10 Things Every Sober Girl Needs for Dating & Relationships

In this episode of 'The Sober Butterfly' podcast, Nadine shares the 10 Things Every Sober Girl Needs for Dating & Relationships, whether single, taken, or just flirting. 

The 10 Things Every Sober Girl Needs for Dating & Relationships:

• a functional brain 🧠
• a voice that works (and speaks up) 🗣️
• an inner voice/intuition ✨ 
• a bailout plan 🏃🏾‍♀️‍➡️
• a dating profile exuding main character energy 💃🏾
• a sexy non-alcoholic drink order 🍸
• a supportive group chat 💬
• confidence 😎
• a boundaries blueprint 🚫
• hobbies that make life fulfilling 🤸🏾‍♀️

Connect with Nadine and TSB 🦋

• Instagram: @the.soberbutterfly @soberbutterflypodcast
•  YouTube:@thesoberbutterfly

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Transcript

the-sober-butterfly_5_02-26-2025_063642: 0:02

Hello. Hello, sober butterflies and welcome back to another episode of The Sober Butterfly, your go-to for Thriving in Life Without Booze. I'm your host, Nadine Mulvina, and today we're wrapping up our February Love series with something special because, sober dating. It's a different kind of beast. Gone are the days of blackout make outs. And who is this morning text if you know? You know, we are dating with clarity, confidence in a fully functioning frontal lobe. So today I'm giving you 10 things every sober girl needs for dating and relationships, whether you're single, taken, or just flirting for the plot. Let's get into it.

the-sober-butterfly_6_02-26-2025_063934: 0:50

Okay, so in no particular order, I'm going to share my 10 essentials for sober dating navigating relationships, dating love, sex, all that. Truly, I think every girl needs these things, whether you're sober, sober, curious. Or not even interested in getting sober. These are just things I think that you should apply in your dating game plan. So without further ado, I'm going to share my 10 essentials. As mentioned, this is in no particular order, and I will give a full breakdown of each of these essentials later on in the episode. So here we go. Drum roll please.

the-sober-butterfly_7_02-26-2025_064238: 1:29

Okay. Coming in hot with number one, A brain that works. No more blackout decision making. Number two, a voice that works. If you're not saying what you need, you're settling number three. Inner voice, AKA intuition. Number four, a bailout plan because we don't do bad dates outta politeness. Number five. A hinge profile or dating profile of your choice that screams main character energy, not sad girl or desperate girl. Energy over here. Number six, a sexy non-alcoholic drink order. Ordering water is giving undercover coffee, babe. Number seven, a group chat to debrief because you cannot keep these stories to yourself. Number eight. True confidence, the kind that does not require a shot of tequila. Number nine, a boundaries blueprint, knowing what's a hell Yes, versus a boy bye number 10 Hobbies, or as I like to call them, a life. So that is my comprehensive list of the 10 essentials for sober dating and relationships that every girl needs. Now let me do you a solid and break down what each of these essentials actually mean and entail.

the-sober-butterfly_8_02-26-2025_064545: 2:54

All right, so let's start with the basics. Number one, to kickstart this list is a brain that works. I really wanna emphasize that works part. We all have brains revolutionary, I know, but not all of us are utilizing our brains to their full capacity. And what I mean by that is oftentimes if you are drinking on a date or if you're drinking your way through a relationship, because I am, I'm guilty of that. I've definitely been in relationships with people. Mostly hazy, like mostly under the influence of a substance because I wanted to forge a connection or I wanted to numb my way through the sheer boredom or lack of connection I felt with that person. if you can relate, let me know, but we're not doing that anymore.

the-sober-butterfly_9_02-26-2025_065011: 3:41

You are not just going through the motions.

the-sober-butterfly_10_02-26-2025_065455: 3:43

And listen guys, I am such a lover girl, certified lover girl over here, our heart is so connected to our emotions as well as the brain at times, but for the most part, I think our heart guides a lot of how we feel.

