2024 Sober Dating Wrapped

In this episode of The Sober Butterfly podcast, host Nadine Mulvina recounts her 2024 dating experiences while living alcohol-free. She provides an amusing and detailed wrap-up akin to Spotify Wrapped but for her dating life. Nadine uses playful aliases for her dates and dives into the nuances of dating sober, including stories about ghosting, foreign dates, and Hinge mishaps. Each date offers unique insights and challenges, highlighting the complexities of dating without the influence of alcohol. Nadine closes with goals for 2025 focused on building stronger connections and prioritizing emotional well-being.

 Sponsors/Partnerships

Classpass
https://classpass.com/refer/MQ30HIPH11

exclusive free trial (with 20 bonus credits!)

Mentioned in the episode

Navigating Sober Dating in Your 30s: Insights and Advice

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/navigating-sober-dating-in-your-30s-insights-and-advice/id1633341419?i=1000652716014

Most Iconic Spots in Cape Town

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXv52YP8qMo

Follow Nadine 🦋
Instagram: @the.soberbutterfly @soberbutterflypodcast
Subscribe to YouTube:@thesoberbutterfly
Sign up for the newsletter

Transcript

the-sober-butterfly_20_12-24-2024_135953: 0:00

This podcast should be sponsored by Hinge.

the-sober-butterfly_11_12-24-2024_123326: 0:03

I've given all the guys an alias Hedge Fund with Jamaican Fetish.

the-sober-butterfly_18_12-24-2024_133954: 0:08

Mr. Boy Who Cries sepsis

the-sober-butterfly_12_12-24-2024_124450: 0:10

South African coffee date with girlfriend, question mark.

the-sober-butterfly_19_12-24-2024_135237: 0:13

Mr. Well traveled in short was an asshole.

the-sober-butterfly_21_12-24-2024_140850: 0:17

We're going to call this gentleman Mr. Best Sex of my entire life.

the-sober-butterfly_12_12-24-2024_124450: 0:22

Magic Mike. He poofed and disappeared.

the-sober-butterfly_16_12-24-2024_132258: 0:26

Mr. Kittenheels, how do I get these names?

the-sober-butterfly_13_12-24-2024_125224: 0:28

I wish I could spend the rest of my life in prison for you

the-sober-butterfly_17_12-24-2024_132501: 0:31

He's like, yeah, I really like you. I really love spending time with you and getting to know you, but I just don't feel like there's any spark

the-sober-butterfly_23_12-24-2024_141658: 0:41

Hello. Hello. And welcome back to the sober butterfly, the podcast for those who are sober, sober, curious, or just looking to live their very best lives. Alcohol free. I'm your host, Nadine Mulvina. And today we are diving into a topic that's equal parts, exciting, Hilarious and even a little bit messy. Dating! But not just any dating. This is my 2024 dating wrapped. Think of it like Spotify wrapped, but for my dating life and the Sober Butterfly.

the-sober-butterfly_11_12-24-2024_123326: 1:16

When I say dating, just to frame this for everyone, I'm talking about, the act of dating. You are actively dating me you have asked me out. We have a set plan I am showing up to said place at said time that said man has organized kind of thing

the-sober-butterfly_23_12-24-2024_141658: 1:31

If you've ever found yourself asking, what is it like to date while sober? Or how do I even begin to put myself out there without liquid courage? This one is for you. From first dates to the dreaded ghosting. And even if you hinge dates in foreign countries. Yes, I have stories. We are covering it all. Grab your favorite alcohol free beverage and settle in because we're about to get real about what it means to date with clarity and confidence. Let's get into it.

the-sober-butterfly_11_12-24-2024_123326: 2:06

I've been seeing on social media, I'm sure you have as well. Different influencers or TikTokers debrief their 2024 So 2024 wrapped, dating edition. That got me thinking, Oh, well, how many dates have I been on this year? And how many partners have I had this year? so I'm going to share all of that with you guys, because why not? Oversharing on the internet. What could go wrong? No, I trust you guys We're friends and I feel like my secrets are safe with you. so let's get into it I'm just gonna open with my list. I'm pulling it up right now. I've had 11 First dates this year, I actually want to share a little bit more of an intricate breakdown here. My first date from the year inspired an episode for this podcast around, being sober and single in your thirties, dating, navigating all of that in your thirties as a sober woman is different, say from navigating dating. As a drunk 20 something year old. Anyway, this guy gave him an alias. I've given all the guys an alias. I want to respect people's privacy. So this is Hinge Guy Number One Hedge Fund with Jamaican Fetish. That is his official title. And the reason why he is Hinge Guy Number One Hedge Fund with Jamaican Fetish is because he is just that he was this hedge fund guy he had some disposable income to burn and He lived on the Upper East Side. Just a very like on the surface Straight edge guy like I want you to imagine. A Patagonia vest I want you to imagine, Memorial Day weekend at Montauk. Like those, those guys. Now the Jamaican fetish thing, I want to be clear, I don't, label people as having fetishes easily. There were multiple signs that this guy had a Jamaican fetish. For one, on his Hinge profile, the reason I even matched with him, let me back up a little bit, is because he had the cutest dog. And he had this really cool old car, like convertible. And he said he rode motorcycles. So those were like the things that drew me in. and then there was one specific prompt that was kind of like a, like a head scratch looking, not a red flag, maybe a beige flag, but he wrote. Under one of the prompts on the hinge. It's like typical Sunday afternoon And he responded by saying typical Sunday afternoon cooking up curry goat In the backyard or something like that. And I was like, what, what is this blonde hair, blue eyed finance guy? He wasn't six five, but what does he know about some curry goat? Now my family is Jamaican. I love Jamaican food. Probably my number one favorite delicacy in the world. I've been told, you know, by multiple sources that I'm an excellent cook, but I have not made curry goat. So I was immediately like, Like, my interest was piqued. I was like, what does this man A know about curry goat? And what does he, what does he mean he's cooking up some curry goat? So that's what sparked the match. And he and I chatted back and forth. And then we went on a museum date to the Whitney which is a museum here in new york in meatpacking district And when I showed up, he had a beautiful bouquet of pink roses. I love roses I love pink. I was like, that's really thoughtful And then we had a fun night. I will just let you guys listen to the episode Which i'll link if you want to hear more details about that date But it didn't work out. Um, he ended up getting really drunk on the date and we ended up going to meet up with one of his friends, who, funny enough, was Jamaican, and we met him at, a club in Williamsburg that I used to frequent, so it was, like, really weird to be back there, sober. Anyway. Started making out, I could taste all of the alcohol on his breath. That's a me thing, that's not his problem, but just to set the scene. And then when we went back to his place, he had a pillow that was Strategically, I don't want to say strategically. I don't know this man's life, but it was literally like Imagine this vacant apartment barely decorated and the only two sources of decoration that he had in that apartment. On his couch he had this Jamaican flag pillow. Like it was a cutout of Jamaica, and the colors were black, gold, green. I was just sitting on his couch next to his Jamaican pillow and staring across like where his TV is right above the TV was this like abstract looking. image and I'm like trying to make out what it is. I'm just like, Oh, is that, is that a tree? What is that? And he's just like, Oh yeah, yeah. It's a, it's an ackee tree. It's an ackee tree. And like, he just goes up to the painting and he's showing me like, this is the ackee fruit. And like, these are the seeds. And I'm like, Whoa, Whoa. Let me guess you got that in Jamaica. And he was like, yes, I did. This man knew more about Jamaican than me. Fun fact about Mr. Hedge fund. He has a recording studio, music recording studio in Kingston. And so he was telling me about that business venture. and then his ex girlfriend was Jamaican. He had just watched the Bob Marley movie. I think it come out. And so he was questioning me about the movie, even though I told him I hadn't seen it. I remember that I was like, yeah, my mom really loves Bob Marley because she does. But I was like, I don't know much about it. I have not seen the movie. And he was just going in about Bob Marley and the whalers and how. It portrayed Bob in such a way and like he had all of these notes and I'm just like, okay listen, I appreciate people who appreciate the culture, but it was too much for me. So needless to say, I never saw hinge guy, number one hedge fund with Jamaican fetish ever again.

