes can be a reality check, like a check in point. And it kind of mirrors like the inflection of maybe you're drinking. So after that car accident, you took a five month hiatus. Did you get sober after that? Or did you go back to drinking after the five months? So I went back to drinking, but I want to say from like my recollection that I did it less. And so I don't really drink too often, or I didn't really drink too often outside of her. So I wasn't somebody who kept alcohol at home or anything. It was just really. When working and even my old job and this job, like I always drove to work and that was definitely a big problem. And when you're entertaining a table, you are taking maybe like 10 shots back to back, like it's nothing. And we have this conversation where it's like, why do we get so like drunk easily when we're just out? But then when we're working and I'm assuming it's like adrenaline, you're at work, there's music, so you don't feel it as much, but it's still in your body. So. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't get sober after that. And honestly, even during the break I was doing my drug of choice, which is ketamine. So it wasn't like I wasn't doing anything. But I've definitely slowed down with the alcohol at least okay If you're expected to drink were you able to like ever throw it over your shoulder or like do anything to like Give off the illusion of drinking Like I'm just imagining some nights because it's your job, you just don't feel like drinking, but like, that's the expectation. Was there ever a time that you could implement some of those kind of like tricks? Yeah, so specifically for those 5 months and I do it now, but I was just faking the shots. Like, I may have even, there was 1 time where I literally put the entire shot in my mouth and then. turned around to my busser and just like spit it out and like put it in his little bucket. And I think that's also helpful. Letting your busser know the person that you're working with very closely that you aren't drinking because he can really assist in those maneuvers. And also with champagne I currently just go and fill an empty glass with soda water and like a little bit of. sugar free Red Bull and it looks the same color if you're not looking closely and it's been fine. Last night was actually really nice because one of our friends came in and he's aware that I'm sober. So there was no pressure, even though everybody was, you know, hanging out and drinking and he was spending, there was no pressure to have to, you know, do those little maneuvers because I could just. Blatantly pour the sugar free Red Bull into a shot glass and just cheers with them. So that was nice. But yeah, just for the most part. There's only been a handful of times where clients have been like forceful, like where I legitimately had a shot poured into my mouth and like forced. Yeah. Yeah. And those are very rare and. Rare cases, and there are typically people that like have been around for a long time and like know people and so other than that, people aren't forceful. The most is you'll get the question, of course, like, oh, why, like, why aren't you drinking? Why are you sober? Or they'll think that you're just taking a break because I feel like most people don't use the word sober. Fully correctly. Like, yes. Yeah, totally. It really feels like you're having a moment, pun intended, when you're sipping on the lovely and refreshing moment. Now what I love about moment is that not only does it taste delicious, I have my favorite flavors. I love the blood orange, I love the spicy mango, but it's also good for you, which is exactly what I need in my life right now as I'm in my early 20s. 30s. It's infused with L theanine, which is great for mental clarity. It also is packed with ashwagandha, which is great for helping to fight stress. It's made with all of these natural botanicals, which really enhances your vitality. It does not contain any added sugar. It's caffeine and of course alcohol free and you can purchase it in still or sparkling. I love a good sparkle moment so that's typically the route I take. In the morning it's great for a boost to start the day versus in the afternoon if you want to beat that afternoon slump and enhance your mental clarity or if you just need like a simple pick me up like for me I love to have a moment after the gym versus going into the gym because it just really helps. Reenergize me. And then in the evening, if you want to wind down after a long busy day and enjoy a delicious mocktail without the hangover, then Moment is great for that too. One of the best parts for me with Moment is I feel like it's a really conscientious brand. They donate 1 percent of all their sales to mental health non profits, so you can feel good about supporting greater causes as well. Head over to drinkmoment. com and use my code TSB23 to receive 12 percent off your very first order. Let's be moment bunnies. We can both have moments together. I like this timeline. So basically in the