the-sober-butterfly_9_02-26-2025_065011: 3:57

But we cannot just rely solely on our emotions. We have to use our brain and using your brain. Especially when you are just starting to get to know someone, whether this is a first date. Or you're exploring the idea of entering a relationship with a partner. You need to go beyond just emotions to assess your potential partner or your potential date thoughtfully, and consider things outside of just like a level of attractiveness, right? Or a level of closeness that you feel because you're drinking with that person. I cannot tell you how many times I've been on. What I would consider probably bad dates, but at the time I was more interested in getting to know that person because I was drinking and I, I recently saw a funny meme on Instagram where it was like, yeah, do I actually like this person or do I just like talking about myself and drinking alcohol? And I thought, yeah, that is spot on. That was me. I was relying heavily on alcohol to connect with people, and I like to talk about myself and I like to get to know people, but did I actually like the person I was dating or sitting across from me at the table?

the-sober-butterfly_10_02-26-2025_065455: 5:04

Not drinking is helping us critically think. Analyzing a person's behavior, their actions and their words to understand their true intentions and whether or not that aligns with your needs. Compatibility, right? I think using your brain also entails active listening. Paying attention to what your date is saying and asking follow up questions or clarifying questions to gain a deeper understanding of their perspective. It's helping you with your own self-awareness and recognizing what you want, what you need, your values, your deal breakers, You can save yourself so much time by not drinking, and once again, like this podcast episode, by the way, is for everyone. This is not just for sober girls, even though. The title is The 10 Essentials that Every Sober Girl Needs however, I would argue that even if you are not sober or sober curious or looking to get sober, you should go on dates, especially early in the dating process, sober like no alcohol whatsoever, because you're gonna pick up on so many more cues that otherwise you may not have because you have clarity. You have. A brain that works, that's unobstructed by substances and that my friend is going to save you potentially so much time, it will save you heartbreak potentially, because you will be more aware of yourself, how you feel with that person, and also what the other person is doing and saying and everything I mentioned before, their values their personality, their interests, their life goals. It goes beyond just the surface level, and it reduces the risk of settling, you know, by actively assessing your potential partner. When using your brain fully, you can avoid. Getting involved with someone who just is not a good fit in the long run. so that's my number one essential, a brain that fully works and to tie that neatly with a bow, brain that fully works. Means no alcohol on first dates or early in the dating process, and even when you enter a relationship with someone, be mindful of how much you are drinking with them. Because as mentioned, that might create a false sense of closeness or connectedness, and we want clarity to actually figure out if we like the person or love them. So number one, a brain that works.

