The Sober Butterfly Podcast

Humor Heals: Elaine Williams on Comedy and Recovery

• Nadine Benjamin

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In this episode of the Sober Butterfly podcast, host Nadine welcomes guest Elaine Williams to discuss the significant role humor plays in the journey of recovery from alcohol addiction. Elaine shares her personal journey of overcoming addiction, including the challenges she faced growing up in a dysfunctional family, dealing with substance abuse, and ultimately finding sobriety. Elaine emphasizes the importance of humor as a tool for dealing with life's challenges and maintaining sobriety. 

The conversation covers various topics, including the misconceptions about sobriety being boring, the transformative power of humor in recovery, and practical tips for incorporating comedy into the sober lifestyle. Elaine also shares her experiences of using her comedic talent to support and uplift others, encouraging listeners to embrace comedy as a means of empowerment and connection. The episode concludes with Elaine offering advice to those struggling with sobriety and highlighting the value of external support and professional help in addition to peer support groups like AA.

00:00 Welcome to the Sober Butterfly Podcast

00:13 The Power of Humor in Recovery

02:39 Elaine's Journey: From Early Struggles to Sobriety

14:10 Finding Healing and Purpose Through Comedy

19:39 The Transformative Power of Acting and Speaking Out

23:59 The Power of Moment: A Refreshing Partner

25:46 Unlocking Humor in Sobriety

25:46 Exploring the Connection Between Sobriety and Humor

27:10 Embracing the Comedic Mindset

28:41 The Transformative Journey of Sobriety

30:07 Becoming the CFO of Your Life in Sobriety

36:30 Navigating Sobriety Through Travel

40:22 Harnessing Humor as a Tool for Healing

40:55 Cultivating Comedy in Your Sober Journey

47:54 Finding Support and Embracing Change

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Track 1:

hello. Hello. And welcome back to the sober butterfly podcast, where we embrace the beauty of sobriety and empower each other to live our very best lives without alcohol. I am thrilled today to have Miss Elaine Williams, join us for a very special episode where we will explore the importance of humor in the journey of recovery. Elaine. Thank you so much for being here. I'm just so honored to have you on the show. How are you today?

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Well, thank you, Nadine. Thanks for having me. And I was, I was stalking you and I've been listening to several episodes and I just love what you're doing. And, you know, I think we're just going to dive right in. So, you know, I've been around the rooms of AA for a long time I've always tried to be a power of example to, Younger women and men, but especially women that you can still have a lot of

Track 1:

Yes, I

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

You know, when I, when I first stopped drinking, I was like, Oh, nothing's going to be fun. And how am I going to do the boring things and the boring parties and you know, and, and I think everybody goes through that, but I've always tried to, share my experience and talk about like, you can still do wild and crazy things. You're just sober, but you can still, you know, and if you're really. Tuned into like life and your evolution. It's pretty exciting, you know?

Track 1:

100 percent agree with you. And I think so many people can relate to this idea of. sobriety. We know the, the common mistropes, which is like, it's boring. Like quite literally the word sobering sounds terrible. And I too felt like it was a death sentence. I was literally like, Oh my God,, first of all, the problem I faced was I didn't know any sober people. Well, I knew like one sober person, but they weren't fun. So it wasn't like a very good example of what it could look like. So I appreciate that. And I think you and I just. connect so much in this idea that, like, we love to bring humor and lightness into our sober journeys because, while there is, like, very real hardship that can be attached to that and associated with that, for the most part, I feel like the fun I have today is 10 times real and authentic and better than the fun that I thought I was having when I was using substances.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Yes. That's such a good point. And, you know, I mean, I think of also how many times I wanted to go do things, but I didn't cause I was drinking or drugging or whatever. And in sobriety, I've made a ton of mistakes, but I'm learning and growing that I just wouldn't be able to do if I was. Filling myself in the substances,

Track 1:

Agreed, agreed. So I feel like just to lay the scene for people, I would love for you to share with us, Elaine, a little bit of your background, some of your earliest associations with substances. I like to start from the beginning. So paint a picture for us, like early associations with substances, what that looked like for you. And then I know that you also spent time in New York, so I would love to touch on that as well. So if you don't mind, take it away.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Okay, sure. I love it. So, you know, I'm, I'm

Track 1:

Wow. You look amazing. Sorry.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

parents divorced, it's a good filters and lighting. No you know, my parents divorced when I was four. And at the time it felt like nobody else did that. I remember feeling like I had a huge hole from a very early age. And I always felt like something was wrong with me and something was definitely wrong with my family. I can just remember feeling like not at ease most of my life and really in my head. And, and I didn't understand the divorce. And so I always felt like something is wrong. And so I was trying to fill the void from like at an early age from food. And then I found theater and I was like, Oh, my God, lights, camera, action, audience, love, sign me up. And I'm grateful because theater really saved my life. It was one of the few constants. And so, my father was a dentist and a pharmacist, which I have jokes

