The Sober Butterfly Podcast

Kristen McAvoy on Healing from Alcohol and Xanax Addiction: Don't Give Up Before Your Miracle

• Nadine Mulvina

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In this episode of the Sober Butterfly Podcast, host Nadine Mulvina interviews Kristen McAvoy, a sobriety influencer known for her transparent and inspirational posts on Instagram. Kristen candidly shares her tumultuous journey from binge drinking during her sorority days to struggling with a severe addiction to alcohol and Xanax. She recounts how her social anxiety fueled her substance abuse, leading to rock bottom and interventions which ultimately saved her. Kristen speaks about her path to almost four years of sobriety, emphasizing the critical roles of rehab, recovery houses, structured routines, connection, and ongoing tools like EMDR therapy and faith. 

The conversation also gets into:

  • the struggles of maintaining sobriety, 
  • managing anxiety without substances,
  • and the stigmas around addiction recovery
  •  transparency while understanding that sobriety, although transformative, is a continuous and challenging process.

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https://youtu.be/PxX-zv8y1fA

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the-sober-butterfly_4_03-18-2025_195609:

Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Sober Butterfly Podcast. I'm your host, Nadine Mulvina, and I'm so excited for today's episode because we have a truly incredible guest joining us. Kristen McAvoy, if you're on sober Instagram, chances are you've come across Kristen in her raw, unfiltered, inspiring post. She's known for keeping it 100 about her sober journey, and today she's giving us the real unfiltered story behind it all. In this week's episode, Kristen shares how her binge drinking college sorority days spiraled, spiraled into a toxic cycle of alcohol and Xanax addiction. Fueled by her struggle with social anxiety, Kristen opens up about hitting rock bottom, the interventions that saved her life, and how she found her footing through rehab, recovery houses, and leaning on structure and connection. Kristen has been sober for almost four years, which is so incredible, and we're diving into how she's still managing anxiety with tools such as EMDR therapy and her faith. You already know it's about to be a powerful, honest, and uplifting conversation, so make sure to stick around until the very end. And if you're loving these episodes, please do me a favor and hit that follow button, leave a review and sign up for the newsletter to stay up to date. Plus we're on YouTube. Yes, I've been on YouTube, but I'm actually following through and posting episodes. So check out the full video version of this week's episode as well. All the details are in the show notes. Alright, let's get into my convo with Kristen.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Kristen, welcome to the show. How are you?

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I'm so honored and happy to have you here today, and I feel like we are in for such a treat because I wanna get to know a bit more about you, Kristen, and learn a bit more about your story you have an amazing presence on Instagram and I feel like you are so inspirational and offer so many great tips and tools and just like I think being so forthcoming about your experience and struggles with, dual. Dependency or addiction when it comes to alcohol and Xanax like that. Transparency is so needed and I connect so much to everything that you share. You went from binge drinking in a sorority house to battling a full blown addiction to alcohol and Xanax to getting sober, relapsing, and then finally rebuilding your life. I'm so excited to talk more about your story. So my first question for you, Kristen, is take us way back. Okay. So you weren't drinking much in high school. But then you hit college, joined a sorority, and boom. Kind of talk us through what that shift was like.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah, so in high school, like I really didn't drink that much. And pretty much when I got to college I just was like, oh my gosh, I have all this freedom and I can go out whenever I want and there's all these fun social things. And I just thought I was like living the dream. I was drinking pretty much every day in college. I was a blackout drinker, so it was really scary from the beginning. I would blackout all the time. I would like fill up water bottles with just straight vodka in, drink them before like to pregame before even going out. And then I would just continue drinking through the night and black out. I put myself in really dangerous situations a lot. I almost got kicked out of college for my drinking. I think at that time since like binge drinking was so accepted in college, I really was just able to kind of. Slide under the radar. Like even when I was around other people who were heavily drinking, people would still like call me out on my actions. Even in college, I kind of knew I had a problem, but there wasn't anyone telling me like, you need to stop drinking now. There were lots of red flags, lots of people telling me like, Hey, what's going on? Like. Hinting that I needed to drink less. But again, being in that party scene, I really just was able to take it and run with it. And I mean, sometimes it was funny, like things I would do and that kind of encouraged my behavior. Or like would get drunk and I would rap all the lyrics to Nicki Minaj and like.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh,

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

It was kind of

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

like party, and so it was kind of like, that was so much fun that I kind of would forget all the bad things I was doing, you know, with drinking too much, blacking out, all my morals going out the window like. there was a really, really dark side to it, but I would kind of mask it with the humor and fun that was happening because of it.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah. That's so relatable. I too drank a lot, binge drank in college, and I think to your point, it feels like such a normal college experience like. It's a rite of passage almost. And I think like that freedom, that liberation, that sense of independence that you feel when you go away for school and then you're immersed in an ecosystem where other people are drinking. It just feels like, yeah, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Like the media, all of these portrayals of just like drunk blackout college kids. But also something that I thought was really powerful that you mentioned is that this idea that. Even though others were also right alongside with you partying and drinking and pregaming and all the things, there was an extreme part of it. Like I also felt like within my subgroup of. Party friends. I was always the person that was probably pushing the edge further than anyone else, and I was always the kind of like the butt of the jokes and oh my God, Nadine always has a story. Or I'd be in the group chat like last night, look at what Nadine did. I resonate a lot with this idea that I think from the very beginning I knew that something was. A miss, like it was more than just fun, right? There was always something else underneath the surface that may have been motivating me to behave a bit more outrageous than say some of my peers even. I think we can get to like, or we can, maybe like think through what those reasons can be, but I would probably argue it was a culmination of many different factors that were leading me to drink excessively. So thank you for sharing all of that with us. And I think a lot of people, like I mentioned, can relate to that part. I. So then kind of walk us through, so this is college with alcohol. At what point did you start using prescription medication like Xanax? Like how did that enter the picture of the chat? I.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Like in high school I had pretty bad social anxiety. Then when I went to college, was kind of using alcohol to mask it and I seriously like almost forgot that I had anxiety because I. I

