Birthday Blues & 34 Life Lessons from 34 Years

In this special solo episode of The Sober Butterfly, I’m reflecting on 34 years of life, love, and lessons—the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

Birthdays can be complicated, and this year, I’ve been sitting with some deep feelings. I’m opening up about birthday blues, the pressures we place on ourselves, and how sobriety has shaped the way I celebrate milestones. But more than that, I’m sharing 34 of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned—on sobriety, mental health, relationships, self-worth, and personal growth.

✨ In this episode, we’ll dive into:

• The truth about birthday anxiety & expectations 🎈
• How gut health affects your mood (yes, your stomach is part of the convo)
• Why solo travel & journaling can change your life 🌍
• 34 real lessons that have shaped me into the person I am today

If you’ve ever felt weird about birthdays, struggled with self-doubt, or just love a good reflection session, this one’s for you.

🎧 Tune in now and let’s talk about life, growth, and the beauty of sober living.

Related Episodes:
📌 How to Navigate Sobriety & Mental Health
📌 Solo Travel & Finding Yourself
📌 Gut Health, Mood & Sober Living

Join The Sober Butterfly Community:
📲 Follow on Instagram & YouTube
📬 Subscribe to the Newsletter
📖 Sign up for the Sober Butterfly Book Club launching in April!

Sponsors & Resources:

💆🏾‍♀️ Jolie Shower Filter – Your skin & hair deserve filtered water! Upgrade your self-care routine with the Jolie Shower Filter and experience softer skin, shinier hair, and an overall glow-up. Get yours here 

🌟 ClassPass – Try ClassPass for FREE & get 20 bonus credits! Sign up here https://classpass.com/refer/KU6D7B8B28

🌿  Sakara – My go-to for balanced digestion & mood support. Use Code TSBHEALTHSAKARA for a  20% off your first order Check it out   https://sakara.sjv.io/zx4MB0

🍹 Drink Moment – The ultimate non-alcoholic drink for a vibe without the buzz. Sip on botanicals and adaptogens that help you unwind naturally. Get 18% off your first order with code TSB23 at checkout. Shop now 

📚 Audible – Get lost in a new book (or re-listen to your fave self-improvement reads). Try Audible FREE for 30 days and get a free audiobook with your trial.

Transcript

the-sober-butterfly_15_03-25-2025_175213: 0:02

Hello. Hello, beautiful butterflies and welcome to The Sober Butterfly, the podcast where we navigate life, sobriety and self discovery. One episode at a time. I'm your host, Nadine Mulvina, and in today's solo episode. We're getting real. We're getting real about birthdays, birthday, blues, and the 34 biggest life lessons I've learned in this wild, crazy, beautiful, sober life. Okay, so I just kind of wanna jump in and talk about birthdays because birthdays are weird. At least. This past birthday was weird.

the-sober-butterfly_10_03-25-2025_172540: 0:37

birthdays can be weird because we put so much pressure on ourselves when it comes to. Birthdays and not just the act of celebrating like, what am I gonna do? Who am I gonna spend my birthday with? More so just taking inventory of where you are in life and doing that introspection and reflection. It's kind of like, well, I'm turning this age and we measure. That age against maybe societal norms or what we think we should be doing at a certain point in time or at a certain age.

the-sober-butterfly_15_03-25-2025_175213: 1:09

Birthdays in general, I feel are supposed to be these big. Celebratory milestones but honestly, I've been a bit in a funk. Dare I say, I've been depressed, and I know I'm not alone because birthday blues are real. There's just something about getting older that makes you pause and reflect. Maybe sometimes a little too much and the fact that social media intensifies birthdays and makes it look like everyone is out here having, you know, the picture perfect holiday or birthday weekend. I'm guilty of that too. Okay? If you looked at my social media from this past weekend, I celebrated in Miami and I was, you know, looking good. And my little dresses prancing around Olas and doing all the things, but the truth is behind, my very glowy skin and smile. I was struggling. Okay. I was struggling, so I wanna get real with you guys because yeah, I've been struggling. I just want to put that out there. And I am someone who, just to provide some context, I'm someone who historically. I've always loved my birthday. I've been the type of person that would even say things like, oh birthday, no birth month. I would say all throughout my like teens and twenties, I had a birthday party. I was the type of girl that like every year we're partying, you're coming, I'm drinking. Obviously during this time I got sober at 30. For those of you who may not know. So all throughout my like late teens and twenties we're partying and there's a whole itinerary and I am sick. Okay. I'm sick. A week after my birthday, literally, sometimes I think I would be sick because my immune system was so poor from drinking. My birthday's also in March, and being in the northeast in New York, it's cold. And so I would be in like little skimpy club dresses and even open toed shoes sometimes. And you know, in these streets with my friends, drinking, doing drugs, party drugs, and like quote unquote having a ball, but then literally having to call out of work. The following Monday or Tuesday, sometimes even like sick. Okay, so around 30 I stopped doing that for a number of reasons. Getting sober was a big part of that. On my 30th birthday, actually, I was not sober, so I took a solo trip to Cabo on my 30th and. This will be a quick story time, but this is sort of like I think where the shift occurred for me. So for that birthday, my 30th, 30 being such a milestone, I think I put so much pressure on myself to I. Still have like a really fun, wild, crazy birthday experience. And social media, like living for social media basically played a huge role for me in that. Like I wanted to show everyone that like, oh, you know, the big three, oh, Nadine's doing something. Of course she's doing something. And this was still in the midst of the pandemic. So this would've been 2000, what year did I turn? I think I turned. If we're in 25, okay. I turned 30 in 2021, so when I turned 30 it was still like in the pandemic, and so a lot of people couldn't come and celebrate with me, so I was just like, I'm gonna do something big. So I did it by myself and I went to Cabo and that trip, by the way, was a disaster. I'm going to spare you all of the details. All you need to know is that I got robbed. I blacked out a beach club I think my last moment for my actual birthday was being blackout at that beach club and vomiting in the sand, covering my vomit in the sand like a dog, and somehow making it back to my hotel because the staff helped me then the next day I had like messages from this couple that were like concerned about me, but also wanted to have a threesome with me. It was a whole thing. Anyway, I spent the remaining part of that trip completely hungover. I. And yeah, it was not a good 30th birthday and consequently that ended up being the last birthday I spent drinking, which is kind of a cool thing. I had to go out with a bang and so, yeah. That was my 30th, and that was the first year that, like I said, I didn't really spend my birthday with anyone. And then since then I've pretty much kept low-key birthdays, so turning thirty one, thirty two, thirty three. I have been sober for those birthdays, 31 through 34 now, and I have spent the last three birthdays, with the exception of this past weekend. Alone. Like I've done something very low key or like, not planned. I shouldn't say alone. Alone. Like I've had maybe like a friend or two with me, but like, I'm not planning a whole birthday itinerary. It's not Nadine's birth month, birth weekend. Like no, we're just, you know, going to dinner or going to a jazz club, like that kind of thing. And I think for me that was the beginning of birthday blues,. I didn't recognize it at that time. I thought it was just reframing how I celebrated my birthday in sobriety because, you know, as mentioned, my birthdays look very crazy and wild, before getting sober. So I just thought that like, oh no, it's not that I don't like my birthday anymore, it's just that like I'm not. Getting fucked up for my birthday, but this particular past birthday or leading up to that birthday, I felt an impending sense of doom, if I'm being honest with you. Like me turning 34, it wasn't the age so much as a marker. or I'm afraid of getting older like that wasn't it? It was truly anxiety. Like anytime someone would be like, oh, it's March. Nadine, your birthday's coming. What are you doing? I felt like a pit in my stomach. I didn't have a plan, and I'm a planner. I didn't have a plan. I wasn't excited to plan anything. I. Felt depressed. I, and I don't use that term lightly, and I think me feeling depressed isn't completely connected to my birthday coming up, or my birthday was coming up. It's past now, but, I think I felt depressed because I've been in a funk, if I'm being honest with you guys. I am grateful for life, like I truly am the type of person that's like, I'm gonna age like fine wine. I don't love that expression, but you get what I'm trying to say, right? I am, you know, not afraid to age. I think it was the achievement and pressure that I put on myself. To be in a place that I felt and still kind of feel that I'm not at right now at 34. So as mentioned, birthdays really serve as a place or a marker for us to do some introspection and reflection as to like where we are currently in life. And I think that can be a beautiful thing, but I also think it can be a bit daunting when your expectation. Life doesn't match the reality. And so that is something I'm gonna talk about more in detail later when I get to the 34 lessons I've learned in life. But I also just wanna use that to set the scene and explain why I was experiencing birthday blues, and if you. Have experienced or are currently experiencing birthday blues, I can just share some quick tips that helped me shift and reframe how I was feeling about my upcoming birthday.