Track 1:

wow.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

but it's really true. He wouldn't let us eat candy. We could snort it. We just couldn't eat it. That was a joke. Anyway, so he married this for him and she was probably undiagnosed bipolar and she had had a lot of trauma. She'd been a victim of the Holocaust. And so she became a raging addict. And so it's so interesting, like it's such a crazy disease because my dad would be like, oh, all these drug addicts are calling, trying to get more drugs. Meanwhile, his wife is taking a tons of drugs. And, you know, so I, I remember just being around drinking and drugs from a very early age. And I thought everybody took codeine. Like I thought codeine was just like aspirin, you know? And then when I had my first drink, it was a grasshopper, you know, like the creme de menthe and ice cream. And I remember loving the

Track 1:

Mm hmm.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

of kind of like, Ooh, and wanting more. Immediately, like just wanting more. And I feel like that's my personality. So anyway, so I'm growing up in this family. Some bad things happen to me with my brother's friends and then a cousin who was an adult. I was molested and I didn't know I could say no. And. was very confusing because I liked the attention, but I felt dirty about it. But I, you know, it was like, and there's nobody who can really talk about,

Track 1:

Mm hmm.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

And so, so that was part of, that's when I started becoming bulimic. So I was, I was put on my first diet in the first grade. And then when I was 12, that's when the sexual stuff started happening. And then I started taking laxatives in Texas in the eighties, the worst thing you could be was fat. It was all about Dallas and image and big

Track 1:

Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

makeup and, and God forbid. And I, and what's funny, Nadine is I look back, I was never fat. I just was short and curvy. I was muscular, but I didn't look like a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. And so I remember taking laxes and thinking, Oh my God, I feel thin. It never occurred to me like, yeah, Karen Carpenter died from taking laxatives,

Track 1:

Yes. Tragic.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

when you're, when you're, And when you're in trauma and you don't have tools and, and I know my parents tried the, the best they could, but they were dealing with their own isms, you know? And so fast forward, I go to college, I made a deal as long as I could make good grades. I could do anything. So I, I was doing ecstasy and then my friend lost all this weight and I said, how did you do it? Oh, crystal meth. Sign me up. You're like, I started snorting. I was number eight in my class in high school. it was, it was always like this conundrum of like. Grades were really important to me, but partying was too. And thank God after semesters on crystal meth, my grades started to plummet. And even though I was skinny, I was all broken out. And, and I remember just thinking, Elaine, this is going to screw up your GPA. And so somehow I was able to quit on my own, which is a

Track 1:

Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

And then I had a roommate when I was 24 who said, Elaine, I confess that sometimes I took laxative. Blackstiffs and he said, but that's so bad for you. in that moment I was finally able to go. You're right. So like miracles, Right. So then, so the last thing I was doing, I'm like 30, I was still drinking, but it was very controlled. You know, I would, would be fine. And then all of a sudden have a crazy night where I wasn't. I did the landmark forum and I had a huge breakthrough, a spiritual awakening, and I was able to forgive my dad and my stepmother and ask for their forgiveness. And I literally sat there sweating and shaking. And I felt like I had black clouds of energy leaving my body. It was powerful and profound. And cause you know, you can, so people can tell you. You need to forgive, but if you don't know how,

Track 1:

Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

like I didn't have access to it. And so I remember thinking, I don't know what just happened. I feel free and peaceful for the first time in my entire life. Let me do more of this. So I did some more courses with landmark, but I'm still drinking. And then I realized I wanted to move to New York. Like I had to, it wasn't a choice. I would see the skyline and my heart would go pity Pat. And all these people were giving me like going away. Yeah. Parties and giving me money. And it was so overwhelming. Nadine, like my whole life I'd been trying to get love and then here it is coming at me and it was overwhelming. And I, I took half a row hypno. I mean, who does that? I roofied myself. Like who does that? So took half a row hypno and I'm like drinking all weekend and I'm trying to like pack and say goodbye to everybody. And. I'm in the gutter next to my car and these guys are shining their lights and I'm like, that is so real. Oh, hello officer. And they should have taken me to jail I was that messed up. And thank God I wasn't in the car, they, they poured me into a cab and the next day my roommate was like, you can't do that. When you moved to New York, Elaine, you're going to, you know, it's not Austin. like, okay, okay, okay, okay. You know, you know, you just really hung over. So I remember going and having my last glass of wine. Like hair of the dog. And my boyfriend had been up all night trying to find me. And he was like, Elaine, I'm not doing long distance. If you, if you keep drinking, cause he was going to stay in Austin. And so I said, okay, okay, okay. But my denial was so strong because I had money in the bank. I worked at the best restaurant. I, I showed up. then I would just have these sort of bulimic weekends of craziness. so I went to my first AA meeting and I was like, these people, you know, one guy goes, it doesn't matter if you're from Yale or jail. And I was just like, these people, but something kept me going. And I, I went and the next day I went on the plane and I had four suitcases. And I remember thinking I could drink. I'm not, I'm not, Anywhere. I'm not in Texas. I'm not in New York, I heard this voice that said, you gave your word. that was God. That was not Elaine. That was God. And just because all my courses at landmark had talked about integrity and honoring your word as yourself. And, and so I got off the plane and the next day I went to my second meeting on park Avenue and 50th at St. Bartholomew. And I kept going, even when I didn't understand it, even when I thought of these people crazy because they're New Yorkers or because they're alcoholics. And then I was like, okay, both, I think it's both. But I am, I'm so grateful, Nadine, that I kept going because I would hear stories of people who were like, I was a CEO, blah, blah, blah. I was a stay at home mom. And I became homeless. I, you know, you hear these stories of smart people who lost because of. Crack or drinking or, you know, and it, it scared me just enough to keep coming. but I was still like for a whole year, kind of like, do I have to do that? I was just, mean, I had a sponsor, but I was just kind of like, I call it auditing, you know, and then my boyfriend came to visit and then when he went home, he broke up with me it devastated me. And it was, that's when I really came to my knees and I had a new emotional bottom and that's when I surrendered because I didn't have him as a crutch anymore and I needed the program and I'm so grateful. And then I proved that I was staying sober for me, not for him. And so it took. You know, that was a whole year, which I don't recommend, but that's how I did it of, you know, I mean, I was going, I wasn't drinking and I was sort of begrudgingly working the steps, but I was, I had not surrendered fully. On an emotional. level. And now I love the program more than ever and I'm so grateful. But yeah, that, that was my

