The Sober Butterfly Podcast

Wild Ride to Sobriety: Ian Fee's Transformation from Drunken Oblivion to Profound Clarity

• Nadine Benjamin

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This week on The Sober Butterfly, Nadine interviews Ian Fee, author of Wild Ride to Sobriety. From his first sip of alcohol at just one year old to an intense 10-day rehab that involved ipecac (yep, you read that right), Ian shares the highs, lows, and hard truths of his path to sobriety. He opens up about fatherhood, addiction transference, the power of The Four Agreements, and how his life transformed once he got clear.

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the-sober-butterfly_2_05-22-2025_081928:

Hello. Hello, beautiful butterflies and welcome back to the Sober Butterfly Podcast, your go-to for real, talk about alcohol free living transformation and the glow up that happens when you choose you. I'm your host, Nadine Mulvina, and today, buck buckle up because we are going on a wild ride. Quite literally. In this week's episode, I'm sitting down with Ian fee, the author of Wild Ride to Sobriety, a transformation from Drunken Oblivion to profound clarity. His story is raw. It's powerful. It's emotional. And butterflies. It starts with his first taste of alcohol at 1-year-old. Yes. One, in this episode we talk about everything from Ian's formative years, seeing his parents growing up. You know, throw these really elaborate, I'm thinking Great Gatsby style parties to adulthood where alcohol really became a part of his identity and his business To his eventual rock bottom, and then his radical journey back to himself. His story also includes a 10 day alcohol aversion rehab that I have to tell you more about and a few because it is next level. But what I love most about this episode is Ian's message of transformation. He talks openly about shame, self-forgiveness parenthood, and how sobriety gave him back his health clarity and connection to the people. He loves most. Okay, let's get into it.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I would love to start with a little bit of your backstory. you share what life looked like before sobriety, or I would even say, because your book has incredible photos and you've shared some of those images with me. When was the first time you ever had your first taste or sip of alcohol?

Ian Fee:

Oh man. I'm glad you asked that.'cause that is the beginning of my upbringing. I was about one years old when I had my first sip of beer, and from there it, it moved into teenage years. At the age of 13, I was a bartender for my parents' parties. I was a pretty established athlete in high school. And then the drinking began. Shortly after that and I grew my businesses thinking booze was my avenue to do that. Sold one of my businesses for lots of money eight years ago and been sober seven years since. And it has been a wild ride and it's been way better being sober.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

That's incredible. That's incredible. So. Your first sip of alcohol. Just to be clear, you were one years old.

Ian Fee:

I was one years old sitting in one of those little circular bouncy things as a kid and my dad, you know, back in the days in the seventies, there was so much social acceptability, right? You'd be in cars with no car seats and windows rolled up and your parents are smoking in the car. And for me it was like, it wasn't a problem to, you know, put some whiskey on a binky and like, Hey, it's gonna help the baby sleep. So it might even have. It might even have been before one. I just got a picture that chose me at about one.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Do you think it was partly just a, a byproduct of the times, the social conditioning of the times, or do you think also your parents were trying to expose you to alcohol? So it wasn't this like big mystery or this big intrigue because for example, my family's British, and so my family, the rationale was like, oh. So she doesn't chase the substance. I'm just going to let her try it. So there's no allure there. Is that making sense to you, Ian? Like do you think your parents were thinking that far or was it just sort of like are.

Ian Fee:

Yeah, I think it was, I think it was just more the times than Hey, let's introduce it to him. I'm not, I think one would be probably a little young. So I just think it was just a product at the times that it was acceptable that I got, one of the stories in the book is I was at. I don't think I was nine or 10 years old at a Shay's pizza. And you know, those big frosty ice cold mugs that everybody loves with the, with the foam on the top of the beer. So I'd go sip the foam off the top of the beer, which I got warned once, twice. I did it a third time maybe.'cause I love the taste of beer. And I got my entire family kicked outta Shay's Pizza in Bellingham, Washington at the age of 10.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Wow. Wow. Yeah, I mean, that's, that's really profound. I feel like most kids, when they first try alcohol, especially beer, it has such like a, I don't know, like a very distinct taste that it's usually

Ian Fee:

You'd normally don't like it.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Like they, well, it's an aversion. It's like, oh, ew, I'm never gonna try that again. But for you, you felt like it was actually a preference. It seemed. It was like you had a taste for it. So kind of walk us through, because I know you mentioned that you've been sober for seven years. Congratulations, by the way. I think that's such.

