The Sober Butterfly Podcast

Dating, Anxiety & Finding Joy in Sobriety with Maddie from Happiest Sober

• Nadine Benjamin

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In this episode of The Sober Butterfly, host Nadine interviews Maddie from 'Happiest Sober'. Maddie shares her experiences and challenges before and after achieving sobriety, emphasizing how it transformed her life by making her more optimistic and brave. They delve into Maddie's reasons for drinking, how sobriety has affected her dating life and standards, and the importance of celebrating sobriety. Maddie offers advice for navigating dating apps and talks about overcoming her fear of flying. Additionally, they discuss the growth of Maddie's online sober community and upcoming projects. Maddie’s story is an inspiring testament to the positive changes sobriety can bring.

Part 2 of Maddie's Story will debut next Friday :)

Connect with Maddie 🌈

Instagram: @happiest sober

Podcast: Happiest Sober
Community: https://www.happiestsober.com/

Connect with Nadine and TSB 🦋

  • Instagram: @the.soberbutterfly @soberbutterflypodcast
  •  YouTube:@thesoberbutterfly

This episode is also available on YouTube for your viewing pleasure:

Watch here ➡️ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_Td1XATr9o&t=77s

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Nadine:

Hello. Hello. And welcome to the Sober Butterfly. I'm your host Nadine. And today we are joined with a very special guest. We have Madeline, AKA Maddie from Happiest Sober. Maddie, welcome to the show.

Madeline:

Hi, thanks so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Nadine:

I am so excited to have you here

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

In case anyone's unfamiliar with Maddie, which you should know who Maddie is, but you are, you know, happy as sober I've been following you forever. I would love to just play a quick getting to know Maddie game. Is that cool?

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

So My first question for you, Maddie, if you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Oh my God. Describe myself in three words. I'll say sober because that's a part of myself that I'm proud of. Sober. I think I'm an optimist.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

Love that.

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

and I think, you know what, since I got sober, I would also use the word brave. I think I've become a much more brave person in sobriety.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

If you could describe Maddie, not sober, what three words?

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Anxious fearful, like definitely lived a much smaller, more timid kind of in my shell life. And just a little lost. I would say lost.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

Drinking Maddie. Why did you drink? And I know that's a hard question to answer, but like, what do you think was your main reason or your why for turning to alcohol?

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

I think in my early days I would have said fun. Like, I think that was genuinely my why for it in the beginning was I was like, it's so much fun. But by the end of my drinking days, anything was an excuse to drink. If I was having a good time, I wanted to drink to make it more fun. If I was having a bad time, I wanted to drink to numb that. I think my life in the end became very revolved around alcohol and it was what I reached for to deal with any emotion. And it was also. Kind of the main thing I really looked forward to, which is a sad statement.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

So I already know the answer to this, but coffee or tea. You have the best like stories, Instagram stories every morning, like good morning and it's a cup of coffee. So how do you take your coffee?

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Oh, I take my coffee black.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

Oh my God.

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Yeah. Are you a coffee drinker?

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

I'm like, Oh yes,

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Okay.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

am.

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

How do you take yours?

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

So I used to be a straight up black girl. That's also like reminiscent of my drinking days. Like, I don't need a chaser. Give it to me straight. Oh,

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

alcohol. That's so

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

you were.

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

would

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

I was. I was definitely like, yeah, I don't want, I don't want the extra. Just give me the thing. But then actually, I just feel like it's a bit harsh on my stomach because usually I drink coffee first thing in the morning. I know that's not a good. Tip, like you should probably eat or like have water, but like I'm pretty much like straight to the coffee So now I do coffee with a splash just like a splash of almond milk

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Ooh, that's good. I love any type of coffee. Like if I'm doing ice, then I'll get something like sweet. It like, if I'm drinking hot coffee, it's black.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

That's so funny. I'm the opposite. If I'm doing iced the ice literally like dilutes it. So I'm good. I don't need anything else Yeah, it's so funny how that works. Okay. Anyway, one more rapid fire question for you Okay, I know that you have run some really cool sober trips with your community. I definitely saw Costa Rica. Where else have you gone?

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Croatia. So I've done Costa Rica and Croatia are the two sober trips I've done.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

That's incredible. So if you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be?