the-sober-butterfly_12_12-24-2024_124450: 8:13

My next date of the year was An accidental date, I'll call it. We're going to call this guy Magic Mike. I'm laughing because if you have been following the podcast, you may even know who I'm talking about because he was a guest on the show. I digress. this is like a friend, a friend, I'll say. Met him several years prior. We worked together or I was like his boss. It's a thing. I knew he had a crush on me, but it wasn't appropriate. And he didn't really make a strong move. I just knew he was into me. and then after we finished that project together or that work together, we were social media friends and you know how it goes like constantly in the DMs, lots of nice flattering things, never anything wildly inappropriate. When I post my little thirst trap, he's hearting it, he's liking it, he's saying all the right things kind of thing, but like never actively pursued me. this has gone on for years. Now the pandemic has happened, he's been watching my travels, comments here and there. I come back to New York. It was to the point where I was like, when is this guy going to actually ask me out? And then he one day slid into my DMs about being sober. And I was like, Oh, that's really great. I'm laughing as I think back to other guys who've been like, Oh, I'm not drinking. I would like to imagine, of course, that I had some kind of positive impact. But anyway, he, told me he was sober and I was like giving him advice. And then I invited him on the podcast. So he came on, after he had a few months of sobriety and we spent the entire day together. And I was actually supposed to go out with another guy, which I'll get to later. But that fell through so He and I are spending time together and then he asked me to go to dinner actually now. I don't know if it was a date And now I feel silly. He had just gotten out of a very long term Relationship he had been with this woman for like 10 years or something like that and I was like interesting because you've been in my DMs for like For five years now. Um, but anyway, so he had this girlfriend that he had recently broken up with. And so I felt like life was lifing and he was in the transition period, but we shared a lot. I think it was a date and I think it's so because the whole day he was paying me compliments And he told me how beautiful he thought it was. So I'm, I'm going to count this as a date. I think it was a date. but I never went out with him again. Magic Mike. He poofed and disappeared. What a magic trick My third date was in South Africa. With this guy who was, a fan, he followed me on social media, when he found out I was coming to South Africa on vacation where he lives, he gave me like A whole speech about how he was going to show me around and like how he was so excited for me to come like I honestly felt like I was going to South Africa for him. he paid a lot of lip service to this trip that I only ended up seeing him one time, moments before I went to the airport. So this South African guy, I'm pretty positive, had a girlfriend. So he's listed here, South African coffee date with girlfriend, question mark. He was a lawyer and he was just like, I'm so sorry, I'm working on this case or this brief and I'm so busy. He always had an excuse for why he could not meet up. And I wouldn't even be asking him to hang out. It was just kind of funny. after like day two of me being there, I was kind of like, okay, I get it. I'm probably not going to see this guy because he just had an excuse for everything. Until I had bought him a book because I'm a nice person and he had shared, but he liked this author. And so I was like, look, I have this book for you. Or I said, I have a gift for you. All of a sudden he's available. All of a sudden he has made himself available to have breakfast with me. So it was more of a coffee, I guess we had breakfast and. It was very dramatic. Like he had his laptop when I showed up to the coffee spot and he was just like, yeah, you have my undivided attention while his laptop is there. I'm gonna count that as a date just because, you know, my barometer is pretty low. Did they ask me out? Did they pay? It's a date! So that was a date, and I never saw him again. And after that trip I did confirm that he has a girlfriend, a living girlfriend. So, I hope they're doing well.