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Wow. Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

every day, and in any social setting I had that alcohol. And so it really just took away that like fear that I had around people and fear in social settings. And so I had kind of just like forgotten about my anxiety. Like I still had it some, but once I got into like the workplace is when it really started getting bad. Because I didn't wanna, you know, I didn't wanna drink at work, and so I just felt really scared and unprepared and insecure. And so at work I was having this like debilitating anxiety, like was having panic attacks. Like I would be like shaking and sweating and breaking out in hives and I was like, this is so embarrassing. Like I'm trying to be this professional at work and then I'm literally like having these anxiety attacks. And I kind of on this facade where I would try to make myself, you know, appear like dressed up and put together with my full face makeup on and my smile. And I'm like, okay, if I look good on the outside, like won't know how I feel on the inside. But then. like I started breaking out on hives and like, like I'm shaking. I'm like, I can't hide these symptoms. what do I do? Like, I was just so embarrassed. And so kind of how I coped with that was I. For years after work, I just had the ritual of going to the store on my lunch break or going to the store after work, getting that bottle of wine. As soon as I got off work at five, I drive home and immediately open the bottle, drank by myself. After college, like I still drank socially, but this is when The relationship with alcohol started to change where I really wanted to drink alone. I didn't want anybody to call me out on my actions and get those texts. Kristen did this, like I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to drink as much as I want and like I lived by myself when my drinking got really bad and that did not help'cause I really could just get off. as much as I want in my apartment. Red wine was my, what I really struggled with. I. And I think I like, kind of justified it. Like I'd be like, oh, like I'm just having red wine, like this isn't a big deal. But then like my tolerance grew and like one I needed, you know, that two glasses, went to three glasses, went to finishing the whole bottle, went to opening another bottle after that. And it was just like this cycle of. Drink all night after work. Wake up like deathly hungover, like I would be literally like throwing up before work. So hungover somehow force myself to get all ready and go. And I have no idea how I did that now'cause I would be hungover like multiple days a week. Like for years I just repeated

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Same.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

And it eventually got to the point where I was like, the alcohol isn't enough. Like I'm using the alcohol to cope with the anxiety, but I am now like struggling to just, I'm just struggling to sit on it, sit in it. And I had been working with the same doctor for like a really long time, and we had tried all of the like, you know, SSRIs, like the

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Mm-hmm.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

the lexapro, all of that, and just none of it would work. Like, just my panic was so bad that that would just feel like I was taking nothing. And so she prescribed me to Xanax, like as a last resort. And you know, she warned me like, is addictive. Like, only take it as prescribed, like when you're having a panic attack. and at first I listened to that advice for like probably the first six months and. I thought it was helping. I thought, you know, I had found this magic pill that was like solving all my problems and that I no longer gonna have this anxiety. but it ended up just being like recipe for disaster because I. I all of a sudden started having this PTSD out of nowhere and I had that pill bottle and I did not know what was happening. And it was like double panic what I had already been feeling. so all the logic went out the window when I'm in that flight or flight mode of remember what your doctor said, this is addictive, like. Did not care. And so the more the panic started happening, the more I just kept reaching for the pill. And I think because it was prescribed, felt like I was doing something innocent, but, and I think I was in such like desperation that I, I just like did not care about the consequences. And so I started taking it like. Way more than I should have. At this point, I would say I was still like, functioning, like on the outside, looking in. Like I was going to work every day. Like I was paying my bills. I had my own home, I was going to church. Like it looked like I was being this productive person, but really I had like, had this deep secret. And I think the Xanax. It was a problem from the very beginning'cause it kind of made me like this person I always wanted to be like I, it took away all my fears, it took away my social anxiety, it took away my stress. It made me more outgoing. I could literally like, give a whole presentation in front of a huge room and be like, totally calm, which is not me at all. Like, it literally changed me. And so. I, I think I had in my head like, I need this pill to perform at work. and it almost after a year of taking it and abusing it, it almost became, I don't know how this happened, but it became like an Adderall almost, where the first year it, I, it made me really tired, but then I started using it to perform, like

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

for work, to do errands, to do anything. felt like I needed it, and I think it was because it was such like a rush of dopamine that it just, like, it made me feel like I was like on this high, like I could just do anything. And so I became super dependent on it for the anxiety and how it made me act and the productivity level it gave me. and eventually. I started abusing it to the point where like I would run out of the prescription early. I would be like going through horrible withdrawal, like calling the pharmacy so sick, being that girl, trying to get the prescription early, calling my doctor in a panic. I was really afraid that I was gonna die from withdrawal'cause the Xanax withdrawal was so bad. Like I would be. Sweating, shaking, like jolting outta my skin when I didn't have it. Never got that way with alcohol where I felt like if I didn't have it, I was like physically sick or something.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah. Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Xanax I did become like physically dependent on it. And it was really, really scary. And after like year two, it was like alcohol where my why can't I think of the word? My tolerance kept

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

and I had to keep going up and up in higher dosage and needing more pills. And like, I got to a place where it was just like I would take so much Xanax, I would just like black out. It would erase my whole memory. I became like a totally different person. Like my parents saw the changes, my work, saw the changes, my friends were seeing the changes. And it just got really, really bad. Like I just became a shell of a human. I was so depressed, so suicidal. Like it just like, and it happened so fast. That was what was what scares me so much about it. Like