the-sober-butterfly_11_02-26-2025_070205: 7:30

Okay. My number two essential is a voice that works and. A little caveat here and isn't afraid to speak up. We're not here to be, you know, the cool chill girl or whatever. You have to say what you mean. And by the way, using your voice. Not being afraid to speak up. I mean, like Kevin Hart said, like say it with your chest. Okay, say it with your chest. Speak up. And I think so often as women, we are taught to be demure or to be polite. Be a people pleaser, make everyone happy. Be small. No, we are not playing small. We are using our voice to actively express our thoughts. We have opinions. We have feelings. And we're honest. We're not campaigning with our partner or our date. And by campaigning, I mean like we're not trying to be a pick me I used to spend so much time. Before getting sober in my dating life, trying to get the other partner to see value in me, to pick me or choose me, whether or not I like them was a different story, but like that was just my default mode. And by nature, I think that I can be a bit of a people pleaser. Combined with the fact that my family's British and the Brits are known to be very polite. So I would often, you know, bite my tongue or not speak up in regards to things that felt off. And now I don't do that. And it doesn't have to be, by the way, using your voice and speaking up doesn't need to be this like confrontational, aggressive, abrasive, whatever adjective you wanna fill in the blank there with like, it can very much be you speaking up in a way that is. Confident expressing genuine interest, maybe clarifying something that you misunderstood, like, oh, what did you mean by that? That is my favorite thing to ask someone. If someone says something like really odd to me, or jarring or confusing, I ask them, I'm like, oh, what did you mean by that? Instead of me immediately getting defensive and following up with like a brash comment or rebuttal, I'll repeat what they say to me, and I'll ask like, oh, what do you mean? an example of that can be, if someone makes a comment around like, why you don't drink, that's off color. Like, oh. Were you an alcoholic or something? That's a question that's been asked to me before on a date. Like, oh, you, you don't drink? Were you an alcoholic or something? Literally, pause, wait time. It's awkward, but that's okay. I just demonstrated for you. Pause and you repeat the question back to them. Oh, am I an alcoholic? Well, what do you mean by that? And nine times out of 10, the person hears the question back and they realize maybe that it was an inappropriate question. Or most likely what they'll do is reframe the question. That's usually a bit more subtle or a little bit more palatable, I'll say. Using a voice doesn't necessarily mean like you have to take on this alter persona. If you're more of a quiet or meek person, I'm not suggesting that you become this Sasha Fierce version of yourself, and for those who don't get that reference Beyonce, her stage name or stage persona is Sasha Fierce. Like you don't need to turn into this like completely different alter ego, but you should be able to speak up when necessary and communicate what you're looking for. Going back to essential number one, a brain that fully works. You're not drinking on this date, babe. So no matter what, you need to communicate that I am choosing to not drink. Hey, I don't drink, or, Hey, I'm looking to scale back my drinking. Confidence in your voice. Means speaking with conviction and showing that you are self-assured if you go into a date like this, like, hey, like, yeah, I don't drink. Um, yeah, I'm just like not drinking. Like that's not convincing, that's not confidence. So you need to really speak up. Okay. We are not Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Okay? We all have a voice. We need to use it. We need to speak up. We have to communicate what we are looking for, what we want, what we don't want, who we are. We're not pretending to be someone that we. Just because we're here dating, no. our brains are fully working, so our voice needs to reflect our inner thoughts in a way that is appropriate. Of course.

the-sober-butterfly_12_02-26-2025_071248: 11:54

Number three, an inner voice we all have an inner voice. I am referring to our intuition and the beauty of sober dating is that you can actually trust yourself to make good choices. I know that's not always been the case, girl, I, I know I've been there with you. But now that you have a brain that fully works and you have a voice that can clearly communicate your wants and needs and desires, you also need to trust. That inner voice and listen to your intuition. And the way in which you can tap into your inner voice is to pay attention to your feelings, your gut feelings, and even your body or bodily sensations when you're interacting with someone that you're dating, because these are subtle cues that can help guide your decision making around whether or not to pursue a relationship further with this person. And your body often can pick up on some of those red flags, before your conscious mind catches up. So here's how you can use your inner voice slash intuition in dating. So number one is you need to pay attention to your physical reactions, notice how you feel in someone's presence. On a date or in the company of the person that you are romantically linked with, how do you feel? Do you feel relaxed? Do you feel energized? Do you feel anxious? If you experience butterflies with that person, like you see them and you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach ask yourself like, are these butterflies good or bad? Does this person make me feel uneasy? And that's why I'm getting these like butterflies in my stomach. These are giving you so many clues as to whether or not you are comfortable or content in this person's company. So you need to listen to your gut You need to trust your gut because your gut often detects when something isn't right, even if you can't articulate it, even if you don't know why. I think we often dismiss those intuitive feelings that we get, because they can't always be explained. Right. I was taught somewhere along the way that trusting my feelings and intuition wasn't valuable, that potentially my emotions were too much and not worth listening to for example, if I have a bad feeling about someone, maybe I'm just being dramatic or too critical or judgmental, but I'm here to tell you guys that you're not crazy. And I see a lot of people blaming themselves Like on anxiety or maybe even using attachment style theory as an excuse to tolerate bad behavior from partners. So I just wanna remind all of us that if it isn't a good match, your gut knows, your intuition knows. And as long as your needs are not unreasonable, like I need my partner to text me constantly every day, all day or like I need them to reassure me every time I feel anxious or you know, I need to spend every waking moment with them. So long as it's not anything extreme like that you need to, trust yourself. Okay. If you're regularly having thoughts like, I really wish my partner wouldn't ghost me, or I wish my partner wanted to see me more than X amount of times, or I wish my partner was there for me emotionally and treated me with respect or, you know, anything along those lines. Like, do not ignore those thoughts. They are trying to tell you something and you need to tap in. And that's when going back to essential number one, that working brain. It's gonna kick in, that logic will start to kick in. That voice that works will start to kick in, and you'll start speaking up. So once again, everything is connected, but I would argue that so many things actually start intuitively like we somehow know. Before even consciously knowing, and we cannot ignore that. It is not woo woo. It is a true science. And because hopefully you're not using substances at this time as you date, you can trust your intuition, you can trust yourself. And it's similar for me when I was getting sober intuitively. My gut, I knew I had to quit drinking. I knew something had to give. I wasn't ready. It took me some time to actually make the change and act, but I would argue way before I was actually ready to act, I knew intuitively that something was wrong, something was amiss. So upon applying that to all areas of life, and especially when it comes to dating, trust your gut. And listen to that inner voice.