the-sober-butterfly_13_12-24-2024_125224: 12:42

So while in South Africa, I don't go on one date. Of course I go on two. About midway through my solo trip in South Africa, i'm in cape town at a museum And this gentleman walks up to me. I'm looking at some exhibit and he's just kind of like, Oh, you know, talking to me about this artist. And then he shares that he. It's from Ghana, and there was some big art festival in Cape Town, maybe a week before I got there, poor planning on my end, but he had flown to this art festival, he was a podcaster, or so he said. I want to make this story as concise as possible. So here, let me just tell you what this guy is called. So guy number four, date number four, chocolate and fabric. So we ended up going out in Cape Town. I was a little skeptical at first because I'm there by myself as a solo female traveler and I'm like, is he safe? Is it safe to do this? But you know, not drinking really helps. And I like a good party. I still like to have fun. So he and I met up, at a restaurant. I was feeling him out some more. I felt safe. And so we continued, we went to several different spots in this popular area of Cape Town I'll link my vlog. I did a vlog for South Africa if you guys want to watch. So we went bar hopping. We stopped, we got food. We were dancing. I love And a piano so like there was a lot of good tunes a lot of good music, the vibes were vibing and as we're Hanging out. We're dancing we're having a good time And at the last spot I felt a shift okay He actually thinks that he has a chance with me But like that's not the tip I was on at the time like You I was there for a good time and I still had enough tenure left in my trip to where I was like, oh, I could go out with this guy again. I don't want it to be awkward. I'm not going to hook up with him. So he starts getting more like touchy feely. We're dancing at one point. Like I feel him. You know what I mean? Like, I feel his dick, in my back, kind of thing, and I was just like, Mmm, no, thank you. I don't think so. So I call it a night, shortly thereafter. the next day, we were scheduled to go out again, and he calls me, and I was thinking he was calling to lock in our plans, and he goes, I just want to confirm you're still going to johannesburg tomorrow I told him the day before that I was going to johannesburg the following night. So if we were going to go out This day I didn't want to have too late a night like we did the night before So I'm like, yeah, I'm still going to Joburg so he takes like a little bit of a pause and I'm thinking okay. What is this about? And then all of a sudden, he's like, Oh, so I have a boy who's in Johannesburg, and I was wondering, you know, like, I was supposed to go out there and meet him, but I stayed in Cape Town longer, and you know, I'm going back to Ghana, so I was just wondering, could you bring him a package for me? for context, Cape Town is in the south. Johannesburg is like, on the opposite side of the country. So you have to fly to get there. I'm not driving to Johannesburg. I'm taking a domestic flight and so he's asking me if I can bring a package to some random man that I don't know, allegedly his friend, and I'm like, Indulging him because I'm nosy, but obviously I'm like bro. I'm not taking anything for you Have you not seen broke down palace? And if you guys have not seen the movie broke down palace with claire danes and um, Natasha, what's her name claire danes and oh my god. Tell me now why I have to look this up Kate beckinsale. I saw this movie when I was like 10 and it changed my life. Okay You Two best friends, different country, they're in Thailand. Anyway, they meet this very cute guy. I think they both liked him. Long story short, they smuggle, or they take a package,, on a plane, or they don't even get to the plane. They get stopped And they spend, I think, the next 20 plus years in Thai jail. That movie, I will never forget that movie. It's always in the back of my mind as I travel. And so when he's asking me if I can bring this package, I'm like, Oh, what's in the package, sir? Tell me more. And what really blew me is he knew how much it weighed. He's like only weighs X amount of kilograms and then he even converted it to pounds. I'm like kilograms. He's like, oh, that's like blah, blah, blah pounds. How do you know? How do you know how much this package weighs? So I'm like, oh, what's in there? I'm just playing. with this man. I'm like, what's in there? And he's like, Oh, it's chocolate and fabrics. So that's how he gets his name chocolate and fabrics. So of course I'm like, Oh, you know, I wish I could, I wish I could spend the rest of my life in prison for you. Um, but you know, the way I pack, I am a chronic over packer, sir. So there's no way I have any room for your fabrics and chocolates to give to your friends. Blocked blocked him from everything after that and when I actually went to Johannesburg I went out and met this girl randomly at a restaurant. She was amazing This is why travel by yourself you meet the most amazing people. Anyway, when I told her that story she was native to Johannesburg She was like blown away Baby, he tried to get you like this is what these men do. This is what they say and it's always chocolate and fabric So let me pass this on to you if a man if anyone ever asked you to bring any package Don't but especially if they say chocolate and fabric, you already know that's code for drugs and jail time so that was my fourth date of the year