9:07

And now a quick word from our partners. It really feels like you're having a moment, pun intended, when you're sipping on the lovely and refreshing moment. Now what I love about moment is that not only does it taste delicious, I have my favorite flavors. I love the blood orange, I love the spicy mango, but it's also good for you, which is exactly what I need in my life right now as I'm in my early 20s. 30s. It's infused with L theanine, which is great for mental clarity. It also is packed with ashwagandha, which is great for helping to fight stress. It's made with all of these natural botanicals, which really enhances your vitality. It does not contain any added sugar. It's caffeine and of course alcohol free and you can purchase it in still or sparkling. I love a good sparkle moment so that's typically the route I take. In the morning it's great for a boost to start the day versus in the afternoon if you want to beat that afternoon slump and enhance your mental clarity or if you just need like a simple pick me up like for me I love to have a moment after the gym versus going into the gym because it just really helps. Reenergize me. And then in the evening, if you want to wind down after a long busy day and enjoy a delicious mocktail without the hangover, then Moment is great for that too. One of the best parts for me with Moment is I feel like it's a really conscientious brand. They donate 1 percent of all their sales to mental health non profits, so you can feel good about supporting greater causes as well. Head over to drinkmoment. com and use my code TSB23 to receive 12 percent off your very first order. Let's be moment bunnies. We can both have moments together.

the-sober-butterfly_16_03-25-2025_180401: 10:51

Really quickly so we can have normed language around birthday, blues. What are they? What is birthday depression? It's exactly how it sounds. It is feeling a sense of sadness or anxiety or apathy towards your birthday, now, of course, depression affects people differently so it can morph or manifest in different ways. For me, personally, I was feeling very low energy and as someone who is highly energetic, like I have limitless bounds of energy, uh, that was concerning. I mean, I was taking depression, naps. I don't nap first of all, but I was feeling. So gloomy and just depleted of energy or like a will to do things that I normally find super exciting. Like even creating content and this podcast for example, was a lot for me. That was a clear indicator for me that something was wrong. Another clear sign for me was crying. if you listen to the podcast, you know, I'm not a big crier. I am not proud of the fact that I don't normally cry or tears don't come easily for me. But I would say I've cried like almost every day for the last couple of weeks. Yeah. Um, that is very uncharacteristic of me. Maybe four or five days before my birthday, I was literally in my apartment crying and I got an alert at my door that someone was downstairs and I see on my camera a guy holding a bouquet of flowers and I'm like, oh my God, who sent me flowers? Um, one of my many suitors, no, I. I, I did think actually it was someone, and I was like, wait, I don't think he has my address, so can't be from him. But anyway, I was like anticipating. I was just like, who could this be? And it turned out the flowers were from a good girlfriend of mine and when she sent me those flowers, I was literally in the midst of crying. And so. I told her that I was just like, wow. These came at the perfect time because I was thinking about my birthday and it's a bit pathetic to admit, but a big part of me and being sad and crying was simply the fact that I was like, I want to spend my birthday with a guy or with a partner. And that goes back to what I mentioned before around where am I in life? Like at 34, I never thought I'd be single and I never thought I'd be defining my happiness, based off of my relationship status. and I still don't think I'm doing that, but like that is a true feeling I had, like I feel alone. And so it was just a beautiful. Almost like divine intervention. In that moment the doorbell rings and I'm getting flowers from a friend. Okay. Like my relationships are strong. I have so much love around me and it may not be romantic love, but at the same time, I have a lot to be grateful for. So that was just a beautiful reminder. And so going back to birthday blues, yeah. I was feeling down. I was feeling depressed, and if you feel that way, you are not alone. And so I'm so grateful that my friend sent those flowers, but also it helped me learn about birthday blues and understanding that this is a common phenomenon that a lot of people experience. And it's okay to be sad and cry on your birthday. It's my birthday. I can cry if I want to.

the-sober-butterfly_17_03-25-2025_181224: 14:13

If you are experiencing birthday blues or have or know someone who you may suspect. Has some birthday depression. Here's what you can do or share with them so that they can cope or navigate birthday blues three quick tips for you guys. My first tip is practice self-compassion, but what does that really mean, Nadine? Okay, so if you were practicing. Self-compassion because I know that this is a buzz term that gets thrown around a lot, and we've heard it a thousand times, but it is simply a reminder to be kind to yourself, especially on your day. Give yourself credit, you deserve credit for how far you have come, whether you are sober or not sober. You need to give yourself credit for where you are and where you are going. And if you don't have the energy to celebrate your birthday or celebrate your accomplishments, at least treat yourself with kindness. You should do something for yourself and like you can base this off of your love language, for example, if you are like a quality time girly and single girl, I know if you are a quality time girly, okay?'cause remember the love languages, they are not just about romantic relationships. It can also be applied to your relationship with self. So anyway, if you're a quality time. Girl. Then give yourself time to truly spend with yourself, whether that be taking yourself out to lunch, because let's be real, food is everyone's love language, universal love language over here, right? I went to a Japanese botanical garden all by myself on my birthday for four hours. And I read in the garden because that is what I wanted to do. And they had a beautiful cafe there. And so I got a nice bento box That was the highlight of my birthday. I mean, don't tell my cousin'cause she really did a great job of planning an amazing itinerary. But when I tell you I just needed to invest in myself, pour into myself, spend time with myself, That was what I needed. A moment for me to be present and say, thank you for life today because we know this. Life is not guaranteed anything and everything can change in a blink of an eye. So I really try to be present in that moment and just say, fuck it. Forget anything about what I think I should be doing. I put my phone on Do not Disturb because as much as I love getting birthday messages and calls and texts and all the things I'm hearing from people that I haven't spoken to in years. Okay. Yeah, it's sweet, but at the same time it can be distracting. And then you may be wondering, oh my God, am I going to hear from this person And they don't reach out. And now you're sad even more. So don't do it. Put your phone on, do not disturb if you have to. So that is something that I did on my birthday, and it was beautiful just to spend moments to myself.

the-sober-butterfly_18_03-25-2025_181854: 17:00

my other love language is physical touch. Actually. I think physical touch is number one and quality time is number two for me. So I also scheduled a one hour deep tissue massage with hot stones because as we've established, I am single. And yeah, I was like, I still deserve to be touched. Okay. I still gotta speak to my love language. So I went for a little massage and it was amazing that coupled with the um, botanical garden visit was just incredible. you can. Find ways to integrate your love language, to celebrate yourself on your day while practicing self-compassion because you need to love yourself. If you don't love you, honey, no one else will.

