The Sober Butterfly Podcast
Welcome to The Sober Butterfly podcast! Unfiltered shares about sobriety, recovery journeys, self-care/wellness tips and compelling stories, hosted by Nadine Mulvina.
The Sober Butterfly Podcast
Booze-Free in NYC: Sober Fun in the City with Gabby
In this episode of the Sober Butterfly podcast, host Nadine Mulvina chats with Gabby from Booze Free NYC. Gabby shares her journey to sobriety, including the pivotal moments that led to her decision to quit drinking. Gabby and Nadine discuss the evolving sober nightlife in New York City, favorite alcohol-free spots, and the importance of supportive sober communities. The episode also touches on the significance of inclusive non-alcoholic options at bars and restaurants, and Gabby offers insights on maintaining a fun and active social life while sober.
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Hello. Hello and welcome to the Sober Butterfly podcast. I'm Nadine and today we are joined with a very special guest. We have Gabby over at Booze Free NYC. Gabby, welcome to the show. How are you?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Hi, thank you. I'm good. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I'm so excited too. I feel like we've known each other for a couple of years now, right?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, I think it's like almost two years or yeah, like going on two years.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Going on two years, our two year sober friendsiversary. Um, so Gabby and I met because Gabby hosted a Valentine's day meetup for New York City girlies. I don't think it was just for the girls, but the girls came and I thought it was so amazing. You threw it at Hakate. Am I saying that right?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah. I think that's how I pronounce it.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Okay, it's a sober bar in the East Village and there was a nice turnout I think was one of the first sober meetups I'd ever gone to. So I want to thank you for inviting me and I loved it. I wanted to pick your brain actually, and I'm kind of playing around with this segment, but I wanted to ask you a few questions, a little game, if that's okay. If you will indulge me, um, around some of your favorite things to do sober in NYC. Are you down to play?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:yeah, let's do it.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:So my first question for you, Gabby, is what is your favorite mocktail or non alcoholic cocktail spot in New York?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Okay. So I feel like it has to be Hakate because you could just go in there and like, you can ask for any, like any type of like alcoholic drink. They can make it non alcoholic. you just have so many more options than if you were to go to Like a bar that serves alcohol where they only have a couple non alcoholic options, but I also really like mace it's a it's like a regular like cocktail bar, but they have a couple non alcoholic options And it's like a it's like an upscale cocktail bar So if you want to like go out with friends who like might also be drinking it's a good option I think it's in Greenwich.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Okay, I have not been to Mace. I've been to Hakate a couple times and what I liked about Hakate too, it's like themed, right? like ancient Greek mythology.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:has like a, kind of like a witchy feel
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, definitely like a witchy. They do tarot there too, so it was a really great way to talk and also have your fortune told. So I suck in ha,
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:yeah, I brought someone else there and they also got a tarot reading and they loved it So I definitely yeah, if you if you just want a tower reading it's also a great
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:pop in and they serve coffee there. I've noticed too. Yeah. Okay. So if you're in New York City. In the East village, go to a couple more questions for you. Um, my 2nd rapid fire question for you, Gabby is what is the best alcohol free event or meet up you've ever been to an NYC.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Oh my gosh Uh, okay. I feel like anything third place bar. I love everything sam does
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Shout out, Sam.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, she's great. I just went to one like this past week. It was like a non alcoholic wine and like cheese night
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I was, I was supposed to go to that. I was in Italy. Yeah. I actually text Sam and be like, I'm so sorry. I didn't show, but yeah. Oh, how was it?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:was so fun. It was like all women which like I feel like that sometimes you just need like a room full of women With like good vibes. And yeah, it was really cool. They had a bunch of like different non alcoholic wines. There was cheese Yeah, it was fun. I feel like all third place bar events have been really cool There's also absence of proof
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I haven't went to one of those in a while, but all the ones I've went to have also been really fun
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I love it. And I feel like that's a good segue because, I want to obviously hear about your sober story and your journey, to sobriety, but what is one of the craziest alcohol No, I'll go, listen to me. What is one of the craziest sober adventures in the city that you've ever had?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, I feel like so when I was like newly sober, like a couple months, I'm still, I'm still like newly sober, but like when I was baby, baby sober, um, one of my friends was going to, I don't know, house of yes. It's