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Okay. So I I lived in Australia for a year and that's where I did some of my worst drinking. And now this stage of my life, I would love to go back and do Australia sober. So that's still my answer. I would do Australia again, but I would do it right this time and I would do it sober.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

That's beautiful. Give us a little bit more on that. Like how old were you when you did this? Was this a study abroad? Like what was the setup? Like,

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

So I was 24 and I had just gotten out of a five year relationship and I had actually like already done school and I was working a job in my industry. I was at the beginning of my career, but then getting out of that relationship, I kind of had this like, you know what, I'm like, I'm still young. I'm not tied down. Like, this is kind of the time. So I just quit my job and I went and this is one of my, like, and I. I won't say I regret it because I think it was a super important part of my journey, but it's the thing that I've felt the most regret about for sure is that I went there being like, this is going to be like a year of self discovery and grow that I'm going to like, I thought it would be this awesome growth experience for me. And it got So derailed by my drinking. So I went and like, that's where my drinking really took a turn where I was drinking almost every day. And ironically, it did end up being a stepping stone to my growth because I think it was an important stepping stone to me getting sober when I did. But yeah, I would love to go back and do it again. Sober.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

Oh I see that in the future for you. Oh, you can make it happen.

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

I hope so.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

That's incredible. I've been to close to 50 countries, never been to Austin. It's high on my list.

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Oh, you have, okay. You have to message me when you go and we'll chat about it. That's amazing. You've been to 50 countries.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

Yes. Yeah, I want to go to more. It's my favorite thing to do. And ironically, it's always been my favorite thing to do, even when I was drinking, but everything is different now. Like I actually enjoy and remember my trip And I'm not putting myself in crazy situations. And funny enough, I also lived abroad for a year. I lived in Mexico. It's not a broad to the country. I don't know. I lived in another country. And so it was really a fun experience, but similar to what you mentioned, My drinking escalated and it was probably at its worst.

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Yep.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

so yes,

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

when you like go live abroad somewhere, at least for me, I ended up making it this like free pass of like, I'm on this cool, like holiday experience. I'm going to just drink YOLO kind of thing, which like looking back, I'm like, Oh, what a waste that was. But I've talked to a lot of people who have had that same experience of like living abroad and then that's when they drink the heaviest

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

And I also thought it would be like this transformative adventure. It,

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

right.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

well actually it, it helped me recognize how bad my drinking was and I came home. I was like, okay, I'm done. So

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

little bit longer after I came home to be done, but

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

for 25 mid twenties, I was 30. I just hit 30 and

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Okay.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

That's, that was my time.

squadcaster-9cf4_2_01-28-2025_170833:

Yep.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-28-2025_190833:

I've given like 10 plus years of my life to drinking.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-08-2025_164227:

And now a quick word from our partners.

the-sober-butterfly_25_12-24-2024_142305:

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the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

​Okay, welcome back to the Sober Butterfly. Maddie, I would love to hear from you because it's February. We're talking all about love and relationship and sex on the podcast. And I want to learn from you. What did your dating life look like? Before sobriety, I know you mentioned you had your year abroad in Australia post breakup, and we already know breakups can be life altering and changing. And so I would love to hear like, how have your relationship dynamics, especially around bromance, changed or shifted, if at all, from sobriety.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

my gosh. They've shifted a lot. I shudder looking at a lot of my dating stories and my drinking days, as I think most of us do. But I think for sure, especially after that big breakup and particularly in my time in Australia, I definitely was looking for a lot of validation in my dating life. And the biggest. Difference really for me is how much my standards shifted after I got sober. Like when I was drinking, I stayed in, I mean, first of all, I gave people the time of day that I never should have given the time of day, but also in like, Relationships. I stayed in relationships so much longer beyond when I knew that it wasn't right for me. And especially the last relationship I had before getting sober, which I got sober like a month after breaking up with this person, but it was just like a super toxic relationship. And I moved in with him knowing it was a super toxic relationship. And I think something that has shifted in sobriety for me is first of all, like definitely just. My standards got so much higher, but also I stopped like wasting time sticking around and things once I knew they weren't right. It's almost like once you get honest with yourself to get sober, you can't not be honest with yourself and like other areas too. So there were just, I feel like I had lots of first dates that were not second dates and I had shorter relationships. Cause it's like, once I know, and I can't lie to myself and I'm out.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

I love that. And I resonate with a lot of that as well. There were so many relationships that I clung to that I knew were

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Yep.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Also, ingesting toxic substances made it easier for me

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Right.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Did you experience any anxiety when it came time to start dating sober?