Track 1:

Wow. And I'm grateful to you for sharing parts of your story with us. There is a saying in the program, we are all terminally unique. That's the first time I'm hearing parts of your story, and I'm like, Oh my God, I can connect to this, I can connect to that, and it's just a beautiful reminder that we are connected, right? We like to deny that our problem is the addiction. As worse as maybe someone else's, but they were just moments that you cannot deny when you have this like parallel or like this, this similarity that might not be the exact, but it's like, wow, when you mentioned, for example, that you had struggles with ed, eating disorders, there's a term called drunkorexia. So I would binge drink and I would starve myself so that when I went out, the alcohol would hit me faster and also I would feel skinny, like I wanted to go out present a certain way and then it would just take less for me to get drunk because my tolerance was so high. So I would just starve myself and I would, I, Remember being in this perpetual cycle for years and years and years also the part where it's like you mentioned, I'm sorry about the sexual molestation that you faced, but the part where it's like, you feel as though there's this attention that you're getting, and even though it may not be positive attention, you crave the attention because you, you really crave the attention. A sense of loving and a sense of belonging and a sense of wanting that self love that maybe you can't give yourself in the moment. So someone else is giving you that attention and we conflate the two and then like the crutch of having your ex boyfriend be in your life. And when he finally left, like that was your full reckoning moment where you came and you surrendered. Like all of that are things that I can very much relate to. So I really, really thank you for sharing that. And it's interesting that you You know, so you moved to New York in your thirties So what was that experience now? Like, this is you after a year of being in the city, which is like, probably 1 of, you know, the most. amazing cities, but also there's so much, at your disposal. There's a lot of temptation is the point I'm trying to make. So I moved here in my early twenties and I did all the things and it was a very tenuous experience for me. But I'm wondering for you, what was that like? Was it hard for you to withstand some of the outside pressures of being newly sober, fully sober in a city like New York?

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

that's a great question. Thank you, Nadine. You know, I, I really do think it was God's plan for me because like I was doing The Artist's Way, which is a 12 week program and it's all spiritual. And the woman who wrote the book is Julia Cameron. She's sober. And I sort of accidentally started this was 12 weeks to when I moved, like there were so many things, but I think for me, if I'd stayed in Austin, because I knew every bartender I'd worked in restaurants for years, I, I partied with Willie Nelson. Like it would have been 20 times harder for me in Austin, because that was like my old stomping ground. That's where I first went to college, you know? and then here I am pluck in New York? and I'd visited, but it's very different when you live there. But it was still really hard because they they would say don't change anything in your first 90 days and I was like Ah, you know,

Track 1:

New city, newly single, like just everything was different. I'm assuming.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

it was hard and I had to keep moving. And then they're like, you can't wait tables, you have to wait. And I was like, that's all I know, waitressing and acting. And so I'm like, temping. And I remember I got my first check and, and I got half, like, they take out so much more in taxes and we were just bawling. And you know, I'd never been that broke before, except when I was like 18, you know? And so like, Something I just knew I was supposed to be there and I was in this amazing acting class and I really lived for that. And I had this amazing teacher, but yeah, I was intense. Nadine people, and I'd run around to auditions and people go, you're funny. And I'd be like, what do you mean? Like, cause I was just so angry. Cause you know, I had missed my vodka, my friend, my, you know, just being able to check out and., Learning to adjust then that's how I fell into doing improv and then stand up because kept saying, you're really funny. And I was like, I couldn't see it. I thought of myself as like the ingenue that I no longer was. I hadn't caught up with myself. And then luckily, I kept getting it from casting directors and people and friends. And so I was like, okay, I guess I'll try improv. And then I did a one woman show workshop and then I did some improv at UCB. And then I took a comedy class and, you know, my whole life, I was funny in the moment, right? Improv, you know, Neil Simon, but like trying to write on demand. It was like crickets. So I go home and I eat ice cream and cry. I was like, what the hell? I was so uncomfortable. And I said, Elaine, just finish the darn class. Just, just go to the show, expect no laughs and just say you tried it. So the night of the show, I get up there and when I start talking about my dysfunctional family stuff, people are howling and I wasn't even trying to be funny.