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Oh, of course, Brooklyn.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Um, and I had never been there sober. I'd only been there very drunk. So I was very scared, but I really wanted to go. Cause like I wanted to, it was like a disco night. I like had an outfit. It was just like my friend and then like friends of friends. Um, but yeah, and I really was going to cancel, but I pushed through and I stayed till like 3am and I had a great time. I danced more than I've ever danced. and they do have non alcoholic options at the time they had like And I think they had like a, like a house mocktail option too, but yeah, it was just a really, really fun time. I was dancing so much that I like, didn't even really think about that I wasn't drunk. It
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:that. I feel like the wee hours of sobriety can be really daunting and challenging. So. So if you can go to a place like house of yes, for people who've never been to house of yes, I feel like it's house of yes, dot, dot, dot to everything under the sun. If you catch my drift, like everyone's always like on something, so I commend you for, you know, going to house of yes and having a good time and dancing. Um, yeah, I have never gone to house sober, but. Maybe I will one day. Okay. My last question for you before we get into everything is one word to describe NYC nightlife slash follow up sober NYC nightlife.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Okay, um, I feel like sober or not, feel like interesting is the first thing that comes to mind because if it's like, if it's just nightlife in general, there's so much going on. There's, it's definitely very interesting, but like specifically sober. I have met so many people, like, either at, like, sober events, or, like, have met people, like, at bars who are, like, also drinking an non alcoholic drink, and we kind of, like, strike up a conversation, and they're always, like, the most interesting people who have done, like, crazy things in their life, or they have, like, sometimes they'll share, like, a crazy story to how they got to sobriety, and it's just always so interesting. No,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:word. Interesting. I was going to say chaotic, but I think that just might be me. Um,
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:it's definitely chaotic, yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:But I love, what you shared, even like about going out and connecting with people who aren't shrinking and how they have really interesting stories, which brings me to our next segment. I would love to hear about your experience. Journey, your sober story. Your relationship with alcohol before you got sober. And yeah, just tell us what life looked like for Gabby before sobriety. Yeah. Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I definitely loved, loved a good party. I loved to stay out all night. Um, chaotic would definitely describe me. I was like the party girlfriend, which I feel like is so fun until it's not. I went away to college. I went upstate New York to college, right on like Lake Ontario, Oswego, New York. There's nothing to do there but drink. it snows a lot. And yeah, like that's what I did for four years. I like drank in like smelly basements. Um, and then I moved back to Long Island and I like was still drinking. Like I was in college. Like it never stopped. And then I eventually moved to the city and I was like visiting the city a lot when I came back from college, but I had moved to Brooklyn I was still drinking, like I was in college. And it then became dangerous because I'm like taking the subway home, blackout drunk. Um, and I think it kind of came to a point where I was like, Ooh, like this isn't fun anymore. Like I'm very hung over all the time and I'm putting myself in dangerous situations. So that's kind of when like it started to pique my interest because it wasn't a sustainable. to do anymore and then that's kind of how like sobriety like started to creep in It wasn't like a I didn't drop it all of a sudden like I would like take little breaks and like everything would be great during my break Like i'd be having like the time of my life, even if I like wasn't doing anything I just like wasn't hung over so I just felt good and then someone would like invite me out and I would like Automatically go back and like that night i'd be like super drunk and like staying out till like like ungodly hours
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Mm.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:um Yeah. And it just like kept, it was like a cycle for a while, like a break. And then, okay. Someone invites me out. I was definitely like a social drinker that didn't have an off switch. Like I wouldn't be drinking by myself really, but like, Oh, if I went out, like I'm going to drink.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah. Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:it was that way for a while. Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:going back to what you had mentioned about college being the very much like the party girlfriend and that's fun until it's not like, I think college is an ecosystem where you're almost like in a cocoon. You're in a bubble. It's really easy to binge drink because a lot of people have binge drinking and there's a safety net to a certain extent, but like moving to a big city like New York can definitely. Exasperate the dangers of drinking, binge drinking in excess, and I too have, you know, fallen asleep more than I would like to admit on the subway, especially like in early 20, well, I moved to New York in 2014, so Uber, Uber was around, but I'll just be real, I couldn't afford Uber back then. So, like, I was the girl that would like, You know, truck it on the subway by myself and then end up on the last stop on the R or something like, you know, and like, that is just insane to think how many compromising situations I put myself into and yeah, being hung over all the time I can. Connect to that too. It's insane to think how I was like operating from that baseline for so long. And I thought that was normal. Like I normalized the hangover and it felt like a rite of passage. It felt like. It was just something that I had to deal with until I realized that, wait, there's an alternative. And that alternative is you don't have to drink anymore, or at least drink to the extent that I was. So thank you for sharing all of that. And I feel like so many people can relate to. Parts of your story as well. And what I would be curious to hear next is what inspired you to start Booze Free NYC? And how does that connect with your sober journey?