the-sober-butterfly_19_03-25-2025_182048: 17:44

Tip number two I have for beating birthday. Blues, reflection and reflection can come in many forms, but the thing I most recommend is journaling. There's something about written word that just makes it super concrete for us. You can always refer back to it. And so what I practice this year for my 34th birthday and what I recommend for anyone's birthday, whether you're depressed or not. Best case scenario, journaling. What is the best case scenario for your life? I could spend some time ruminating on the past, but I would argue at least for myself. That's kind of why I was depressed. I was like thinking about past failures and past relationships and past fuckups and just. The past. The past. The past. The past. Right. And like I think, yes, you can excavate the past. There's nothing wrong with doing that. it's healthy and helpful when you're able to release that stuff. But like I just was not trying to do that on my actual birthday. I am like, Me dwelling on the past is why I feel like I'm depressed. Thinking about all of these failures or perceived failures. And it's making me sad because I'm like, why is my life not the way I think it should be? So instead, what I practiced this year was best case scenario journaling. I put down on paper what is the best thing that can happen for my life in my 34th year. I did not hold back. Let me tell you, I did not hold back. If you read this journal entry, which no one ever will, unless it comes true, and then maybe I'll share it with you guys. If you read this entry, it is me going in okay about everything. Beautiful. That could potentially happen. Is it realistic? No. Is it d Lulu? Absolutely. I sound like a crazy person if I were to share what I put down for my 34th year, but like, yes, it is my journal. It is my fantasy, and it is my best case scenario. So, you know, maybe I'm not exactly where I want to be at 34, but it doesn't mean that. You know, this can't be the best year of my life. It doesn't mean that things can change in the blink of an eye, as mentioned before, like everything can change, but here's the re reframe. Everything will change for me in the best way possible. So that's what I did, that's what I recommend. I am just going to prescribe a healthy dose of delusion. Okay? Get delusional and put on paper what you think can be the best year of your life, especially if you are harboring feelings of inadequacy or you feel like you're not living up to your potential, or for whatever reason, you don't think that this year, whatever age you're returning, reflects where you should be in life. And by the way, there is no, there is no marker. Like we're all just figuring it out. We, nobody knows what's happening, but. We can't help sometimes feel as though maybe we're behind. I think it's really healthy and helpful to practice best case scenario journaling. And so that's what I did, and I'll let you guys know next year if the, if this was my best year of life, I have a feeling that it will be my very best because I'm manifesting I put it down on paper.

the-sober-butterfly_20_03-25-2025_182535: 21:05

My final tip to help beat those birthday blues. Don't be afraid to seek help. If you are struggling, you need to communicate that you're struggling. This is something that I am. Telling myself as well, it is something that I need to work on. As mentioned with my girlfriend who sent the flowers and then I confided in her how sad I'm feeling. I probably wouldn't have shared that with her if she didn't send those flowers. And that gave me an opening to express how depressed I was feeling about my birthday. I think it's especially important to seek help if you're still experiencing those same sentiments or feelings of depression, anxiety, gloom, post birthday. I think it's normal a couple days after, right? Like the residual effect. But for the most part, if we're talking like a week plus of you still sitting in those feelings, those same feelings, then I would seek professional help or share with a good friend, someone that's in your trusted circle. and they may not be able to provide the answers, but there is something really cathartic, I'll say, about releasing feelings that we pent up and we are holding onto journaling is one way to do that with the aforementioned tip, but. It's not the only way, and I would argue that you should practice multiple ways to release some of those feelings if possible. We all need help. So there's nothing to feel ashamed of. And in doing so, and sharing, you know, you may learn from someone else that they have also experienced that sense of depression or blues when it comes to birthdays or just in general, like my friend also disclosed the same thing to me. And don't put the pressure on yourself. This is a bonus tip. Don't put pressure on yourself. It's your day. No matter how you feel about the day, if you want to do nothing because you don't feel like doing anything, do nothing. If you wanna celebrate because you wanna celebrate, celebrate, but don't put the pressure on yourself to perform or behave in a certain way because it's your birthday. Do what you need, take what you need and act accordingly.

23:17

And now a quick word from our partners.

the-sober-butterfly_20_06-19-2024_150759: 23:20

This episode is brought to you by Jolie. Jolie is the amazing filtered shower head that will leave your skin feeling fresher and healthier than ever.

the-sober-butterfly_20_06-19-2024_155446: 23:30

Their filtered showerhead is a game changer. It removes chlorine and other impurities from your shower water, leaving your skin and hair feeling softer and healthier. It's a small change that makes a huge difference. Trust me, you will love it. Check out Jolie in the show notes below to get ready to glow.

the-sober-butterfly_21_03-25-2025_182849: 23:52

I ended up actually having a pretty good birthday. I got to spend it with my cousin and some of her friends. Moved my body because that is super integral for my peace of mind. I did a 90 minute orange theory class. I haven't done a 90 minute orange theory class in a long time, but that helped with endorphins, got the blood pumping, so that helped improve my mood. Went to that botanical garden, which was really amazing. Then I went for a massage. Then I went to a bridgeton themed candlelight orchestra thing. we, wore dresses, puffy dresses, and they had the gloves. I had a tiara. It was, it was cute. And then we went to a really amazing steakhouse afterwards. I ate well. That always helps. So I ended up having a good birthday and I felt really present and grounded. Um, for the most part. The day after my birthday, I did my best case journaling practice that I shared with you guys around, like how this is going to be the best year of my life. It really did help me. It left me feeling inspired and hopeful that like this can actually be the best year of my life. Of course, it requires action more than just writing on paper, but I did feel better. Me being in higher spirits allowed me to reframe some of the negative thoughts I had before that session, that journal session. And it really helped me realize that feelings, you know, feeling everything, whether it's good or bad. by the way, like there are no good or bad feelings, but for the purpose of this, I'm just gonna say like, feeling joy versus sorrow feeling everything is a gift because it means that I'm alive, it means I'm here. It means that I'm still growing and I'm not numbing, I am feeling, I'm sitting with my feelings. So that helped me reset. And when I got back to New York, I took Monday off from work and I was just like, you know what? I'm done wallowing. I'm going to reflect on the lessons I've learned. I am not gonna reflect on what I'm lacking because I'm not lacking anything. I'm going to reflect on the greatest lessons I've learned so far in life. The good, the bad, the embarrassing, the profound, because if I've learned anything in 34 years, it's that every struggle eventually turns into wisdom. So let's get into it. 34 things I've learned in my 34 years. Some are deep, some are funny, some are hard earned. Let's get into it.

the-sober-butterfly_2_01-08-2025_164227: 26:31

Have you ever wished you could dive into a great story while on the go? Maybe that's during your daily commute or even while working out. Well, now you can, thanks to Audible. Audible is the leading provider of spoken word entertainment in audiobooks, and with Audible, you can turn any moment into a storytime adventure. Imagine having access to an unmatched selection of audiobooks, right now. Audible is not just a library. It's a whole Experience with a vast collection of genres from mystery to romance to self help and business Audible has something for everyone and here's the best part Your first month is on me check the show notes below and visit audible. com slash tsb24 to start your free trial today. Whether you're a seasoned book lover or just getting started, Audible is the perfect companion for your reading journey. So why wait? Head over to audible. com slash tsb24. Audible. Because the best stories are meant to be heard.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_045223: 27:45

At number one, we have, sobriety is the best gift I've ever given myself, period. I don't think I could honestly name all the ways in which my life has benefited from me getting sober, from relationships to mental health, to physical health, to emotional wellbeing, regulating emotions Mindset. I mean, it just really has permeated into every crevice of my life in the best way. Just listen to any episode of this podcast and you will find that the overwhelming majority, if not every episode, talks about how magical sobriety is. So yeah, sobriety is the best gift I've ever given myself. Period. But at number two, sobriety does not fix everything. Okay? It does not fix everything. Just because you quit drinking, but it is a great start. And what I mean by that is. A start at life. It's like a hard reset that gives you clarity. Like you get a brand new hard drive. It is time for you to start over and that start. Obviously is metaphorical, like you are still the same person living your same life, but truly so much of your life can shift and change because you are no longer clouding your judgment or anchoring yourself or tethering yourself to the substance.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_050407: 29:10