Track 1:

Telling your story.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

light bulb Oh my God. Oh my God, I'm supposed to help people. I'm supposed to help people who maybe won't go to the forum or do therapy. And my life made sense because there had been domestic violence, many sexual assaults, who stole from me, parents who stole from me. I mean, the list was long, and. And I thought, Oh, the more I heal myself, the more I can help others. Wow. You know, and it just made sense

Track 1:

That's beautiful.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

thought about it, you know, in that way before. And so, yeah. And that's how I started speaking on college campuses. I had this woman. said, I need a girl on my roster. I've got all these guys and I wanted to do comedy because it pays well if you can get bookings, but they're like, you're going to be up against people who've been on the tonight show 10 times. Elaine, you're, you're not ready. You're funny, but you're, you know, but then they said, didn't you have a bunch of addictions? And I was like, yeah. So I came in, but you won't believe this, but I came in as the funny eating disorder girl. I was very real and raw. And I was like, I don't believe in diets. And they were like, ah, like the kids loved it. And I have beginner's luck. Like I booked the first movie I ever auditioned for. So the first college conference, I booked like 15 schools

Track 1:

Wow.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Oh, is easy. Well, always. So anyway, and then my next agent said, can you start talk, can you talk about drugs and alcohol? And I was like, okay. So it kept morphing. And then my next agent was like, can you talk about your sexual assault? And I was like,

Track 1:

Ooh.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

let me, let me think about that. You know, I prayed on it. And I thought, Elaine, if you can save one kid. From half of the stuff you've been through, the self hatred, the shame, the isolation, the loneliness, the, all the things you didn't even know. So I, I started speaking on it and this was before Me Too was so mainstream. So it was, it was hard Nadine. People would, if I was too flippant, they didn't like it. If I was too dramatic, you know, it's like, I tried to be very neutral, but you know, people would get triggered. But And then I had some friends say, but Elaine, isn't your commitment bigger than, you know, being popular or whatever. And I helped kids stop cutting. I got kids into Al Anon. This one guy in New Mexico, he said he had just been assaulted and he had stopped going to class. And so. So he thanked me and now he's thriving. So about the dogs.

Track 1:

It's okay. There's so many sounds in my background too.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

okay. so anyway, so I, I really loved the work, but then my agent was like, I'm quitting the business. And I was like, so I still speak on those topics if I'm asked, I've been focusing on building my coaching and other things, but I feel like. We need to have conversations so that we can stop the cycles, there's generational abuse, there's generational trauma and not to wallow in it, but when we can talk about it in a constructive way, so for some people, it's therapy for some people go work with horses for some people, it's go to church for some people, it's go to a 12 step program for some People it's all of the above. Right? But I feel like when we can talk about it, then we can break the pattern and help people who don't know. Like people still don't know about Al Anon.

Track 1:

I just want to commend you because I think it is really a fine balance trying to help people through humor, but also telling your stories and being vulnerable enough to share. Really, really difficult troops with people in hopes of helping them,

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

thank you. I received that. I received that. And yeah, comedy. I mean, I, I love comedy because. It helped me lighten up, you know, I have a joke like when New Yorkers tell you you're too intense. It's not a good look,

Track 1:

It is not a good book. Like calm, calm down.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Yeah, calm, down, calm down. And So I'm grateful because I found this outlet and I could get on stage and perform and it made me a better actor and a better human being. I lightened up for God's sake. I was, I was like, I got to make up for lost time. You know, I mean, my, my acting teacher and when we started our second year, he goes, Elaine, that's the first time I've ever heard you laugh

Track 1:

Wow.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

like

Track 1:

so were you a, were you super serious before getting sober and like moving to the city and wow.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Well,, I was this sort of high functioning girl, but I could, a long time, I could sort of like put it in categories, you know, until, until the last year where I, I really couldn't, but I was studying Meisner you know, I was always doing acting acting classes. Professionally in Texas on some level, voiceover, some movies, theater. I sang, so I was doing this really intense Meisner where you like do this repetition and it's, it, it's like, it pulls away your masks and it's confronting you, you have a partner and you just, you know, Repeat back and forth like blue shirt

Track 1:

Blue shirt. Wow. Yeah.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

about the words It's about the energy you're getting and allowing yourself to be affected by it and then giving it back Because think about kit like kids were in the moment. We're like, you know, we don't hold on to things We went ice cream we cry until we get it You know, and that's why kids are like naturally good actors. And then as we get socialized, we learn to lie. How are you doing? I'm fine. I'm great. Which really means I haven't had my coffee. Fuck

Track 1:

Right. Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Right.