the-sober-butterfly_13_02-26-2025_072509: 16:30

Number four is a bailout plan. We're not doing bad dates outta politeness. We're not being held hostage to any relationship, situationship, bad date, whatever it may be. We have an exit strategy, that could be code words, fake emergencies. The Uber is here, it's ready to go.

the-sober-butterfly_12_02-26-2025_071248: 16:50

If he gives you the ick, you don't need another drink. You just need to leave.

the-sober-butterfly_13_02-26-2025_072509: 16:55

Before I got sober, when I go on dates the worst time I was having, the more I would drink, I realized that about myself, when really I should have just left. I should have just left the date and left with my dignity intact. But instead I would sit through dinner or sit through whatever date I was going on miserable and drinking my way through this train wreck of a situation. And I don't do that anymore, obviously, because I'm sober. But yeah, you need a bailout plan when it comes to dating. I am gonna give you some quick. Pointers like this is a very quick rundown. Maybe I'll do a full episode on this, at a later date. And listen, I don't wish this on you, but just in case you need this as an emergency backup, I got you covered. I wanna preface actually this by saying I think the golden role to dating is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. All that means is don't be an asshole because you don't want people to be an asshole to you if you're not enjoying yourself. If you're not enjoying the date, I think there are ways that you can just wrap it up. Wrap it up, okay. Like, cue music, we gotta get out of here. Whereas my check please. I believe in being honest, but I think you can deliver honesty and truth with kindness. So you have to use this with discretion. Okay? As the last resort. Okay. But if you must, if it's so terrible and you for some reason cannot back to central number two, use your voice. That works. Just have a bailout plan. As a backup. Backup, backup plan. Okay? Here are some key elements to a good bailout plan. So you have a prearranged exit strategy. And this is actually reminiscent to like being a newly sober person going into social situations and feeling like I need a plan, a strategy in case things get a bit too wonky and I feel triggered, or whatever. So I kind of based it around that, You have a prearranged strategy, exit strategy, this can be a code word that you text your friend at dinner, although I think texting on a date is really rude. But maybe you slip into the bathroom and you text your friend and you tell her to call you at a specific time. Um, and she calls you and tells you that, oh my gosh. She's locked out of her apartment and what do you know? You're the only person within a. 20 mile radius that has her spare key. So gotta go like that could be something that you do. I never like to pretend that someone's sick or, you know, dying. I never want to ever put that into the universe. So I, my go-to is often my friend is locked out. You can use like a vague excuse if necessary. So if you're like, I don't want to lie, like I don't wanna involve other people in my shenanigans, I just wanna get out of here. You can say something like, you know what? Like, I actually need to be home soon. My schedule's super tight. I've forgot I need to do X, Y, Z Once again, I don't like to pretend that I'm under the weather feeling sick or have any type of illness excuse, so I often just blame it on something I have to do where busy people. So I would say something like that, but those are my go-tos if I feel like I need to bail, like I haven't had to do that in years actually, so once again, use this with discretion. I encourage you just to be upfront and if you're not enjoying yourself, there's no need to stay outta politeness. You can exit gracefully. Avoid leaving them feeling embarrassed or rejected and unnecessarily just, you know, being honest, like, this was a great time. Or even if it wasn't a little white lie won't hurt them. Like, oh, this was fun. Um, but actually I have to wake up super early tomorrow for Pilates., if you need to bail, you need to bail, it's fine.