the-sober-butterfly_14_12-24-2024_130123: 18:30

Date number five was with my one true love. I shouldn't say my one true love, with a true love. So it was a throwback to my ex from many years ago. I'm going to call this a date, even though I initiated it. I initiated it, but still he picked a place, he picked a time, and he paid. Those are the indicators I look for in determining whether or not something's a date he and I had been playing a little bit of phone tag. He had, maybe I shouldn't say I initiated it. He reached out to me, earlier in the year about something really heartfelt He shared how proud he was of me. Claimed to have discovered, I'm air quoting here, discovered my podcast, which I don't think he's the key demographic. I do play around with SEO, and trying to make sure that as many people. Get to this podcast as possible, but, uh, I don't think he's, like I said, my key target audience. Therefore, no, you did not, sir. No, you did not happen to stumble upon my podcast, but he sent me this really heartfelt message talking about how he found the show. He had, notes. He was telling me he loved the episode. To season one. So he, he listened all the way back to 2022. there was an episode I did with my aunt and my sister cousin and he loved that episode. Of course, he knows them personally. So he was just referencing specific things. So I was like, Oh, I love you. Thank you. nothing came from that experience. And then, earlier this year, my website, out of nowhere, crashed. Crashed and burned. Literally you would go to the super butterfly. com and it would be like an error message, the platform did not exist or the domain, whatever. I reached out to Diego, that's my developer, and I'm like, Diego, oh my god, help me. what's going on? So, after a few hours of him looking under the hood and trying to figure out what was wrong, he came back with, I'm so sorry, I don't know, you know, I can look into doing this. I think he mentioned maybe hiring someone else to look somewhere else. And I was just like, uh, that sounds expensive. So I pause. Diego, let me get back to you. And so something just told me to reach out to my ex, the same ex that is number five on this list. So I reached out to my one true love and I was like, Hey, Oh, by the way, he is a programmer He's more than a programmer, but like he knows how to program So I reached out to him and I was just like hey, can you help me out? Like I don't know if you can do anything But here's my login credentials if you don't mind looking at what's going on. My developer can't figure it out he agrees to help or look I should say and after five minutes i'm not exaggerating Five minutes he hits me back with fixed The whole problem resolved. My panties soaked. My panties are soaked. I have a lot of love languages. But there was something about in that moment where he Just took care of the problem for me. Would that be acts of service? I don't know quality time. He's busy. Um, Gifts, he saved me tons of money. It did something to me it opened up A whole new level of nostalgia that I didn't even realize I still had. So after he fixed that problem, I'm romanticizing the past big time. I'm thinking about all of our moments. So I ended things with him, like I do with most of my relationships. And so I was just like, you made a mistake. You made a mistake. How could you end things with your one true love? And he was just so like nonchalant about it. He was just like, yeah, like, no big deal. Like tell your developer to do this next time and blah, blah, blah. Like I'm half listening to him. So then I'm like, can we have a followup call where you walk me through just some basics? So I don't get taken advantage of as a. Woman, I hate myself. Like, this is what I'm asking. I'm like, yeah, I just, you know, I want to sound like I know what I'm talking about. Everything is Google gable, Google gable, I hate saying that word, Google able, everything is Google able. I could have easily, you know, looked on YouTube. I could have figured it out myself. I actually do know very basic HTML. Coding, I did not need to schedule a call with this man, but I did cause I wanted to see him. And so anyway, he, you know, hops on the call with me. We don't really talk about anything related to my website or computers. And that's when I was like, Oh yeah, like, I think we should get together. You know, I think, I think it's time. I think it's time that we just, you know, why did we break up again? Like what's going on? So we went out and. After we went out, I remembered, yeah, I remembered why we broke up, but it's so funny in the moment as I'm sitting across from him, we're having drinks, we're eating, we're catching up, feelings are coming back, for sure, but also, glaring red signs are coming back, and there's just something inside of me I need to work on, I am working on it, where I can be uber competitive with no one, But myself, so after that date, nothing really comes from it. He wasn't feeling too well, actually. He wants to go home and I'm like, Oh, that's weird. That was our home. I'm not going home with you. Like, that's weird. Um, so I call him after that date and I basically profess my undying love. I don't use the L word, but I, I basically say like, Hey, like, I feel like there's still something there. do you want to explore this? And he basically in the nicest, kindest way possible says, no, he was just like, you know, you're so hot. I'm not exaggerating. He's like, Any man, you know, when I was walking down the street with you, like, I was just like, I'm so lucky. Like all these men are looking at you and like, you're so smart. You're so special. You're so all, he was just saying all the right things. But like, also he's like, I'm surprised that you would want to deal with someone who's still emotionally unavailable. And I was like, damn. You're right. You're right. So that was the last time I saw Date number five my one true love. I will say I will say he has reached back out not to say anything though it's just like a random like I hope you're doing well, like that kind of thing. I don't know. Maybe we'll see him again in 2025. I'll save my projections for later.

the-sober-butterfly_16_12-24-2024_132258: 25:18

So, Hinge Date number 2, if you're following with me, is Mr. Kittenheels. Mr. Kittenheels, how do I get these names? Um, okay, Mr. Kittenheels got his name because he was shorter than me. And when I matched with him on Hinge, he Verified a couple of times that his height would be okay. Um, he was like five nine five ten I can't remember. I'm five eleven and I was like, yeah, absolutely Not a big deal.

the-sober-butterfly_15_12-24-2024_131529: 25:47

As I was preparing for said date, I was so excited. And I think it's because at this juncture in the year, it was around springtime. I hadn't gone out with anyone really. Not since my ex and that wasn't really a thing. Let me get out there. Let me date. Summer is around the corner. The weather is warmer now. I can be cute and go out. So I matched with this guy that I normally would. Maybe not have matched with, and that's another thing, I need to have more discernment around who I actually follow through and go out with, but I thought, you know, he was cute enough, successful enough, practice. I just need practice. Dating is a skill that I enjoy. So I wanted to date, I matched with this guy, we went out, he was a good conversationalist, physically not quite my type, but like I wasn't ready to write him off. Like I would have potentially gone out with him again, until, he kissed me. So how we got to the kiss after dinner We walked around We walked around a lot like we walked around like all of West Village and then we somehow looped to the West Side Highway which if you're not in New York That means nothing to you. It's just to say that like It was a decent walk. Like, it was like we were walking for at least 40 minutes, I would say. My feet start hurting. Yes, I'm wearing kid in heels, but my feet hurt. I hadn't broken them in. I'm rubbing my my pinky raw and it hurts And so I'm tired of walking with this man. I'm tired of being on the deep now. It's over So I turned to him and I'm like, hey, it's late. It's late. I'm gonna go call an uber from here so we're Waiting for my uber to pull up this man proceeds to stand on a ledge Stands on the ledge and when he got up on the ledge I already knew why like I already knew what he was about to do and I was just like for the plot like I don't always kiss on the first date and it's not because I'm a prude. I don't have like very set rules around date number one, do this, date number two, don't do that. I'm not super rigid when it comes to these things. It's a vibe, it's a feeling, it's an energy. I don't make the rules. Or maybe I should but he's standing on this ledge looking at me with puppy dog eyes and I'm thinking oh, no Here we go And like I said, i'm 6'1 in these shoes. He's 5'10 maybe with his shoes And he stands on the ledge He's like a little peck and I'm just like, oh my god, this is a movie but not the good kind This is a movie like why is this my life? I felt nothing the only excitement I felt in that moment. This is bad It's just the excitement that I would have because I have a story. It's like, oh, I can't wait to tell my friends that this man stood on a ledge to kiss me good night Oh After he had me walking around for 45 minutes and I complained multiple times about my feet hurting and the only reason I'm wearing these kitten heels are because You, sir, are shorter than me and insecure about it because you reached out to me before said date to even ask me if your height was going to be a problem for me. I can read, I can see that you said that you're 5'9 I know how tall I am. I can do math. So I say that to say, I never saw that man again. He reached out and I did not ghost. I told him that I was busy. I never talked to him again.