At number three. Your past does not define you. Shame builds up and can lead us. To continue to seek unhealthy coping mechanisms to work through said shame. The opposite of shame is vulnerability. And when we can be vulnerable and open up about our past mistakes and acknowledge them, and also realize that our past does not define us, um, it is a part of our story, but it is not the story. One of the big things I've learned is related to forgiveness from having conversations with people who have done the steps and worked those amends is forgiveness. And forgiveness is a big part of the healing process. The healing journey that can help you release shame and recognizing that your past does not define you, and making amends to other people is a part of that process. But more importantly. What people have shared with me on this podcast is the value of making amends to yourself, truly forgiving yourself. Because if you are still holding on to all of those past indiscretions and carrying that weight with you, even in your sobriety, that can be really tiring and that can leave you stagnant or even regressing. So I just wanna remind folks that your past does not define you, and healing can set you free.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_050900: 30:36

Number four, healing is not linear. I used to think of healing. Like a line graph that just went up, you know? So if 0.1 or point a, for example, on said line graph was me realizing that I have a problem and for the purpose of this segment I'll say my problem is drinking. Like I'm a problem drinker, I'm an alcoholic, if that's 0.1. I used to think that the next point would be. An incremental surplus or positive, so like the next dot would be up and it would look like me acknowledging the problem now and maybe I'm seeking help and I'm in therapy. So that's like a positive increment or spike. And then the final dot would be. Once again trending up I'm healed. I no longer have a problem with alcohol. I am perfect. That used to be the way I thought about healing in any sense. And I realize now like that is just so not true. Healing is a rollercoaster. With many twists and turns. And some days I feel like a self-actualized queen. Sometimes I'm like, Maslow, I'm at the top of the pyramid. but the reality is, you know, that's one day. But the next day I can feel like I am starting from point A again. And usually it's not that, you know, big of a dip, but. Just to remind us that like you need to take each day as it comes, and this is not just related to sobriety, this is related to any healing journey or process that you're on. Like it is about the progress that you make. It is about picking up from where you left off. It's okay for you to do better some days or feel better some days than others, and it doesn't diminish or take away from your overall healing process. In fact, it is a part of the process like those dips and ebbs and flows and highs and lows.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_051508: 32:42

Coming in at number five. Therapy is not just for when things are falling apart. You gotta go before the breakdown. So a big part of me getting sober four-ish years ago, or almost four years ago, I should say, was due to getting into therapy, and that was because my life was on fire. I was experiencing really intense feelings of depression. I'll say I was drinking. I was drinking so much. I was living abroad I was spiraling. I was not in a good place, and I'm glad that I had enough foresight to recognize that I needed some professional help. And so I got into therapy. A big part of me finally coming to the realization that I had a problem with alcohol was due to my therapist pointing it out. Now, that was not the first time that someone had pointed out that my drinking was problematic. However, it was the first time I had a professional counsel me on it. I'm so glad that I went when I was in the midst of a truly a, a nervous breakdown like I was having. Really, um, intense feelings that were making me feel crazy, and I was self-medicating to deal with those feelings. However you shouldn't wait until you get to that place. Um, you shouldn't be like me in that moment. And of course, like if you feel like your life is falling apart, go to therapy, absolutely. but I want us to think about therapy as a preventative measure, like preventative care, like you being a responsible adult and doing all the adult, things like going and getting your checkups, right? Like we're not waiting for a symptom to pop up for us to like finally go to the doctor or The worst toothache of our life to like finally go to the dentist to see what's going on. Like, no. We are scheduling regular checkups. Go before the breakdown. Go before you need 1,000,001 sessions to feel. Okay.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_052055: 34:51

Six.

the-sober-butterfly_29_03-25-2025_192047: 34:52

No one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself. I'm gonna say it again for the people in the back. No one is coming to save you. No one's coming to save you. Girl. I'm sorry. I think as women especially, we have been conditioned to believe that a man. Is gonna come along and fix us, think damn in distress. You can expect someone external or something external from you to fix you, to change you to give value or purpose to your life, you have to know that it comes from within and really tap into that. So this is just a beautiful reminder that no one is coming to save you boo. And even if you think that you know, someone's gonna ride in on a white horse and scoop you out of whatever despair or situation that you're in. Even if that happens, it is never going to be what you expect it to be because now you've given that person so much power or control or place them on a pedestal they can never live up to, because it's like you're entrusting your entire life in this person's hands. So don't do that. Just don't rely on yourself and have the belief and conviction that you're capable of becoming the best version of self to save yourself

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_052911: 36:17

At number seven, I have sobriety is not the end of fun. It is truly the beginning of real fun. I've talked about that extensively on this podcast. Even in the opening of this segment, I talked about how my birthdays in my twenties were chaotic. They were wild. They were me on a bender, basically with my friends drinking, drugging, doing whatever, thinking that was like the epitome of fun. And then recognizing around 30 that. Actually, this isn't so fun. This is kind of boring, especially when you do the same thing over and over again. It's like, I've lived this life for so long, like what's next? Drinking is not fun. And if you need alcohol or substance to have fun. You gotta question, is this thing that you're doing, actually fun, or are you trying to make fun where fun doesn't exist? And that can also be in connection to relationships with other people. If you were only around these people and enjoy their company when they are drinking, and when you are drinking, then you gotta question if the relationship is. That valuable to begin with and what do you actually have in common with these people? So yeah, sobriety is not the end of fun. It is the beginning of fun and I had to learn how to or relearn how to have fun because so much of my life and identity was connected to drinking and partying. And realized how boring that actually made me and how pathetic, quite frankly that was, that I didn't. Think I could have fun without drinking. And so I always encourage people to go back to before you started drinking whatever age that was for you, and try and tap back into that inner child of like, what did you like to do? What lit you up? What made you happy and passionate when you were a kid? And like, go back to those activities.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_053238: 38:19

Number eight. Not everyone will understand or support your sobriety, and that is okay. Sobriety is going to teach you who your real friends are, who your real people are, who truly belongs in your inner circle. And I hear so often people say things like, oh, you lose friends in sobriety. I would argue I have not lost a single friend due to me getting sober. I have lost friends due to me setting boundaries, which I'll get into a little bit later. I've lost friends, you know? Due to other life experiences like growth and just growing apart, but I've not lost anyone due to the fact that I have simply decided to quit drinking. I have lost maybe drinking acquaintances or peers who I had going back to what I talked about in the last lesson, connecting with people solely based off of this idea that we're drinking together, like my very distorted idea of what fun meant for me back then included drinking. And so yes, those people, like of course, like they're not in my life anymore because that was our only shared interest, but I will say there has been an adjustment period and I did have to give. More grace than I was expecting to give in early sobriety. When I first got sober, I wasn't. Saying that I was sober. I quit drinking and then I didn't have a plan, so I. Didn't communicate. I think in a way that was very clear to other people around what I was doing. I was treating it like a social experiment and saying like, oh, I'm just taking a break. Like I don't wanna drink this summer, blah, blah, blah. My therapist list and recommends that I don't, and all of, all of these things. But I wasn't saying it with conviction. I wasn't seeing it with my chest. I was kind of just like blase, like trying to basically be the same person minus the alcohol and like that wasn't possible because so much of my identity was connected to my drinking it. So it's like who isn't aine without alcohol? Like that is truly how I felt, and I know that's how other people perceived me as well. I'm not imagining that I'm not internalizing these false narratives like I know for a fact because I've had real conversations with people since, and that's fair because that is. Also how I viewed myself and how I was projecting this version of self into the world. So I say that to say not everyone's gonna get it, especially in the beginning, and there may need to be a little bit of a grace period for people to adjust. Now that looks different from. I wanna be clear, like I think understanding your sobriety looks very different from supporting your sobriety so people don't have to understand what you're doing that's for you to figure out. That's for you to work on. But I. People should not be derailing your progress. People should not be limiting you or scaring you with their limiting beliefs or trying to, you know, push their opinions onto you. Because I've had also people say things like, oh, Nadine, like, I don't think you had my problem. Like, you like to drink, but. You, you have it under control, right? Saying things like that. Like once again, I don't know if that's like the being unsupportive or more projecting onto me because they're afraid that if Nadine's not drinking, then maybe they have a problem with drinking because they were always drinking with me. Like that kind of thing. Once again, different. But you know, I think you kind of just have to intuitively know who your haters are, like who is trying to. Stop you from being this best version of self or optimizing, or who was trying to hold you back and adjust accordingly, pivot as needed. Even though I didn't lose friends, real friends, once again, going back to that grace period, that adjustment period. I did have to distance myself from certain people for some time, and I didn't have the language or the confidence. At said time to communicate why I was setting these boundaries and pushing them away and you know, being less available. But the people that are meant to be there for you will be there for you, even if they need some time to adjust to your sobriety. But no one should be trying to. Stop you from getting sober and no one should have that power. But take inventory of how you feel around certain people. Like even if you can't articulate why you think someone may not be supportive, still listen to that inner voice and respond accordingly. And it doesn't always have to be this big blow up or confrontation. It can simply be you moving or redirecting your energy elsewhere.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_053921: 43:00