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

tells me, oh, I, I'm taking Xanax, but. I just take it now and then, and I'm like, I, I'm like, just be so careful.'cause I never in a million years thought that I would be someone who was addicted to prescription pills. Like it happened so fast and it, I just did not expect it to happen the way it did.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Wow. Thank you for sharing all of that, Kristen. And I think. As mentioned, like the insidious nature of something like a prescription pill that is being monitored by a doctor that you're prescribed, essentially, that's supposed to be help you and not just supposed to help you. Like you started in the beginning. Feeling like, oh, this is helping me with my productivity. It's minimizing my anxiety. That was so powerful when you said like you felt like you had become the version of self that you always dreamed of or aspired to be, but like how long did that last, right before you started to see the long-term impact of your using of the Xanax? And I'm curious to learn from you. Because I self-medicated as well. I self-medicated with alcohol. I self-medicated with street drugs more so I didn't have a prescription, but like my baseline was. Anytime I drink, I was looking for the next thing to get me to the next level, so to speak. I was also a blackout drinker, so I would love to learn from you like a couple of things, like obviously when you are being prescribed a, I shouldn't say obviously, but for folks who don't know, when you're prescribed a controlled substance like Xanax, you have to have monthly meetings with a psychiatrist, correct?

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

No, I didn't.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh no, you didn't. Maybe it's state by state. That's interesting. So like, or maybe it's the time period, but like, I know for example in New York, like if you have a controlled substance like Xanax, that has more of like a, a higher rate of. Dependency. You have to like every single month meet with your psychiatrist to get that prescription renewed. And that may be a safeguard that they put into place because Xanax is such a highly addictive drug. But I guess my question for you,'cause I know that there were other people that were concerned and noticed the change in you, before we get to that part, I just wanted to learn. what was your relationship like with alcohol at this time? Were you still drinking? Was that still a part of your ritual or were you solely honed in or focused with Xanax?

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

No. So I was still drinking and that's why it was so like scary and dangerous because I would. Take the Xanax, like, you know, during the day at work. And then when I got home I would drink the bottle of wine. And so it was like,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I was just like constantly messed up. Like during the day I'd be on Xanax and as soon as I got home I drank wine.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Okay.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

it got to the point where, I was so addicted to the Xanax that when I would wake up, if I didn't have it, I would literally like be crying and like.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Wow.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

To cancel my whole day. Like I felt like I could not even get out of bed to brush my teeth without it. I just became so dependent on it.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

and since I was mixing it like. the alcohol, it was just so dangerous. I was like constantly blacked out, just constantly not remembering. Like the doctor who I eventually met with was like, yeah, the Xanax was literally just like your memory.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Wow. So a couple of follow ups here for you. You mentioned that your family was concerned. Your coworkers noticed a change, I'm assuming friends as well. Did you recognize the change in yourself, like the negative impact that Xanax and alcohol had on your life prior to other people pointing it out, or did you experience other people voicing their concerns that triggered you to recognize that you had a problem?

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I knew I had a problem, but I. that state I like was not in the right state of mind, and so I did not wanna stop. Like I had

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Understood.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

to stop. I think. My anxiety felt so extreme that I was like, I don't know how to live a lifestyle. Like outside of this. Like my mom would be like, what are you gonna do if, like, you eventually wanna have a child like, and

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Right.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

would bring up all these valid concerns. And I was just so focused on like that moment and anxiety I felt then that I was like, I don't care what happens to me. Like I can't see a lifestyle outside of this. I can't stop, like, can't imagine anything different. And so when people were starting to like like that, this is a becoming a big concern. I just kind of shoved all that out the window. I would try to act like I had it under control and I. would, I was trying to mo, I started because my parents were confronting me and I did not wanna

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Mm-hmm.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

we even did it where like I would give my parents the bottle and they would try to manage it, but I eventually would. up with some manipulative thing to get it and have it under con, under my control again, like, I just became like super manipulating, which is not even like a characteristic of mine, but I just like, it was changing me so much that I, when people were voicing their concerns, I just like, care until it was one night. I would, this is so embarrassing. Like when I had my old Instagram account where it was just like friends from high school, college, all of that, I would like get on my stories like so messed up

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh girl, you've been there? Yes.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

so hard to watch back when I got sober. But I mean, I would be so messed up. I'm like, what in the world am I doing? And I'm just like talking and my friends like saw me that night on there and I guess it was like really bad. And so they called my parents and they were like, Hey, like I think you need to get over to Kristen's apartment. Like she's really messed up. And I remember them just like my dad. Like I could hear him like running up the stairs and. He really was like, Kristen, I like, thought I was gonna find you dead, like your

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh my God.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

the way they're, you know, called me. And I remember just sitting there trying to act normal like I. I remember I was like pretending that I was working and just like, what are you talking about? him, my mom and sister, they were like, we have got you scheduled to go to rehab in Florida. If you want to go, we have everything set up. Literally you can be on a plane tomorrow. And I think I just, I did not really want to be sober, but I think I just knew like, there's nowhere else to go from here. Wants me to stop. My friends wanted me to stop now. My family is like telling me I need to go to rehab and so was just like, okay, I'll go. And I was not ready, like I drank the whole way there on the plane. When I got there, I just didn't take it seriously. I got into like this horrible rehab romance and I just focused on that. Like I was just trying to replace the do.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I've heard about the romance, the rehab romances.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

terrible. And so like, I, I didn't even finish like the, the full thing. I think I stayed for like 20 something days.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Okay.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

and the problem was like, the whole time my mindset was okay, my parents,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Wait, can I ask you a quick question? Kristen? was the rehab, was it comprehensive in the sense that it addressed alcohol and the Xanax?