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:So like that Instagram has been a journey in itself. Cause like when it started, I really just like not drinking, was all encompassing. Like it took up all my thoughts and I needed to like put that all somewhere. Like I was trying mocktails and I was like reading quitlet and like. I needed to, express that somewhere, but I didn't want to do it on my, personal page, because as I said, I was, like, that party friend, so I was like, that's embarrassing, I'm not doing that. I don't feel that way anymore, but, like, two months sober, I was scared of doing that. So, I kind of discovered, Sober Instagram, and then I was like, okay, whatever, I'll just make a page and, I didn't even have a picture on it for a while. I just would post like drinks. And then as time went on, I started to see mostly for me, like what, like sober women. you're one of them who like, we're doing like such cool things and who were just like so inspiring. then as I got more confident in my sobriety, I was like, you know what? Maybe parts of my story and like things that I do will either resonate Or like inspire other people. So let me just put it out there. Cause if like one person sees it and they're like, Oh, she's cool. She's doing that. Maybe it'll make them feel more confident. So I was like, if I can do that, like who cares if someone like from my hometown sees that I have a sober Instagram, like I don't care.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I love that so much. And I can also relate. I started the Sober Butterfly as like a personal. I'm in a position to make my main or my, actual Instagram sober focused. I barely was telling people that I knew that I was sober, let alone the world. So just like that discovery of what you mentioned, I think people think of social media as like a way to. I don't know, a joke sometimes. And it's for me, a big crux or a big component of what helped me get sober, because it felt like I found other cool people that I could resonate with and connect with who were not interested in drinking and it's not about bypassing all the hard parts. It's not about being fluffy, but I needed to see people having fun and sobriety because I didn't know anyone that was sober and fun, like if I'm being real.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, no, like the stigma of like what a sober person is is like I didn't want that like I didn't want somebody who like I don't know my a of course like AA was the only thing I knew about being sober
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Mm hmm.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:So I was like, oh, I don't want to be in like a basement of a church Like that's
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:it and I have nothing against AA At the time, that just, that thought, like, scared me. I thought of, like, my, one uncle who goes to AA, and I was like, oh, he's, like, really into Jesus now. I don't know if, like, that's me. I just didn't know if I, like, if that resonated with me.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:So let's, let's back up a little bit because you mentioned some key, I think, tools and I'm using tools in connection to like the sober toolbox. So you mentioned Quitlet, Sober Instagram, Mocktails, what helped you A, get sober and then B, sustain sobriety in those early days?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, I really had to like, kind of just throw myself into everything that was like available to me. So Quit Lit was like a huge thing. I was like so new. I was like a week into sobriety and I was going to London. And I'm like, on the plane reading, Quit Like a Woman, and I was just like, Okay, I hope this works! I just was like, I can't drink there, because like, I said I wasn't drinking anymore, and this is like, the third time I said that. I really had to just like, take a deep breath. Like whatever I could get and like hold it close to me and use it as much as I could. Mocktails kind of helped in a way like I would drink them by myself at home as a way to kind of like make things fun
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Mm hmm.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:beginning like I didn't want to go out to a bar whether it was a sober bar or like a bar that serves alcohol like I didn't want to be around other people. I wasn't like ready for that yet so I had to try to like make things fun for myself.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I know they say the opposite of addiction is connection, but similar to you in the early, early, like, I'm talking like the first month of sobriety, I needed to isolate, isolation for preparation, like, I knew I was preparing myself for something greater, and I also had had a very brief stint of sobriety prior to that, and then relapsed after that. And so I was like fragile basically, and I needed to preserve what little energy I had. And like being around a bunch of people, even though I'm a pretty social person, just was not alluring or it just, it wasn't the move for me at the time. So that's also what led me to Sober Instagram because I was like, I can scroll and I can see other people. So I, I connect with that Did you, Gabby, experience like People were referred to as a rock bottom. Was there a precise moment in time when you were like, okay, really, truly, I am done. I cannot do this anymore.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I'm laughing because I feel like I've hit my rock bottom and then I continued to drink it.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Um, yeah, I think I'll like briefly tell I like at one point asleep right outside my apartment door. It's like inside,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Well,