Number nine, I have learning to sit with discomfort is a superpower. Sobriety, it has tested my patience like nothing else, sitting with discomfort, feeling my feelings. It's not something I'm comfortable with. I am a highly emotional person and I don't always know how to process my emotions in a healthy way. I'm the queen of distractions. So even though I don't drink anymore, when a powerful feeling comes up that I don't wanna experience an uncomfortable feeling like how I've been feeling around my birthday and just feeling sad around certain things, like I don't like that. And so. I distract myself. And that is not where the healing I. Can really take place. So I have to do better and I'm working on that. So it is a superpower that I'm still harnessing, I'm still working on, but it is still beautiful to know that I'm turning to healthier coping mechanisms as opposed to drinking and numbing and self-medicating

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_054450: 44:15

Coming in at number 10 someone who genuinely loves you will not make you feel like you're hard to love. You are not hard to love. This is applicable to any relationship, whether that's with your best friend, grandmother, boyfriend, wife, your whoever. If someone makes you feel like you are hard to love or you're too much, or you just need to change this about yourself, and then you will be more lovable. That's a really concrete data point that you cannot ignore and you need to, you gotta pivot, you gotta get out of there. That relationship is not worth it, okay? Because if someone is making you feel like you are not good enough, or you are incapable of being loved because you are just so difficult and you are just too much. Get out of there. You don't deserve that. And clearly they don't deserve you. You are perfectly imperfect the way that you are, and someone will recognize that and work with you because there is no such thing as perfect. And if that other person is making you feel like you have to be perfect to be loved, that's problematic. But beyond that, it's like you need to find someone who is about growth, who wants to grow with you, who recognizes that perfection is never going to be the ideal that we're striving towards. It's like, no, we are just striving towards being our best versions of self. This beautiful journey of life, and if you wanna be with me along for the ride, and once again, this can be in any capacity, then you must accept that this is who I am and I am enough and I am lovable in this perfectly flawed state. So I'm just gonna leave it at that. Anyone who makes you feel like you are too hard to love, just make their job easier and leave. Okay? Promise me that you will leave coming in at number 11. Love should feel safe. It should not feel like a roller coaster of anxiety. I learned. This particular lesson when I was doing research around attachment theory, I've talked a little bit about attachment theory on this podcast, but basically I read a book called Attached, and I'll link it in the show notes. It's a really great book for identifying your attachment style. And how it applies to relationships, And it takes place around this premise that the quality of our early relationships with our caregivers have a significant impact on our development. As human beings and specifically in relationships as adults. There are different attachment styles and once again, like if you ever read the book, you should, it's really cool to like learn your attachment. Style one is secure. you're reliable, basically a person. Can rely on you. You can rely on your partner. Then there's avoidant attachment, which is characterized by being like uncomfortable growing emotionally close with other people. There's also anxious attachment, which is another insecure attachment style characterize, I would say, but like, um, a strong desire for meaningful relationships and a fear of abandonment. I would argue that out of all the attachment style, I'm mostly anxious I'm trending towards secure. Like I've done a lot of work on myself, a lot of work in therapy, but default mode, I definitely think that my attachment style is more anxious and so I recognized. A lesson in understanding more about attachment theory, which is like love should feel safe. I don't need to earn anyone's love by overgiving or proving myself to someone else, and that's because I should feel safe. And I think when I'm not safe, I get into this mode where I'm performative or I'm trying to, you know, create a safe space. And it's like you can't do all the work yourself, there has to be equity in terms of partnership. It's a partnership. I can't be bringing everything to create this space in which I feel like I'm lovable. Which kind of goes back to the last point, which is, you know, if people don't make you feel loved, then you need to walk away. If you don't feel safe. It's like really impossible to thrive in that environment and to grow in partnership so yeah, trust those feelings of anxiety. If you feel like there's just so much ambiguity or uncertainty and you feel unsafe, then that is a clear sign that this is not the right relationship for you.

the-sober-butterfly_25_12-24-2024_142305: 48:51

Okay, butterflies, let me let you in on a little secret. Self care is so much more than just bubble baths, it's about finding what makes you feel your very best, inside and out. And that's why I've been obsessed with ClassPass for years. Whether I'm crushing a Pilates class, getting a fresh blowout, or treating myself to a relaxing facial, ClassPass lets me explore all kinds of fitness and wellness options. With just one membership, I can book workouts, beauty treatments, and so much more all in one app. I've been a member since 2016, and I've booked over 500 reservations. ClassPass makes it easy and fun to prioritize my health and happiness all the while staying on budget. And because I want you to feel just as amazing as I do, I've got an exclusive offer for my listeners. Sign up with my special link and you'll get a free trial And 20 bonus credits to use toward any classes or services you want to try. So what are you waiting for? Take that first step toward feeling your best. Head to ClassPass to get started today.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_055845: 50:07

Number 12. The way someone treats you when they are mad says everything. And I would argue that you should get into an argument with your partner. just for fun, ease, just No, I'm, I'm joking. Kind of. I, I do think that when things are flowing and everything's good and, you know, there's no disputes or disagreements, really hard to assess who that person is. like I want to see someone mad. pay attention to how they treat you when they are upset or when they are mad or when things are not going their way, or if you say no to them, or if you set a boundary, whatever it may be, pay attention to that because that is going to potentially save you a lot of time. Heartbreak, even like abuse, if they are a nasty person towards you when they are angry., if someone is mean to you, if they diminish you, when they're upset, if they wanna bring you down, if they wanna make you angry, if they call you out your name, if they obviously put their hands on you, like all of these things are data points that you cannot. Cannot ignore. If you're in a relationship with someone and they call you out, your name. It's a wrap. Truly, you are talking to someone who has a temper like I can get angry, but I know how to diffuse and I know how to channel said anger into the appropriate places. Like, I'm not going to take my anger issues out on you. As my partner, even if you are the person that riled me up, like I know better. I've done enough work on myself to where I can appropriately. Communicate, I can appropriately take the steps that I need, like, I need to get out of this room. I need to get away from you because I don't wanna say or do something that I'm gonna regret. Like me being able to articulate that is a step in the right direction. If someone's calling you out your name, if someone is hitting things or throwing things or breaking things, you gotta leave permanently because it's just a matter of time. Unfortunately I've seen this it is just a matter of time before they direct that anger towards you, more towards you. So the way someone treats you when they're mad says everything the way I wanna add here, the way they talk about their mom and their family, and women, especially if you're in a hetero relationship with a man, like the way they talk about other women, pay attention to that too.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_060407: 52:36