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Comprehensive, so

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

okay.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

were treating me for both. And they me a lot of eye-opening stuff. Like they were if you taking Xanax, like the way you are. you're not gonna remember even your address in 10 years. Like you,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Well,

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

they basically told me like you are, I mean, like, I was gonna have like early Alzheimer's basically.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Still did not care.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.'cause

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

remember.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

when you're sick, you're focused in on the here and now. And like the thing that's making you sick is also the thing that is helping you, right? Because as soon as you get the Xanax, or as soon as you get the substance, you feel better. But then it's like this perpetual cycle to your point. So it's like, yeah, I hear all of that. I think that's so relatable because it's like I am listening to you, but I'm not really hearing you because I'm unwell right now and I need

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

and

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

my medicine.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

what was happening because when you take Xanax, you don't realize that when you don't have it, you become even more anxious. And so it's like double anxiety that you already felt. And so it's really not, it doesn't really help you. It really just keeps you. Literally so stuck in the

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

And so I remember like trying to sit in these meetings with people and I was having like straight up panic attacks and I was like, I can't do this. Like I

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

can't do this. And so I think I got to a point where I was like, okay, I. Maybe I'll just stop the Xanax, but I'm still gonna drink. So like the whole time I was there, I wasn't even in the mindset of like, I'm gonna be sober. I just was like, okay, I was told to come here for Xanax, that's all I'm gonna stop. And so I remember like as soon as my dad picked me up at the airport, I had already ordered wine. Like the day I got out of

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

up, like it was so awful. And I remember I got back and I was like feeling even more depressed. And I think it's because. I went to the rehab in Florida, and so like when I came back to Virginia, it was like I had no resources. Like I didn't know how to go to a meeting. I didn't have any of those people I was with. Have any of the doctors, the therapist, it was just like back to reality and I just felt kind of even more sad. And I remember the, it was like the night before I was supposed to go back to work. I was just like, I cannot do this. Like, how embarrassing that I just went to rehab and now I'm gonna go back to work. And so I just like felt like I could not do it. And I made the mistake of like, I left that communication open with my doctor. Like I did not close the door. And so that night I already had like a refill ready. And so I just went and got it. Like I just could not handle the anxiety. I thought in my head like, okay, I've been off Xanex for like 30 days now, almost like I can moderate, I can manage it now. And it went even worse. I mean, I finished the whole bottle in like, think like a couple of days. Like it was so bad and I hit even bigger rock bottom. And I remember I was at work and it was like the middle of the day and this is where I was just like totally no longer functioning anymore. Like I barely remember being there and I had taken a bunch of Xanax and drank a bunch, and the rehab romance guy like broke it off with me and I just like lost it. Like I. left work in the middle of the day, went and got hammered. didn't have my car because I had like lost my keys and so I, these two men pulled up. I just got in the car with them. I had no idea who they were. And I turned my phone off during all this and I had no idea that like my parents were looking for me with the police.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh wow.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

And then eventually those people took me back to my house and thank goodness my parents were waiting right there in the parking lot and they were so upset with me and like, I think were so scared.'cause they're like, you're putting your life in danger. But like the scary thing was I used to do stuff like this all the time, like for 10 years straight. I have no idea how something. Horrible didn't happen to me. Like I seriously am like was like watching over me because I should be. I'm dead right now. Like I've woken up sleeping like in the middle of the road, like just anything you can think of. And so I'm just like, I don't know how I'm here. but basically my parents were like, we have got you set up to go live in a recovery house here in Richmond. I didn't wanna go, but I knew I had ran out of Xanax. I knew I was like gonna go through horrible withdrawal and so I was just like. I'll go. Got really messed up before going and my dad took me.

the-sober-butterfly_5_03-05-2025_172219:

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kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I didn't wanna go, but I knew I had ran out of Xanax. I knew I was like gonna go through horrible withdrawal and so I was just like. I'll go. Got really messed up before going and my dad took me.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

That's beautiful. I mean, it's beautiful because I know the aftermath, like I know how the story ends and is continuing as we live in this moment. It's never easy when you're confronted with making a change before you're ready and even when other people are. From the outside, it's super obvious, right? Like you are in a place where you need some help and support and thankfully you had God, you had your family, you had people in your corner supporting and uplifting you. But like you still had to do the heavy lifting. Like you still have to be the one that was like, I'm willing and able and ready to accept the help. And that part I think can be really hard if you're not ready, but it doesn't mean it's impossible. So it sounds like that was. The positive change that you needed. Like you need to have that like second, I don't wanna call it a rock bottom per se, because you didn't use that terminology, but you need to have that moment of, you know, I

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

finished my description in two days. Okay. I. It, it sounds like a rock bottom, but like I think I've had multiple rock bottoms, so I'm like, I'm not sure if that was the rock bottom, but like definitely a low point, right. So I think when you see that it's sort of like, okay, like where do you go from here and you kind of release control. Like that's the surrender surrendering that so many people talk about that seren you, where it's just like, you know what? Like I've tried it my way. I don't have any other options, so let me try something else. And that's actually really beautiful that you had, that was your rock bottom, and you had a way out because your rock bottom could have been the end, right? Like that could have been just like, I, I can't go on like this and like. That's it. So I'm so happy to hear that you did have another option. And so what was that process like for you when you went to live in the home? The recovery home.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

So it was, at first when I got there, it was very. Hard and kind of like a wake up call reality check. but it was, it really was like the structure and discipline that I

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Okay. Okay.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

sober. Like when I was in rehab, it kind of felt more like I was on like this little vacation, whereas this was more like, okay, like we're doing this, like we're waking up, we're working on ourselves, we're going to meetings, we're having a recovery coach, we're having an addiction therapist. Like it. on, like we're getting sober. But I, I, like, I needed, I needed that, like needed somebody to literally hold my hand and like help me step by step of the day.'cause like I had told you, like I had gotten to a place where I felt like I couldn't even like, brush my teeth without Xanax. So.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I was, I felt like I was literally retraining myself to do like basic tasks, like doing the dishes sober was hard. Like