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:my boyfriend like found me when he got home from like something. I don't know where he was. And I feel like that should have been my rock bottom because I was sleeping outs like in the hallway of my apartment building.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:you made it in the door. You made it across the world.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:was like what I held on to to make myself feel better.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:laugh about it now, but at the time I was like, Well, like, no one else comes upstairs, it's just our apartment, but, yeah. Um, I think that should have been, like, a rock bottom, but no, I, like, kept going. Um, and, like, my last night of drinking was not that I just, I, I mean, I blacked out, and, like, things were fuzzy, but it wasn't, like, the craziest night I've ever had. I think, like, my rock bottom was, like, internal, with, like, how bad I felt. Inside. Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:like there's these whispers or nudges that grow louder, I should say, with time and we can no longer ignore them. Like it doesn't need to be this one culminating event where it's like, Yeah, and to your point, I've had like some real low, low points that should have been my rock bottom in the end It was just kind of like me being sick of doing the same thing over and over and feeling the same way Insanity expecting different results, right? I just was sick of being a crazy person, basically, and I am very curious to learn from you. What did people around you, like, you mentioned your boyfriend, you've been in a long term relationship so your boyfriend has seen different iterations of Gabby, so before you got sober, after getting sober, was he or anyone else close to you at this time of drinking? Did they ever say, I think that you need to quit drinking, or I'm concerned, or are you okay? Bye bye.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:So my boyfriend does not drink. My boyfriend has never drank.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Wow.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:So yeah, like that was crazy to me before. It's still, it's crazy actually to like never have drank, and like more power to him for that, but that was, that was not my journey. Uh, it took a while for him to be like, maybe you shouldn't. And I think I had said it first. Like I kind of like broke the ice at one point and was like, I think I need to like not drink. Like this isn't going well. I think after like that point had passed, he kind of was like, yeah, maybe you shouldn't drink. And then the last time I did drink, we had to have like a long conversation because he was the one coming with me to London. And he was like, I don't know if like, I want to go on this vacation. It doesn't really seem like it's going to be fun with someone who's like getting themselves into like questionable situations.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Mm hmm.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Um, And, yeah, the, like, the thing is, like, he could have told me so many times, like, you should stop drinking, and I don't think it would have made me stop, necessarily. I think it was, like, a factor that, led to everything, I don't think it would have, like, totally changed my mind, and I think he knows that, like, that's not a secret. but, honestly, not many other people really, you know, Um, especially like friends and stuff, just because like, I was definitely like the drunkest almost all the time
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Mm hmm.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:like they saw me and like get myself into questionable situations and yeah, and I'm not like faulting anybody, but it is like looking back in retrospect. I'm like, wow, no one, like, no one was concerned or like, at least no one said anything.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah. I mean, even going back to Quit Like a Woman, like the book, I forgot, it's a longer title, but it has something to do with like the normalization of alcohol in society, right? Like I think if we had substituted alcohol with any other like illicit drug, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Like somebody would have said something a long time ago, but it's simply the fact that it is illegal. Substance and like, just because something is legal and accessible does not mean that everyone should be. Taking it or doing it. And yeah, I think a lot of people similar to you thought that I was like the most drunk, but it was always a story, right? It was like, oh, but you know, Nadine's fun until she's not or like going back to your boyfriend. You didn't say this, but it sounds like he may have had to assume the caretaker role more than once. Right? Yeah, I've been in relationships never with anyone sober before I got sober. but I was always the person that drank more. So like they would assume that role and it wasn't fun for them either. And it's just crazy because to me now it's so obvious that my drinking was problematic, but at the time I don't think anyone saw it In that way, in that context, like I think everyone just thought Nadine likes to drink, like, and that's okay, even when it's not. So thank you for sharing that too.