Number 13 is hard for me'cause I'm working through this right now. It's a lesson that. Is reoccurring that I probably will have to continue working through. But number 13 is if they wanted to, they would period. Like if they wanted to, they would. We have to stop making excuses for people, I mean, think about all the things that you want to do. If you really want something, you go after it. You chase it, you get it, you do it. At least that's the type of person I am. if I wanna take a trip, I'm, I'm, I'm there. We'll look at the budget. We'll make it work. We'll figure it out. We'll find a way, because there's a will. So if they want to, they would. We have to stop making excuses for these men, if he wanted to, he would. And that's really hard to accept, I think, especially from an ego standpoint. It's like, but, but why? Why doesn't he do these things that he says he's gonna do? Or like, why haven't I heard from him and blah, blah, blah, this and that and that. It's just like, because ultimately, it's another priority. Ultimately it's just not a priority. And I think once we separate our ego from that and stop taking it personal, right? Like it's not always about you. Um, and even if it is about you, it's okay'cause you'll find someone else. Like once we remove our personal ego, I think we can see things more objectively and it will hurt less. It will soften the blow of knowing that this person just didn't want to, and that's why they did it. I'll wrap this lesson with like, one of my favorite Sex in the City episodes is with Miranda this is like early two thousands, so whatever that book was called where it was like, he's just not that into you, I think was the book. Yeah. And then they like made a movie. Anyway, she had just discovered the book and so. Once she learned the lesson, like, oh, he hasn't called me and I'm not gonna make excuses for why this man hasn't called me, and goes around like a prophet, telling all these women, like he's just not into you. He is just not into you. And like it, that's one of my favorite episodes because it's true, but also like we always think that we are the exception, not the rule. And that's also what the book talks about. And like, of course there are exceptions to the rule, maybe he did lose his phone. Maybe he did go to bed at 7:00 PM last night, and that's why you didn't hear from him. I'm, I'm laughing. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at myself. Trust me, these are things that like I have told myself, um, in the past. So yeah, if he wanted to, he would, or if they wanted to, they would. We're not making excuses for people anymore. And this is not just about romantic relationships, this is about anything. If somebody wants it, they will prioritize it and they will make it happen.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_060757: 55:11

Number 14, a partner should add to your happiness, not be your only source of it. This reminds me of one of my favorite mantras. Give yourself the love that you seek. So stop expecting other people to. Love you. If you don't love yourself, stop expecting or assuming other people can make you happy. If you can't make yourself happy, I wanna add a little addendum here and say that, you know, not only is it about not looking for external sources of happiness in a partner, but also. Get some hobbies, get a life. I talked about this in one of my episodes recently on the podcast, right? Like, we need hobbies. We cannot be over here prioritizing relationships. like romantic relationships as our only source of entertainment or the only passion activity that we have in life, like you need to be a whole person and recognize that the more fulfilled you become with your own life, the more you're living your busy, exciting life, the more you're attracting someone who can match that calibration, that energy that you. Deserve and say that you want. So don't assume that anyone's going to make you happy. No one can make you happy. First of all, like I just wanna be clear about that. No one can make you happy. Only you can find that source of happiness from wherever. Because there are moments where we can be happy in everyday life, even when we're feeling depressed. For example this is a phase where, yeah, I'm going through a spell of depression, but I still find moments of joy and gratitude in my everyday life. I'm not just assuming that getting this next thing or going on the state is going to fix me, like that part is inherently dangerous. Work on ways in which you can find happiness within yourself or within your everyday life and then when you find a partner or a relationship or a situation that serves you or matches the energy that you've been putting out there, It would just be a bonus. It would just be an extra little thing, the cherry on top,

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_061110: 57:21

Number 15. you've heard me say this, if you've listened to the show. Chemistry does not equal compatibility. We have to stop confusing intensity with intimacy. You can feel a deep level of attraction to someone and have zero compatibility with them. You can have intense moments of passion without creating any real intimacy. Person and to create the intimacy, there has to be a sense of vulnerability. There has to be a sense of true connection outside of, just the physical. There has to be alignment with values and alignment with interest and desires and what we want out of life and conversations around that. Um, so yeah. Chemistry does not equal compatibility.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_061335: 58:24

Number 16,

the-sober-butterfly_31_03-25-2025_193204: 58:25

love isn't about fixing someone, it's about growing. Together. I love a good project. I love a good fixer wrap, but we are not Bob the builder. Okay? We're not over here building men. We are not trying to mother these men. You have to accept people at face value. It's not about fixing someone, it's about growing with someone. And if you meet someone, pretty early on, you can determine if you want to pursue something with them. And if you don't. Don't think that you can make them into a version of self that suits you, that's not fair to them, and it's not fair to you. This is who they are. Of course, you can communicate some things that maybe you think would behoove them. To change, but it has to be something that they want to work on, There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. You are not a perfect person, so don't expect that from your partner, but at the same time, you gotta find someone that you feel like you can work with. It's a fine balance between, okay, this person may not be perfect for me in every shape. Form, because that's not probable and that's not gonna happen. But they have enough good things that I feel like I can work with enough good ingredients that I feel like we can cook something up together and. If there are things about them that I feel like may not be, you know what I'm looking for, but I can still work with it, then communicate with them and grow with them. But they have to be willing and able and receptive to that feedback and want to also implement said changes.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_061448: 1:00:11

Number 17 is taken from one of my favorite authors, Maya Angelou. Ms. Angelou, she says, when someone shows you who you are, believe them the first time. Mm. Yeah. This is a powerful reminder. People's actions often reveal their true character. This actually reminds me of number 12. The way someone treats you when they're mad says everything. It's that same energy when someone shows you who they are, you have to believe them the first time because if you continue to delude yourself, then you can only be mad at yourself. It's like, fool me once. Shame on you. Foam me twice. Shame on me. Actions speak louder than words. I don't care if you're, uh, words of affirmation, girly. Okay. Here, you gotta pay attention to those acts. Because a person's behavior is more of a reliable indicator of their true nature than just their words or their empty promises. And we need to, once again, channeling that same idea around, we need to stop making excuses for people. And we have to trust our intuition or our gut feelings about their character, and first impressions matter. The first time believe them, because you can save yourself so much harm and heartbreak, the disappointment in the long run. So, for example, if somebody is lying or canceling plans or being disrespectful, don't assume that it's a one-time thing. You have to trust that these actions are indicative of their character. So protect yourself, babe, and believe people when they show you who they are

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_061957: 1:01:45

number 18.

the-sober-butterfly_32_03-25-2025_193957: 1:01:46

This one's hard. Um, friendship breakups. Friendship breakups hurt way more than romantic ones.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_061957: 1:01:58

I truly believe that outgrowing people is a part of evolving and that some relationships or friendships. Won't make it to like your next season or your next era of life because it's not meant to, like not every relationship or friendship in my opinion, is meant to last forever,

the-sober-butterfly_32_03-25-2025_193957: 1:02:14

people grow apart and they do so at different rates, and one person can be further along in the growing apart process than the other person. Give yourself time to grieve a friendship breakup the way, if not more than you would grieve a romantic relationship that ends. Because I think with friends, it's just like you assume that they're always going to be there because why would they not like relationships? Men come and go. But best friends or friends are supposed to be there through it all. So, yeah. Be kind to yourself and lean on other relationships in that period of time.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_062041: 1:02:56