the-sober-butterfly_17_12-24-2024_132501: 29:27

This next date I feel like it could be an episode in and of itself, but I'm gonna really try and give you guys the Spark notes. And it's funny because his name is Mr. No Spark. I met Mr. No Spark in summer of 2024. I was out in the streets. Um, one of my best friends came to visit we were going to a burlesque show in Bushwick, which is in Brooklyn. It's a very like hipster, artsy part of town. And we were dressed like two high class girls. Okay. We were wearing really cute, short party dresses and heels. We did not match the aesthetic of Bushwick, So we went to dinner and then we were about to go to the show, but we had some time to kill. So we walked into this dive bar next door to the venue of the show. And when we walked in, we stood out. I mean, quite literally, everyone's wearing like, Doc Martens and ripped tees. And we are literally dressed like we are coming from the set of sex in the city. Like that's how it felt. It's a very small spot, but in the corner were these two guys playing pool. And my girlfriend was like, Oh, they're cute so we ordered drinks and we sat next to where the pool table was and they came up to us. Of course, we're two pretty single girls. They're two cute guys and they strike up a conversation and then they ask us if we want to play pool. So normally I'm the girl that's like, yeah, I'm down for anything. But we didn't have that much time to kill before our show. And I'm a very competitive. player. I'm not good at pool, but I act as though I am good at everything. So I'm like, Oh no, we don't have time to play. And my girlfriend's like, Oh, no, no, we have time. We have time. So, talking to both guys, I hear a very distinct Irish accent. That's the one that I think is really cute. He's tall and he has an Irish accent. Nuff said, right? He was like, you're going to be my partner. So I'm like, yes. Put me in. so we start playing pool and within a minute of us playing pool, he asked for my number which I thought was cute and so we play pool, we win. That's an important detail. and then my friend and I go next door to watch the show and while I'm watching the show I get a text from Mr. NoSpark and he's like Oh, If you want, after the show, I would love to show you and your friend around Bushwick. I can give you a real Brooklyn night. And I was just like, Oh, okay. Let's see how we feel. So I run it by my friend. She's down. We meet up with him after the show and he does. give us a night to remember. We had a really great time. He took us to a speakeasy. Had some drinks. He was really good at engaging both my friend and I. So like, at no point did she feel like she was the third wheel, which I appreciated. And it just showed a lot about his character, right? My friend, I can tell is going a little tired once again, she's visiting. So I'm like, we're going to call it. And he was just like, Oh, well, before you go, you want to do one more Bushwick activity. And so I look at my friend, I look at him. I'm like, well, what did you have in mind? And he's like, a threesome. No, I'm joking. He did not say a threesome. Um, he's like, oh, we can go back to mine. He did say that part, which I was like, go back to yours. He's like, we can go back to mine and we can do graffiti art on my roof. That's cool. I've done a lot of things in my life. I had not done graffiti art on anyone's roof before. So that's what we did. We went back to his place. He was so organized. He gave my friend and I shoes to wear so we could take off our heels. He gave us like clothes to put on top of our dresses. He had everything labeled, all of the spray paint cans. And we had a great time. I'm pretty sure it's illegal, but We have it on tape if anyone wants to see. And, uh, after that, I was like, Oh, that was amazing. Like I felt. Something and it just felt really cool to meet someone in the wild like organically Especially because I don't go out as much To where I feel like i'm meeting people all the time So yeah, it was like wow, that's cool to be like I met this guy who's very attractive very interesting in real life, I ended up going out with mr. No spark many times And I should also call him Mr. Peter Pan, because what I discovered from Mr. NoSpark is that he was like a typical Brooklyn dude in his 30s, and if you don't know what a typical Brooklyn dude in his 30s means, it's a guy that basically has Peter Pan syndrome, like he does not want to grow up, he has no plans of growing up, I discovered pretty quickly in dating this guy that he was dating multiple other women, six other women, five, five. I was number six, five other women to be specific. And I know what you're thinking. I know I can feel you judging me from over there. I'm judging myself. Okay. Actually, I'm not. at the time I didn't care because I was like, Oh. He's honest, he's forthcoming, what more could I ask for? The thing is, I started to develop feelings, and I did ask for more, and he could not give me what I was looking for, and the reason he has the name Mr. No Spark is because When I came back, I traveled the summer. When I came back from my trip, I had high hopes that he and I could take things to another level. And the high hopes that I had were not completely delusional. Before I left for my trip, he had given me false hope that there could be a future between us. He bread crumbed me, basically, and I ate that shit up. So, my fault. I fell for it because I'm like, why would he lie? He's been so honest about so many other things that he did not have to divulge. Anyway, I get back from my trip, haven't really talked to him the whole time I've been gone for like three weeks, and I want more and I say that to him and he tells me yes, he likes me. I wish I could do an Irish accent. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not going to try. Okay. He's like, yeah, I really like you. I really love spending time with you and getting to know you, but I just don't feel like there's any spark. I felt like I had been sucker punched in the stomach. Like I've never felt. That sinking feeling and it's all ego. Like I recognize that it's ego, but it's still hurt. It hurt. And so I was just like, what do you mean? There's no spark. Like, no one's ever said that to me. No one has ever said there's no spark. I feel like I'm the one that's delivering that line. Like, Oh, I just don't feel the chemistry or whatever. So he said that, and I was just devastated. We agreed that we could be friends. Wink, wink, we'll just be friends. his birthday now has approached and we go to the ballet and then we go to dinner and I give him or gift him his birthday present he's like, oh, should I open it now? It wasn't quite his birthday yet. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you should definitely open it now. And when he opens it, I can see in his face that it hasn't like clicked yet. Like he hasn't registered what this means. So when he unwrapped his present, that was beautifully wrapped by the way. He opens and finds sparklers. Yes. Sparklers like 4th of July sparklers that I actually purchased on 4th of July. I just never used. Oh my God, I have this gift that I was holding to give to the right person. so I just burst out laughing once I start laughing he's like wait, I don't get it. Since you said there was no spark And that's where it clicks and he registers and the color just drains out of this man's face But I kept it light. I was just like look like no hard feelings. I thought it would be funny No one has ever said that to me before and Nobody hopefully will ever say that to me again of course I asked him what he meant when he said no spark and he started like sputtering over his words But basically he says something to the extent of well, I thought that you know You wanted more from me. So he starts telling me about what he thinks Perceived I wanted and I was like, no, no, no, like you're not understanding I know I will tell you how I felt I will tell you how I perceived the situation i'm asking you What you meant when you said quote, there's no spark and he was just like well I just, in the past, have felt more spark with exes, but come to think of it, maybe that's not a good thing, because then, you know, like, maybe that's anxiety, and it doesn't end well, and the whole time he's, like, trying to explain himself, like, we're sitting across from each other at, like, At dinner, at table, at a table, at table, and um, he cannot look me in the eye, like he's looking to the left, to the point where I crane my neck all the way to the side for dramatic effect, and I'm like, I'm over here, and he's just like, oh, I'm sorry, like, I, I just, you know, normally don't open up this much. I'm like, this is you opening up? Bro, what? This is you opening up? Like, he really thinks he's opening up right now. That's cute. Um, anyway, no hard feelings, Mr. NoSpark. I love you. We're still friends and he's still in my DMs. They never really go away.