Ian Fee:

Thank you. Thank you.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

but walk us through, like you mentioned this oblivion. So what did life look like? Do you believe in rock bottoms? Did you experience anything like that? Where was your life and state in regards to your drinking and like when did you realize enough was enough?

Ian Fee:

I think everybody has their own version of a rock bottom. I. Because everybody's story is so unique and the more stories I hear of people being around sobriety, everybody's story is so unique and it intrigues me of just, you know, where everybody's definition of a rock bottom. So when I was building my businesses coming out of college, I attracted, you know, business kind of grew on me and network and, and relationships and. Taking clients out to martini lunches that would roll into nice steak dinners with a couple bottles of wine. And then it'd be like, Hey, why don't you just come back to my house? We'll have some more bottles of wine. And that was rinse and repeat. And I thought, you know, my entertaining booing my clients was growing my business, which in essence, in my mind it was, but I was relating that to. Boy, if I get'em out drinking, they'll do business with me. And my business has actually done a lot better now that I don't booze and I do the same thing. You know, and I think in any business that you're in, people do business with who they like. They didn't, you know, booze was just the byproduct, but man, I had a burned into my brain. That booze was booze, was making my business grow. And I guess my rock bottom, I'm not even sure it would be. A definition of a rock bottom. In 2017 lots of drinking, lots of client entertainment on a second marriage was not very present with my kids. Definitely wasn't present in my marriage'cause I was so focused on growing my business. And I'm the provider and you get all these cool luxury items and cars and homes. And I neglected my family and my marriage and all the red flags were there, right? I had my business partners, I had clients be like, Hey, you might wanna pump the brakes and slow down a little bit. Went into a pretty intense rehab.

the-sober-butterfly_3_05-22-2025_082334:

Sorry to interrupt the episode, but I need to give you some context so when Ian says he went to. Intense rehab. He is not exaggerating butterflies. He did a 10 day alcohol aversion program, which is basically psychological reconditioning through induced vomiting. Every other day for 10 days, Ian drank two liters of blue Gatorade. To stay hydrated and to balance his electrolytes. And then he was given a quart of ipecac, which is a substance that helps to induce vomiting, Followed by 16 ounces of warm salt water to speed up the effects. I mean, that's wild. Right? And I actually wanna read you a passage directly from Ian's book so you can really feel the intensity.

the-sober-butterfly_4_05-22-2025_082717:

First, they gave me about a quart of ipecac, which is normally used to induce vomiting after ingesting certain types of poison. After that, I drank 16 ounces of warm salt water To make the ipecac work faster. Then the real fun. Began one of the nurses, we call them bartenders for fun, gave me a shot of alcohol, which I had to swish around in my mouth for 30 seconds before spitting it out into a silver bowl. Then I did it again with another spirit. Again, by the third shot, I was puking violently into the bucket and wiping vomit off my face with the rag, only 15 more shots to go. It took about 45 minutes to complete all 18 shots followed by several hours of constant puking. By the end of it, I was wrecked, but they made me take some IAC again just to make sure everything was out of my system.

the-sober-butterfly_5_05-22-2025_082949:

Okay, let's get back to the episode.

Ian Fee:

Wasn't aa style was more a version therapy, so it was 10 days. I really didn't want anybody to know I was gone. And I got served papers when I got out. Rightfully so, just'cause I wasn't present. I have nothing negative to say about that whole experience, but it was like, boy, that opened my eyes. I got outta rehab. I kind of went into rehab the first three days of like, Hey, I'm going in there to save my marriage. I'm gonna be a better dad and be more present. And on that third day, which I would probably say was my rock bottom something just hit me. And we, we kinda go through this book, the four agreements in this rehab for 10 days.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I

Ian Fee:

that

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

the four agreements. Sorry to cut you off, Ian.