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Yes. I always say when I got sober, there were two things that I was like, I don't know how I'll ever do this sober. One was flying because I have a fear of flying that I used to get drunk to fly and the other one was dating. And it wasn't. It wasn't just anxiety and nerves about dating, even though absolutely that was there, but it was actually feeling like it wasn't going to be as exciting or as fun. Like I, my drinking days, to me, there was like nothing more romantic. Then like having drinks with a partner. And I think also it's kind of interesting, like my first, like love, I met him right at the same time that I started drinking and we were 17 so when we would drink together is when we would say. Start to be lovey dovey and start to like tell each other how we felt. And so I think for me, love and relationships and drinking were so intertwined and like, it just felt like the way to connect with somebody. And so, yes, I was nervous at the prospect of sober dating, but I also just felt like there would be such this lack of connection has turned out to be the total opposite. I think that when you're connecting with someone, Sober that's when it's actual real connection. But I couldn't fathom that at first

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

yeah. I'm the same way, I can recognize when there was not a connection because I have clarity. And before I was having a really hard time discerning if I actually liked someone because alcohol was always in the mix. So it's like, it was in our. inorganic, inauthentic connection because we're both drinking and we're just like, Oh my God, this person's amazing. And we're like, they get it. And it's like, actually, now that I'm not drinking, I can pick up on so many more cues. And red flags that I'm yeah, I'm just not interested and that's okay. It's okay You don't have to like every single person you go out with

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

I just have to say too to your point before I couldn't agree more about like when you're Drinking you feel feelings that wouldn't be there sober Like there was a guy who I dated for like four months in my drinking days who I even said I was like I only like him when we're drinking like i'm not really into him when we're sober like

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

All the time. So it's like great.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Problem solved. Just be drunk the whole time.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Yeah,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

I, I remember feeling so discouraged by the dating process in like my first, you know, couple years or just the time that I was single and sobriety, because was such like, I would go and be like, not into him. Not into him. And the thing is if I was drinking on the day, like you would feel like being drunk with someone or getting a buzz, it makes you feel things that aren't there. Like it makes you feel into somebody that you wouldn't otherwise. And so that is like a blessing in sobriety. Maybe it feels like a curse if you're just like, Oh my God, like no one's, no one feels like it's it, or there's no sparks, but that you're actually there to discover when there are sparks. Actually sparks and they're not coming from the alcohol, right?

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

absolutely.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

so I totally relate to that, but yeah, so I, okay. I like broke that golden one year rule and

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

It's not folded.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

I agree. I'm not a, Rules person. When it comes to sobriety, I think everyone's journey is so different and everyone has to do whatever's best for them. But I dated for the first time at like three months sober and dated someone for a few months. And it was one of those situations of like, It's just seeing red flags and then being like, Oh, I'm actually going to exit this. And it going through, like, I think it was more impactful for me going through my first, like breakup sober, almost then like first relationship sober. Cause I realized like, Oh my God, I always drank to get through a breakup. And I realized I moved on from it so much quicker because I did it sober. Like I actually processed all those feelings, but spent probably the first. Two years of my sobriety, kind of like on and off the dating apps. And then at a certain point I was just like, okay, I need a break and I'm going to step back from apps and I'm going to just go all in on myself and focus on myself. And it was around that time that I was starting like the podcasting and starting my community and planning my first sober trip. And I just, I did have this shift of being like, I don't want to focus anymore. I want to focus on becoming like the best version of myself and the happiest version of myself and like, then that will be, that's going to ultimately

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

attraction.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Anybody anyway? Yes, exactly. And then. And then I did end up meeting my boyfriend that, that spring after that, so,

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Amazing. Can I ask how you guys met?

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

yeah, so my first sober trip that I hosted like group trip to Costa Rica he was on it and that's where we met. No,

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Wait. Okay. Was he your dms? Maddie? Like tell us, did you know

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

no, he wasn't like the first DM he ever sent me was to ask about the trip. Like, he was like, Hey, like I saw your sober trip.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

He had a plan, but man had a plan. That's amazing. That is,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Yeah, it was a really fun way to meet him. And it was like, Oh my God, such an awesome trip and such an awesome group of people. And I stayed in touch with everybody after that trip and him and I stayed in touch. And then we got together like a few months after.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

I love that. Okay. So going back to before when we talked about what I found super unique and when I say unique, it's like unique for me because I didn't realize that other people felt this way, which is like sober dating, it can be a little disheartening because you're feeling like you don't, you're not making connections with people and you're like, this is boring. Or like you start romanticizing maybe alcohol where it was so much easier.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Yes.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Forge those connections. So I want to learn from you, what was the experience like when you met him IRL and. How does that connect to what you were talking about before dating in sobriety?