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the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:So you mentioned, In college, you're drinking, you moved to New York, you're still drinking, then you get sober. How has your relationship with nightlife changed if at all, since becoming sober?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah. I feel like my, my goal for going out has changed. Like when I go out, when I was drinking alcohol, my goal was to like, go get drunk. And like, I want to stay out as long as possible. I want to go to as many bars. I want to take shots. let's see how like crazy everything can get. And now it's like, Oh, I want to go out and I actually want to like, talk to my friends. And I'm like, interested in like, Where we're going and like, what is there to do? Are we sitting down to eat? Are we like going to a bar where I can have non alcoholic options? I actually care now. And I feel like before it was just like, Oh, like I'm just going to get as drunk as quickly as possible.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Is there alcohol there Like,
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:that
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:all I know,
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:concern. And if like, if there wasn't, I was like, okay, can we like pregame or something? Like that, like college mentality never died in me. And yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:whew. I'm the same way. You know, I've like refused to go to a wedding because it was not open bar. Like that is terrible. Like now I think back, I'm like, you really declined that invitation because there was no alcohol allowed. That was my mentality. I didn't care what we were doing. the barometer was so low. It was just like, as long as I can drink, then I can make fun happen. Obviously I recognize the problem there.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:yeah. The things I like found a way to like include alcohol into is like insane. Like at one point I went to that, like, it's like that tourist thing, the edge where you like walk out and you see the tree and I was like, well, let's like drink before. And then, like, looking back, I'm like, you were standing, looking over a building, like, and you were like, let's get drunk for this,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:insane.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:You don't need an excuse. I would just. Wake up and be like, Oh, it's Saturday. Let's go pregame before we go to brunch, boozy brunch on top of that. It's insane. Ah, growth. Thank God for growth. I wanted to also ask If you've experienced any challenges trying to prove the party doesn't stop without booze, like, do you ever feel the need to, like, show people how much fun you can have without drinking?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, unfortunately, I have, and I think I'm moving past that a little bit, because I think I've, like, I have to prove it to myself first, I think, I'm, like, by nature, an introvert, like, that's just who I am, every, personality test I take is gonna say I'm an introvert. So, when I removed alcohol, I had to realize that, like, sometimes I'm not gonna want to go out because, like, I don't have that motivating factor anymore. So now I, like, might not go out as much, but when I go out, like, I actually have fun and it's, like, staying out longer because, well, not as long as when I was drinking, but, like, it's more, like, quality.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Rather than like quantity. And I think once I was able to prove that to myself that I was fun, I then was like, okay, I need to prove it to everybody else. And I don't think that's like a healthy way to be, I think, you just need to know within yourself, but I did want to like prove it to people. And I think there's a stigma that like sober people. Are boring and yeah, I think I still am trying to prove it
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah. I'm still trying to kind of dispel that myth as well. And I find myself To this day, forcing myself to maybe like hang longer than I would like to, because I know other people know that I'm sober and I want to show them that I'm still fun and I can still be like the party girl and hang, but I'm like, you know what, Gabby, I'm in my 30s. Like, maybe it's just my age too. maybe I'm kind of like moving into a new. Era, new chapter of life. We're like, yeah, it's okay to not always want to be up until the sun rises. It's okay to not feel the vibes. And like, that's the one thing about removing alcohol, it showcases or spotlights whether or not you're truly having a good time. And like, if you're not, I think I'm trying to lean more into listening to that and not forcing myself to hang just because I want to show people, whether that be myself, My friends who are drinking, sometimes it's like them, like I want them to still see me as like relatively the same person. Sometimes it's, you know, people who I know see me online or something and I'm like, yeah, I'm still here at this music fest. isn't this fun? But like, I really wish I was in bed. So I asked that question because it's something I'm working through myself right now. And I was just curious to know if other people felt the same way. And it sounds like. Yeah. You do, at least. So that makes me feel better. And like you being an intro is interesting. Do you feel like, when you were drinking, you were using alcohol as he's so like a social lubricant to unlock more of an outgoing persona.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:definitely. I do think there was probably like a sweet spot where like would help me Be a little bit more social and not as like uptight but I always went past that. Like, I always went to the point where I was, like, doing things that were, like, now embarrassing. And, like, now I'm oversharing. And, like, ugh. yeah, like, when I took that away, I had to kind of relearn how to, like, be social. Because, Since like high school. I was like drinking to get myself through social situations So I had to like relearn all of this and like it is it's crazy But
