The Sober Butterfly Podcast
Welcome to The Sober Butterfly podcast! Unfiltered shares about sobriety, recovery journeys, self-care/wellness tips and compelling stories, hosted by Nadine Mulvina.
The Sober Butterfly Podcast
Radical Honesty and Humor: A Journey of Healing Family Trauma with Gina Michelle @sassnsarcasmic
In this episode of the Sober Butterfly podcast, Nadine welcomes the funny, witty, beautiful Gina Michelle from @sassnsarcasmic. Gina shares heartfelt truths about personal trauma, addiction, and mental health struggles. Gina discusses her childhood in a large dysfunctional family, the impact of her mother's alcoholism, and her own battles with mental health and substance abuse. With a focus on her healing process, Gina reflects on setting boundaries, embracing female friendships, and practicing radical honesty. She also shares her experiences with AA meetings, the importance of female support networks, and her pursuit of therapy and self-care to address deeper issues. This episode offers an inspiring look at overcoming adversity and the ongoing work required in the journey to sobriety and emotional well-being.
00:00 Intro + Trigger Warning
01:04 Gina's Early Life and Family Dynamics
01:37 Childhood Trauma and Dysfunction
05:50 Struggles with Mental Health
06:59 Teenage Years and Substance Abuse
08:31 Life in a Group Home and Family Abandonment
10:01 Identified Patient
13:04 Alcohol Dependency
21:16 COVID-19 and Escalation of Alcohol Use
25:29 Path to Sobriety and AA Meetings
35:58 First Date at AA
36:49 Mixed Feelings About AA
37:57 Healing Journey
41:49 ADHD Meds and Healthcare
48:05 Setting Boundaries with Family
57:59 Navigating Life and Sobriety
01:07:24 Final Thoughts
Connect with Gina 🌻
Instagram @sassnsarcasmic
Linktree: Art and OnlyFans 🌶️
Connect with Nadine 🦋
Instagram: @the.soberbutterfly
Subscribe to YouTube:@thesoberbutterfly
Sign up for the monthly newsletter
This episode's sponsor
Drink Moment
Use Code: TSB23 for 18% off your order
Audible
Free 30 Day Trial
https://www.audibletrial.com/tsb24
Thanks for listening! New episodes available every Friday.
Please follow the show and leave a 5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ review!
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services refereed to in this episode.
Before we get into today's episode, I want to issue a quick trigger warning. My conversation with the incredible Gina Sarcasmic touches on some sensitive topics, including being the identified patient in a family system. Trauma, addiction, and mental health. So if any of these themes are difficult for you, feel free to take care of yourself in whatever way feels best. That being said, Gina's story is nothing short of remarkable. She brings her signature humor and sharp wit to our conversation, making it a fun, heartfelt, and deeply insightful discussion. Gina is on a powerful healing journey. She's leaning into setting boundaries with her family. She's embracing the support of her female friendships, and she's practicing radical honesty in all areas of her life. I know you're going to love her energy as much as I do. Let's get into
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Hello, Gina. Welcome to the Sober Butterfly podcast. I'm so excited to have you here today
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:We both connect as sober accounts just around injecting humor into serious subject matter related to, sobriety. Recovery. But underneath that layer of humor, there's obviously a lot of depth. I typically like to start from the beginning. So can you share with us just what early life look like for you? What presence did substances play in your early days?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, absolutely. So I kind of make a joke like I was. F'd up right from the assembly line. Like I fell off the assembly line messed up. My parents were divorced. They got divorced when I was two. So I have no memory of my parents being together. They both got remarried to different people who they're still with. I come from a huge, a blended family a very dysfunctional family. I grew up in my dad's house first. It was like half and half custody. and from a very young age, I just remember always feeling fear, like this type of fear I look back now and I'm like, kids should not have those thoughts at that such a young age, like, and when I say fear, It's like, you know, shooting roman candles up in the air and thinking that we're gonna call the aliens down to abduct us.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Oh, wow.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Just like really, really like insane fear as a third grader. a lot happened in third grade. For example, I think there was some satellite and part of it was, it fell off and it was going to fall like on turf and it was on the news. And my dad thought it was always funny to like scare or like joke around, but it was traumatizing as a kid. so I, of course I'm like, it's going to land on our house. That is my third grade brain. So I'm freaking out. I go to bed and then he like opens the door and he's like, Oh, don't forget your bike helmet. So like stuff like that. So also in third grade living at my dad's house, I just started talking about this recently, but there was a literal murderer, staying with kind of with us. which is a whole nother podcast. It could be a Netflix documentary. But yeah, it was my dad's friend.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Like, he was convicted for murder?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yes. So my dad, found out about it obviously. And then set up the whole, sting, like the, I guess is what you would call it. And my dad owned a pawn shop when I was growing up. The SWAT team, the FBI, he set all that up. Just because my dad, it. Obviously didn't know that that was gonna go down. It was like his friend and then his Girlfriend at the time and then their son who was my age. they were from london Anyway, it's if you look it up on google. It's called the countess and the bodyguard
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:this is like an actual, legit thing.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:It needs to be I'm about to write Netflix and be like this this is my this is what happened Yeah, so it happened. And then I was molested in third grade by a neighbor friend's father And I didn't tell anyone about it except a good friend of mine that lived on the same street And then years later it happened to another girl And they went around asking, if it happened to anyone else. And of course I'm like, yeah. And I don't remember ever talking about it anymore, but my mom says like, she took me to the police station to answer questions. I have no recollection of most of my childhood. but I do know that in third grade, I made the decision that I wanted to go live full time at my mom and my stepdad's house. I was not happy at my dad's house. two very like black and white households. Anything goes at my mom's very laid back. and my dad's house, not so much. So my mom is in recovery. She's going on eight years. I grew up though thinking like I never put two and two together. Like even as an adult. It was alcohol that was making her. I just thought she was, can we cuss on this?