the-sober-butterfly_14_02-26-2025_073453: 20:34

So number five is a hinge profile that screams main girl energy or main character energy. And that doesn't need to be hinge. that's the only dating app I have and I'm not even active on it most of the time. Anyway, if your dating profile is giving low effort, we need to fix that because you are in your sober era. This is a power move, not a personality flaw. So you need to showcase, that you are sober and in last week's episode of The Sober Butterfly with Maddie from Happiest Sober, she gave the best advice when it comes to how to broadcast to your potential matches that you are. So she said something really cute and witty, like something you should know about me is that was the prompt. I don't drink, but I'll happily cheers my mocktail with your beer. So that was super playful, but also Putting it out there, very forthcoming with her decision to be sober, and I thought that was awesome. You should have on your dating hinge, I keep seeing hinge, but your dating profile, you should have an image that. Is of you smiling, okay? Show those pearly whites. You need an image of you with other people. So in a social setting, like show people that you have friends, you have a life, right? You should have an image that showcases your hobbies or your interest or your pastimes, right? I think you need to have a thirst trap. Like I'm not gonna default and say men are visual creatures. I'm gonna say we're all visual creatures. Especially when you're on an app, like you have to make a decision in sometimes like milliseconds, like it can be very overwhelming being on the apps. So most people are not taking the time to really assess each individual profile. So yeah, hit'em hard with the, I'm wearing my whatever. Dress and I feel sexy, or whatever you feel most sexiest. And for me it's a nice, you know, little black dress moment I like to showcase all my best features so either way, curate something that screams at you, the main character of your life, and also you don't need anyone to complete said life like you already are living a full rich life without a partner. I'll just wrap this one by saying, avoid any boring bios. Like just ask, you know, like, no. Put that stuff out there. Show your personality, what makes you fun and trusting, and a walking green flag

the-sober-butterfly_15_02-26-2025_073835: 23:03

Okay, number six. On the list is a sexy, non-alcoholic drink order. So my go-to, I love a good spicy margarita. Hold the regret. Extra lime, please. I also like anything sparkly, bubbly I want my drink to become any nice. Vessel, I want a nice flute moment or a nice martini glass. Like I'm all about the aesthetics. And yeah, it just makes everything a bit more like. Glossy and fabulous. So that is what I would recommend. Have a sexy, non-alcoholic drink order, and if you know where you're going on said date, you can even do a little bit of pre-work. Look at the menu, the drink menu before you go to the establishment so you already know what you're gonna get.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-08-2025_164227: 23:50

And now a quick word from our partners.

the-sober-butterfly_25_12-24-2024_142305: 23:55

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the-sober-butterfly_15_02-26-2025_073835: 25:10