Track 1:

right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

so the repetition is a way to. Really unmask and let yourself really be affected. So here I am newly sober. I would cry in class. Like was so good at it. Cause I'd been studying it in Austin for two years, but also cause I was newly sober. So I kind of led our class in a way. Cause I just had access to emotions. Cause I was so

Track 1:

Rawness. Yes.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

So I'm so grateful for all of that work. And actually I, use some of that work when I work with speakers to help them, you know, just waking up their instruments. Cause we have these amazing bodies and a lot of us don't. them, you know, We're trying to be polite and polished and all the

Track 1:

yeah, I definitely think that a part of, for me too, I compartmentalize parts of myself. And when I got sober, I was met with the real me or not even the real me. It just like a base level rawness, right? Like I hadn't experienced before or in a long time. And I think that's why so many. Many people find solace in activities that they did when they were a kid, like even like you kind of regret back to I started drinking around age 13, 14, like, I went back to finding some of the things that bought me joy. Then it's almost like I was. Stuck in that period for a little bit, but fast forward, I just think it's so powerful that you're able to tap into humor. And I'm wondering what connections do you see, or do you find that there are parallels between sobriety and humor and how does that help someone through their sober journey?

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

I'm like, how long do you have? And I love that. Maybe we can do a part

Track 1:

I would love that. Yes.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

So, you know, I mean, here's the thing, like we come in and we're trying to figure out how to live life without our thing, whether it's drugs or bad boys or whatever, cocaine, you know, I'm like, it's easy to quit cocaine. You just stop dating your

Track 1:

Oh my God.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

That was one of my jokes, but you know,

Track 1:

All right. That's like so real, but it's actually really Yeah.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

love addicts, like we all need Love So we need to be in relationships with people. But what if we use relationships addictively, which is something I've been looking at, you know? And I mean, there's always another layer, but what I've realized is there's so little of life we can control, right? We get to respond to things. We set intentions. We work. I take a lot of action. I'm a big action taker. And I've made a lot of things happen or co created, but then there's a lot of other things that I'm like, are you kidding me? What? Right. so if you can learn to with humor it's, it will help you on so many levels. It's kind of like when, you know, people start meditating, it helps you be less reactive. Right. So one of my things that I talk about in my keynote is having a comedic mindset, right? Cause we all have those days where like, everything's groovy. You get all the green lights and they say yes to the proposal. And you're just like, I feel skinny. I feel good. You know? And then we have those days where you spill coffee on your favorite shirt and you know, you screw up the podcast. You were so excited about, you know, all the things. So I started noticing that I would go, okay, this isn't funny right now, but this could be a joke. This could be material. And I started catching that and I realized it helped me have some space and some compassion for myself and others in life. And so just having like that comedic, like, all right, this right now in the moment, this really sucks, but in three months, can be freaking funny, you know? And so training myself. And so when I'm working with entrepreneurial women, I say, you know, it's content. This can be content. And sometimes they're like, Elaine, are you kidding? And I'm like, okay, so maybe we'll change some names, but like, You know, everything can become content or can become funny. And you get to say, like, I don't like to do, I'm not going to do rape jokes. I, I don't do homeless jokes. Like there are some, I feel like there's so many other things to make fun of with myself and my experience. So just like having that comedic mindset can really help you feel empowered in the moment, as opposed to, Oh my God, I can't, I always do this or

Track 1:

Love that so much. It reminds me of back in my early wee moments of sobriety. I'm coming up to three years, but the first like three months I'll say, thank you so much. But I used to journal a lot. And so I got ahold of some, some of my

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

right.

Track 1:

and they were, they were, you would think I was dying. Like it was so dramatic. But now I see is almost like if I were to write a screenplay of my life, like almost like a sitcom. It's very comedic. Like if you were to orchestrate, like the music and the lighting and the sound and like, you just think about it from a dark comedy perspective, it's actually pretty good. And it just reminds me that when you're going through a bad moment, Oh, you spilled coffee on your shirt and maybe you missed the train as you were running down the stairs and you slipped and you fell like all of these things. Yes, they're bad. However, it's not a bad life, right? It's a bad five minutes. It's a bad day. Maybe it's a bad week, but it's not a bad life. I think anything, my worst moments, you've probably heard this, but my worst moments in sobriety are better than my. Best days when I was using so I'm like, you know what, no matter what happens, life is good. Like, it is funny. if you take yourself out of the situation and almost look at it from, like, an outside perspective as if you're narrating your own life, it's Funny. And I feel like that's probably what you're telling your clients when you're like, yeah, but like, this is content. This can be used to change some names and places. Right. So I love that so much. And you mentioned that you are the CFO. Can you break that down? What is the CFO of your company?

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elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

The chief funny

Track 1:

I love that so much. How can we become the CFOs of our lives in sobriety?