pandemic, you were working, you entered this industry, in a new role, as a bottle waitress, and then you sort of have this like moment where you realize that you had to slow down with your drinking after your accident. And then, you know, Five months later, you kind of fell back into similar routines. It sounds like. So then what was the next turning point for you? Was there another turning point to where you realized, okay, I actually don't want to do this anymore in terms of like drink or do your drug of choice. Yeah. So I would say that kind of happened end of 2022 where. I kept thinking it at least like I need to stop and at that point it was mainly the K that was a problem. And so, uh, the summer of 2022 with my friends was pretty chaotic. We were going out to shows a lot and. Just rolling every single moment possible, killing many brain cells. Like our one friend actually recently told us he was planning on doing an intervention. Like he lived in DC at the time and he Legitimately booked a ticket, a train ticket and was ready to do it. But then some events happened and it all kind of actually fizzled out on his own. And he was like, okay, I don't need to go. I don't need to come up and do this. But he told us and I was just like, oh, wow. And he made a good point. He was like, yeah, it wasn't just, you know, Friday, Saturday, you guys were going out Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then you guys were doing the pool party on Monday. And I'm like, all right, you're, you're right. But yeah, so I think that was. A moment where that was when my emotions were most sporadic because when you're coming down off of like molly and just like rendering. Yeah. And so I was definitely very emotional and irritable and I knew that. And so that's when I definitely. Mentally thought, okay, I need to make a change, but I don't think that changed. Really. It didn't happen until the end of last year. So what brought me to the actual point where I was. deciding that I wanted to be sober was actually so for the past probably like five, six years of my life, I've had this like pain on the left side of my body. And it like started from my feet and then just kind of like, it's like an irritation. I don't know how to describe it. I've seen pain. Yeah. It's definitely like nerve involved. And I've seen all sorts of doctors, chiropractor. like holistic and just regular doctors and nobody has ever been able to like fix it and it gets really bad at some point especially in the winter and who knows if like my use worsened it too but i finally saw a podiatrist and was able to alleviate a lot of the pain and when you're in chronic pain i guess you don't realize that you're in chronic pain because you're used to it and so once That got sorted. I pretty much thought to myself, I don't have any bad relationships in my life anymore because I cut off all the really toxic ones that I needed to. I have a really good relationship and Now this pain is gone. Like I have no excuses and I feel like I just need to do better for myself because I didn't work so hard my whole life to get to where I am to throw it all away for like a drug. That's amazing. It sounds like you took inventory of like all of the things that were serving you and removed the things that no longer were, including the coping mechanism. Or I guess my question is, did you feel that you use your drug of choice K as like a coping mechanism or just like a party drug? Because it is a party drug. Did the lines blur or do you feel like it was a coping mechanism for you? So the line is definitely blurred. I would say I was using it regularly pre COVID and then COVID amplified it and then post COVID was just the same. Yeah. And then I was in a pretty emotionally and mentally abusive relationship from. July 2021 to January 2022. And the relationship was very drug fueled. And he, I mean, we both contributed to it, but at the end he tried to, you know, turn it on me, but that's another story. But yeah, so it became a thing where anytime we would get into those arguments or he would like be like belittling me, my instant. Reaction was I'm going to like order a bag like right away. So that definitely became a coping mechanism. And I think post that and post healing from that, it just lingered. And that was at Noah's fault besides, you know, my own. And it was definitely just an addiction at that point. But I would say that how I looked at it and why I used it was because I had this. idea that it helped with my anxiety. It made me able to function in public settings and talk to people and whatnot which ended up being the complete opposite because towards the end of it, I would get very anxious while on it and then, yeah, and then while you're on it, you're paranoid and you're, you're wondering if people know, and then you're also thinking about how you don't want to be on it. So you're literally spending your highs. And I've talked to a few people where they were using coke, but it was just a similar story towards the end