Ian Fee:

it's my favorite book.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

It is my Bible.

Ian Fee:

Yep. Yep.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

okay. I'm, finish. Go.

Ian Fee:

No, I love it. I love, and I think everybody should read that book. And I read it once a year, like my new year begins with that. If I was in my office, you would see it'd be behind me. The four agreements are there.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

quickly get mine? I, it's

Ian Fee:

Go get it, get it.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I,

Ian Fee:

Go get it. Go get it.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

go get it. I'm gonna go get it. Look how fast that

Ian Fee:

Ah. Oh my gosh. Look at that. I love it.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

bag. Like I was

Ian Fee:

I believe you.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Okay. I'm

Ian Fee:

It's, if everybody could read that book and practice it, our world would be a way better place. I live and breathe by that. It's one of my number one recommended books. If somebody says, Hey, what? What do you recommend to anybody? I got it for all my kids. I use it as Christmas gifts, birthday gifts. I mean, like. If you read that book, and it's an easy read and I've never been a reader until I got sober. Highly recommend it. So our whole, our whole rehab was really based around that. And on my third day, something hit me of like, man, if I'm not right, there ain't anything ever gonna be right in my life. And that kind hit me'cause I went into rehab like, oh man, I'm gonna save my marriage and I'm gonna, I'm gonna prove to her that I can turn this corner and, and be the man and be the dad. I, I needed to be. But obviously it was clearly way too late. And she probably held on too long. And that third day was epiphany, man. I looked in the mirror and be like, man, I need to do this for me.'cause unless I'm right, there will never ever be anything right around me. So I kind of took that approach coming out of there. Health and fitness has been super important. So that was kinda my rock bottom for sure. Was my third day in rehab and I got served papers when I got out. I was still trying to save my marriage, but I did too much damage to repair it. Unfortunately, I.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I am sorry to hear that, but I'm also not sorry to hear it because, and I mean that because I truly believe that things are meant to unfold in life the way that they are meant to unfold. And I don't know if you'd be the Ian sitting in front of me today if that didn't happen to you. What specifically happened on day three? Because you mentioned the papers were served after you got out of rehab. So did something specific happen on day three while you were in that 10 day stint that made you feel the shift or made you recognize that you had to change? Was it the book specifically that you're referencing?

Ian Fee:

I think the book had a big piece of it. I think the good Lord touched me on the shoulder and says, Hey look, look in the mirror. You need to get this right before anything else is right. And the book, man, it just spoke to me in a unique, different way.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

you know, it was kinda like when you, you know, I relate it to when. You see people on your deathbed in these movies and they just like have all these instant flashbacks, right? Of like these pictures, pictures, pictures. And that was kind of like what it was for me of like, all those times I wasn't present all those times. I wasn't a good husband. All those rude comments or thinking I'm funny at the life of the party. Like I just had this flashback of like, oh my man, I got a lot of forgiveness to do to myself too. So, unless I fix this, nothing will be right. I won't be able to be good for anybody if I'm not good.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah, I, I love that. And for anyone who is unfamiliar with. Agreements. It's by Don Miguel and out of the four agreements, which just to like, I know you know them, but for anyone listening, one, the first agreement is be impeccable with your word. The second agreement is don't. Or not take anything personally. The third one is to not make assumptions, and then lastly, always do your best. Out of those four, Ian, one out to you more than the other? Is there something that you deeply connect with more than the other? I know that they work in tandem, but is there something that resonates with you more or most?