Okay, coming in. At number seven is a group chat to debrief because post-date breakdowns are mandatory in my book. And you need a sober hype squad, it doesn't even need to be sober. Most of my like group chats are with girls who are not sober, actually. But I need those girls in my life like they are like my lifeline. And I have learned with age to not always divulge every little detail like microcosm of the date, but I love to share funny moments and especially in the beginning parts of dating, like before and the relationship has been established. I'm not sharing for advice per se, I'm just sharing because it's fun to share. It's fun to share, it's fun to hear. My friends and I actually are doing this year inventory, which is basically an Excel spreadsheet that gives a breakdown of every date we went on. I'm gonna just link it in the show notes for you to reference. If you want to, you can keep a spreadsheet of all of the dates that you go on for 2025. So I've. I've been doing that. It's kind of dry right now, but when I do my 2025 sober dating wrapped episode at the end of this year, I can have like. Very concrete data points to refer back to. Anyway, I referenced that here because my girls from my group chat shared it. And so we've been filling it up and we each have our own tab at the bottom of the Excel so we can also see what our friends are doing in the dates they're going on. And it's, it's super fun to do. So you need a network, you need your girls, and it's fun to reflect. Sometimes, you know, we do things for the plot anyway. So it's like, why not just share it with the people who will appreciate it and get it? so yeah, you need a group chat to debrief some of your dating life with.

the-sober-butterfly_16_02-26-2025_074404: 26:56

Okay, so number eight, true confidence because sober dating equals no liquid courage, which equals real confidence. And I think one of the biggest flexes is owning who you are. Like alcohol makes people act confident, but being sober makes you actually confident. So true confidence is not drunk confidence. And the thing about true confidence in sober dating is that you feel secure and comfortable in yourself. You're not relying on external validation you're approaching dating with a genuine belief in your own worth. I think that part is crucial, like you have self-worth, you value yourself. You are allowing yourself to be authentic and open and respectful while interacting with potential partners, regardless of the outcome. It's detachment over here it's not because you don't care about finding a partner, it's just that Everything is not being poured into this person or this date, and you will be okay no matter what, whether the date or the relationship works out like you are a whole person. And that is what sober dating. One of the biggest takeaways for me has, has been that I am confident in my own skin. I know who I am, and if you are struggling, I'll say this because it's not always easy to build true confidence just because you get sober, So really quickly, I'll share some ways in which you can help build self-confidence in dating. Of the first things I've done is really prioritize my physical and mental health. The ways in which I do it is through exercise and nutrition and hobbies. I also practice self-compassion. I am kind to myself. Not always, I'm not perfect, but I've been so much more kind to myself and giving myself so much more grace. I reflect on my achievements because you know, I have a lot of accomplishments and so do you both big and small. Getting sober was a huge life accomplishment for me and achievement for me. So just reminding myself of those capabilities has been truly groundbreaking. I also challenge negative thoughts as they come up. So anytime I'm being like self-deprecating or self-defeating, I try to confront that with positive affirmations about myself. I have worked on developing social skills. I've always been the social butterfly, hence the name of this podcast, the Sober Butterfly. But I had to relearn how to engage in conversations when sober, especially around dating. That's something that took time and practice and then one of the biggest things for me was through professional help, therapy, I addressed so many underlying issues that were impacting my self-esteem and still continue to do so. For example, body dysmorphia and doing inner child work and healing. All of that has been. With the aid of a therapist. Now you don't need to have a therapist to do this work. I just use therapy as a tool. But there are many ways in which you can confront some of those, underlying issues that may be preventing you or impacting your true confidence. Confidence isn't about what you have. It's not even about those accomplishments. Like I mentioned. It's about what you understand about yourself, you don't have to wait until you're this perfect version of self to find a partner or to start dating. Start now. Start with where you are and apply these essentials.

the-sober-butterfly_19_02-26-2025_075716: 30:39

Okay. Number nine is a boundaries blueprint.