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Please. Yeah.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I thought she was batshit crazy. Like I honestly was like, so not knowing what to expect. Every time I got off the bus going home, like what version of mom am I going to get? She was abusive, physically abusive, mentally, emotional, all. of the things. So that was hard. I'm at such a young age. I was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten. So I was on Ritalin in kindergarten. so at a very young age, I was already on substances. but going through all of the things that I did endure, like kids don't have, we don't have the developed coping skills. To deal with those things that I went through it because kids should not they shouldn't have to So the way I coped with everything was Everything it felt so out of control and chaotic in my life as a child and as an adolescent I'm like, what are the things I can't control and it was what I put in and out of my body so food so severe anorexia and also like bulimia, binging and purging to a point where it was, I was sick. it is an illness. my family kind of looked at it. Or treated it as like, ew, like, they didn't realize, it was a sickness, or a mental illness or a disease. and also my grades, I could control my grades. I was a very good student. And then of course, you know, as I got older, like into high school boys and, I smoked pot in high school. And then drank and then so 11th grade is when my family at one day I found out from my best friends, mom, they were letting us have a snack. sleepover on a school night, which was like unheard of. And I was like, this is crazy. What's happening. I'm like, this is so cool. But her mom was like, you know, tomorrow your parents are taking you to court and they're going to give their parental rights up to the state of Virginia. So I was awarded the state. It all happened like that. I went from, so let me rewind. I grew up very privileged. I grew up in a country club. I got everything handed to me Mainly because they could, and my mom didn't want to deal so her love, and I love my mom, but she does not know to this day, she does not know how to show like what real emotional support is. And love, like mother daughter, it's always been, let's go shopping. here's this, here's that, like, can I have this toy? So I was handed everything and I am very self aware that I'm still spoiled compared to a lot of people who are 36 years old. Very codependent relationship. not so much on my end anymore because I am, you know, healing that part. So yes, I was awarded a state. So I grew up in Charlottesville and I went from one extreme, like having my car Basically, doing whatever the heck I wanted to I was in almost like a halfway house for girls and, like, for kids for three months, and that's when they were like, oh, you know, you can come home in three months. Well, three months went by, and I did not get to go home. I ended up, you know, Boys and girls group home in Richmond, Virginia, home for boys and girls. And it honestly best thing that could have probably ever happened. Like for me at the time, you know, I was probably like, this sucks. I can't have my car. I can't do anything. I have to earn my privileges like to do anything, but it's crazy because as soon as I was taken out of that environment of the chaos of my mom and my stepdad's household, my eating disorder went away. There's a direct correlation of what was causing, there was no structure and there, you know, there I got structure. I had a job in high school. So, looking back, it was amazing that they, did that. I am very grateful. A lot of my friends are like, Why do you even still talk to your parents for doing that? And I'm like, because they're my parents, and they still give me money. Like, sometimes I'm kidding. But on the other hand, it is really messed up because I had 2 other sisters in the household at the same time. And it was like, they got rid of me. So from a very early age, I've had like the abandonment, I'm the identified patient. I don't know if you are familiar with that. It's almost like you're the black sheep or the scapegoat, but it's like way worse. so I am the identified patient of my family. And typically it's like, they blame all of the family issues on that person when in all reality is That person who they have chosen to be the identified patient is probably the most healthiest out of everybody. So definitely if you have not heard of that and you feel like that, do some research. Funny, my stepsister, of all people, I think she's 50 51, but she reached out to me. She sent me books and she introduced me to it. She was like, I've always seen you as. You know this and I saw it from an older point of view what you went through. So it was just very helpful.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I just want to say, Gina, that I am sorry, not that you need my apology, but like, I am sorry to hear that you experienced so many different variations of trauma growing up. And it doesn't sound like your parents. We're supportive in the way maybe that you needed and I hadn't heard of the identify patient, but that makes sense to me. Like the identify patient, once again, don't know much about it. And I will do some research, but it sounds like when you are using this term. This person is sick. And you also mentioned it was like a scapegoat situation. So it's like, everyone is looking at you as though you're the problem when in reality you're responding maybe to something and you do need help, but the help that you needed, it doesn't sound like you got
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Right, exactly. 100%. Yeah. And to this day, my mom, like, as a sober person, I am a completely different person I am the most honest person I think I've ever met. Like I do not lie, in any way, shape or form. To me, lying is even like withholding information. And my mom, Accuses me of lying all the time, but she lies. If you look at my mom's Facebook, we're not even Facebook friends. But she's friends on social media with my Dad and my stepmom's daughter My half sister which it makes no sense but if you look at her social media if you go to their home it's like I don't even exist
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Wow. That's hurtful.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:It is hurtful. she's also so codependent with me, which I find very like confusing.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Did you know that your mom was abusing alcohol or using alcohol to that extent
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I feel like I maybe knew, but I honestly couldn't tell you that I, if I did, or if I didn't, I just did not. But I do know the first time I drank, It wasn't good, actually, so the first time I did drink, it was in eighth grade, but instantly, I was crying I, like, self harmed, but not like the proper way. That sounds bad, but you know, the attention seeking way. So from the jump, I knew that like bad things happen. I did not realize what alcohol could do for me until my first breakup with a boy, like my first long term relationship. And that's kind of where it just went downhill. Well, uphill and downhill. But I never played drinking games like drinking was never a game. It was very serious to me. There was like one mission that was like to block out. I was either like not getting drunk. Or I was blacked out. Like there was no in between at all.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:So that was like the first time that you started to use alcohol in like a different way, it sounded like
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yes, I was like, Oh, this can do something for me. And that's when like fireball was really popular.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Oh god, fireball. Anytime someone says fireball, I get the taste. Like I literally can taste my vomit. sorry, just had to say that. fireball, yes, I'm very well aware.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:And I would take like nine shots back to back, like right when we got to the bar and then I would be walking like a toddler. within 20 minutes and he was like, you do not know how to drink and I didn't I did not know how to drink I would like, start off with wine and I'm talking about like, not just a bottle, but maybe a bottle and a half.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Wine before liquor, never sicker. Why do I still recite these nursery rhymes in my head? That's crazy. But I do understand what the guy is talking about. Like, you don't know how to drink. like pacing yourself, it sounds like was problematic and like just mixing,
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Well, pacing myself. And mixing, like, wine, and then Fireball, and then, like, Tito's and pineapple, and then more wine, like, no wonder I, felt like death all the time. And then the classic line was, like, the next morning, I'm never drinking again, like, that's the biggest lie I've ever told myself. Five hours later, I'd be drinking.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I want listeners at home to understand because obviously it sounds like you were binge drinking, but, what were you looking for, I guess, is the question. Like, what were you trying to accomplish, aside from blacking out, or why were you trying to black out,