the-sober-butterfly_18_12-24-2024_133954: 39:23

So date number eight is another hinge boy. Now this guy is the guy who cried sepsis. Let me explain. This guy's actually recycled from 2023. He was actually my first date post breakup. We went mini golfing. He was super cute. he is super cute. Like he's very tall. I've shown his picture to a few of my friends and they think he looks like Captain America. I just don't think that's my type. I don't like super pretty boys, and although I love, muscles, I don't know, too curated. I haven't been able to figure out what it is about him, aside from the fact that he may be a pathological liar. Maybe that has something to do with it. Um, okay, the guy who cried sepsis. Matched with him in 23, late 2023, told me he lived in New York, but it's the holiday season, so he's traveling. I'm traveling, that's normal. We had a pretty good first date, I actually did kiss him after that date, but mostly because I wanted to kiss someone. Outside of my ex, right? He kept in contact, but like mentioned he was traveling he's from Where is he from somewhere that I would not want to go like wyoming. I'm not exaggerating. I think he's from wyoming I can fact check that. Anyway, he's from somewhere out there and for me and Ick, maybe Ick is a strong word, but when people are new to New York, like new to the city, and they have been here, I would say for like less than a year. They make it their whole personality. They're just so easily impressed by things he was evergreen. He was very new to the city So I felt he needs to get dirty a little bit. I'm like, okay come back when you have Yeah, I don't know. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. he just was so like squeaky clean and like boy next door. Like he does look like Captain America. That's the best way I could describe him. another thing. He was newly sober, or like, I don't know how new he was, but I know we bonded over the fact that we both didn't drink, and I don't want to get into his sober story. It's not my story to tell, but I think he was really excited to date someone who also didn't drink. I feel like that was a big selling point for him. For me, it was less important, especially because I had just gotten out of a relationship with a sober person. And I was like, Eh, take it or leave it. Not to say it's overrated being with a sober person as a sober person, but I I don't need that like that's not something I need but I get why it's alluring. I get why it's considered a major green flag for some. Anyway, he keeps in contact, but then it gets to the point where, you know, I think I'd even said something to him about like, hey, let me know when you're back in the city because now it's like, you know, That date was like early December, maybe late November 2023. Now it's like We're in Q2 2024. You're still texting me all the time. I'm not responsive. You know, I keep saying like, Hey, like when are you coming back? Or he would text me like, Hey, I'm in town for one day kind of thing. Can you meet me here? And it's like, no, I can't. Going back to magic Mike that day, I was supposed to go out with this guy. Um, and I didn't because. This is how he gets his name. Buckle it. Buckle in. Mr. Boy Who Cries sepsis. There is something always going on catastrophically wrong in his life. to the point where I'm like, you need A reality show or maybe an exorcism why are all these like terrible things happening around you? Never directly to him like personally like he's ill or he's ill fated but like everyone around him that's close that means something like something's Something bad is going on to the point where i'm like I don't want to be in your circle your inner circle because I am going to rattle off some Relatives and people that he mentioned his sister had a miscarriage and had sepsis at the same time two people, two separate people had sepsis, his sister and his aunt. That's why he gets the name Mr. Boy who cries sepsis because I'm like, how do you know so many people with sepsis? His best friend died. There were like two deaths, like his best friend died, his other friend. the way he frames his text messages, like. My best friend died. I'm flying to California to go to the funeral. He had some heart disorder, likely congenital. just like the level of detail he would give me would be like really weird, in my opinion. Someone else had a stroke. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not making this up. I'm not making this up And it was always when we were supposed to link up at one point especially over the summertime I was getting like Weekly messages from him being like, Hey, I'm going to be in New York, these dates, I would love to see you, please. I would just say, yes, even if I wasn't going to be there, I would just say yes, because I knew it wasn't going to actually happen until we actually did go out again. So we went out, somewhere right after I would say, Mr. Newspark, he hit me up and he was like, Hey, I'm in town with my mom. And that's another thing I was like, do you still live here? Cause if you don't live here, I don't want to talk to you. I didn't say that part, but I'm like that that's implied. Right. And so I asked him a few times if he still lived here, he'd give me some roundabout answer. Like, yes, partly is looking for a new place to store. I don't know. So anyway, he tells me he's in town. I'm like, are you in town or do you live here? He's like, I'm in town with my mom flying back to Wyoming. I'm pretty sure that's where he's from after, but then moving back permanently in the city in like October, I'm like, okay, cool. He's like, I would love to see you. So I say, yes. I always say yes. knowing full well, like I'm not going to see this man. But then the day we're supposed to get lunch, he's like, Hey, I booked this place at like 2 p. m. Does that work for you? I'm like, Whoa. Oh, we're really doing this. So of course I have to go for the plot. So I go and he's just as fine as I remember him. Super tall, super handsome, super, charming, great teeth, great smile. Killer body. he bought me chocolate. So like months prior he asked me, do you like white chocolate or dark chocolate? And I thought it was like a sexual innuendo, but it turns out, no, he actually bought me chocolate. So he shows up with a white chocolate, we have a decent I was gonna say great. It wasn't great. We had a decent brunch. He was so nervous. He was sweating And then after the fact he told me That he was really nervous around me He liked me so much and how he hadn't been dating and how he'd been working on all these other things and thank you for My patience and all this stuff I actually could have met his mom if I wanted to, so as we were leaving the restaurant, he was walking me to my train, and he was like, oh, there's my mom, waiting on the opposite side of the street. There's my mom. I told him to meet me here at blah, blah, blah time, and I was like, oh my god, thank you so much. Immediately hugged him and descended the stairs. I could not get out of there fast enough because I felt like he was about to ask me to meet his mom. He's texted me since then. He explained how nervous he was, how much he liked me, how it was so hard to date as a sober man, and you know, he's a great catch, but I'm convinced my friends and I were like, he has a family in Wyoming, right? He has a whole other life, like there's no way that he's single, but maybe, maybe he is single, but he's not my guy and I probably will never see him again But I don't know he made his way into this list 2024. Maybe this won't be the last time we've heard of Mr. Boyu Cry's sepsis. I mean to my earlier point, I don't want to get sick. What if he is telling the truth? What if all of these bizarre occurrences actually do happen to him and his loved ones? Like, I want no part. I want only good karma over here. So yeah, probably won't be seeing Mr. Sepsis anytime soon.