where it's just, you're spending your entire time high. Googling like what's what the negative effects are of the drug or like as you're experiencing the negative effects of the drug. Exactly. Yeah, I know all too well. So what was the process like when you decided to cut K out of your life? And was it also in conjunction with alcohol or did you kind of do one and then remove the other? So my full sobriety date is September 4th and I stopped doing K and alcohol 20 days before that. I have a friend who I'm not super or wasn't super close to, but I had heard that he. Was in AA and had started this journey probably maybe three months before me And so I had texted him while I was high being like I need to talk to you about I have questions And then of course I got home that day Was like, oh I have to make dinner and like I'll call you after and then like slowly as the highs wearing off I was like, maybe I'll just call him tomorrow. Yeah, but Luckily and shout out to him Putting his name out there. I'm very thankful for him because he followed up with me that night with a text just being like, Hey, I'm still up. Like I'm going to go to sleep soon. But, and so I immediately called him. He went with me to my first meeting shout out mustard seed. And that was a Tuesday. It happened to be a step meeting and it was step five. And they have a little plaque in their room that says, we will love you until you learn to love yourself. And I. Was very emotional. But that was it. And then I, I, I guess, well, I stuck to it, but then that was when I knew, okay, K and alcohol. K because that's the problem. Alcohol because if I'm drunk, I'm more likely to just get it. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to see my favorite artists in New Orleans. I'm going to roll for it. That's okay. And I ended up yeah. not being able to go Friday night because I had work. So I flew straight there from little sleep and work, had no sleep. Went to the show and took Molly, was smoking my friend's dab pen. I don't smoke and just like doing everything else. And I was just like, well, it's fine. Cause I'm not doing the K or alcohol. And that's. When I realized, okay, it has to be everything because there's still this chasing of a feeling and the high. So that's when I got back and it was, yeah, uh, December 4th that I decided I need to just do everything and see where that takes me. There's this, like. Understanding and recovery spaces like a, which is like the addicts brain, right? And I resonate with having an addicts brain and something you had touched on earlier about when you were working. And I was like, I'm only going to drink, you know, the premium alcohol. For example, I'm not going to just accept anything that's given to me. Like, we make these concessions as we go through the process. So we have these rules for ourselves that become conditional. And then it's like, it's really easy to make excuses for other things when you don't have a good grapple on, like, why you're using or taking the thing. So, for example, like, I did a similar thing where I was like, I'm only going to try and moderate my drinking. You know, twice a week. And it's like, even if I could do it, I was still chasing a feeling and it didn't matter what the actual substance was because ultimately I was just looking to feel something instead of coming to terms with like what I was struggling to process for me personally. So I kind of connect to some parts of your story there, just in this idea that like. It may not be even the drug of choice, but like you're still chasing something and then you're that annoying girl because you didn't bring your own drugs. Oh yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Oh, I felt so bad. I was just like. It's already one, like we're going back, aren't you going to want to sleep? And I'm like, yeah, I guess, I guess. And the thing is, it didn't even work because I was so tired and that's why I kept trying. Yeah. I wasn't, I didn't feel anything. Yeah. The amount. Like, I don't smoke weed, so if I took a hit right now, I would get high. Yeah. I was hitting my friend's dab pen from Colorado consistently, and just nothing, and, but I just continued. Yeah. Chasing, yeah. That's how my drinking was towards the end. That was my drug of choice mainly, as well as other things, but drinking specifically, it was like, I couldn't get drunk the way I wanted to anymore, because I had done it so much, that like, maybe my tolerance was just sky high, or whatever the case may be, like, Physically, it was, I would feel the physical aftermath, like the effects of it the next day, which sucked, but like, I wouldn't feel like the emotional or like whatever I was trying to obtain from the actual substance, it really sucked, which is another clue for me that I needed to stop because it was just like, yeah, that's how people I feel like switch to other things are more hardcore because they're looking to feel something. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because when what you're doing isn't enough. Yeah. And when you're inhibitions are lower to like you making the having the realization that okay, K was the real drug of choice, but an alcohol aided with you looking for K, like, that's how it was for me to like, my inhibitions would be so lower that I would be experimenting with other things. because of alcohol, like it would just lead me to being like, well, I'm just going to do whatever now. Like that's, that's where we're at because I want to feel something because I couldn't feel something from the alcohol. So yeah, just a really like convoluted difficult, like, I don't know, cycle cycle of chasing. And it's just interesting how. It is a disease. And so many of us have this same experience. And I think that's what I really value from being in the meetings is being able to hear other people's experiences and being like, okay, we're not alone in this. We are all very similar. One of my favorite sayings is we are a terminally Unique. Have you heard that one yet? No, I haven't. It's just this idea that you think that you're the only person that's gone through like this issue and then you hear someone's story or share in a room and you're like, Oh my God, that was me. Like, or like another version of that story where it's like, You feel like I'm not unique or we are all terminally unique. We all have this disease. And the thing about the disease is that it is progressive. So like behind the scenes, you and I were just chatting about like, not necessarily either of us having a rock bottom moment. So many people do others say they don't, but like, it's this idea that because it's a disease and it's progressive by nature. If you didn't have the rock bottom, then it was bound to come. It's inevitable. Yeah, exactly. And I heard somebody say this in the room once, uh, how as I get better, my disease gets worse. And how That's true because when people relapse, it can result in death because they end up using as much as they did before and they're not there anymore. Yeah. Or it just ends up being a really bad vendor. And so that really stuck with me. That was at North Brooklyn recovery. And yeah, I think about that. Yeah, I would never want to get sober. No, that's really beautiful. And it does get and not to like scare anyone because I think a lot of people have day ones and that's okay. Like I would even say for myself, like I definitely didn't get sober the first time I tried to get sober. But it does get harder because it gets harder, but also you have more experience. Like you have more tools that you can lean on more people that you can connect with or turn to. But it is this idea, I think that sometimes. The more this is why this platform is so important for me. This is why talking to you and hearing other people's stories of recovery is so essential because I do think that we can sobriety. The more time you have, the more you can delude yourself into thinking that you're totally buying and then you stop doing the work and when you stop doing the work, it's almost like the addict brain turns on again. And it's like, well, I'm, I'm cured. Like, I'm fine. Like, I can just do 1 or I can do this other thing that may lead to another thing. And I think I've seen that happen a few times, which is like, why I will never stop doing the work and talking about my sobriety because I don't want to take it for granted and I don't want to assume. That everything is fine because I know myself. Like that's the thing. Like I just know who I am. Yeah. But so far everything that you've shared has just been so powerful and I feel like people will connect with that. And now a quick word from our partners. Have you ever wished you could dive into a great story while on the go? Maybe that's during your daily commute or even while working out. Well, now you can, thanks to Audible. 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So how has life been since getting sober? So have you been forthcoming? I know you mentioned last night your friend came and he knows that you're sober as a client. He was there. So you were able to like, Not pretend that you're drinking per se. So what has that like been for you still working in the club and being sober and having to maybe maneuver, play another role? does it feel like you're acting? Not necessarily. I feel like it hasn't been too difficult. So I shared my journey with two of the girls that I work with early on. And they were very supportive. And then I had my 90 days actually, uh, last Sunday. Oh my gosh. Yeah, this past Sunday. That's amazing. Oh my gosh. Wow. Yeah. It's crazy to think that it really is just one day at a time. It really is. Aw, congrats. Thank you. That's amazing. But, yeah, we were at dinner for one of the girls because she's moving back to where she came from and leaving us, so I actually mentioned at dinner because one of the girls suggested shots and she knew I was drinking a mocktail, but she was like, you want a shot? And I just said, okay, well. You know, I should just share