19, quality over quantity. Keeping a small circle of real ones is better than a crowd of fake ones. As you guys may know, the sober butterfly is a play on my life before quitting drinking being the social butterfly amongst my friends and fluttering from place to place. But I had a large circle. I kept a really big group of. people that I called friends and now I have enough. Life experience to know that these people weren't my friends, they were acquaintances. And there's nothing wrong with acquaintances by the way, we need to rebrand acquaintances. There is nothing wrong with just having people that you go here and there with that you're not going super deep with I know that we talk and preach in sobriety around like having deep, profound, authentic relationships. And yes, that would be the quality. You need those. But I also think it's perfectly fine to just have a friend that you grab coffee with and go to Pilates with and maybe go see a movie. I don't need you to tell you everything going on in my life, girl. I don't see anything wrong with that. Anyway, I used to have a lot of friends, more friends or acquaintances as we've established and. I don't see anything wrong with that, but in terms of like real ones, like people who are in my inner circle, my board of directors. Yeah, not everyone's getting that title. I can count truly. I know people say this. I can count on one hand who I trust. Trust, like actually trust. I have trust issues, but trust, trust one hand, and I think maybe it's a form of protection, but it has served me so well to know and have to sermon over who I can actually call a friend versus who. Is a peer or an acquaintance or was a friend that now I have demoted to just this person,

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_062529: 1:04:46

number 20. Boundaries. Boundaries of self care. And anyone who disappears when you set a boundary was only there for their benefit. There have been a few times when I've said no to people and it's led to me seeing their true colors.

the-sober-butterfly_5_03-05-2025_172219: 1:05:02

Okay, listen up butterflies. If you are anything like me, you want to feel good, look good, and glow from the inside out without spending hours in the kitchen trying to make some sad little salad taste interesting enter Sakara. Sakara is not just a meal program. It is a whole. Lifestyle. Think a community of wellness girlies who actually get it. It's organic plant-based impact with the highest quality ingredients, none of that processed bs. And let's be real, I don't have time to be figuring out what my gut actually needs with Sakara. I just open the fridge, grab my meal, and boom, it's done. Convenience. Chef's kiss and the results. Girl, let me tell you, my digestion thriving, my skin glowing, my energy unstoppable. It's like my body finally got the memo that we are no longer poisoning it with tequila. So if you're ready to invest in your health and actually feel amazing, go to sakara.com and use my code TSB Health Sakara for 20% off your first meal program or supplements 20% off if you're a first time client. So if you've been thinking about it, this is your sign. Join me in the Sakara Circle and let's step into our wellness era together.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_063339: 1:06:37

Welcome back guys. I've shared 20 life lessons so far with you around what I've learned before 34. So we only have 14 left, and the last 14 are sort of like a mashup of just different things. Some related to health and wellness. some are related to career. Travel it's all over the place for these last 14 lessons. So let's get into it with number 21. A budget is self-care. So is a vacation find the balance. one of the best financial literacy advice I received around budgeting. Um, is this idea that a budget is a form of self care. And I actually had Rachel come on the show. Rachel talks money. I'll link the episode into the show notes. She talks about how self-care doesn't have to be expensive, self-care can be free. She talks in depth about that. Something else that she mentioned in that episode is that. You have to figure out like what your top. Priorities are what your non-negotiables are, and then budget accordingly. So once I realized that I didn't have to, because I used to really struggle with budgeting, to be honest with you guys, budgeting, saving. I'm like, this is boring. One life to live. Let's go hard. Let's go big. Let's spend it all like living paycheck to paycheck kind of attitude. And that is not self-care. First of all. That's extremely detrimental to your. Emotional wellbeing, your mental health, because you're like, damn, like, am I gonna run outta money? Especially in this economy, like you really do need to budget accordingly. So if that is something that you find yourself in that cycle or if you have a negative relationship with money and you want to improve that, the best way I would say. To start is by creating a budget and actually sticking to it, and then making sure that your budget is realistic and not so restrictive to where you feel like you can't actually live a life because that can easily lead you to say, fuck it, right? Fuck the, this budget. I am gonna go out to eat every single night and I'm going to. I don't know, go to Europe for two months, like do reckless things and like that's not what we want to do. We want to actually create a budget that we can stick to so that we can live the quality of life that we want to live without feeling like we are repressed or we are like living in the Great Depression. I don't know. That is something that I have learned and for me, travel is high on that priority list. So Rachel gave really solid advice around like prioritizing like two or three things that are non-negotiables for you. So for me, fitness and travel are the two biggest things. My two biggest expenses outside of like my day-to-day life, my like everyday budget and savings and investments. Those two things take priority for me. And so I would encourage you to create a budget if you haven't already done so and. See that budget as a form of self care because once you do that, like you understand that you're investing into your future self because you care about yourself and we're not just living for the here and now

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_064101: 1:09:43

coming in at number 22, this is still connected to like money financial matters. Multiple streams of income as the key to freedom. You need to build them, you need to create different avenues, especially in 2025. I personally don't think that it's enough to rely on your one paycheck from your job. Even if you get paid well, everyone, including entrepreneurs and employees, should consider developing multiple streams of income for themselves because we just don't know what's gonna happen. I mean, we know we are living in very interesting times, so having income from various sources can really help hedge the risk of layoffs, for example, or economic downturn or unexpected expenses because life. Is going to continue life and we never know what is going to come up.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_064807: 1:10:39

Number 23. Investing in yourself is never a waste of money. I recognize that there may be some true barriers to fully investing in yourself, and so understand that like those barriers are real, they exist. Money can prevent you from investing in yourself. Time may prevent you from investing in yourself. But kind of going back to that same lesson that I talked about in regards to relationships with other people, like if they wanted to, they would. Same thing for yourself. You have to think about your relationship with self as one of the most important relationships you will ever have. And so it's like if you wanted to, you would. And once again, not foregoing the real barriers and real parameters that can prevent people from investing in themselves, maybe to the capacity or the extent that they would like to. That is real. I think there are workarounds and like we can get really creative and nifty when we need to if we have to. We will find ways to pour into ourselves and invest into ourselves. And I think the real issue becomes not like, oh, can I afford to invest in myself or do I have the time to invest in myself? The question really is do I value the investment into myself? do I actually think I'm worth it because often when we make these excuses around not having X, Y, Z it is more a limiting belief that we're carrying with us for whatever reason. And so you kind of have to do work around that first, or question okay, is this thing that I say I wanna do worth the investment? Because if it really were, why do I keep making excuses so. Just a reminder that it is never a bad idea to invest in ourselves, but maybe get super clear around what you deem a true investment or worthy of the investment.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_065237: 1:12:26

number 24, listen to your mom. Listen to mom. She was right. I know this is not applicable for everyone, but this is certainly applicable for me. My mom was right about almost everything, if not everything. If you have a healthy mom and a healthy relationship with your mom, it's like she knows sometimes before you recognize, and in adolescence and even into young adulthood, to be honest, like I. Spent so much time trying to disprove what my mom said or reject her ideas or, yeah, fight, right? It's like, no, I'm gonna be my own person. Like you're wrong. And my mom would share just so many like gems with me. And I would sometimes do the opposite just for the sake of rebelling or whatever thing I felt I had to do to be my own person, to make my own mark on the world. But like, yeah, she was right. She was right about people. My mom has a sixth sense for. Sussing out some relationships that weren't right for me. Friends or romantic. Like she's said things and I've been like, what are you talking about, mom? Like, you just want her to be wrong, but like, dammit, you know, she's right. Yeah. Your mom was right. And another beautiful thing about my mom and most moms, I would hope at least they want the best for their kids. And it doesn't mean that you have to listen or follow everything that your mom says. It's just like, usually she's right. So just keep that in mind. Okay. 25. Listen to your gut. Listen to your intuition. Speaking of listening to people, you need to listen to yourself. That sixth sense is also applicable for you, and especially when you quit drinking. You have more clarity, you have more sense of self that inner knowing, and so you can tap into that energy a lot easier. Don't ignore those signs. Don't ignore those feelings. They are telling you something for a reason. Especially when you're around other people. Those are giving you clues as to maybe what you consciously can't pick up on in that moment. Okay, number 26

the-sober-butterfly_20_06-19-2024_150759: 1:14:39

This episode is brought to you by Jolie. Jolie is the amazing filtered shower head that will leave your skin feeling fresher and healthier than ever.