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:So, really, my drinking went from, like, the normal, like, right of passage drinking in high school to, you know, drinking to fit in was in college, but I still wasn't like getting hammered or blacked out. You know, it was still fun. And then when I started like drinking to black out. It was to stop the thinking because like I have a thinking disease Like I don't have a like drinking is not a problem for me. Like I don't think about alcohol I don't crave alcohol the craving left like immediately But it's the thoughts that I was left with so drowning out my thoughts And then a lot of people, I hear people say that they drank to escape, but I honestly drank to like live life to meet new people, like I would have to get blacked out to go on dates and then continue to drink and wonder why, like, I didn't call me back for a second date.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:The pregame before the date is very real.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Oh my God. Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:It's like, I'm so nervous. Let me chug this bottle and a half of wine and then slur my way through dinner. And yeah, where is this guy? Why did he not reach out to me?, I can relate to that a lot. I love what you said. Like most people drink to escape. I think that's, that was a big part for me, escapism, but also like functioning and the overthinking. It sounds like connected to the ADHD, right? Like we have this disorder or whatever. Like our brains are wired differently where it's really hard to get out of your head or you just sit in these thoughts that spiral and spiral. And so I also realized I was drinking. Yeah, it's obsessive thinking. Yes.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:It is and it's insane to be quite honest. Like, I was insane. And when I tell people that, they're like, no, you aren't. I'm like, well, you are not in my head at all. I was definitely it was insane. but when I was living in Virginia Beach, I dated a guy in the military who went on like short deployments And I could easily like stop drinking while he was gone and just, you know, for fitness purposes, like I would stop drinking for like four months, no big deal. But then I noticed when he would come back and we would drink, like it was like 10 times worse. So when I hear when people relapse. That is not a part of my story. Thank God. And it will not be a part of my story. And I say that because I know it won't be like, that is how I am. But I've witnessed a friend relapse. I was there with her and she even said it's like 10 times worse than it was before she got sober. So that's what it was like, I guess, you know, stopping for like four months and then going back to drinking
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:So it sounds like you didn't have a physical dependency on alcohol. You were selective when you could kind of turn it on and off. And I relate to the vanity pieces too, because yeah, there would be stints of sobriety. I wasn't calling it sobriety at the time, but there were stints where I wasn't drinking and it would be because I wanted to lose weight or I wanted to go extra hard in the gym. So I get that. But then when you do start drinking again, it's like, You mentioned it's worse than when you started and depending on who you're with or the circumstances of where you are, like what season of life you're in, that can really drive a lot of, poor decision making. And so was the guy that you, or I'm just curious in general, not necessarily this military guy, but just in general, had anyone up to this point ever said Gina? Look, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about your drinking or I'm worried about I don't know if other substances were at play But just did anyone ever say like hey, are you? Okay
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:No, in fact, that I love how you worded that too, because it was never. Are you okay? It was more like you're crazy.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:And what was the crazy because you were acting out like episodes when you were drinking like oh You're the crazy one that can't handle the liquor kind of thing
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:of course, or like, or I was reacting as a drunk person because my boyfriend of the 1st, long term boyfriend of like, 4 and a half years had been cheating on me the whole time. Like. Of course, I'm going to react. Of course, I'm going to throw my remote through your really nice brand new Samsung television and pour water all over your computer, knowing I was going to have to replace everything. Like, that's insanity. But no, I don't do that anymore. So. Yeah, nobody, nobody ever said anything. My mom knew I had a problem. I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous when I would go visit her you know, over the weekend and I didn't have anything to do. I'd go to meetings with her and just sit there. this is so awkward, like, I don't want to read. I don't want to talk. Like, I'm not an alcoholic. Like, in fact, sobriety was never even like, a thought in my mind ever until I got sober. Honestly, like, I had no idea because that wasn't my lifestyle. My lifestyle was like. Very selfish, very destructive, self destructive, I functioned in chaos. That's why, like, today when, like, things are, like, Relatively like, peaceful. Sometimes to this day. I'm like, I need to switch something up.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I gotta shake some shit up. Yeah. What was the, like that turning point for you? And just so we're clear, you were going to AA meetings to support your mom, right? Or maybe your mom planted the seed, like, Oh, come with me. Cause she suspected that something was amiss kind of thing.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:yeah, when I moved to Virginia Beach, I didn't really know anyone. I moved in for a guy, I'm famous for doing like, crazy stuff for men. So she was like, well, you should go to, cause usually people are like, Oh, go to church. I mean, got meet men. My mom was like, go to AA. But it's funny. Cause like I have like literally, I've like the largest iCloud storage. I think of anyone I have, I've ever met, but I have notes in my phone from 2018. Of lists of meetings in the area in Virginia Beach, so, like, something that was planted. Did I go? No. You know, so covid is when things got, like. I was always a very high functioning alcoholic in terms of like, I had a really good job. I made really good money. I paid my bills on time. Not in debt, never had a DUI, never got in trouble. I don't know how, you know, I never got in trouble or never got a DUI because I should have. I was really, really, really good. At not letting people, nobody knew I was ever blacked out. Nobody. Cause I was using upwards as well To like, you know, so I can drink more. But COVID hit and then like I quarantined, it was like at the beginning when people were, it was like the wild west and then I got let go. I was in property management and I quarantined for 14 days. I came back and they fired me they didn't give me a reason. I said it was because they didn't want me like at home. They were mad about that, but I also think it's because I had an only fans at the time, which I still have one, but that's another podcast. So that's just a drinking. I thought like everybody was getting alcohol delivered to their house. Like I was and it was the same thing every time it was bought a box those, like, cardboard boxes of wine, like,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I know exactly what the little spout you can just look up.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:it's called bought a box and it's like last up to 30 days in your fridge. I'm like, not in this girl's fridge. Like, it might last 3 days.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Yep. It's like juice.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:And then two bottles of like, twist off top Pinot Grigio's, like, it was so specific. Just time went by and I noticed people were starting to go back to work again. And I'm like, no, nobody's working. Everyone's, you know, just drinking at home. I honestly, that is what I thought. Like, it was delusional.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Okay. Not everyone. Obviously, we can't generalize, but I think there was a major uptick, whether people will. are considered alcoholics or not and drinking. Like what else? For me, I'm like, what else are people doing at home? Like this is unprecedented, right? Like people are at home and the world is crumbling. We think it might be over. I know now, obviously not everyone did use COVID in that way, but I think a lot of people. were like you, like me, and just drinking enormous quantities of alcohol, whatever they could get. And I was also getting my alcohol delivered like you.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I hear like, old timers in meetings would speak about how they would have to like, plan their trips or their like, nights to get alcohol. And I'm like, that sucks that you guys have to like, drive to a store. Like, what is that? Like, I could just get it delivered. So when I was saying, like, I was such a high functioning alcoholic in terms of, like, It looked like from the outside I had it all together and it was such a false sense of like self confidence, but like with the jobs and everything, but emotionally my relationship with myself was non existent. Like I don't even think my spirit was in my body. My relationships with people were very like, I wouldn't say transactional, but like they were not like the relationships that I have today. You know, most of my friends were guys because I'm not like other girls. I'm not like other girls, but back then I wasn't like other girls You know,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I get it. Yeah.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:so The relationships, the emotional part, that was out of control. But when I think about people that weren't drinking during COVID or doing the things like that, like, I mean, alcoholism, to me, it's all an addiction. Like everything, it's the same, like thing in our brain, like food, porn, alcohol, narcotics. It's all the same, basically the disease of more alcohol is just like the most socially accepted drug. But if you look at it, like, you were either, like, unfortunately ODing or, like, becoming an alcoholic or you're getting divorced. Luckily I bypassed all that except the alcoholism part and addiction. So that's when it got really bad. But also, I got sober during COVID.