the-sober-butterfly_19_12-24-2024_135237: 48:01

Okay, so Another hinged date seeing a theme here. I think this is hinged date. Number four. Yes. Number four of the year was with Mr. Well traveled. thoroughly hated every moment of that date. I don't even know why I agreed to go out with him. If I'm being real with you guys, I think I was bored. I don't normally get bored and this is why my therapist always encourages me to. Have something going on Because when I get bored I get dangerous. I went out with this guy Um, mr. World traveled and it was on a whim. He invited me to a comedy show. I love comedy. So He was already winning there and we went to see the show I will say that I was late. I was about 20 ish minutes late So my bad but I feel like that's kind of normal, like to be 20 minutes late. Anyway, I was late and he was in a foul mood when I arrived. He was actually at the venue. It was like open seating. So he was sitting next to this couple who were completely plastered, like incoherently drunk. It was to the point where I was just like, why are you talking to these people? But they were nice. So I'm like there and he's barely talking to me. He's like basically invested in this couple and giving me the cold shoulder. he did start to ease up a bit, but there was just tension in the air. Why I even matched with him is that he had on his, profile indicated that he once rode his bike from Cape Town to Nairobi. That's super cool. So of course, talking point, let me bring that up. That was a good move on my part. He started talking about that experience and opening up slowly, but surely. Maybe I spoke too soon because then he started interrogating me. He's like name five countries in West Africa. I'm like, excuse me. Are we on Jeopardy? Like what's going on? He's like, yeah. Yeah, like can you name five countries in West Africa? This is a like a little Jewish man asking me to Name five countries in West Africa, but I do I'm just like, uh Nigeria, Togo, Ghana, Molly, ding, ding, ding, like I'm getting all the plates, uh, Cameroon, Senegal, Sierra Leone, so I'm like literally like playing this game with him and he's like, that's impressive. deadpan. He's like, that's impressive. Most people can't do that. I'm like, oh, well, you know, I'm Not most people and then he's like, what about capitals? What's the capital of Nigeria? So now he's like following up and I I'm like, okay, I'm gonna stop you right there a Because I don't think I know all the capitals the countries I just listed and be this is not why I'm here. Like I'm not here for you to try and embarrass me because you're mad that I showed up late to the date. Thankfully the show starts. And I don't have to talk to this man anymore. I get to laugh. After the show, he walks me to the subway. He tries to kiss me and I was very clear with him. I was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I'm just not feeling the spark. I didn't say that. I was like, I'm not really feeling it. Um, but it was nice meeting you. And I was really proud of myself because in the moment I did the humane thing, like I didn't drag it out. I didn't give him false hope. I didn't, you know, ghost him. I was just clear. Like, This isn't it. And he was like, Oh, that's a shame. And I was like, yeah, I guess that's a shame for you. And I never went out with him again.

the-sober-butterfly_20_12-24-2024_135953: 51:56

Hinge date. Number five. Oh my God. Five out of 11. That's a lot. This podcast should be sponsored by Hinge.

the-sober-butterfly_25_12-24-2024_142305: 52:06

This episode of The Sober Butterfly is brought to you by ClassPass. Okay, butterflies, let me let you in on a little secret. Self care is so much more than just bubble baths, it's about finding what makes you feel your very best, inside and out. And that's why I've been obsessed with ClassPass for years. Whether I'm crushing a Pilates class, getting a fresh blowout, or treating myself to a relaxing facial, ClassPass lets me explore all kinds of fitness and wellness options. With just one membership, I can book workouts, beauty treatments, and so much more all in one app. Here's the kicker. I've been a member since 2016, and I've booked over 500 reservations. Pilates, yes. Manny's always toning my body while glowing from head to toe. You got it. ClassPass makes it easy and fun to prioritize my health and happiness all the while staying on budget. And because I want you to feel just as amazing as I do, I've got an exclusive offer for my listeners. Sign up with my special link and you'll get a free trial And 20 bonus credits to use toward any classes or services you want to try. So what are you waiting for? Take that first step toward feeling your best. Head to ClassPass to get started today.