the-sober-butterfly_20_06-19-2024_155446: 1:14:49

Their filtered showerhead is a game changer. It removes chlorine and other impurities from your shower water, leaving your skin and hair feeling softer and healthier. It's a small change that makes a huge difference. Trust me, you will love it. Check out Jolie in the show notes below to get ready to glow.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_065237: 1:15:11

your gut health affects your mood more than you think. And your gut will talk to you not, just like intuitively speaking, it will also tell you when something is not sitting well with you physically. I didn't recognize how much your gut can impact your mood and your mental wellbeing. There's something called the gut brain axis, which is like this two-way communication pathway and gut bacteria, because we know we have good and bad bacteria, but gut bacteria in particular can influence your neurotransmitter production, which impacts your mood, stress, and anxiety. So like knowing that now, like understanding that two-way communication that exists between my brain and my gut this is not isolated, but they constantly communicate via the nervous system. As well as like the endocrine system and your metabolic system, immune system, all of those collectively work together in the gut-brain axis. Once I realized that, I was like, oh, okay. I need to get serious about everything, and something else that's super, relevant here that I didn't recognize, related to the gut and mental health and your mood. Did you know that a significant portion of your body's serotonin actually originates in the gut? your serotonin or serotonin in the hormone is you're happy. Hormone. The good, happy hormone, not dopamine, like the one that's more long lasting. So that originates in your gut. So that's another reason why it is so important to have a balanced or healthy gut.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_065916: 1:16:46

Number 27, stop waiting for motivation. It is fleeting, it is unreliable. Discipline, however, is unyielding and you can force yourself to follow through. If I had waited until I was motivated to quit drinking, I would still be drinking. Okay? I would still be drinking. Sometimes you really do have to just force yourself to follow through. I mean, things are going to come up in life that get in our way. get in the way of your goals. I mean, and that's no reason to let them stop you completely. So, for example, if you can't do a whole run, do half of one. If you don't have time to go to the gym, do pushups. If you can't fully commit to sobriety, moderate, any action is better than inaction is what I mean here. Discipline is the ultimate motivation tool. Not the other way around. Like you can't wait to be motivated, to be disciplined, like you have to be disciplined and that will motivate you.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_070157: 1:17:45

28. You don't have to punish your body with exercise. Find movement that brings you joy. If you're somebody who doesn't like to move your body, that's not true. You need to change that narrative. It's simply the fact that you haven't found the right movement for you yet, having an able body is so beautiful and we should celebrate that and be grateful for that. And aging, you know, birthdays, this is what prompted this episode, like aging reminds us that Things are not always going to function the way in which they currently work and function. And so I want to do as much maintenance as possible to prevent some damage down the line. And a big part of that is by moving my body in healthy ways. And so healthy ways for me looks like less cardio. Like I was cardio queen because I wanted to maintain a certain size or weight, and now I'm like, I can't be doing all that wear and tear. Six, seven days a week like, no, I need to like have a consistent routine that makes more sense to moving my body at this current age and since I have been more kind to myself and to my body, I have actually seen more benefits and those slight changes that I've made, healthy changes that I've made, and overall looking and feeling better.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_070441: 1:19:13

Number 29, no matter where you go, there you are. Mm. This one is something I remind myself often, no matter where you go, there you are. No matter where you go, there you are, is just a reminder that true change comes from within and not from necessarily changing your environment. I think most people interpret this quote too, like no matter where you go, there you are as negative. Like, oh, I can't outrun myself. I can't escape myself. But also it's a beautiful thing because it also can remind us that no matter where you go in the world, you can't lose yourself because you are always with yourself. I don't know, like a little positive reframe there. But yeah, no matter where you go, there you are.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_070851: 1:19:58

Number 30. This is something I'm constantly reminding myself. Rest is productive and sleep is a love language. You need to prioritize it. I'm not gonna spend too much time here. Burnout is real. I am not someone who gets a lot of sleep and that's not. Brag that is a problem and I'm working on it. So you need to give yourself permission to rest and it is productive to rest. Number 31, solo travel would teach you more about yourself than any self-help book. I love solo travel. It is one of my favorite types of trips to take, and I have learned so much about myself through solo travel. My recommendation for anyone, because people think it's weird. Like my friends are like, Nadine, I don't understand how you go to these places by yourself, but I don't understand how people have never taken a solo trip. I'm like, what? And it doesn't have to be to like these foreign exotic lands, although I'm happy to do that. It does not have to be anywhere super far. It can be even like the town over. I think it's really just a healthy exercise to stretch your comfort level by going somewhere by yourself. And why are we so afraid to like. Take a trip by ourselves.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_071148: 1:21:20

And on that note, number 32, not every trip needs to be a spiritual awakening, okay? Sometimes you just need to eat good food. Nap. Sometimes you just need to go away for the plot. So use that PTO and book a trip even if you just want to eat good pasta in Italy for the weekend

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_071255: 1:21:41

number 33. Feeling lost does not mean that you're failing. It just means that you are evolving. You are in between two versions of yourself and that in-between space, it can feel. Like uncertainty. It can feel like stagnation, like nothing's moving, like you're questioning everything. But trust this growth never feels like growth when you're in it. So instead of resisting that transition, try leaning in, ask yourself better questions, like get curious about what's next. You don't have to have it all figured out right now. here are some questions you can ask yourself if you're feeling lost or if you're feeling stuck, question one is, what's something I've been resisting that might be leading me forward? Number two, what version of me is this moment asking me to become? And then number three is how can I support myself while I figure things out? These are great questions to journal if you feel like you're in that transition phase of life, something that you've been resisting, something that. This moment is asking or calling you to become a version of self, and then how you can support yourself along that journey.

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_071631: 1:23:03

And number 34. The best years of your life aren't behind you. They're happening now. You have to create the rest of your life. Life is not a rehearsal. I. Every day is a new show. There's no repeats, there's no rewinds. Our past is like an old movie. It's comforting, it's familiar, but it's not now and the now. That's where we are currently. Like we're alive. I truly believe in the power of today. It's not just another day. It's a new chance. It's a new adventure. So let's not get caught up on yesterday's victories or failures. They're gone. Today is our day. Let's own it. That goes back to my best case scenario, journaling that I did this year for my 34th birthday, like I'm creating the best year of my life, baby. I'm not even joking with you guys. Like this is going to be the best year of my life because I'm going to make it the best I will leave on this note because I think like, yes, it sounds very fluffy and exciting to be like, yeah, this is gonna be the best year of my life. But how, Nadine, how are you gonna make this the best year of your life? Well, I. Change happens with your everyday routine, with the actions that you take on a day-to-day basis. So transforming my life requires me to transform my everyday habits. I'm prepared to do that. I am currently doing that. So keep that in mind. We can create the best years of our life. They are ahead of us if we choose to lean into that and build that and grow into that. But we have to take action on a day-to-day basis. so on the macro level, yes, like this is going to be the best year of my life, but on a granular level, I'm taking daily steps

the-sober-butterfly_33_03-26-2025_072144: 1:24:53

=there it is. 34 things I've learned in 34 years. Some of these lessons took me years to figure out, and some I am still learning. But if there's one thing I know for sure, life keeps surprising me, and as much as birthdays can feel weird, there are also a chance to pause and honor where we've been, where we are and where we are going. So thank you guys for listening to this week's episode of the podcast. I actually have a birthday request. Please take one of these lessons and apply it this week. Maybe it's setting a boundary. Maybe it's booking that solo trip. Maybe it's just letting yourself rest. And if this podcast has resonated with you, I would love for you to share it with a friend or leave a birthday review on Apple Podcast Spotify, or your favorite. Listening platform. That would be truly the best birthday gift ever. Thank you butterflies for being here. Thank you for being a part of my journey and cheers to another year of growth lessons and living fully sober and free. I'll see you next week.

the-sober-butterfly_8_11-21-2024_210155: 1:25:59

Bye.