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

That is a great question. I think that we teach what we seek to master for ourselves. So even though I love teaching and coaching and uplifting and, you know, I'm still always learning too, when you can put in five minutes of humor. day, five minutes, and you can find out what works for you. So America's funniest videos like YouTube, there's so many brilliant comedians, I share goofy dog videos with people like at the end of my day, I'll scroll for fun. And the, the silly dog and horse and cat videos just crack me up sometimes. I'm five, you know, but like giving yourself permission laugh. And like one of my clients I work with, you know, some, some of my clients are in their sixties and seventies and one woman, they found like polyps or whatever, she had a colonoscopy and they were like, Oh my gosh, you have cancer. And then they were like, okay, we're going to you're having surgery. Like it was like, bam,

Track 1:

Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

bam. And so I remember telling her, I said, your only job is to laugh every day. I want you to watch funny movies because. There's something that happens, Right. So when we laugh, we take in more oxygen, our serotonin levels, our dopamine that goes up the feel good chemicals. We release toxins. We burn calories

Track 1:

Yes, we do.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

And we let our emotional walls down. And to me, like I've goosebumps. Like to me, it's like God, it's like, it's you can laugh that doesn't mean what's happening in the world isn't affecting you, but it gives you more resilience to make a difference. know, like if you, you really got in touch with all the crazy shenanigans happening in the world, we would like spontaneously combust at the whore, right? Like it's so much, if you're a sensitive, empathic person like I am. So I try to train myself to, if I'm getting too intense, I like try to take a break and, you know, change my energy, state, jump around, dance. You know, I do all kinds of things. Cause I'm working alone sometimes in my house for a while to me that if you can pattern interrupt, You will have an ability to deal with things on a whole other level, I spoke about assault all over the country and at military bases. And so when that Sandusky thing was happening at Penn state, I got like, was like, so angry. It's horrible that it happens and it, and people are sick and twisted and we need to keep getting better about protecting children from pedophiles. But the fact that it was overlooked for so long,

Track 1:

Right. Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

like even worse, I was in such a state of like, I remember I had to go to two yoga classes that day and I said, okay, Lane, you're in timeout, no more news. Like. You're not good to anybody when you're in this

Track 1:

Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Yes, you're Right. about how horrible it is, but if you're in this righteous, crazy state, what good are you? You know? And so I learned, like I watch the news, but I'm careful with my brain before I go talk. I don't watch the news. I don't talk to certain people like I really want to protect. So I can be of service. And so I always teach people like, it's okay to laugh. It doesn't mean that you don't

Track 1:

Yeah.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Like it's okay to still have fun you need to laugh at your humanity And it will help give you space and resilience. And it's okay. It doesn't mean, that you don't care or that you're insensitive

Track 1:

It doesn't mean that people won't take your message seriously. Cause I think so many people believe that like, if you inject humor, like it diminishes the value of the message or what you're saying. And that's not true. I would argue actually, that when you can make someone laugh or when you can inject a lightness or humor into a situation, it, it, it, it kind of lowers people's barriers, right? It's like the opposite of like me attacking you, right? It's like, then immediately people's walls go up. But if I'm like making you laugh and we're having this exchange, I feel like you're more receptive to what I'm going to say next, right? So it's almost like a tactic that you can use to connect people and have them think beyond what maybe they were privy to listening to beforehand.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Absolutely. Nadine. So I always, I talk about this. when a woman walks on stage, especially if she's attractive, I had this scientist woman. She was perfect. She was so beautiful and so smart. And I was like, okay, so when you first walk on stage, all the women in the audience are going to hate you for a second because it's just cave women. So if you can crack one joke about how you should have seen me covered in milk, I'm an hour ago or try to get the kids off to school. We need to know that you're

Track 1:

Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

and then we can hear you. And so I, I love to teach people about, or just saying, starting off with a hooking question that, can make people laugh A lot of times people are like, Oh, I don't have to worry about the speaker, you know, because sometimes we've had speakers where you're like, are they going to make it? Are they going to fall over? They seem so

Track 1:

Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

And so yeah, humor, humor can be like the best secret weapon in so many

Track 1:

And also, like, in connection to sobriety, it's like, it doesn't mean that your sobriety isn't serious just because you're poking light or poking fun at the things that you did or you're doing in your sobriety or what you did before sobriety. It's just this idea that I'm human, like you said, and I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to own up to those mistakes and I can even laugh at those mistakes. So I think so many people I know, like, have DM'ed me or like comment. Things about just like, I love how positive you are and how funny your page is. Like I, of course I take my sobriety serious. It is the most serious thing I have going on for myself because I wouldn't be able to do anything without it.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Right.