the-sober-butterfly_17_02-26-2025_075131: 30:42

Boundaries. This is a term that we throw around so often. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. boundaries are basically non-negotiables in my book. You need to know them before you start dating, What are your non-negotiables? What are you not putting up with? What can't you tolerate that looks different from curating? Like a list of potential qualities that you're looking for in, in a mate. that's different, you need to be able to decipher what's a yes for you versus what's a no for you. so this is homework. If you don't have a boundaries. Blueprint, before you swipe, write on the app or go on your next date or even continue entertaining this situationship that you have going on. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Um, you need to physically write down or type out on your phone or in your notes or wherever you like to keep a running record of these sorts of things. You need to write down. You're non-negotiables because you will settle for nonsense, I guarantee you, if you don't physically have something to reference. That has been my experience, and the reason I say that is because the line is often blurred when we start to get to know someone and develop feelings for them. So sometimes we can, you know, ignore some of those red flags. Maybe we're not listening to our inner voice or intuition. Maybe we're not speaking up. So it's always nice to go back to the basics. Go back to that blueprint. What am I not settling for?

the-sober-butterfly_18_02-26-2025_075403: 32:18

And the whole reason I made this episode today, the 10 essentials, is because I want us to change how we approach our dating habits, our dating life as sober girls. And one of my favorite quotes, it's been viral recently, but one of my favorite quotes is, whatever you are not changing, you are choosing. And this can be applied to many aspects of our life, right? Including relationships, habits, jobs. But it's a great reminder that you are not powerless, okay? We are powerful beings. And we can choose to change our lives. We chose to stop drinking. We chose to get sober. We chose to listen to today's episode, this podcast for a reason, to encourage us to take action and be informed because you make better decisions and choices when you have more information, I'm not gonna share my full Boundaries blueprint with you guys, but know that top of my list is someone who does not respect my sobriety. Like that is a non-negotiable for me. I don't really care if the person I'm dating is sober or not, so long as their relationship with substances are not deemed, you know, inappropriate or problematic. But a non-negotiable for me is like, you are trying to encourage me to drink, right? I'm never going to drink alcohol again. God willing. So yeah, anyone that does not understand that or respect that is a non. Factor for me. I don't care what you look like, what car you drive, how much you earn, how much investments you, I, I like none of that matters because going back to my blueprint, if you don't respect me or my sobriety, then you. Are dismissed. It's simple. So make sure your homework tonight, if you haven't done it, is make sure that you create a list of non-negotiables that will be your boundaries blueprint, because if you do not do that, you will settle for nonsense. I promise you. You will settle, you will forego your own needs because you are not clear about what you actually want, need and deserve, and you deserve someone that's going to uphold your boundaries.