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Let me say I relate so hard with like I felt so discouraged by dating for a while for that exact reason. Like I remember having those moments and saying to my mom like this was just easier when I could drink. Like I'm like not feeling a connection with anybody and like I knew in my mind that the only reason was because it made me feel a connection with people that there was no connection with, but it still can just feel disheartening. Right. But I think really what's happening is like, you're not blind to red flags anymore when you're drinking and your standards are so much higher. And now you're actually there to not waste your time with people who there's no connection with. Right. So I totally agree. Totally have felt that to as for your question about when we met, like, yeah, it was an interesting way to meet because I'm there and I'm like, The host of the trip. So my mind was like, not there at all. Like I was not there with any agenda of meeting anybody and didn't like, think that was going to be a thing or a possibility. And I definitely, like, there were definitely like, I, I liked him, like, you know, and he ended up staying, he and one of the other girls on the trip ended up saying the three of us were there one extra night.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Okay,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

and so then we got more time in like a smaller. Group the three of us and so by the end of the trip like I did like him for sure, but I was not I wasn't thinking that way being there if that makes sense because the trip wasn't about that

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

but you felt like a connection.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Yeah, I definitely did.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

That's beautiful. Okay, that gives us all hope like I felt I had action since then but I just think for anyone because that's a common question I get from people like well, like how do I discern if I'm connecting with people like is this normal to like not feel a sense of oh I like this even attraction like i'm like, oh like i'm Sometimes I feel like I'm nitpicking, I'm like, there's no buffer, so I'm just kind of like watching and observing everything and not even judging, but kind of just like, yeah, this was easier when I was drinking, like, I could forego and forgive a lot more than I can now.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Okay. Let me say like I felt that too of like there was even a guy who I dated who I met on an app who was like, oh my God, he was so. And he did everything right. And I kept seeing him because I was like, you know what, sometimes it's a slow burn, and this guy deserves a second date, and he deserves a third date, and I will get there, and I'm gonna like him because he, like, checks every box and is such a good, sweet, nice guy, whatever. And it just wasn't there for me.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Reward. Reward.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Just like from the get go, there just wasn't like attraction or a spark. And I tried to force it because he was just such a nice guy. And I felt that same way of worrying, like what connection would feel like dating sober because I wasn't finding it. But then when I did, it was like unmistakable. Like I knew. I knew that I liked him and like, we're long distance. He lives in Denver. I live in Toronto. So it was even like crossing into more than friendship was like, there were so many question marks around it. Right. Because of the circumstances of that, but it felt worth it because there was a strong connection. So it was unmistakable. So it does exist in sobriety. It does.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

I love it. And be honest with us, Maddie, you overcame your fear of flying, because you wanted to go to Denver. Man, you're like,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

I've flown sober a few times already, but yes, I regularly tell him I get on planes lots and I hate flying. Like, that says something.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

there. I love that so much. Okay. I kind of want to get into it because you mentioned apps. I'm a millennial girly. I think millennials, we're on the apps. I mean, like, it's really not impossible, but it's hard to meet people IRL, even if you live in a big city like Toronto or New York. So I want to know from you, like, these are questions I've been asked. So dating app, are you putting, well, you're happily in a

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

but I was on them. I was on

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

When you were on them, were you putting visibly in your bio or on whatever the page is called? Were you listing anywhere that you were sober? Cause like there are features you can toggle on and off like, oh, drink or smoke or do drugs or whatever. Were you doing that, making that visible and follow up? Did you have any prompts that indicated that I'm a sober girl?