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

a floor was hard. Like if I had to clean up in my room, like to tidy it up. Like just felt like it basic, and this, I mean, for a long time it felt like basic tasks were just like way more difficult than they should be. So. When I got in the recovery house, it ended up being the best thing that like, could have happened to me'cause I was with like or 12 other women. Every day. Like I said, we were going to meetings, working on ourselves and I feel like we were all kind of coming back to life and laughing

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Wow.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

and like kind of remembering what it was like to socialize and all this stuff before drinking and. The, I think the meetings, going to the Narcotics Anonymous meetings really helped me because that was like the first time I had really, found hope like listening to other people's stories.'cause I just felt so I. Like alone when I was in addiction. I didn't know anyone who was struggling like I was. And so finally like hearing these stories of hope in real life and like meeting these people who had gotten sober and were doing so good, was really hopeful for me to hear.'cause I felt just so hopeless at that point. Like I didn't see any way out of it. And one of the hardest parts, I think I was getting sober was kind of coming to terms with stuff I had done in addiction where like I was like, oh my gosh, like I crossed these lines. I never thought I would, I remember just like being on the floor, like sobbing with just like guilt and shame and it was really hard like to come to terms with all of that, And be sober. But you know, that recovery house like saved my life and I'm like forever grateful for that.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

So we know this, the opposite of addiction they say is connection. So like being in a space where it's not even just, yes, routine is important, structure's important, but like connection, hearing your story in other people's. Stories like that can be life changing. You don't feel so alone. You don't feel so isolated because you've connected with other people who have experienced something similar. And I think that is the power of recovery spaces. That is the power of speaking and telling your stories, whether it's in a, you know, a private. Setting or with a small group or like having a podcast and talking about it to the masses. or with your platform where you share your story. I think that is. Truly like something that can save someone's life. Because if you feel hopeless, like you said, you finally found hope, and I think it is. I one can argue, yes, you can survive without hope in life, but that's not really living right? Like if you are just constantly like, this is my life. I can't function, I can't be better than how I am right now. Like there is no tomorrow without. Me needing and my medicine or self-medicating because we all self-medicate in certain ways or have probably once you see that like other people have overcome that it can inspire you and it can show others that there is hope and it really can change your life and save your life in many ways. So I'm so very, very grateful to hear that you had that experience and those connections, and were able to finally have hope again. I would love to know from you because anxiety, it sounds like it's controlled a lot of your life. I, I, I will frame it that way. So what was that like? Finally being in a space where like, yes, you're building rapport, you're finding connection, you're finally seeing hope on the other side. But like, what was that experience like in terms of your anxiety during this time because you weren't, you know, using Xanax and you didn't have other substances to cope. So how did you manage to kind of shift into I'm sober and my anxiety is still here, but like I am greater, or I can overcome my anxiety.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-08-2025_164227:

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kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

So I think like in the beginning I was really like on that pink cloud, like, and so

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Mm-hmm.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

that kind of overtook the anxiety. Like I think I was, when I first got sober, like the first six months I. Just worked part-time. I didn't go back to corporate. Like I was just very, like in kind of a bubble still, like,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

still just like going to my meetings, only hanging out with my sober people. Really back into work fully. And so it was kind of just like this really happy time.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

wasn't, the anxiety wasn't there as much. Now it's kind of, this year has. I'm about to be four years sober, and this year has definitely been like the year of my life with my anxiety. Like it is back to like exactly how it was, like the moment I became addicted to Xanax, like going through the exact same things. and so that's been really, really hard to deal with sober. I realized like. In sobriety, I was still avoiding, like at first I was avoiding by using Xanax and alcohol, but now I've been avoiding basically that gives me anxiety. Like I've really shut off so many things now that I'm kind of faced with some of these things again, I'm like, gosh. I once again did not heal. I've just been avoiding, and so

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

yes.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

it's kind of hard. It's been hard to navigate, especially I think having a platform because I'm like, I to give this inspiring message that I've been providing, but then I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm at four years sober I'm really mentally struggling. Like, I don't wanna drink, I don't wanna take Xanax to go through it, but I, I, I'm going through this. Like mental struggle where I'm like, I have just been avoiding this whole time. I have not healed. And so it's been like a huge wake up call. Like I think it's almost a blessing'cause I didn't realize how much of this anxiety I was still struggling with. But it's been kind of a blessing in disguise'cause it's really made me have to like. Lean on my faith in this.'cause like I don't have or Xanax, like I constantly have to be present with these thoughts. And so it's just made my relationship with God so much stronger. I've just been leaning on scripture, like on my knees, praying, crying memorizing scripture. I'm doing EMDR therapy now to,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

What's d.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

So it's where you, don't even know how to explain it. So you follow this.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Okay. Okay.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

So it's rapid eye movement.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh yeah. Mm-hmm.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

and so basically like for any memories you have that are causing this anxiety. You relive them like while you're falling in it. So it's like when you're in fight or flight, one side of your brain basically shuts off and

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

And the other one highers up.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

remembers your point of view of these memories. But when you do an EMDR, it's like a bilateral ti stimulation. I'm sorry, I'm so bad at this. I'm just.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

No, it's okay. I've never heard of it, but I feel like I, I understand what you're saying.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

You follow the dot and it's like repetitive of rapid eye movement and it,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Okay.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

you're reprocessing the memory and it somehow opens up that side of your brain that was shut off. And so you can see all these different parts of the memory that you had closed off. And so it's really

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

wild. Like started one memory back in November. And we just finished it. So we, it was a level 10 anxiety at the beginning and we got it down to like a zero. And it's crazy'cause like when you're doing it, like all these things you forgot, like come back that you didn't think of. And basically the therapist helps you reframe it in a positive way. So like for me, we've been saying like. Okay, well if you didn't have this like PTSD, you probably never would've picked up Xanax the way you did then. You never would've gotten sober from alcohol. Then you would never have found sobriety and like,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I love.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

and then all the things where like in your head are so negative from the experience. It really helps you try to see like the reality of it. Like, did this really happen this way? Well, what did you think about it this way? It doesn't. Make you forget the memory, but it helps you reprocess it so that when you're having the current PTSD response in real life, it's not like linking you back to that