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:What have you learned or what can you share? If someone right now feels similar, like they're more of an introvert or quiet natured person even if they don't have a problem with alcohol, but they don't want to necessarily rely on alcohol to socialize, what would you tell them or share from your experience in learning how to still actively be social without needing liquid courage?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:yeah I feel like when you're talking to somebody else and you think you're being either like awkward or you're thinking like oh They don't want to talk to me. That's like what runs through my head Chances are they're not actually thinking that, and it's in your head, so I would just say like, just go with the flow, and it's always good to ask people questions, like when you're having a conversation. I find that if someone will like, say something, I'll ask for them to elaborate on it, and then like, the flow of the conversation goes easier, I would say it's just like, practice. Like for me, who really was such an introvert, I would like, literally Go to like the grocery store and if the cashier was talking to me, I would practice like Elongating conversations because I just like wanted to like learn how to talk to people again I don't know if you ever go to a trader joe's they always want to talk
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:They're so friendly.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:yeah, so like just go with it. And like, I'm not like standing there for a half hour. They would like say, look, Oh, I like your shirt. And I'd be like, Oh, like, do you know this like band or whatever? If it was a band shirt and just like have a conversation. And honestly, you're probably like making their day go a little bit quicker.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:That's an amazing tip. And generally, rule of thumb, I feel people like to talk about themselves.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:if you just ask people a ton of questions and you nod and you smile and you're like, Oh, and tell me more. And yeah, like you said, elaborate.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:yeah, sometimes you learn something cool, and if not, like, you made it through that social situation and maybe you didn't have to talk as much.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I totally agree. Have you noticed? So there's been an uptick. Gen Z, this is Buzzy, drinking less. Gen Z is drinking less than millennials in previous generations. Have you noticed being a New York City girly any changes in nightlife in terms like inclusivity or just like a general shift in social times when it comes to being sober since getting sober and like today?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, I've definitely noticed, a lot of places are, like, obviously having more non alcoholic options. I've been in, like, the same neighborhood, pre. Pre sobriety and post sobriety, so I can literally, like, see bars, like, start to carry stuff that they didn't before. I still think there's, room to work in, like, making it more inclusive, because I just really believe that stigma is still there.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:think, like, Gen Z is doing a really good job, um, at that. I'm, like, on the cusp of Gen Z. I'm a millennial, but I'm, like, one year away from Gen Z. So sometimes I, like, I know it's crazy, but sometimes I, like, will, like, tap into that a little bit. And I think what they're doing is really cool. But I think there's still a lot of room for
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:For growth.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah. Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, what I love and I feel like a good indicator for a bar is when you ask for a non alcoholic option, they don't look at you like you're crazy, right? And even if they don't have anything available, they still don't look at you like you're crazy. Like they ask like, oh, what, what palette do you like? What flavors do you like? And then they whip something up right then and there. I feel like. It also just leaves so much money on the table for bars, restaurants, different industries, nightlife industries to not offer. Non alcoholic options because it is a growing trend, but to your point, I think there is still room for growth and since I've so how long have you been sober now
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:A little over two years.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:a little over 2 years? So, yeah, I've been sober a little over 3 and I will say that I notice more and more places have options, but it's also like beyond the physical like drink. It's just like. The energy, you know what I mean? Like, it's just like how people respond, I think, is a factor that can make someone feel welcomed or unwelcomed in certain situations. You know what I mean?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I'm waiting for like the culture shift. I need the culture to shift a little bit more. And I think once we get there and I think that's happening cause I like, I think it's like slowly a process cause I'm seeing like non alcoholic events and I'm like, have the options and like, you're hearing people talk about it and it's on like different reality TV shows. You have like sober people on it now and they're like talking about it. And it's like, you know, it's like a trending topic. So I think we're like getting there. I just think there's still room.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Still room to grow. I agree.