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Okay. I love this question because I had such an interesting experience with this.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Okay.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

I was on Bumble and hinge, but mostly hinge. And in the beginning, I didn't have it as like a question, like, you know, the prompts on hinge where you say things about yourself, I just had it. And know, I just put no for all of them, but then what I was noticing was I was like, a lot of people aren't either looking at that or seeing it. And so I found myself getting so frustrated by having to have the conversation and people asking me on dates and like, not real, not seeing that I didn't drink. And, you know, the annoying responses you can sometimes get to that. And so I. Finally had this moment of I'm over this. I'm like putting it on so you can't miss it. So what I did was the question was one thing you should know about me is and I put because this was my this was I was in this place where I was like, I don't care if you drink like as long I felt like as long as you drink You are not a problematic drinker. I don't mind if you drink. I don't mind if you drink around me. So what I put as my answer was, I don't drink, but I'll happily cheers your beer with my mocktail

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Oh

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Okay, but you know what the craziest thing was? I put that prompt to literally being like, I'm over it. I want to weed out the people who aren't okay with it. I want to make sure they see it. But what I didn't anticipate was that was going to attract the people who either Thought that was cool or who were also taking a break or sober themselves. And the amount of times, like, I just thought it would be there for people to see it and know it. But the amount of times, cause you know, on hinge, you can send like a like, or a message to a specific thing got so many likes and messages of people being like green flag or like, this is so cool. Let's go on a sober date. Or like me too. I'm doing a dry January. Like I got so. Many from that. And I was like, Oh my God, me owning it and putting that out there is actually, it's not only weeding out people who aren't okay with it. It's attracting the people who either don't drink or just like see it as a really freaking cool thing as they should.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

I love

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

That's my dating app advice.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

that is the best advice. We are in alignment. I'm all about visibility, transparency, because, and the framing of that is beautiful. It's not like I don't drink and I hate alcohol. Like that can be scary. It's literally like, I'm celebrating my sobriety. Like, I'm happy to have a mocktail, but like, do you, if you want to have a beer, like, I have people, I've been on dates with people who have gotten drunk knowing that I'm sober, but that's a story for another day, but for the most part,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

flag.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

like that, it's like, you are not looking at it from like a negative deficit, you're like, oh, like, this is who I am, and if you're cool with that, I'm cool with you, like, so long as, to your point, it's not a problem, and I think that's so important. Phenomenal. And I thought it was so cute. So you guys listen to Maddie at, if you're on the apps hinge in particular, I'm a hinge girl, put something like that, because I think it also, what it does is it cuts through the extra layer, I think of awkwardness, which is like,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

you mind if I drink?

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

yeah,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

exactly. It's just like very like upfront. Like I don't, to your point, like no one's reading the little, like I read them because I want to know, I want to know what I'm doing.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

care. So it's especially like the frequency levels. It's like never, sometimes, often, always. I'm like, I'm definitely paying attention to that. Because most people at least I know, even when I was in my heyday of drinking, like, I would probably scale back the amount that I drank. It's just like when you go to the doctor and they're like, how many drinks per week do you have? I'm like, Two. I will look you dead in your eye, doc, and I'll be like, two, two, the healthy amount, whatever the recommendation is. So I feel like people who do that too, they usually present their best version of self, as you probably, yes, you're like, oh, I'm a social person, what are you talking about?

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

And it was like, you can either say like often or socially or something, and I put socially. And then I remember the guy who I met on Bumble and dated for a while, called me out one time and was like, you should have put frequently. I was like, how dare you? right. But how dare you?

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Yeah, so I would say another tip for anyone listening, pay attention to those like, whatever icons, because people usually present the best version of themselves. So I'm like, sometimes smoker, please, you're a stoner, or you smoke cigarettes, regular, like, let's quit playing. And if they put drugs, I'm just not into it. I'm like, the fact that like,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Same here.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

That is crazy to me. So just so fun. So one other quick question about like dates and I would love to learn from you. Were you ever quote disqualified? And I hate the framing of that, but like, this is a question that's been posed. Were you ever disqualified for being sober? Like, has anyone ever been like, not into it? Don't want to date a sober girl. Thanks for

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

I had this really funny experience one time where it wasn't necessarily that, but it was a guy who I'd matched with and we had a date planned and it was for that weekend and he, we were like messaging back and forth leading up to the date, like a couple of days before. And said, what's your drink of choice? And I said like, Oh, I don't drink, but like, I love a mocktail kind of thing. And then he tries to call me and he's like, call me. I have a question for you. And I was like, I'm out. And I think I texted him. Then I texted him back the next day and was like, Hey, what was your question? And he's like, call me. So I get on the phone with this guy and he, Immediately goes like, so why don't you drink? And like, it like exactly like that in that tone. And he goes like, you know, I don't know if you like. I literally, I think I gave him a really short answer and I was like didn't really love how it made me feel, didn't love being hung over. And then he goes, okay, so like, you didn't like go to rehab or anything. And I literally was like, no, I didn't go to rehab already plotting the fact that I'm blocking this guy after getting off this call.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

right.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

like, no, I didn't go to rehab. And he's like, okay. You know, cause like. I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but like I drink, you know, I'm I like to me and my friends when we socialize, we drink and I'm like, yep, you know, everyone in my life drinks. I'm pretty used to it kind of thing. So then whatever, I kind of rushed off the phone, didn't go out with him, blocked him. So I guess I disqualified myself because of his weird vibes, but I did have that experience,