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:That's beautiful. I did. So I can share a bit. COVID my drinking skyrocketed. I felt like everyone was drinking, but I recognize that's not true. I was just choosing to associate and hang around people who were similar to me and also didn't need an excuse to drink. This would have been summer 2020 Mexico just opened its borders. So it was attracting crazy people like me around the world to go to this one particular place. And it was just like. A candy shop for addicts. There was alcohol everywhere. And then you go to even like a restaurant, you go to the bathroom at the restaurant, there's a drug dealer who's stationed in front of the bathroom, like Coke, Molly weed, like whatever you need kind of thing. So I was like, It was a festival, literally. And so after being there for three weeks of literally partying, I'm not exaggerating every single day for three weeks, seeing this guy that I dated, who I'm quote unquote friends with hooking up with different girls that were also there who were beautiful and just like me pretending, Oh, this is great. This is fine. But also like hating every moment of it. I was just basically, I'll make this short. Positioned for a threesome by this random couple. And I was going to go through with it, but then had like a last minute change of heart. And I sat on the beach, I stared up at the stars and I was like, God, please. Like I felt vacant. I felt like you mentioned your spirit had left you. Like, that's how I felt after three weeks of partying nonstop and hating myself basically. And so I booked a flight. At that moment in my completely fucked up state and I moved to Mexico city the next day, but you can't outrun yourself. Like, that's the thing. Like I, I carried my bullshit with me and then it would take another year for me to like fully get my act together and get sober. But I want to hear about you. I can share how I got sober. It was just like, I was tired basically. I was just so tired, Gina of doing the same shit, expecting different results. You know, that's insanity. But yeah, what happened with you?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I didn't have a rock bottom. I've always said, like, it was like, just a bunch of, like. Like, why is my life like this? Like, why don't I have healthy relationships? Why can't like, I meet a good guy like today? I mean, it's just honestly, I think it's the dating culture. There is no dating culture today. And there hasn't been in a very long time. I thrived in COVID with dating, And I mean, going out, because the bars are still open, everyone was like, oh, like, you know, what are we going to do? And I was like, I don't know what y'all are talking about. Like, I'm going out. I'm like, going on dates and like, dating people actively dating. I had a blast. But yeah, I don't know what it was like, I was sitting like, in this room, like, I'm staring at where I was sitting. Nothing happened out of the ordinary. All right. But I was comparing myself out, which I know we should not ever do. And something came over me and that was like my first, I'm a spiritual person. I believe in the universe. Something came over me and was just like, you're not drinking ever again. And I was like, I literally looked around and I was like, that was weird. Like I thought to myself, I was like, that's weird. And I was like, we've never tried this. And I've not questioned that, moment, and I made the decision to listen to whatever that was Higher Power, Universe and the craving immediately was removed Or the, the obsessiveness about drinking was removed, the compulsion, whatever you wanna call it. That was June 20th, 2021. but I remember telling my mom'cause early sobriety people, they're like, oh, tell me about it. I'm like, well, I slept the whole time because I spent 17 years destroying my body. and I was tired. So I wasn't working, but my parents were just so proud of me. They were like, your job is to focus on, staying sober. So I joke, like, because humor is my thing, but like, a lot of my friends, my girlfriends, like, they went to, like, really nice rehabs. Like, I'm talking about really, really nice rehabs, like, where you can go back and, like, Not for fun you can go back to visit and then it's just like, they're very nice.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:that would be someone's dream vacation, basically.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I literally was like, I have a do over because I, I literally help myself up in my house. I didn't know what I was doing. I'm very, very grateful that I didn't go through like D which draws, I didn't have DTS. Like, cause I know people who have had seizures, like who have just done it on their own. I stayed inside and like focused on me and was really like quiet on social media. And, saw my family and I was like 51 days sober, I think is when I went to my first AA meeting for myself because I was like, there's a healthy, like being by yourself. And then there's a very unhealthy being by yourself. I was like, I need to, I need a new happy hour. That was my goal was to go to AA and of course my first AA meeting was on a date.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Wait, I'm sorry. I want story time. How is this a date? how did this come to be? Please tell
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, we're still friends. He still hits me up too. It's funny
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:they always return. They never leave..
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:They're zombies. all the men in my life even married sorry, not, I'm not going to out anybody, but sorry, I ruined you.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:They've been resurrected. There's no getting rid of them.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:We became friends on Facebook. And he was very attractive. And he was like, you want to go get coffee? First of all, if you ever ask me out, do not ever ask me for coffee. That's the most awkward date of my life. That's so awkward. Like, be more original. And I don't drink coffee. It makes me crazy. Every once in a blue moon, I'll have coffee and I'll drink like half of it. I drink Celsius and I'm fine, I think, but coffee, there's something about it that just makes me like Tyrone Biggums, like Dave Chappelle's character. I just feel like jacked up, like I'm on something. And it's not triggering or anything, I'm just like, I don't like the way my body feels.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:You're like, no coffee. Let's go to AA. Let's go to a meeting
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:No, no, no, no So we went out to dinner and then, like, as he's paying, he's like, guess what we're going to do? Because of course, I'm like, I want, I love ice cream. Like. I always want ice cream. So he's like, guess what we're doing next? And I was like, ice cream. He's like, no, we're going to AA meeting. I was so nervous and cause he's sober, but like he doesn't go to AA and I knew like when he said this, I knew enough about the program That. When I heard this, I was like, that's not how it works.'cause I was like, oh, do you have a sponsor? Do you still go to meetings? And he's like, no. I'm at a point like where I, I take other people into meetings
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I don't think that's a job like an official role. Sir.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I also tend like guys who have God like complexes.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, he's just leading everyone bringing them to meetings. That's amazing, though, actually, that he, he did that.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I also feel like he is, whenever I'm like, I hit like a milestone, he's like, I'm so proud of you. I'm like, this is me, bro. Like, you had nothing to do with it. Like, at all.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Right? You just know, he's taking credit forever. He's telling everyone,
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I've had guys take credit for my sobriety. I've had guys take credit. Like they thought it was their fault. One guy in particular thought it because it was the last time I drank was with him. He thought it was like, because of him that I stopped drinking. I'm like, you guys are so narcissistic
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Wow.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:this is not about you at all. So yes, my first meeting, it was like a young people's meeting and it was, You know how, like, schools, elementary schools used to have, like, trailers in the back, because, they didn't have, like, the money to have enough room?
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Enough classrooms. Yeah.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:So, it was a trailer like that behind a church, and it was, like, All, like, country old men, which I'm just, like, this is my jam, because these are the guys I used to drink with back home in Charlottesville.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:At a youth meeting? It was just old guys?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, so, like, Young people groups like meetings doesn't mean anything like you can be it, you know like these like country like, fishing like hunting like just Countrymen and countrymen rednecks is what I want to say but I love People like that, because in my hometown, that is the bar that was like my home. The bars that I went to, I would call them, this sounds really stuck up, but, and it was, but like the Walmart of bars, because I'm guaranteed to be the prettiest person in there, a
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Gotcha. I know exactly. Like a dive bar situation. Like, I'm the belle of the ball.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:throwing darts 60 to 70 year old men that like speaking banjo.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:gotcha. Just thankful that they're breathing the same air as you. They just can't believe that you're there kind of situation.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:But they were so nice. No, I, I actually like love them and I still have all these pictures that I look at and I'm like, oh my God, that's hilarious. So, you know,, I was fine. And there were 2 dogs there. So I was like, heck, yeah, like, this is great. But I was so nervous,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Mm hmm
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I've always been a nervous person, like, I don't know if it's the ADHD, like, or the anxiety, or like, the ADHD medication causes the anxiety. It's a lot. But I was just nervous also because it was like I don't like surprises because surprises in my life in the past have always been like I'm breaking up with you or like i'm cheating on you or like Just terrible surprises
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:or like going back to your dad being like, yeah, the satellite's gonna fall. Like, that's not a good surprise.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, he called me recently. He was like, I don't like the way that our relationship is going. So I don't feel the need to communicate with you anymore. And I was like, that's fine. I was like, have a good day. Love you. But that's just my family.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Oh, wow