and it wasn't everyone, but it was the majority and it was really nice being able to get that off my chest. And I also wanted to wait a little bit because 1, I wanted to be certain about what I was doing and 2, I wanted to be able to. Kind of show in case anybody had any thoughts, which I don't think they did about like, Oh, will she be able to do her job and then kind of come back at it and be like, I've been doing this for 90 days and you didn't even notice, you know, like I've been able to get clients to buy more. I've been able to entertain and hang out and nobody knew, you know? So it's. It's nice being able to have that data point to but yeah, other than that, it was really nice and supportive of the girls. I feel like they offered a lot of kind words and just like, you know, let me know if you need to talk cause I've been in nightlife for a long time sort of situations, or they've had friends that had had similar journeys, which, you know, you never know that unless you share about your sobriety. And I feel like that's been really. Helpful for some of the girls. They've told me that it's been inspiring to them and also they'll come to me and be like, Oh, I took like a little break. I did like 2 weeks and I'm like, you know what? That's good. That's better than no break. So it's kind of nice being able to open that conversation and idea to people because I feel like it is easy to, you know, for anybody that works around alcohol to just think that they need to do it. They need to partake like bartenders, bottle waitresses, just anyone. So it's nice being able to provide that. That's amazing. How has your perspective shifted? Like, do you see things differently now through sober eyes at work? Are you noticing different things? Like I, I treat it as a social experiment. Like I went out last night, I was telling you and I was just like, wow, like no judgment. It's just like, Oh my God, like I'm playing the tape forward. As they say, I'm like, if this were me right now, I'd be like over there slumped in the corner or whatever it is. But do you see things differently now at work? Yeah. So for one, it's really nice leaving every night. Remembering what you did and that I did turn in my paperwork and won't get written up or asked to be in the office for that. which I've done, I've taken home my paperwork twice because I just, I don't know, autopilot gone wrong, but yeah, so it's nice not having that anxiety the entire next day. It's nice going home and being able to just sleep right away and waking up refreshed and being able to. Get along with my day. But yeah, I do notice that. I try, I've been trying to be less judgmental because what other people do is in my business, but it is difficult for me to sometimes be in those spaces. If the people are very intoxicated and just obnoxious, because I just feel like you just see it differently now, because you're on the other, uh, side. So, but yeah, overall, I don't feel like there's been too much of a change. It's been just nice remembering things. Absolutely. And so do clients ever notice that you're not drinking? So I've had good conversations, honestly, with some people that I've had at my table. So specifically New Year's, I had this girl and this guy that she was with, and she offered me some 42 and some champagne. And I just said, I was sober. And she said, Oh, that's amazing. Like I've been trying to do that more too. She's a like. spiritual like speaker. She has an Instagram where she just does like tarot and everything. Yeah. And so, yeah, we really connected. She told me that I had a voice for television. You do have a voice for television. She's right. She's definitely good at picking up on flora and vibes. Yeah. And she said a lot of stuff that resonated with me because of what I was going through too. And You know, it was a wonderful conversation and she ended up over tipping 500. So, and I didn't drink with her, didn't have to flirt with her, you know? So sometimes all it takes is really just connecting with people on like a human level. And not over alcohol doesn't always have to be. And honesty, I feel like that's the biggest thing I've taken away from getting sober is like being honest with myself and therefore other people and like people connect with that too. You didn't have to make a big story. I'm sober. I don't drink. And she was like, I dig it. Probably inspired her. And that's been a change too, where I've moved away from, Oh, I'm taking a break to just full on now. And like, I am sober and I'll even mention like AA and my sponsor. And usually people are more curious than not. I think I was worried that it was more judgmental or people assuming you were, I don't know, just like. You would hit like a rock bottom or you were, I don't know, the most negative connotations of it. It's a cult. Yeah. That's what I hear. No, people are curious. It's group therapy. Yes. It's just like greater in numbers. I love that. And I feel like you're being of service just by like sharing your story and connecting