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

That's great.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

I, yeah,

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

No, you saved

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

rough one.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

yourself. The

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

God. A hundred percent.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

flash took itself out. And you know what's crazy is I know that man wanted you to call him because he wanted to catch you off guard. He could have texted you and been like, Hey, like, just,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

hundred percent.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

but he wanted to, but he literally wanted to be like, Ooh, I'm going to get her. I want to know, I want her to tell me like, like, I want to hear her tone.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Yeah, it was and I was like, Oh my God, you couldn't just like meet me and like suss out in person what you thought the vibe was like it was so weird to you that I didn't drink like

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

No, it

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

know about you.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

is so. No, the point is, it is so important to him. Alcohol is so important to him. Like the fact that he's like, Oh, you know, I'm not an alcoholic. That's not a good opener. Like if you have to do a

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

then not good, but let me say too, just so people don't like get discouraged. If you haven't dipped your toe into the dating scene, like I got so many really nice replies from people who were drinkers themselves. Like the I dated guys who were like, I think that's like so cool. Brave. Someone said that to me or someone said like, that's really inspiring that you did that. And I'm like that coming from someone, you don't really expect a response like that from someone who isn't sober themselves, because usually like only sober people really get how brave it is and everything that goes into it. So I think like. You know getting that response for me was so encouraging because I was like, oh like that's my new standard Like we don't have to settle for anything less than someone who sees it as a really incredible thing about us, right?

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

positive.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

people are out there

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Thank you for saying that because I have just, okay, for all the negative experience that I have in dating, I counter, I probably have better, more, better experiences. But it's interesting, like the memorable ones, like the crazy stories, like this,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

ones? Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

or like one time a guy, Who pretended, and it was funny because he was kind of like a friend, like a mutual friend. And I knew he was into me and it was like the wee hours of my early sobriety. We went to dinner and he's supporting my sobriety. Like, Oh, I think it's so great, Nadine, that you don't drink. And he knew me from back in the day. So he knew I like, how I like, how I liked to get down. So he was like, yeah, I'm supporting it. And then literally we go to Soho house and he's like, I'm going to get us drinks. What do you want? And I mentioned Soho house only because I feel like they do a really good job of having a pretty comprehensive mocktail list. So I'm like, Oh, like I want this mocktail. I think I go to the bathroom and then I'm like, Looking for him. And he calls me over to the bar. This man has lined up shots for us.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

he did not.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Oh God, I can't make this up. And this is someone that I knew personally, like, like that had some mutual respect for me. So like that, but that's something that stands out to me cause it was early sobriety. And

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

leave? Like, what did you do? Did you leave? Did you

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

I think I was like really taken aback. I was just like, I told you, I was like, I don't, I'm not drinking. Cause I think another part was like, he was partly testing me. Like I said, I was early. I was probably like five or six Weeks into my sobriety. I was in London actually. So like I got sober and then I went on this like crazy long trip. And so I was like. I'm in a new environment. I'm telling you at dinner about how I am so like happy. I'm not drinking. You're pretending to be supportive. And I think he just like had a hard time of like. accepting who I was. I'm trying to get him. That's another thing. I was really angry in my early sobriety and I was like super just sensitive to how people responded. Now I can look back and I'm like, he probably just didn't believe me. Like he probably was just like, okay, need me. Cause that's kind of how he was. And like, it was awkward. I do actually remember the bartender looked and was like, Oh, like, I thought, well, what do you want? And so I think he did end up getting me my drink and he took shots and like, he even ordered another drink for him and it was just like, vibe, vibes killed. But thankfully other people were there that night. He was just latched onto me but other people were there and I was just you asshole, like, anyway there are a lot of positive experiences and that's a non example, but anyone that doesn't respect your sobriety, I think is that's a deal breaker, right? Like, that's just a,