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Okay.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

in the way it is. And basically there's like a bunch of other little memories that are all linked to it that you have, we have to do. So it's a lot of work. it twice a week right now. But it's been good. It's like I'm finally at four years sober almost. I'm finally like really doing the work because in early sobriety I also have OCD, I'm like, I have all these things,

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Oh, we, I have a whole host of things in my

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

OCD. And so alcohol really helped with Numb that too.'cause it would numb out any intrusive thoughts I had.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

mm-hmm.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

First years of recovery. I did do therapy for that and I did heal that a lot, but now it's focusing on like I'm finally like getting to the root of okay, what caused me to pick up Xanax and alcohol in the extreme way I did. And now like we're finally healing it. So it's like been hard'cause it is a process. Like I said, I started in November and. We've only like, scratched the surface. But I'm just so grateful because like when I was taking that Xanax and drinking all that alcohol to try to like deal with all of this, I really had in my head like, I'm solving this. Like I'm free of anxiety now. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I just. Delayed healing for like years from doing that. Because I wasn't solving anything. I was just avoiding it, numbing out, and now I'm like, I am actually like healing, like I'm doing the work. Like I know, I know this is really hard, but I know I'm gonna get through it. I know I can do it sober. And I think when like hard things come in sobriety, it is like such a good reminder to yourself like, wow, like I am so strong. This is so hard. This is something I used to reach for alcohol or Xanax for. And now I'm just sitting in it like, like last week I literally had anxiety for like. I mean, I still kind of have it, but it was like three days straight of like, so sick to my stomach, couldn't eat, so just so anxious that I was literally like shaking

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Mm-hmm.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

and I'm like, I can't believe I'm able to just sit in this now

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

this freaking sucks, but we're gonna let our body heal. I literally was like hugging myself and I'm like, you're safe. Like you're gonna be okay. praying and there's so many better tools I have now that I realize are like so much more beneficial. Like actually feeling it and sitting through it and being like, okay, my body is reacting like this for a reason. I have to get to the reason, feel it, process it, and then I can heal.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

It. Yeah.

kristen-mcavoy_2_02-26-2025_170712:

And so it's like, yeah, this like sucks, but it's like it's so much better than numbing it.

the-sober-butterfly_2_02-26-2025_170712:

I love that.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

you sharing that even in your sobriety, you still struggle with your anxiety and just life, right? Like life is hard. But yet you're overcoming and like it's a testament to how strong we are. Because when you do hard things like get sober, it shows you that you are capable of doing other hard things. I think so often, and I do this all the time as well with my platform, like I wanna show people how amazing sobriety is because compared to what my life looked like before, this is like. But it's not all rainbows and butterflies, quite frankly. Like, there are hard, hard days and I, I think it's hard to sometimes balance, like, how much do I

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

as I'm working through it, right? Because I don't have all the answers versus how much am I showing, like, just the positive because I'm a positive person and I wanna inspire people, but like, I think that's the thing. It doesn't need to be one thing or the other. It's very much. This is who I am as a being. I'm a flawed human. That's how God made me. And I'm gonna lean into facets of all of me, like the multi-dimensions that exist within me because I'm not a perfect person. I will never be a perfect person. And I think it's a just a great reminder for folks at home or who are sober or who are thinking about getting sober. Like sobriety does not fix everything. Start, and to your point, like I didn't even realize, Kristen, until you were sharing like the avoidant piece. Like I also think I'm avoiding a lot of I'm so serious. Like I, I recognize as soon as you said that, I'm like, yeah, I'm still in therapy. I got sober in therapy thanks to my therapist or thanks to myself and to God and to like all of the people that came around and really supported me, but you know, I still. Deflect and I think defer or uncomfortable feelings. Like for me it's like I pour, I'm a workaholic, so I pour into, I, I distract myself from myself and I needed to hear that is the point I'm making. I think I need to hear that because it can be a slippery slope and I don't ever wanna drink again. I don't ever wanna use again. I don't think God willing I ever will, but I do have to take it day by day I'm three and a half years sober. Like I say, like oh, in early sobriety, but in the grand scheme of my life, like hopefully I have a lot more years to live. am still in early sobriety if I think about it, right? Like every day. not guaranteed. And every day I have to put in the work and I will never put it past myself that like I'm capable of relapsing or regressing back to old habits because that's who I am. I know who I am. And I think having that self-awareness and that clarity and sobriety has really shown me that like I am capable of overcoming, but every day I have to make the choice right. Like every day I have to show up and do the work even when it's hard and some days are harder than others. So I just wanna thank you so much, truly, Kristin, for saying that because I think when you have or when you have like followers and people who are just like, oh my God, you're so amazing and you're so inspirational. I love everything you do and

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

that's great, but at the same time, it's like. I'm actually struggling. Like I'm actually like not okay right now, but it's okay.'cause I know I will be okay. I know that I'm going to continue to put in that work and so I just wanna thank you because I, I think sometimes it can be really. Overwhelming and the pressure that we put on ourselves to be like a beacon of hope for others. yes, you can be that, but also like, I think you are a beacon of hope when you say troops like that, which is like my anxiety is at its worst right