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So it's like, of course it's the most sacred thing to me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to have fun with it. I'm not going to laugh at myself and poke fun at some of the things that I do or we do in the sober community, because it humanizes us as mentioned.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

I love that. I love that so much. And I love that you're traveling and sharing about that because, I, to me travel is, it's one of my passions. It's one of my passions and. I had to learn how to do it sober and

Track 1:

Adjustment.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

airports, you know, I was listening to your thing, like, Ooh, yeah. Like I like to do work at airports. I make program calls at airports and I also go hang out in the bookstores. Because it is like this weird, no man's land kind of place. but I love it, you know, you can have so much fun traveling. You don't need alcohol and you actually can see a lot more because you're awake and aware as opposed to being hung over or whatever, you

Track 1:

Yeah. Airports were especially triggering to me in the beginning and funny enough, within the first month of my sobriety, I embarked on a like six week, six country tour. Like, and they say like, don't disrupt, you know, people, places, things, or I shouldn't say don't disrupt very similar to you. Like you changed everything. And they're like, no, no, no, no. Like stay, keep the routine. But I felt like for me personally, I needed to kind of keep myself busy in the early stages of my sobriety and New York was triggering for me because that is, that was my playground. That's where I did all the things. So I went off for six weeks with two girlfriends, two trusted sources who could help hold me accountable. And it was one of the most amazing trips I had because it was the first time that I was able to travel sober and it was just amazing. A way for me to like, kind of like take myself out of obsessing about the fact that I wasn't using substances and see the world and then see that I can have fun without substances. While I travel because traveling for me also is one of my most like favorite things that I've, I ever will do and continue to do, but when I was doing it, drinking, it was very dangerous. I was putting myself in very compromising situation, similar to what you mentioned when your friend was like, Elaine, you can't pass out in New York. Well, that was me passing out in foreign countries, like literally going out by myself because I love to travel with people, but like, if no one wants to go. I'm going by myself and I would do that drinking and using drugs and pass out and like, just put myself in the most dangerous situations that, you know, I can only thank God that it wasn't worse. Right. So now I just have a newfound sense of appreciation for the journeys that I take now because I, A, remember them and B, I feel a lot safer. And C, it just enhances the overall experience for me and for people that I travel with because before I was boring, I'm like, all I wanted to do was drink on vacation. Like, that's not fun. Like, everything revolved around drinking or like an activity connected to drinking. So, yeah.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

I so get it. I remember I, after I graduated from college, this friend took me on this amazing trip. He'd been planning for him and his fiance, but they had broken up and I was like, well, I'll go. So we're in New Zealand and Australia. beautiful, amazing in the nineties, like,

Track 1:

Wow.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

all I could think about was where, where, where are we drinking tonight? Like so much of the trip was about being hung over. Where am I going to pee? Like, so I was seeing all this beauty and all this amazing stuff, but it's just amazing how much brain space alcohol took up in my brain, you

Track 1:

It was a fixation, like an absolute fixation. And I just feel free. I that's the best sense of liberation and the best gift I've given myself is like the freedom to not obsess about. When I was drinking, when my next drink was like, how I was going to get my next drink, just all of the things. So I, I kind of want to wind down our conversations and I do think that we Need to have a part two. So I'm going to ask the audience what other questions you have for us In regards to this topic of humor and sobriety. But I would love to ask you, Elaine, like what piece, I don't necessarily say advice, but like I can't think of another word right now. So just in terms of tips or strategies, what piece of advice would you have for anyone who is looking to embrace humor on their sober journey?

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Oh, that's a great question. I'm a big fan of notebooks and, you could just say, I'm going to study comedians and who do I think is really funny? Like I think Wanda Sykes is brilliant. I love her for so many reasons. Maria Bamford is quirky and weird. But I love her too. There's other people, I respect them, but they don't make me laugh. But I think their act outs are great or whatever. So if you could, you know, that's a great way to be like, okay, five minutes a day. I'm going to watch different comedians and think about, you know, who I love. And then also you can get a comedy buddy and you can send each other, you know, say, okay, every day, night, whatever, I'm going to send you my favorite goofy video from the day and you send me one. Or you can, go look at the far side things like there's so many ways you can just add it into your life. And then if you want to take up class. You should call me. I'll tell you who to, who to work with or whatever. Going to an open mic is so freeing and scary and terrifying, but I have brought so many people, I would bring people from work and I'd be like, Oh, I signed you up by the way, go. And they'd be like, are you kidding? But then they always thanked me. So there's a million ways you can just start playing with the idea of, of humor and comedy. You know, you can take an improv class. there's improv classes over zoom. I know a great improv teacher, so feel free to reach out to me. There's books you can, you can read. Like there's so many ways you can learn to cultivate humor. Like my yoga teachers say that we cultivate calm and we, you know, we cultivate, we seek more understanding and awareness of ourselves at certain times. And I believe that you can cultivate comedy. Not everybody's going to be brilliant like Richard Pryor or Joan Rivers, but you can learn to be funnier. just for yourself. And it's, it's a gift that keeps giving. And, you know, another thing is like, if you're not having fun in your home group, maybe it's time to try a different home group, like my home groups, we

Track 1:

That's good.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

not all the time. I mean, sometimes it's really heavy. But sometimes it's funny. Like on Saturday, I go to this meeting in person in Dallas and the guy, he goes, I remember I would drink all the time on my mountain bike. And I would think I am the best mountain biker ever. And The insanity that, like he's lucky. He didn't

Track 1:

Right.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Right. We didn't end up in the desert, dehydrated and you know, but Yeah. like there's ways you can cultivate it or you can just think about how do I how do I want to add more comedy? And we, we all want to laugh more in our lives because it's, It's good for our soul and you can go see comedy shows like this. I invite you to experiment and just be in this inquiry of who do I love and why? And, you know, maybe when you were drinking, you loved Andrew Dice Clay, but you realize he's a misogynist and that's not your speed anymore. You know, it's okay to change. know, I used to think some people are funny and now they, they don't do it for me. It's okay. Just give yourself some space

Track 1:

I love going to comedy shows to this day. Comedy is something that I've always enjoyed, but I actually appreciate it more now from a sober perspective. But I, I find that I enjoy myself more because I'm more observant of the crowd and like the dynamics of the, the space and I feel the energy more. And if I laugh, it's truly because I think it's funny, not because I'm inebriated and the person, right? I'm just like tipsy, right? But I think if you can get a good laugh out of someone who is completely sober, it means more. Like, I think the value of the laugh is worth more. And it reminds me. It reminds me to something you shared just about like the sober jokes, like in your home group, the guy who is the best drunk mountain biker. I have a comic. I can't think of her name right now. If I think of it, I'll plug it below in the show notes, but she has this amazing joke. She's sober. And she says, you know, sometimes when I go out to bars, to parties, to clubs, Okay. I feel like I'm a bench professional. Like I'm just sitting on the sidelines. Like I would, I could do this so much better than you. Like if I were out there right now, like if I were drinking right now, I would be on the table, I would just be out there, it's just like hilarious. Cause I can relate to that being also like the life of the party air quoting that being the most wild, most extreme. I'm just like, sometimes when I go out, like. Oh, yeah, I'd be so much better than you at this, but thankfully, I'm not there anymore. I really just appreciate that. Just finding opportunities to embrace humor in your life even if it's 5 minutes a day, I love that. Like, just finding an opportunity to laugh because I feel like getting that release, especially. If you're struggling with your sobriety, your recovery, it's really important to laugh. Like laughter is the best medicine. Like people don't realize that, like you have to release some of that heaviness sometimes. So everything you shared Elaine, so, so amazing. I want to open the space for you now to share, what are you working on? Where can we find you? How can we connect with you further?

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Oh, thank you, Nadine. I think the easiest way is on Instagram. I am Elaine Williams fun because that's really as part of my brand. And then I do have a website captivate the crowd. com. So if you want to work on speaking or video or just reach out, there's lots of ways you can message me or you can find my email and my phone numbers on there too. And I love helping people in sobriety. I love Just sharing the stories and helping people see the resources that are out there because it it really is an exciting time It's overwhelming all the information we have but it's also because there are zoom meetings There is an there is a women's a a meeting that's international that meets every hour on the hour Like there's an Al Anon meeting that like, there's so much out there. And so it doesn't matter, if you're struggling, you know, reach out, please, because need you. The world needs you. The world needs more sober people who are helping focus on solutions and nobody does it like you. And it's okay. If you're struggling, you know, when I, when I first got sober, I was like, all right, so my life's going to be really easy now. Right? Like, I'm not going to make any more mistakes. I'm going to have this all together. Like I really thought like, okay, why am I not on Broadway? Like I really was like, and I had to, you know, it's like, Oh, life is still hard. And at 10 years I was like angry because I thought I was supposed to be at a different place. So, you know, that's ego. Right. And so luckily I just kept coming and I've had awesome sponsors, but you know, if you're struggling, it's okay. Change it up. You know, maybe you need to go to a different meeting, reach out to me or Nadine. Maybe you need a different sponsor. Maybe you need to check out another program. Maybe it's time for you to get back into some therapy. You know, I'm a big fan of like, I come to AA as my foundation, but I have done a ton of other work. I'm a big fan of professional outside help. I've done. EMDR, EFT, tapping, Feldenkrais, Alexander technique, lots of yoga, meditation retreats, like you name it, I've done it. And it's all added to my program. And so, know, just if you're struggling, reach out, you're not alone and you maybe you just need a little bit of a tweak in what you're doing.

Track 1:

Beautifully, beautifully said Elaine. Thank you so much for coming on and I have a feeling there's going to be a part 2. so thank you Elaine. And I'm so glad that we connected today to talk about this very important topic.

elaine-williams_1_04-07-2024_140454:

Thanks, Nadine. Thank you.

Thank you for tuning into this episode of the Sober Butterfly podcast with Elaine Williams. We hope you found our discussion on using humor as a tool for healing and supporting others in sobriety, both enlightening, uplifting, and also funny. If you enjoyed today's episode, please consider subscribing to our podcast on your favorite platform. And don't forget to leave us a 5 star rating and review. Your feedback helps us continue to grow and reach more listeners who may benefit from our content. If you're interested in Elaine's latest book, The Power of Community, Courage, Compassion, and Collaboration Leads to Success, it's available on Amazon and it's a number one bestseller in the U. S. and internationally. Elaine's chapter specifically using humor to amplify your message was one of nine other chapters by her co authors, all brilliant and wise colleagues. Remember, you are not alone on your journey to sobriety. Until next time, stay strong, stay sober, and keep shining bright like the beautiful butterfly you are.