the-sober-butterfly_20_02-26-2025_075737: 34:27

Okay, and coming in last at number 10, hobbies, a, k, A, and life. You have a life that is so full that dating is just. A fun add-on. It's just a fun bonus. Sober dating is just so much easier when your life is already full, and if your entire personality is just sober, I hate to break it to you, babe, that's not enough. You have to have hobbies. You have to have passions. You have to have things that make you happy. Outside of dating, and it's interesting, one of my girlfriends was telling me like she recently got into therapy and she went to therapy for a guy, and one of the first things that her therapist said to her was, you need hobbies. She's like, I can already tell you you don't have any hobbies. You're spiraling, obsessing, overthinking every little situation with this particular guy that she was seeing because you don't have hobbies and. That hit, I realized too when I got sober. I had to go right back to the beginning. I'm like, well, what do I like to do? My hobby was drinking it's easy to pour so much into, you know, dating because it's something that we may really want. We really may want to find authentic connections with people and therefore we prioritize that. But like that cannot, in my opinion, be the priority. You are the priority. The thing that I took away from this love and dating and sex, and. Relationships series all February long was self-love. The love that you seek, you need to give to yourself. That's something I constantly repeat to myself. You will never find someone that fully loves you the way in which you deserve to be loved. If you are too busy. Diminishing yourself or not pouring into yourself, and you're not going to attract the love of the partner that you desire if you are not living your fullest, highest vibrational self. I know that's a lot. And the key that I want you to know is you need to have a life, you need to have a strong sense of self and identity and not Dismiss your friends and family and loved ones for this man, or for this relationship or for this date. Having hobbies and having a life actually makes you more. Interesting as a person and gives you more to talk about on a date. We all know what it's like to be with someone that has such a rich life. It's so fascinating to hear them share about all of their adventures and experiences and interest and hobbies and activities and events that they go to and the friends that they have, and like that makes them a whole person. And you want somebody that is fully whole and you need to be fully whole as well. Of course if you enter a relationship with someone, you can combine some of those hobbies, but I would also argue that you should always have something of interest that is for you because you like to do it. I'll admit, I was also that girl that would pretend to be interested in things that my date was interested in. Like, oh, you like basketball? I love basketball. I've never watched a basketball game in my life. Okay, that's a lie I have. But like, I've never fully like sought out, ooh, what's on the game to, like, I didn't even know the verbiage. Who's, who's the Knicks playing tonight? Like, I've never asked that question a day in my life, unless I was trying to entertain a man. So I don't do that anymore. I have true hobbies because I got sober and I realized I needed to find true hobbies. And I am excited to share that. And that passion is sexy. That passion is attractive to potential suitors. So just get a life. Okay? And I would. Even go so far as to say that most of the time when I wasn't looking, when I wasn't giving off desperate energy, when I wasn't feeling like, oh my God, like I'm never gonna find someone, when I was busy living my own fulfilling life I was able actually to attract candidates or partners into my life. That's because I was once again vibrating on a higher frequency because I was doing the things that brought me true joy. And that joy came from an internal place, from an internal source, but it radiated or permeated from the outside. And people can see that. They can see and feel that like I want your life force to be so strong that people feel naturally drawn to you, and I want you to have such a rich life that anyone that comes into it is just adding. And I want you to be so whole with yourself that you don't need anyone. Anyone that comes in is a bonus.

the-sober-butterfly_21_02-26-2025_080438: 38:58

All right, sober butterflies. That is my list. I'm gonna break it down for you one more time. So we have at number one, a brain that works. Number two, a voice that works. Number three. And in a voice, a k, A, your intuition. Number four, a bailout plan number five, a hinge or dating profile that screams main character energy. Number six. A sexy non-alcoholic drink order number seven, a group chat to debrief. Number eight, true confidence. Number nine, a boundaries blueprint. And number 10, hobbies. A k, a, A Life. did I miss anything? Let me know. DM me. I want to hear from you your top sober dating essentials and oh, actually I have some quick bonus must haves for you. A predate playlist. Okay. Anytime I go out on a date, I have to feel like that girl. I like to go through all the motions. Music really sets the tone or the mood. I encourage you to create a pre-date playlist'cause you just go in with that energy and then a vibrator. Okay. That's another bonus essential. because sometimes you don't need a bad date. You just need a good toy, let's be honest. And sometimes it's nice to come home to, you know, a nice little. Post-date activity, or even predate activity. Yeah, use that vibrator before you go on the date. You'll feel so relaxed. You'll feel so at ease. I promise you, if you orgasm before a date, yeah, you are giving that energy off. iT just exudes, confidence. Okay, so those are my two bonus for you. Create a playlist and get a vibrator if you don't have one. Staed.

the-sober-butterfly_22_02-26-2025_080645: 40:43

Thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode of The Sober Butterfly Podcast. Be sure to subscribe, share, and leave a review. It helps more sober girls like you. Find the pod. I hope you had fun with this series. All about love dating relationship, sex, all February long. I will always bring in, stories around my dating life as it unfolds. But, come March, which is next week, I can't believe it, we're entering women's. Month. So I have lots of girlies coming on the podcast. I'll be talking more about my recent trip to Barbados which was a solo sober trip. So make sure that you stay tuned, follow the show, because you don't wanna miss what's coming. Okay, guys. Until next time, stay bold, stay beautiful, stay sober. I love you butterflies. Bye.