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

and I'm working

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah, I think that's what people want to hear. Like when I shared that, I shared that last week, and like people were like, oh my gosh, like thank you for your honesty. I'm going through the same, and I think that's what like. We all need to remember like, yeah, it's great to put out the super motivating stuff and like, but I think, like you said, like realizing, just'cause I'm like four years sober doesn't mean that like we're super human or anything like.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

we don't have all the answers.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

it still can be like really hard. And I think that's like, I think that is the side people wanna see.'cause they're probably going through the same thing and they're like, well how is it so easy for her? And it's like, it's really not like it's, it's so much better than not drinking, but it's like there're still definitely. Really, really hard days. And like you said, even when you're sober, you can still fall into these patterns of things like our avoidance or are beha like obviously not the same behaviors you used to do when drinking, but they're like the same patterns of, you know, and so just being mindful and being alert and paying attention to that I think really is important.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

I agree, I respect that so much. Sobriety is not just all glowy skin. it involves a lot of deep healing and work, and I. again, just wanna commend you for sharing like the hard parts, because that's real, like anxiety, O-C-D-P-T-S-D, panic, like those are visceral feelings and not being able to self-medicate or finding ways to self-soothe and work through those with healthier coping mechanisms. The hard part. So I just wanna congratulate you for doing that work and sharing that with your audience just to wind down a bit, do you mind if we play a little game?

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

I'd love to.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

It's, yeah. Hard shift, hard shift of conversation. So I, I've truly learned so much from you and I am introducing a new segment, so let's play sober. Spicy or scandalous. so, I'm gonna ask you a question,

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Okay.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

and you get to choose if you want to answer it which is like

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Okay.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

spicy, which is bold or scandalous, which is okay. You give us the tea. All right. So my first question for you is what is one weird habit that you picked up in sobriety?

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Hmm. I drink way too much caffeine.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

Oh my God. I am like I caffeine, but yes.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

It's

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

Yes.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

I think because I got, I got sober, like in a recovery house, so I didn't use mocktails or anything. I was like straight to the energy drinks. I've finally been like a year without energy drinks and I'm just on coffee, but definitely a bad habit.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

Yeah, I was, I went through a little Red Bull phase and I was like, I can't do this.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

I'm acting like, I'm like,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

I'm wired. Like, I was like literally like bouncing off the walls, like Yeah. Not sustainable. Don't recommend it. Put the Red Bull back and does not give you wings. So, okay. Thank you for answering that. Okay. What is one of the biggest misconceptions about being sober? You can answer wholesome, bold, or scandalous.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

I think it's definitely that people are like, your life is gonna be so boring if you don't drink. But really it's like, no, like you like level up in a way like that you never could when you're drinking, even if you're drinking like just a few times a week, like when you give up alcohol, my finances like doubled. I got a better job. Like I got into like real estate. I got in the relationship that like finally with someone who respected me, like literally people think of it as this negative thing and it's really like. No, like if you want to win at life, like literally get sober and every area of your life will improve. Like your sleep, your health, your you'll like, you'll be in like,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

Your physical

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

and like it's everything,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

the weight internally.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

literally everything. Like, and I don't think anyone really believes that. That's why I do think it's good that people can see visibly like on us the changes. Like they know what we looked like before and all of that. And so I think just people think it's just like this boring, like punishment and it's really not like it's really this powerful like just power move I feel like.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

I always tell people whether you have a problem with alcohol or substances or not. If you wanna optimize your life, quit drinking, quit using

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

If you're thinking just one day you're, and you're like, oh, I'm spending Saturday with a hangover.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

hungover.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Okay. Like you could literally now be having like a whole side business you're doing on Saturday because you're not hungover. Like it really makes such a difference.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

I was just talking about this with a girlfriend the other day. Like I didn't have rural hobbies before I got sober. Like I recognized that about myself. embarrassing to admit, but like my hobby was drinking. I freed up a lot of time when I got sober, to be honest. I was like, oh, I have all this free time to your point when I'm not hungover in bed and chasing my next high, like what to do with this time. And so yeah, you invest in yourself and you become a better version of self. So I, I'm totally, totally with you there. Okay. My final question for you is, what is something sober? Kristen does that drunk. Kristen never would.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

I was really mean when I drank. Like I would be so mean to people and I am not a mean person. Like anybody you ask would say that I am like super kind. But then. People knew me when I was drinking. Probably think I am like the meanest person ever. And I, I still have a lot of guilt over that actually.'cause I would be like, just like nasty.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

Release, release That guilt girl that there was many moons ago, like, get over it. I used to hate, I was the same way. Like I, I had two levels. Like I was either like super wild, crazy standing on top of the bar, like shaking my boot, like doing all the things like. Right to your point, like Pink Friday, rapping the NICU menage lyrics like I was that girl or hard or, or I was destroying bathrooms, smashing windows, cursing someone out. Like I was that girl too. So like there was no like in between for the most part. So I relate to that and I used to hate when people would. that man shot like, oh, super. drunk words or super thoughts. I'd be like, Ugh. Like never say that to me because I don't know where that person came from. Like, I don't know why I would attack people

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

think

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

like

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

pain, like I think I was in so much pain and so I was just like you. It would like start out as like this happy, fun, and then it went like. Like crying mad mean, like, and I think it was, we had that pain inside and so when we would drink, it would come out. And so I'm like, yeah, when we're drinking, that's not who we are. It's literally like the alcohol, like it, it's like it brings the pain out of you or something. And yeah, it turned me mean, so I.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

It really mean too. And I would be so like to your point, like ashamed the next day, like having to go into apology mode or cringing like, oh my god, what did I really say that? Like, did I say that to you? Like, I don't mean that. And then having to like convince someone that you love or care about, like, I don't feel that way. I promise you I love you. I don't care. I dunno why I said that. I dunno where that came from. But yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head like it's. Repressed feelings that we have, like hurt and pain. And I hate to be like, hurt people. Hurt people, but yeah something else that I gathered from listening to parts of your story today to Kristen is I think I relate to this, like we cared very much about. How we were perceived from the outside, like appearances, like I've always been that girl too. Like on the outside everything looked put together for the most part until of course, things fell

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

I, I played, I, I, I played a good game for quite a while, and even some people that found out I quit drinking. And got sober. Were like, oh, like I always knew you'd like to have a good time, but I didn't know it was that bad. I never thought that you should have quit, but it's because I masked a lot and pretended a lot. Control's another thing for me. So like I felt like drinking was allowing me to like lower my inhibition and lose myself and kind of exhale to be honest with you. And that's so something that I really struggled with in my day-to-day life. So. Yeah, it would just always go too far.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

was able to moderate properly, never wanted to, to be honest with you. And the line, you know, the mark keeps being pushed further and further back. Your tolerance grows and next thing you

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Mm-hmm.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

now you're in it, you're in it in the

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

But I also think, well, I think what you're saying is so important too, how we both kind of wanted to appear this certain way and.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

Mm-hmm.