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

percent. And you know what? What a gift to have such an immediate thing to weed people out. Like, that's how I view it. I'm like, it is something that like, when you're dating, it's As a drinker, you don't have that like test so early on of like, you know, how someone responds, like by how they respond to the fact that you don't drink. That's like such a great test right off the bat on like whether it's worth continuing.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

that's the litmus test, right? I like that. It's a great reframe. It's like, all right, I can tell right now, because it's not just alcohol, right? If you don't respect this about me, there are going to be other things that come up

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

take me seriously as a person. And that's problematic for me. It's very problematic.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

And it's like, don't just respect it, but also celebrate it. Like literally,

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Thank you.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

deserves to be celebrated.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

It's absolutely worth celebrating. Okay. Speaking of. I would love to celebrate some of the accomplishments that you've met. You've done because you mentioned before, like when you were describing the archetype of Maddie before sobriety, like you were fearful and you had anxiety and now you described yourself as courageous or brave. And I would just love to learn from you. What are some ways in which you've really stretched yourself or grown in your sobriety? I love that. That's important. Whoa. And

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

shifting from like being a very anxious, fearful person to feeling like I'm brave doesn't mean that I am not still anxious and fearful. It means that I do things despite being anxious and fearful. So it's not. Yeah, it's not like the absence of any of that. It's that I think genuinely just like getting sober and doing something so scary and so hard that requires being uncomfortable made me so much more willing to be uncomfortable in like other areas of my life too. And so I think that is just something where I have been willing. To stretch myself. And a really great example of that is I counted actually recently, I've done 32 sober flights as someone who like,

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

28 of those were to Denver. I'm joking. Yeah.

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

somewhere to Denver, like as someone who I used to get drunk to get on a plane and the first time I flew sober, I was crying at takeoff. Like, so like a really intense fear. And it's still I'm not. Fully comfortable. I'm still a nervous flyer, but I've made so much progress there. And I think just, Oh my gosh, so many things like being on having a podcast, being on a podcast, showing up online. I could never dream of doing something like that in my drinking days. Cause I would be way too scared. Like I've, I'm not someone who does like public speaking, but I've like spoken on panels. Like I do things that, you know, not because I'm not scared of them, but I do things because I'm willing to. myself be seen and I'm willing to like show up and do things that are out of my comfort zone. And, you know, another example of that is hosting the sober trips, like being the host and like a bunch of sober people are flying out to a new country that like, I've never been to either. And like, I'm there to kind of bring everybody together. But that's like, to me, the most perfect example of like how the things that are the most out of our comfort zone have like the highest. Reward and end up being the most incredible experience as a hundred percent.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-28-2025_194953:

Do you know why you're afraid of flying? Like, does something happen to you?

squadcaster-9cf4_3_01-28-2025_174953:

You know what? I'm not good This is what I've learned. I'm not good with Things where I feel very out of control. So I'm not good on boats I am a wreck if I'm in the car and it's snowing. I'm not good, which is not great for me because I'm Canadian I'm just not good with Like, yeah, I'm out of control and I get on a plane and it feels unnatural. And I'm, I feel like I could fall to my death at any moment. Like nothing ever happened. It's just always been there for me.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

Just have one final question for you, is if you could give advice to your younger self, and that can be any younger self, 7 year old Maddie, 15 year old Maddie, 25 year old Maddie from yesterday, but if you could give piece of advice to yourself, what would that be?

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Oh my gosh. That's hard. I feel like I get asked like, what advice would you give to someone in a relationship? And sobriety. And that feels so much easier to me than giving advice to myself. But I think for me, and I think this is not just for my past self, this is for my current self, but I'm like my own worst critic still to this day, which is something that I'm definitely working on, but I think for sure, you know, in My past self, my drinking self. So I think just to fricking be kind, to give myself compassion. I don't have to show up perfectly. I'm someone who, when I have struggled, I beat myself up for struggling like I put pressure on myself to be okay And I think just remembering like we're all human It's okay to go through periods where you're not okay, and it's okay to be kind to yourself through that So I think that's to my past self, but also to my current self when I need it now, too

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

I love that. And I connect with that. And I highly recommend you're listening at home. If you're not following Maddie please follow at happiest sober. I'm now going to open the platform. Maddie, tell us a little bit more about your work, where we can find you and your podcast. I would love to hear more and just any projects that you're working on.