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:So I went to my first day meeting and then I was going every day I would just randomly, like, I had that book, the paper book that had like, All the list of meetings in it and I would just close my eyes and point to one and I was going to like meetings and it's Chesterfield, which is like 35 minutes from where I live, but I would do it My second meeting at the end of the meeting someone tapped me on the shoulder behind me and I turned around she's like Do you recognize me and i'm like am I supposed to like you're an alcoholic? What no, but she actually was my preschool teacher in Charlottesville. Like, and he's known me since I was two and we were connected on Facebook. And we're still super connected. So that's when I was like, okay, there's something like here about AA. I love AA, but I also think. That I dislike, I don't think, I know I dislike a lot about AA, especially as I've become more sober and I've, you know, my healing has evolved because I'm never like fully healed. But as I've evolved in my healing journey, I realize, I'm sitting around a bunch of showboaters for like, An hour that have, you know, 17 years of sobriety, I'm talking about someone specifically And they like show up to meetings these people just show up with long term sobriety show up to meetings Just to show up That's all they know how to do is go to meetings But outside of meetings, they're not practicing the principles and all their affairs Don't go to anymore. So I have an a sponsor, but it's because I have just not found the right meetings that I'm not discouraging anyone to go to a, because there are some, I mean, AA is what really that's like the foundation, I think, for my sobriety. That's where I met like all my girlfriends that I have today. But now, you know, I was like, I need to do something. So an ex boyfriend, another ex boyfriend of mine I was his first girlfriend. And some, his sobriety when he was 18 months sober. And when he told me that I was like, Oh my God, I'm so So sorry
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:No, you sat the bar really high,
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:but we've known each other since 3rd grade and we actually did. So we did it for 2 years and he's got like, over 10 years of sobriety now, I think, but we, we did start dating again, not this past summer, but summer 2023 and then like, last Christmas, but he just does not know how to emotionally commit And it's not like he was a player or anything, but like, he just was emotionally incapable it's hard when you are working on yourself constantly and then like having to take on someone else's, like, It's a lot. So yeah so I was like, I'm cutting the cord. I can't get hurt again. but last Christmas, he was like, I started going to adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional family meetings and he was like, I think that, you would benefit from going to meetings and apparently they don't have any in Charlottesville that people drive from Charlottesville to go to the meetings here. So, I've gone to 2 meetings. My 1st meeting was. Last Wednesday and then this past Wednesday was my second and I was like, okay I wish I'd gone sooner Because it is what I need At this point of my healing journey Like I feel like alcohol is not my problem it's more so like I need to start looking at the The trauma and like the family stuff, because it's for people who grew up in households, like, or like, say, you're raised by your grandparents or like your parents and there was alcohol or addiction, but not just that, like, you can have that or just a dysfunctional household or both. And unfortunately, mine, I had it all
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:You have the overlap on the Venn diagram, smack in the middle.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Lucky me,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:You've won the prize. But I'm curious to learn from you from these meetings especially for people who are unfamiliar with it's alcoholic or children of alcoholics and dysfunction.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:it's called a, it's now I'm not now I can't remember adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Okay. Adult children of alcoholics. So are the tenants similar to AA? Like, are there steps? Do you get a sponsor?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yep, it's a 12 step program. You do you can get a sponsor. They recommend going to like six meetings in a row. And it's not anything like AA. It was funny. But my first meeting of course it's in Chesterfield, so it's like 35 minutes away but it's okay. But I had to pee so bad and I called my preschool teacher cause she was like, Meeting me and I was like no one's here yet, and the meeting starts at 7, and she was like well Um, whoever opens the meeting They're supposed to be there 30 minutes early to set up and I was like well You have to realize this is not a a like a airs like they're very much about like control like how the seats are place like you're doing the coffee wrong It was just so different, and it was funny but Yes, it's 12 step. You can get a sponsor. It's not as rigid as it as a a lot is taken from a so I have the daily reflections and I actually have the daily affirmations for right here.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah. Big book.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah. And then they have the Big Red book, which is like the big blue book or the big book. and then a workbook. Now I've noticed that everybody in, not everybody, but most people it sounds like, ha, they have a therapist in a CA.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:That was my question. Yeah.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:So actually, I had a mini meltdown the other day since I don't have health insurance through an employer, I have been on Medicaid and I did not know that my psychiatrist, I don't know if I should be saying this, but I'm going to say it. I just won't say their name. I didn't know that he couldn't deal with people like write prescriptions or do anything with people with Medicare or Medicaid because If you're paying out of pocket for a doctor's appointment, it's like, then why are you on Medicaid kind of thing?
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Oh, I see. I see. Okay.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:So for some reason, out of the blue, CVS calls me and they're like, we need a preauthorization for your Vyvanse from your doctor. And I'm like, but why? Like nothing's changed. Like it should be 0 like it always is. And they were like, we just need a preauthorization. So like, I ended up calling my doctor and the receptionist was like, well, He doesn't deal with Medicaid. Like he could get in big trouble. And I was like, great. So it went from like, I need my drugs. cause I actually had a thing with CVS a few months ago where like they were on backorder and I was going through withdrawal from
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Vyvanse. And for folks at home, Vyvanse is an ADHD medication.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yes, it is. It's a pro stimulant, but I was like, why am I laying down on the couch and sweating profusely? And I felt sick. I was like, what's happening. And my friend was like, you're going through withdrawal So A, I'm scared of that happening again, and then B, like Everything just happens so like It was like just chaos and then change like in 30 minutes. Thank God. my best friend Brooke was here. One of my best girlfriends. But I like already have an appointment scheduled with a doctor tomorrow so I had to basically like change, like after I've been seeing him since 2007, it's just ended.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Oh, wow. Oh my God. Okay. That relationship. Yeah. Was it more like counseling did you ever get to like any of the trauma from childhood that's carried over into adulthood or was it more so just for like medication regulation things like that?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:it was medication, med management, but we would have like long appointments and talk about things. And the last appointment I had was this past week. And it was like for an hour. And he was like, I can genuinely say he was like, and you've always been like, very like self aware, even when you were drinking. But he was like, at this point in your life, he was like, I'm just so impressed he was like, you are. In the best place you've ever been like psychologically like Just the work that you're doing and he was just very proud of me And then it's like cool. Well now that's over
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I'm sorry. That, that's, that's tough
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:It was tough. It was very crazy and then this place It's like, it's a behavioral health center Because my friend she goes to a similar one But they sent me this Intakes paperwork and it's all online now and it was like 72 pages. It wasn't 72 pages it was like a hundred questions though And it was like just was asking the most bizarre questions and at that point I was like i'm gonna lose it if I read one more stupid question and it was Basically, like, you know, what, what's your sexuality? And there was like this whole list and I was like, Brooke, what am I like? I'm heterosexual, but like, I couldn't, it was just so annoying to do that. And I just answered like, no, no, no, like not answering this. and it was asking me details about like. Mental illness in my family and what prescriptions my family members were on. And I'm like, I have no idea. Like it was just annoying. At that point. It's virtual too. So that's kind of, that, that'll be different. But yeah, just, you know, when you're so used to like something and that like, out of nowhere, I was so stressed out We went out to lunch afterwards and I was like. I literally feel like I can't function.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I would imagine it feels impersonal. Like here you are, you have this longstanding relationship with someone that you've known since you were like a kid basically, and has seen you through different iterations of life to this very cold Form that you're filling out online asking you a million and one questions that like, yeah, you're just checking boxes., this is not necessarily a representation of who you are. It's just like, how do I even answer this? So I can imagine that's a lot.