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the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I want to wind down with just tips for specific to New York sober fun activities. So, Gabby, what would your dream for NYC sober nightlife include? we kind of touched on this. What's missing in the current scene? What could bars, restaurants, Maybe event organizers do to support sober customers and just in general, like your vision for a sober NYC.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, so I like really want places to and it's just like back to just straight up like drink options I want places to have like an option for an NA beer Like an NA wine like a mocktail with like an NA spirit Like I want a comprehensive list of things especially in like restaurants I feel like that's such a good place to have like multiple options
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah,
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:always want to like drink with dinner And I think we just need to have more stuff because there's so So many like great brands out there. I think if like more places just like carried more, they'd make so much money. Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:a bar yesterday, somewhere in Brooklyn. First of all, it was daytime. So maybe to be expected, but also a little jarring. There were so many kids. Like, I think the ratio from adult to kid was equal. Like, it was just like, Maybe we were outnumbered actually. But then with the non alcoholic options, it was just like root beer, soda and juice. And like, that disappoints me. Like, this is a bar. Come on. Like,
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:why don't you have an NA beer even? it was a little like alarming. Thank God I came packing. I packed Moment with me, which wasn't even intentional. I assumed that the bar would have options and they didn't. So, you know, Yeah, just, I feel like they're losing so much earning potential just from the simple fact that they don't have anything other than soda. that's unacceptable in my book in 2024, you know? Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much. Like, look, I'm willing to spend a pretty penny just for access, just for inclusivity. Right?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Mm hmm.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:So I just want to wind down with a closing game. This or that, And if you have specific places in mind, I would love to hear. So, Gabby, rooftop or like a cozy, speakeasy vibe?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Um, okay. I feel like in New York City, I have to go with rooftop.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Even in winter.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:that is okay. If it's winter, I might go for a speakeasy there. Yeah, I feel like I have to go with rooftop though, if the weather allows it.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Do you have a favorite rooftop?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I don't know if I have a favorite one. There's one in like East Williamsburg. It's called like High Low or Low
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah. Mm hmm.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I like that one. It is a cute view. And then there's also, The Williamsburg Hotel,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Oh, I love that.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:one, yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I used to live by there.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, I really like it. Oh! Yeah, and then they have like a DJ sometimes if you wanna, and they do have non alcoholic options,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:They do. They do. Okay. Rooftop it is. brunch or like a night time dance party.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I love both. I feel like I would go with night time dance party though. And that is something that I want to see more of in like, the sober community. I want more dance parties and I wanna bring like, the party vibe to it. to like the sobering community,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I agree because I think well there's Daybreakers, right? They do the morning raves, which is great. The silent disco vibes, whatever. But I like nightlife. I like to get dressed up. I want to wear makeup. I want to wear heels. I want to wear my little black dress and I want to dance and I want to feel sexy. And I feel like night just compliments that well, not to say anything bad about daybreakers. Like I love the idea of that as well, but it's just like, to your point, like I like nightlife and I kind of missed it. And I think there is also room in that space to grow. Couple more for you. I feel like I know the answer to this, but are you more of a mocktail girly or NA beer?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:feel like i'm a beer. I really love. I don't know if that's what you thought
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:I did think that actually, even though you were talking about mocktails before, maybe you and I just in real life, you've told me that you'd like, okay, tell us why.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I just feel like it's honestly for me, it's just easier I think it's easier to order at a bar and I also think it's easier to have at home and I do love I loved beer like when I drank so
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, it's honestly the convenience of it as well because like I can I don't have to make anything There are like ready made like drinks and mocktails, which are great. But yeah, I love just like I have so many, like, different beers here right now, just because, like, it's so easy. Because they're at the supermarket now, so I'll, like, see them and I'll be like, okay.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:And I think they taste the closest to alcohol, if that's what people are looking for. I've had friends try an NA beer and be like, there's no way there's no alcohol in this. And I'm like, There was no alcohol on this.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yes. I always know that, an N. A. wine or, like, beer or spirit is, like, good if I give it to my boyfriend and he's, like, repulsed by it. I don't have alcohol,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Oh, so he just doesn't like the taste of alcohol. That's why he doesn't drink.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah, I think he just like never drank growing up and then like as he got older it was like, well why would I start now, kind of thing. And then I think he saw me drunk and was like, oh no, no way. I think I helped that, but yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:It's a perfect scare tactic. and then my final question for you, Broadway or live show?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:I do love both. I feel like I go to a lot more live shows, so I'm gonna say live show, but I do love Broadway and I need to get there more. That's a place where they should have some more non alcoholic options though,
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:Agreed.
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Never really have anything.
the-sober-butterfly_2_11-17-2024_200320:They don't. You're right. Now, now that we're breaking it down, like, yeah, the theaters. Definitely have room to grow. I don't typically drink, even when I did drink in between shows, but just because the line is always really obnoxiously long and there's limited time before the curtain, but in general, yes, there's room there. Okay. Well, I thank you so much. For coming on to the show. I feel like we've learned a lot about different NYC sober options and how the scene has evolved with time and a bit of your journey and story and sobriety. So thank you, Gabby, for sharing all of that. I want to plug Booze Free NYC and open up the mic to you to share anything that you have in store or anything you want us to know, or if people want to connect with you, where can they find you?
gabby---she-her-_2_11-17-2024_200320:Yeah. I'm on Instagram. It's booze free dot NYC. And yeah, if anybody ever like is looking for suggestions for stuff in New York, I'm like always open to chat, open to chat, like in general, if anyone has any questions about like sobriety.