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

think that's so important. Like when you're around people in everyday life, like you never know who it is. Like I remember I, one night I was on so much Xanax and I literally was at a church function like, and I was posting about it that I was wrapping these Valentine's Days for kids and I was literally like on so much Xanax and it's like nobody is gonna expect that, like, you know what I mean? And so it's like. Really just be, be kind because like, you know, like addiction can happen to literally anybody at any time.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

And I think that is the great equalizer. Like that's why I talk very openly about my struggles,

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

not just on the podcast, not just on social, like in my day-to-day life. And I cannot tell you, like more often than not, if I mention the fact that I'm an alcoholic, I'm in recovery. their eyes light up. They're like, oh my God, me too. Or the, my best friend or my aunt, my sister, my mom, my, like, everyone knows someone is the point I'm trying to make. Whether you can look at them to your point and see like, oh, like, you know, this is the, the stereotype of the archetype of the person that is an addict or an alcoholic, like that person more often is not what. You think

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

Or what you should think of, you should not conjure up images of like a brown paper

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

and someone on the side of the street. You should conjure up an image of someone who looks like me and someone that looks like you because these are the people that are struggling

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

When I tell you broken and feeling like they have to put this persona or give off this aura of I have my life together when in in truth. You don't know what people are going through, and so I love that you ended on that. No, be kind. Just be kind and like I am not gonna tell people what to do in terms of their comfort

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Mm-hmm.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

speaking about subject matter like this, but I will forever use my voice to talk about it because I find that most people, if not everyone that I talk about it with, has connected in

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Yeah. Yep.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

So thank you Kristen, so much for coming on the show today. I want to just kind of open up the platform actually before I open up the platform, lemme back up. If anyone is struggling right now with addiction, whether that be alcohol, Xanax, anything, is one thing that you would want them to know, Kristen?

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

I would say this was repeated to me over and over in the co recovery house, and it really stuck with me. And they kept saying to me, don't give up before your miracle. And so it's like, even if like today feels so hard and you feel like, like you can never get over this, you can never sit through whatever you're going through without alcohol. Like it really is possible and the more sobriety you build up, like the more you will see that that miracle they're talking about. It really is there. But if you give up or you don't even start, like you're not gonna get to that miracle. And trust me, when people would say that to me, I was like, this is bs. Like I don't believe any of it. And now I'm just like, oh my gosh, they were right. Literally everything they told me would happen happened. But you have to first just start or try, or you are not gonna see that miracle.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

I love that. Don't give up before your

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Mm-hmm.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

I've never heard that one, but that speaks volumes. It's like you won't know until you know, and if you give up before you even start, then you're never gonna experience that. And I also just think of like insanity is doing the same thing, expecting different results. Like if you are going through. tried it your way. We've already kind of touched on this, like if you like you've gotten to this place on your own volition, let's try something different and don't stop until you experience that miracle. I love that so much. thank you so much, Kristen, for coming on the show today. I want to just open up the platform and for anyone who's sober, sober, curious, where can people find and connect with you?

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

So they can find me on Instagram at it's kristen l McAvoy, M-C-A-V-O-Y.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-26-2025_175355:

Thank you so much, Kristen, for coming on the show. I've learned so much. You are amazing. Thank

kristen-mcavoy_3_02-26-2025_175356:

Thank you so much for having me. It was so much fun.

the-sober-butterfly_5_03-18-2025_195954:

Wow. Kristen really just brought it all to the table, didn't she? I love how she's so transparent about her journey and still keeping it real about the challenges that come up even after many years of sobriety. If you resonated with anything Kristen shared or just love the podcast in general, please take a moment to leave a review. Not Not only does it help the Sober Butterfly get out to more butterflies, but you'll also be entered into my March giveaway. As a thank you for the support, just snap a screenshot of your review and DM or email it to me and I will be announcing the winner on March 31st. Also, if you're not already following the show on your favorite platform, what are you doing? Hit that follow button and sign up for the newsletter to stay in the loop with new episodes and exclusive content. Plus, don't forget to check out today's episode on YouTube if you want to watch our conversation. Thank you guys so much for supporting the show. Oh my gosh, you guys, I have news before I let you go. The podcast has officially monetized. Thanks to you. How can I forget? I wanted to show my appreciation. Just thank you guys. Truly, this has been such a journey. next week, I'm gonna spend a little bit more time getting into it about just how much this show has changed my life in the course of two years, so I'm just gonna tease that for you right here and now also, my birthday is happening tomorrow when you hear this, if you're listening in real time. So headed to Miami. I will have a solo episode next week so I can get into just life updates because I feel like so much life is happening. Life is lifeing, the good, the bad, the ugly. And I want to fill you in. But yeah. The show was monetized. Thank you guys so much. I am so grateful. And once again, to show my appreciation, I'm offering a giveaway for March. Don't forget to leave that review and send me a screenshot. One lucky winner will be announced on March 31st. You don't wanna miss it. All of the details are in the show notes. Okay? I love you guys so much. Bye.