And now a quick word from our partners. It really feels like you're having a moment, pun intended, when you're sipping on the lovely and refreshing moment. Now what I love about moment is that not only does it taste delicious, I have my favorite flavors. I love the blood orange. I love the spicy mango, but it's also good for you, which is exactly what I need in my life right now as I'm in my early 20s. 30s. It's infused with L theanine, which is great for mental clarity. It also is packed with ashwagandha, which is great for helping to fight stress. It's made with all of these natural botanicals which really enhances your vitality. It does not contain any added sugar. It's It's caffeine and of course alcohol free and you can purchase it in still or sparkling. I love a good sparkle moment so that's typically the route I take. In the morning it's great for a boost to start the day versus in the afternoon if you want to beat that afternoon slump and enhance your mental clarity. Or if you just need like a simple pick me up, like for me, I love to have a moment after the gym versus going into the gym because it just really helps re energize me. And then in the evening, if you want to wind down after a long, busy day and enjoy a delicious mocktail without the hangover, then Moment is great for that too. One of the best parts for me with Moment is I feel like it's a really conscientious brand. They donate 1 percent of all their sales to mental health non profits. So you can feel good about supporting greater causes as well. Head over to drinkmoment. com and use my code TSB23 to receive 12 percent off your very first order. Let's be moment buddies. We can both have moments together.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:You mentioned that the psychiatrist had said that this is the best he's ever seen you emotionally, mentally I'm wondering for you, what can you attribute that to? Why do you think you're in the best place in your life? Or do you agree with him? I didn't even ask you that part. Like, do you think he's right? Do you think you're in the best place?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:oh, I do. I think he's, I think he's right. I think it's the relationships I have with my closest girlfriends, Missy and like the girl that I'm starting the podcast with. Like we're soul twins, like from our addictions as a kid, like the similarities, like just being able to be like, yep, I did this and not being able to, like, say that to anyone else without them being like, that's gross or judging you. We are soul twins and like, she's amazing. Just talking to my closest girlfriends every single day, having strong female relationships, also reading and listening to a lot of like audio books, I have self diagnosed myself with CPTSD And so Missy was like, yeah, me too. And she's the identified patient in her family. So am I, it's just like,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:What is that?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Basically It's PTSD, but it's like repeated,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Oh, like chronic.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:A lot of it stems from childhood trauma so I don't know if you saw like my dog that was just up here, dude has a heart murmur and I just found out about it like early September when I took him for his, physical And I was like, well, what do we need to do? Like, cause I'm like a saran wrap dog mom. Like I'm like on top of it. Like they're my kids. And he was like, did, were you not made aware of this? Like a little over a year ago when we found it. And I was like, no, but come to find out, like after thinking and talking it through with my best girlfriends, I'm like, cause we're all like, that's very negligent of the vet to like. Overlook it and not communicate it with you just because he was dealing with a skin infection at the time when a heart rumor can lead to congestive heart failure and I was talking it through and I was like the only way it was communicated with anybody Was if it was one of the times my mom took him to the vet for me While I was working And they told her And she failed to communicate it with me. And my friend was like, Oh, because she forgot. And I said, no, because she's Becky and that's what she does. And this is, she's been doing it since I was little at lying to protect, to protect my feelings. And I get it. That's what she was doing. There was no ill intention behind it. But also it was like, what did you think was going to happen? She had so many chances. She had a over a year to tell me and then while I'm in the vet learning about it, I'm also texting her, dude. My dog has a heart burner. She's like, oh, why don't you go get a 2nd opinion? And I'm like, no, the vet knows, like, that's what they're trained in And then, like, crying to her on the way, because our vet is like an hour away like, crying to her, like, talking about it being like, you know, I don't understand why they didn't communicate it with me. Like, we could have been on top of it. so now I have to go see this cardiologist, like, and it's a pre existing condition And so now I can't get insurance for it. And she's like, it'll be fine. Like, you know, blah, blah, blah. And so, you know, the fact that I spoke it out loud and even thought that she knew about it, I was like, I have to, I have to ask her, I texted her and I said it in the neutral way, I was like, I'm not saying that they told you, I'm not saying that, you know, you never told me. I was like, but, by any chance, the few times that you took him for follow ups, did they happen to tell you that he had a heart murmur? And she totally bypassed everything and she was like, you'll, you'll just find everything out at the cardiologist tomorrow. And I said, mom, I need you to answer the question.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Mean, no answer is sometimes the most obvious.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Did they tell you that he had a heart murmur and she was like, yes
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Okay. Is that growth for your mom?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:no, I forgave her immediately because I cannot hold on to things like, because. I don't have peace if I, if I'm not, if, if I don't forgive that's just how I live my life. I'm not going to forget. But it's like the insanity of like, you need to get a second opinion. Well, this apparently was the second opinion because you knew about it. And I'm like, what did you think the outcome was going to be like, but that's just like, unfortunately how my mom is like, she has also created such a divide between. My two closest sisters that I grew up with in the same household because she tells us all different things
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I see. So it's like pitting people against each other. That's interesting. Cause I, I don't have siblings, but I've heard this a lot with female relationships and I hate to frame it this way, but like, this is just how it's been presented to me. It's like, sometimes moms will do that where it's like, they are looking for attention or sympathy or whatever from. Each individual sister, and yet they're feeding them different information to make themselves look better. But what it does, whether it's intentional or not, is it impacts your relationship or the sister's relationships.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:my psychiatrist said the same exact. Like, everyone has responded the same way. It's weird, like, it's just, like, it's so weird. And like, when I had my, like, my dream job, this was. In May of 2023, they went bankrupt and like, with no notice, we all got laid off one morning. But the crazy thing is I called my mom and her response is, well, I guess you'll have to find another job. But then, not only that, she calls them, she calls the office to see if I was telling the truth, like that kind of stuff.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:It just sounds like she's projecting because she has an issue with honesty and
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:She's sick
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah,
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, I mean, I honestly, I love my mom to death, and I don't care if she hears this or not, but she's just as guilty as any of the other people in the rooms of AA that show up to meetings and act one way, and outside of meetings. are very unhealthy people. You know, she lies. She lies literally about everything. But when this whole thing happened with the dog, I was like, I need you to not lie to me anymore. Like, I need you to tell me, like, is there anything else that you're, that you've not told me like the truth about, or like you've withheld? Because all of it's a lie to me. And she was like, I promise I'll never do it again. I'll never lie. And I said, I cannot accept a promise from you. All I need is you to say that I will try at the very least. But she's still like, not telling me stuff like the hurricane and in Sarasota, my sisters live there that just hit. And I'm like, you know, I'm worried about them. They're my sisters. And. I'm like, why aren't they evacuating? She's like, don't worry about them. Like if you don't hear from them, they'll be fine. And one of my best friends that I, you know, from Charlottesville is friends with my mom on Facebook. And she's like, literally calls me and she's like, I see, you know, Maggie and her husband and the boys evacuated and they're staying with your mom So it's just I'm like mom like you why like what
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:like why would you not disclose that information?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:she's like, well, it's not my my story is how
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:But you put it on facebook. You told the world What are you talking about mom?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:the whole vet thing Her words were I I just didn't want you to spiral like and I Have to like worry about like feelings and like first of all like I'm in control of my feelings you don't need to worry about how you might think I'm going to like feel or react or respond or not like that is my business.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:That's very interesting. Like I feel like Maybe your relationship, and it could go back to the identified patient that you mentioned, like, maybe she thinks that you can't handle the truth,