with people and inspiring love. Do you feel like in your industry, you see other girls who may be following a similar trajectory or pop and do you ever feel like It's not necessarily your business or your place, but do you feel like you could be of aid or help those people? Yeah, I would love to be able to be, I don't know, a guide or just an ear or anything. If anybody was ever curious about it or wanted to start that journey. I know it's. difficult and scary. And I feel like there is this it seems like an obligation to do, like to partake. But I like being able to tell people that it's not, and that it's okay if you don't want to and you don't have to be like worried about it. You're not getting in trouble. Like it's literally not, it is, but it isn't our job, you know? Right. Exactly. Exactly. I love that so much. And so in the future. Do you see yourself still doing bubble service or do you feel like you want to move into a new field, not to say there's anything wrong with that, but like nightlife and sobriety don't necessarily go hand in hand. Do you feel that way? Or do you feel like this is something that you can continue doing? Yeah. So, for now, I think it's manageable. I am looking to. Eventually exit as I feel like most are, but I am still waiting for that day job that will allow me to make that exit. Right. I don't want to be nosy numbers, but I'm assuming you get paid well. Yes. Okay. That's why. So that's essentially why like. being able to find a day job where it makes me comfortable not having that. And also, honestly, I have been working in nightlife since I moved to New York in 2018. So I haven't had my weekends essentially. Oh my gosh. Well, yeah. Yeah. And that I think is more why I want to leave than anything else because I, Can see all of the missed moments, like birthdays and just uh, opportunities to like connect and build relationships because of not having the weekends before we wrap. I did want to ask you this. So I'm assuming that you probably have stories just about like. people that hit on you within your role. Do you feel like you have a little bit more control or autonomy over how you respond to those situations being sober as opposed to when you were drinking? I think because of how aggressive the guys are at the club that I still have. An aggressive tone with it, but I think for sure when I was drinking I have always been one where I'm like, I'll fight you. So, you know, it doesn't really work well when you're staff either. But yeah, definitely moved away from that and more so just walk away or ignore them. Yeah. Not even worth. Not even worth the interaction engaging. Yeah. Okay. I love that. Well, I really appreciate everything you've shared. Know that we give tips here, but if you had 1 piece of maybe advice that you would give to a girl who is. Steph, in 2021 22, struggling in the pandemic or struggling with their drinking or drug of choice, what would be the first piece of advice or first thing you would tell them to like, kind of help them get to that next step? Yeah, I feel that a lot of my using was because of being uncomfortable in my own skin and wanting to have people like me and be able to engage in those social aspects without the social anxiety. But I would say that you should just be yourself and not everyone's going to like you sober, not sober. So who cares? Pretty much. Who cares? And the people who are meant to be for you will connect with you and you don't need to try to earn somebody's friendship by. Not being yourself and by like using a drug or alcohol to try to force that. Yeah. I love that so much. And I connect with that too, because I feel like so much of it was also maybe feeling uncomfortable with who I am. And then it's like, do they really like you? If you have to like compromise your state of being to be the person or version, that's more. That person at the risk of losing yourself. And it's so funny too, because before I was like, Oh, I love myself. I know myself. And then post I'm like, Oh, I was wrong. I love that so much. Well, Steph, I really appreciate you coming onto the podcast. Your story has been so inspiring. And I especially think for just like young women or women in general who are really struggling with. Identity, as you mentioned, maybe struggling with trying to figure out, like, how they can break free from the sense of uncomfortability in their own skin. And anyone that works in nightlife will really resonate with this as well. So, thank you for coming on. Yeah, do you mind if I share your. Socials plug them. Yeah, of course. My Instagram is meow. X stuff. M E O W X S T E P H. And that's really all I'm on in the future. Should be on TV. I really appreciate a voice actor. Yes. I love it. You have an amazing voice. She's absolutely right. so much for coming on. for having me. Thank you for tuning into this episode of the Sober Butterfly podcast. We hope Steph's journey has inspired and touched you as much as it has us. 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