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Oh, thank you. Yeah. Okay. You can find me as you said on Instagram at happiest sober. Also my podcast, happiest sober podcast on all platforms and my sober community, the happiest sober hub. We meet on zoom a few times a week. It's like. Such an incredible community of people there. My mom also hosts some meetings in the community too. And we have we had our first yearly in person meetup last summer. So that will be, there'll be another in person meetup for community members this year as well. I also just started vlogging, which is kind of a fun new thing.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

YouTube. Keep it up.

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

fun.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

It's fun, but it's so much more blogging. So I commend you for that. what do you showcase in your blogs?

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Different things. Like, honestly, I approached vlogging as like, I'm just going to treat this as just like a fun new thing. And so I've like, I just blogged, you know, my travel date to Denver a couple of weeks ago. And it's kind of a combination of like, Oh, I'm doing something fun today. Or like, I went on a road trip for a weekend away. So like, come along with me while I do it. Sober kind of thing. And then also some like little coffee chats mixed in there with sober tips. and stuff. So that's just a fun new thing I'm doing, but happy at happiest sober on YouTube as well.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

I love that. And if you haven't already done this or plans to do it, I think you should do a blog or maybe even an extended video around traveling, airport stuff. So, as someone who has a fear of flying, like talking through that, because I love to fly, but. a girl who's always loved to fly, like, a weirdo that would love to be in airports. drank. Like, I was still a

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Right.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

Also triggered in the airport because it's like no man's land, like, where are we? What dimension? What

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Yep.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

It's like, you see people drinking at 7am and it's normal. So if you don't already have something in the works, I highly recommend doing that because I think so many people would benefit from hearing that part of your story and seeing what that's like actually live, like you going through the motions. I think that would be so cool.

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Yeah, I need to do that. I did do a bit of my travel day here to Denver, but I kind of just like talked through it a bit getting ready and then I didn't end up filming much of the like airport experience. So that is on my list of like, I should do a full one of those for sure.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

well, be watching thank you so much once again for coming on. I love everything that you're doing. Keep talking about sobriety. I think it's so important and I love Happy is Sober, but the name too. And even though I was talking before, it's not always like hunky dory, we're all happy. I do also think really important to show people how beautiful sobriety can be. Like we need that representation. need that visibility because I still think there's a misnomer or misconception

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Yeah,

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

is boring and your life is over.

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

I believed it at first. Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

I get DMs all the time, like, Oh my God, thank you so much for like the positive, like the way you refame things, Maddie, that's a gift. Like, I do think

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Oh

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

such a positive person and like, keep leaning into that

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Thank you

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

know that life begins once you get sober.

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Thank you so much for having me like I Loved this conversation so much I really could talk to you forever and like I resonate so much with everything you said and I love everything you do So so much. So keep doing what you're doing, too.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

thank you. And I'll be on your podcast

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Yes.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

coming up.

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't wait. I cannot wait.

the-sober-butterfly_4_01-28-2025_202320:

All right. Thank you so much, Maddie.

squadcaster-9cf4_4_01-28-2025_182320:

Thank you

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-16-2025_222513:

Wow, what an amazing conversation with Maddie. I truly love her. She keeps it so real, relatable, and inspiring, especially when it comes to sober dating. self love and finding true confidence without alcohol. I left that conversation feeling so inspired and literally when we stopped recording, we kept talking and I shared with her just how I was feeling or sensing a pullback from the guy that, you know, If you listened to my breakup episode, yes, that guy, was sensing a pullback from this guy I was talking to, and she really left such a positive impression. She said to me, if not this, something better. And Maddie, I just want you to know I've been reciting that ever since. So truly, I know that wasn't in the episode, but that's something that has left such A meaningful impression on me. And it's really helped me through some dark days because we know breakups suck. Even if it was just a situation ship, anyway, if you enjoyed this episode, please take a second to rate and review the sober butterfly podcast. It really helps more people find the show. And also don't forget to share this episode with a friend who might need to hear it. I have good news. You can also watch the full episode on YouTube to see our conversation in action and be sure to check out Maddie's podcast, Happiest Sober, for more sober inspo. You can also join her community. You can also join her community at Happiest Sober on social media to connect with like minded people. I'm going to drop Everything in the show notes you already know, that's all for today folks. Thank you for listening and Until next time stay strong stay empowered and keep spreading those sober butterfly wings I love you butterflies. See you next week