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:But i've really really reeled the line in with my mom and our relationship lately within the past two months because I used to call my mom all the time like text her every day I barely, like, she'll talk, she'll text me and I'm like, I, I keep it very short and sweet, just because I, I simply don't trust her. And it's unfortunate, I think that's where I'll circle back to my frustration with, like, recovery and AA, I love the quote, like, stop expecting me from other people. And I don't expect me from other people. But I also think that people who are in recovery should not be lying and living,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:right. This duality, like, two versions of self, and, yeah, it reminds me, I grew up in the church, and it's definitely irksome, and it's like, In the church, people would be holier than thou and literally get into the parking lot to drive off the lot. And like they're beeping and they're cursing, like, you know, stuff like that. It's just like, you were just singing praises inside, and now you're in the world already acting, I think more aligned to your true self, if we're being honest, right? Like, this is who you are. And like, you can, Only work on yourself up to a point if you are not being honest about who you are and what you actually are hoping to get out of recovery, sobriety, whatever life. I want to just ask you that kind of same question, like, you're in the healthiest place that you've been, but it seems like, looking from the outside and I'm not judging and I'm not a therapist or whatever, but it seems like your family dynamics are still something that is, I don't want to say tethering you, but it's definitely something that is like present in your life that causes stress.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Oh, yeah, it's it's definitely it's why my sponsor. Who she is, like, over 30 years of being a nurse practitioner. And she knows my mom and she knows she's known me. And I was telling her like, you know my story and in that show and she was like you need to see a therapist and I was like, yeah, I asked I honestly I said that's the only thing I asked my parents for christmas. I said stop getting me Jewelry or like designer handbags that I don't need like I have so much crap Like get me something that will actually like help me because You know, you guys caused a lot of it. So, you know, she was like, oh, we'll get you therapy, but I'm like Okay. All right. Becky, like, are you okay? Like you say with that, but, but my my sponsor was like, even if they pay for it or if they don't, you still need to go
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, or maybe girl just pawn that jewelry. I don't know do something get the cash.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:the fact that she is totally fine with me doing what I'm doing right now as an in between job. So I left my lifetime career in property management, because as I got more and more sober, I realized that this does not align with who Gina is. To feel like I had to like turn off being human to walk into the office. It was horrible. So I do something that not too many people do. And my mom's like, as long as you're making money. You know,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:is this the only fans that you're referring to
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:yes. And I do also sell my art.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I saw that on your story. It's beautiful Beautiful.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Thank you. So it's just funny. Like, she's like, as long as you're not showing your face but as long as you're making money. So like, I've made it a point where like, I don't ask my mom. I don't ask my parents for anything. Like, even if I'm like just barely making a buy, like I'm not going to ask them for anything just because. That has been like, such something that they've always it's like, almost like they've dangled this carrot over my head. Well, we helped you like, or like, I took you shopping.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, and I think going back to the thing before to where you mentioned the word transactional it wasn't about your parents, but that makes me think of that word where it's like Tip for tat, like, oh, if we do this, then you can't bring up all of the other things that, you know, that you've afflicted, the trauma that you've inflicted upon me.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:She feels bad.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Yeah, I was going to say by design, I think it's guilt and, I don't think we can get into it and maybe you don't even know, but like, where does that stem from in terms of her relationship? What was driving her drinking and what were your parents relationships like with their parents? All of that is at play.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Oh, 100%. don't know details, but I knew I know she grew up super poor.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:So like, it sounds like she's probably overcompensating. Like she has. Something to give now. And that's probably all she wanted when she was growing up. I mean, we can psychoanalyze all of these things, but sometimes it is that obvious where it's like, she thinks that this is the best version of love because she didn't get that growing up and have that like financial security, but you're like, I need more than financial security. I need emotional security. You know?
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:What I've learned is that child, like baby and child Gina, or we'll call her little Gina, could not protect herself. She could not stand up for herself. She couldn't leave situations when she felt like she was being disrespected. But today, I am Gina living in an adult human body that can take care of itself. Child Gina that didn't get taken care of so for example I was at my parents house recently and I just got there. I was gonna say I think overnight Our drive over an hour drive. We had just gotten there and my stepdad said something like completely disrespectful you know, it's just how he is, but it was still like, that didn't need to be said. And I was like, you know what, we're going to go. So as an adult, like human being, Gina, like having an adult body, like I am taking care of child Gina, but I'm protecting that version of myself by like saying, you know what, we don't need this. Like. It's not just boundaries, but it's like, it's reparenting is what I'm repairing. I'm basically reparenting myself
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I love that you shared that. And it reminds me. Because I know you're in the market for therapy. Have you heard of I. F. S. internal family systems That therapy. It's intense. I I've dabbled. I think I wasn't ready to handle a lot of the things that it was bringing up. But when you said little Gina, like, that's what it's all about. You have to find the right therapist that specializes in I F S and I first learned about it from Gabby Bernstein but there's basically a child you, inside of you, it's like, maybe going back to third grade for you. I think for me around that same time, too, like, there's that little girl, that 9 year old girl that lives inside of you and a lot of the forward, like you mentioned, like, not feeling safe or just being fearful. Like those are the defense mechanisms that we start to. Build up and there's like different parts of us. So like, that would be like the firefighter who's always putting out the flames and like, that's your natural trigger your response to things because you're regressing back to that moment in childhood when you didn't feel like you had something to protect you and then like, I can go on and on. But a lot of the quote unquote disorders that we have, like, you mentioned food, food. I also have had issues with food. Like these are ways that you seek control when you feel out of control and that can also connect back to that. So like, just check it out IFS and there's a really great book. Even if you can't do the therapy. If you want to do something in the interim, I'll send you the book is called no bad parts. And it's probably heard of it.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:On my audible wish list, but there are certain books where I feel like they need to be like, physically
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:This is a physical book. Cause I love Audible audible is actually a sponsor of this podcast,
And now a quick word from our partners. Have you ever wished you could dive into a great story while on the go? Maybe that's during your daily commute or even while working out. Well now you can thanks to audible it's really hard for me to prioritize reading and I love to read but Audible has helped me be able to listen to you. I literally am looking at my app right now 34 titles in 2023 audible is the leading provider of spoken word entertainment and audiobooks and with audible you can turn any moment into a story time adventure imagine having access to an unmatched selection of audiobooks Exclusive podcast and more all in one place on your phone or your computer or whatever listening device you choose Audible is not just a library. It's a whole experience With a vast collection of genres from mystery to romance to self help and business Audible has something for everyone and here's the best part Your first month is on me That's right! A free trial to explore the world of Audible. Check the show notes below and visit audible. com slash tsb24 to start your free trial today. Don't miss out on an opportunity to discover the joy of listening. Whether you're a seasoned book lover or just getting started, Audible is the perfect companion for your reading journey. So why wait? Head over to audible. com slash TSB 24. Audible, because the best stories are meant to be heard.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I love audible, but this is a book that you need tangible. So you can work through it. You can also listen to it on audible as well, but I would definitely have the accompaniment of the physical book. So with your permission, I will send that to you because somebody gifted it to me and it was. life changing. I just want to wind down. I feel like we've just touched on so many amazing, beautiful parts of your story. And I just want to genuinely thank you from the bottom of my heart because I appreciate how forthcoming you've been and honest and I think that is a key component of my sobriety. And it sounds like the same for you. I would never be sober or sustained sobriety if I wasn't working on being. Completely honest. I'm not as good as you. I still lie from time to time. I'm not gonna lie about the fact that I still tell some white lies. I still have people pleasing tendencies. So oftentimes I think I just lie to like spare people's feelings, but I will work in progress too. I will say though that it's been a joy having you on. And I do want to open the platform for you to share. I know that you mentioned that you have a podcast in the works with Missy, your best friend. So anything that you want to plug here, I know that you're an artist and just all the things I'm going to open the space for you to tell us where we can find more and learn more from you