the-sober-butterfly_20_12-24-2024_135953: 53:40

Hinge date number five. You guys already know who Hinge date number five is. He's Mr. 9. 2. Yeah. From Italy. If you listen to my sober In italy episode i went to italy in november Last minute spontaneous trip. I just wanted to be in the land of pasta and carbs and fine italian men And I ended up on a date with a British man. Don't know how that happened. There's nothing wrong with being on a date with an Iranian British man, but that's not what I was envisioning for myself. When I went to Italy, I did zero preplo going into my trip being a last minute trip. And I knew I wanted to have an experience. So I ended up Literally going on a date with the first person that asked me that I swiped bit. So that was this gentleman. Mr. 9. 2 and Yeah, he's called. Mr. 9. 2 because he rated me live on my date He said that I was a 9. 2 out of 10. I guess I'm hoping I Was like wait, why am I not a 10? because that's just how my mind works like if you're gonna rate me and And not account for 0. 8. Like, I need to know where my deficits are, you know, um, so he was like, Oh, like, maybe later, implying when I stand up, even though he saw me walk in, because I got there after him, he's like, yeah, like, maybe later, I can see, like, if you're a 10, implying that, like, there was going to be a later and he was going to maybe, I don't know, be able to feel my body or something. Um, yeah, it wasn't all bad, but it wasn't good. So. Listen to that episode if you want to hear more details about Mr. 9. 2 in Italy, um, very insecure, very insecure man. Oh, I have one more. Was that 10 or? I'm getting confused. There was one guy dated multiple times I don't know what to call him. I guess he would be mr. Bad kisser. He was not a good kisser. Oh my god this is where I wish I could Overlook certain things it's a non negotiable for me. Um, my true love language, I believe is physical touch I love them all but I cannot substitute the feeling I have when it comes to physical intimacy and connection and attraction and so this guy Was attractive. He's not short, but he's not taller than me you can make up for height in other ways, being a bad kisser. is not one of those ways. So I went out with Mr. Bad Kisser a few times. I didn't kiss him on the first date. So how was I to know? How was I to know? This is why you should kiss people on the first date. Um, there were lots of vibes, lots of connections. He was highly successful. had a cool story, had a cool backstory. Was very open about his intentions up front. Like, He wanted me to be his girlfriend and I was entertaining the idea because like, you know, I met him in the fall I got a whole year single basically and I'm like, you know what maybe maybe we can see where this goes It went nowhere because we kissed. Oh my god It reminds me of that sex in the city episode where Charlotte is determined to teach this guy that she likes how to kiss, Because it's awkward. Like, how do you tell someone you're a bad kisser? And that's what she ends up doing, blurting it out, like, you're a bad kisser! Because she tried. And you can't teach someone. Like, there are some things that are impossible to teach. You're either born with it or you're not. that sounds weird. You either learn correctly the first time or you go through your life being a bad kisser And if you have to wonder if you're a bad kisser You might just be are you a bad kisser? I don't know I can tell you what, you're not a good kisser because good kissers know I'm a good kisser. I know I'm a good kisser because people tell me every chance they can how much of a good kisser I am. I take pride in kissing. I can't do everything, but I can kiss. Damn it, I can kiss. And even with my level of expertise. There's nothing I can do for this man. I don't want to get too specific. It was just gross. It was wet in the wrong places, if that makes sense. I like a nice tug, a nice like bite. If the moment Takes you but he was just like so unaware of my needs and like Registering what the other person's lips were doing I didn't mean to ghost him. I want to be clear. I did not intend to ghost this man. He still watches my stories, so he knows I'm alive. But I just didn't respond to the last text. He sent a couple text messages, I think, because I didn't know how to tell him, but I did. I don't want to go out with him because he's a bad kisser. We were vibing, we were talking about the future. And then he kissed me. And it wasn't just one time. I tried, it was two separate occurrences. Like I said, I dated this guy multiple times. So on two separate occasions, we kissed. I thought maybe the first time was a fluke. I thought maybe he was nervous and then the second time was the last time I saw him, it was like a makeout session, but it went on way too long and I didn't, I did not enjoy it. It wasn't salvageable. Like I am very optimistic. I don't mind working hard to get what I want. It just wasn't, it wasn't going to work for me. Sorry, Mr. Badkisser, forgot about him.

the-sober-butterfly_21_12-24-2024_140850: 59:38

Okay, and my last date of the year, um, we're going to call this gentleman Mr. Best Sex of my entire life. Um, yeah, okay, I'm not going to go into too much detail here. Hear me out. I'm so sorry. I'm not withholding information because I don't trust you guys. I'm withholding information because I am still. piecing this together. Like, it's an ongoing, I was gonna say investigation. It is an ongoing, um, story. It is unfolding. Um, it's 2024 as I record this. Will he be in 2025? I don't know. I hope so, because it was the best ex I've ever had in my life. That's his name. Um, I will say, okay, I'll tell you a little bit. So we matched on Hinge last year as well, but he moved. Before we had a chance to ever meet in New York, and I actually slid back into his inbox on Hinge I was clearing out my inbox on Hinge, and I'm matching with people, because, You can do that and I am matched with everyone, everyone. And then when I got to his name, something just told me to reach out. I asked him if he was still in California, which is where he had moved. I asked him about his family situation because that was what prompted him to move. And yeah, so I. Slid in this man's inbox and the rest is kind of history, I guess I can't get into it right now. I Promise you the moment it is over. I will tell you guys everything I promise you the moment it becomes something if it were to ever become something I will give you more details, but right now it's an ongoing Ongoing And I am a little bit nervous about divulging too much too soon, because I don't know how it's going to end. And I have to listen back to my own podcast episodes. I'm going to um, table, table list for now, but I promise you've not heard the last of Mr. Bessex of my life. Okay, so those are my dates. Those are all my dates for 2024. Was that 11 or 12? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. That was 12. Okay. So 12 dates. Out of the 12 dates I went on, only three of the 12 dates advanced into a second date or beyond and zero of the 12 resulted in a relationship. So here are my projections. for 2025.

the-sober-butterfly_22_12-24-2024_141348: 1:02:53

I don't want to call them goals, but. I'll say goals. My goals include building stronger connections, prioritizing my emotional well being, and exploring more about love and friendships, because I think the two should coexist.

the-sober-butterfly_24_12-24-2024_142032: 1:03:09

And that's a wrap on 2024 dating wrapped. Thank you so much for tuning in and letting me share my dating highs, lows, and everything in between. Whether you're single dating in a situation ship or a relationship, I hope this episode gave you a laugh, some insight, and maybe a little inspiration to navigate your own love life. Remember, love starts with yourself. And as Sober Butterflies, we're all about showing up authentically, even in the tricky world of dating. If you enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend. You can also find me on Instagram at the period sober butterfly for more dating stories. Sober tips and behind the scenes fun this is our final episode of 2024. It has been such an amazing journey with you guys this year. I'm truly grateful for all of your love, all of your support, all of your feedback. Please keep reaching out to the show. And I'm really excited to rebrand in 2025 and create episodes that you really want to hear. Love you guys. Happy new year. Bye.