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:So my Instagram literally has always been my personal Instagram. I did not make a separate sober account. Like, a lot of people did.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:That's amazing. I did. I, I was like, alias,
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:You can see a very clear cut. There's like a line where it's like not sober. She's sober. It's so funny. It's cause it's all selfies. Like today I posted a selfie and I felt so bizarre
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:it looks great.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I don't take selfies. Like, like that is something I used to do when I was drinking was take selfies for validation. But today I was like i'm having a good hair day. So we're gonna capture this moment So yeah, no my personal Instagram it's Assassin sarcasm, it's hard to spell out
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:We'll plug it in the show notes. Don't worry. But it is you. It's like sassy and it's sarcastic and I love it. That's a great name.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Also has a word play. It's like an orgasmic also.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Innuendo in the mix. I love it
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:like sarcasmic orgasmic. Yeah. Anyway always have to put some sexual like, yeah, it's always, it's, it's always been a part of me. And then my art is it's richer or poor art VA and it's also connected. I have a link tree in my Instagram bio where you can find my, all my socials. I would like to like just share my message of Getting sober or like feeling like you're alone people are just so against like I was against a I'm like, this is like, and I'm not a feminist at all. But I'm like, this is some old white people from 1939. Like, God, I don't think so. So I was like, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna get a sponsor. I'm just gonna go meet people. But like, honestly, it was life changing. Don't just go to one meeting. Don't just go to three, go to 10 and go to as many meetings Until you find your people like you're just like addiction of like is a progressive disease and it evolves. So does recovery and I'm speaking for myself. And also, like, stay connected to people. I am very good at isolating. Very good at it. You know, cause I am technically on paper single, even though I'm dating someone. But, you know, I live alone. I work from home. My main activities are like running six miles and then walking my dogs. So staying connected but finding the like, sober side of Instagram was just like so, at first I was like, this is so weird, because if you're not looking for that, you would not even know it existed people are like, oh, social media is not real. It's just like a highlight reel and I'm like, not mine. Like, because. Imagine a shit show and now it's mostly just like, relatable, reels. But yeah, don't hesitate to reach out. I will say that I have had men reach out to me about sobriety and the first thing I do is I connect them with another man in the program but don't give up. If I can do it and, not drink and not relapse, I think anybody can do it.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Well, I'm going to add an addendum there. I think anyone can do it who is ready.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:if they want to
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Yes. Who is ready and willing and Honest, right? Because I don't want to undermine the hard work and you are a living testament of that with your story. it's work, but it's worth it. it's definitely worth it.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:It's a lot of work and that's. Like, working the steps the 1st time, I don't know if you've worked the steps,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I have not. No, I'm similar to your friend, but like, well, I don't usher people in. I don't have that God complex. Like I'm bringing people to meetings. I have bought people to meetings, but that is not my role. I do go to an online group meeting. It's just women because I feel safest when I'm amongst women, similar to you. I've had. In real life, especially I live in New York, so there's lots of meetings and the co ed ones are great, but I've also had situations where like people have slipped me their number and it's not for like, Hey, I want to sponsor you. It's like, Hey, I want to take you out. literally just like, dude, come on. Yeah,
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:The men and a, Most of them are predators
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Let's just keep it real
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:the sad thing is a lot of them will comment on my Facebook stuff and I'm like, dude, you know, my mom.
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:Oh, my God
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:but, yeah, you can find me kind of anywhere. I mean, I don't really like to, like, self promote myself. You can do it
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:I'll do it for you. Follow her at sassnsarcasmic. I'm going to link that in the show notes. She has a podcast coming and as soon as it is live, I will let you guys know. I'm just going to invite myself. I would love to come on if you and Missy are looking for a guest.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I'm not going to say the name yet, but it basically is not sobriety related. It is literally 2 girls. That just we're talking about whatever's on our mind, whatever is happening in our life. Like, nothing is censored. we're both like, very raw, very real, very, like, ADHD, like,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:No filter. I don't have to talk about sobriety. Sometimes I don't only want to talk about sobriety, even on this podcast. I think it's a really important message, and I will consistently and majorly talk about sobriety, but I'm more than that. So I'm still open. If you guys want to book me, I would love to come on the show.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:no, yeah, no, we're, I mean, we'll talk about sobriety because it's, I mean, something that's huge in our, in our life. But no, like with Dani and I, we had our, like, Instagram, lives that was, like, strictly sobriety. And that was cool for me at one point in my life. But, like, right now, I'm like, I just need to, like, talk about, like, the dating culture. I need to talk about the narcissistic men, or, single moms, like, I don't have kids, but Missy is a single mom. basically like life being lifey, cause everyone thinks like being sober and not drinking is hard, but that's, that's the easiest part. It's living, like, life and putting up with life being lifey because that is hard. it's like a whole different ballgame raw dogging it without,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:And going back to, I think, another common thread you and I share is, like, with the ADHD brain, right? When the thoughts grow really loud and, you used to use a substance to quiet or quell that, I think that's when, like, to your point, life gets life ing and it's, it's not about the not drinking. It's just about how to, Stay in life and fully be present and not necessarily start to romanticize, not saying you do this, but even for myself, like romanticize what life could be or how I could ease life when it gets too hard. And it's like, there is no magic solution. And that's the biggest thing I've had to keep reminding myself, alcohol didn't fix anything. It would just delay the bullshit. To the next day and then you would continue that cycle. So yeah, I'm with you there It's the life part and it's like life has highs and lows and everything in between. And being honest about that is, I think the biggest blessing, like gaining that transparency.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Yes, a hundred percent. But yeah, no, I tend to like isolate and disassociate and like ADHD paralysis. I cannot do anything I'm just standing here and I'll stand in my kitchen like just staring at like my phone and an hour has gone by I made a real today. It was with Kim Kardashian and I was like, it was like, I have so much stuff to get done today. And then also me, like, sitting on my bed, in a towel for an hour, staring at the wall because I can't tell you how many hours I've done that in my life. Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:It's how we work and I'm learning to have grace for who I am and where I was and recognize how much of it was not always in the locus of my control and that's okay. And. I have gotten better with my coping mechanisms and sometimes some days are better than others and that's totally fine. I just want to thank you so much, Gina, for coming on.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:Thank you. Yeah, I was so excited when I saw you, you asked me, I was like, oh, my gosh, this is so random, but I feel like
the-sober-butterfly_3_11-03-2024_161039:DMs, I did, and I'm glad. But men, don't slide in the DMs, okay? Because she'll just direct you elsewhere. Thanks for being on the Super Butterfly.
gina_2_11-03-2024_161039:I loved it. Yeah, thank you
the-sober-butterfly_7_11-07-2024_204112:That brings us to the end of this incredible episode with Gina. I hope you enjoyed her story and wisdom as much as I did. If you found this episode valuable, please consider sharing it with a friend who might need to hear it or share it on your social. It really helps get the word out and don't forget to follow the Sober by the Fly on your favorite podcast platform. So you never miss an episode. And if you haven't already, I have 1 more ask. I'd love for you to leave a 5 star review. It goes a long way in helping others discover the show Thanks again for tuning in and I'll catch you next week. Bye.