Ian Fee:

Man, they're also powerful. Like the power of your tongue is amazing. What you say is, and there's certain things you can say that you'll never get back that can be burned into your brain.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee:

even as a childhood, if your parents said something to you like, Hey, you'll be worthless, and like, that sticks with you, that'll, you'll, you'll never forget that. So your word is so. Powerful. And we do, you know, we all assume things, right? We, you know, with these goofy cell phone things, you can get a text and you put your own, you put your own tone into that text where that text may be somebody trying to say something cute to you, but you think it's rude

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee:

because maybe you're having a bad day. So being impeccable with your word is so powerful and just be kind. And, you know, I. I always say, look for the best in people. If you look for the bad, you're gonna find it. But if you look for the best, you're gonna find that too. So I always look at, you know, the last one, do your best. And I talk to a lot of people that are super sober, curious, or, you know, I've done a lot of health and fitness things that have, have changed my life drastically and. You know, just do your best. Right? It's like people have these ginormous goals of, Hey, I'm gonna lose 30 pounds this, this year. Well, why don't you start with one?

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

Right? And my other favorite book is Atomic Habits.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Oh yeah.

Ian Fee:

You know,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Also a

Ian Fee:

I, I love it'cause you just like, Hey, I wanna lose 30 pounds. Well lose one and stack that one into two. And to like have, give yourself those baby wins every day and just do your best every day. Not every day is gonna be your best, but. You can wake up the next day and be better every day. I, I preach be better every day.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I absolutely love that and agree with. you shared. What's interesting, this is the first time I'm thinking about the four agreements from a sober perspective. I read this book actually before I got sober for the first time. I've read it more than one time, but I've never really made the connection with my sobriety. And when you mentioned, you know, be impeccable with your word you were mentioning like be kind like you can deliver truth with kindness, he goes into that. But something that makes me actually chuckle internally is I think back to. Drunken words or sober thoughts? I would say some harsh, harsh, harsh things when I was drunk that, you know, I would question in a sober state, did I really mean that or not? But it just brings it out because like, it doesn't matter if I meant it or not. Now I'm in apology mode the next day telling everyone, oh no, I didn't mean it. Or if I did mean it, I'm so sorry. Like I meant to say it like this, but it's like that impact because you reference like if your parents say something to you like, you know, it hurts. It cuts you. You believe that. And I think that's the same like I used to say to myself, well, I didn't mean it or dismiss it, like. If I did mean it, I was drunk. So like why'd you take it so personally? Like you should know how I am when I'm drunk. But it's that impact, whether you meant it or not. In that way, the impact stays with someone. So I never really thought about it like that because now I'm like having an aha moment and yeah, I'm not making assumptions right, and just always doing your best and try not to take things personally in that same breath. Like everybody needs to read this book. And I wanna get back to your book, Ian, because you have written a phenomenal book. as well. So, my next question for you,'cause I know you touched on some of the transformations, like you've mentioned, fitness and health. So Yeah. What has been one of the most prolific transformations that you've made in your sobriety? Like how has your life changed for the better?

Ian Fee:

Well, a a,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

good, bad, ugly.

Ian Fee:

I gotta tell you, there was nothing good that came outta drinking for me. Nothing, everything has been an absolute upside for me not drinking my relationships my relationships with my kids have never been better. Which you'll see in the book. I actually had all my kids write what it was like living with an alcoholic dad, or, Hey, what, what kind of mood's he gonna be in? What's, is he the happy dad? Is he the drunk dad? Is he the mean dad? What's he gonna be? So it's pretty interesting. Those letters will, will tug at parents' hearts when they, when they read'em, for sure. My son you know, dad was always the life of the party. All the high school, college kids were at the house. We'd be barbecuing in hot tub in and whatever excuse was on tv, we'd, we'd be there. And then my daughter, two years younger, upstairs texting like, dad, can you turn the music down? I'm trying to study same kids. Same household, two different experiences. 14-year-old really didn't see a whole lot of, of my drinking but there's stories in there of just being present, so I'm so much more present. Great relationship with my ex-wife. Just everything's been, been better. Not drinking. I mean there, I, I, I wish I could say like, well, this hasn't been that great. Everything's been better. For my health and fitness man, I lost about 75 pounds.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

That's

Ian Fee:

which is like, life changing for sure. Right. And I, I, you know, I used to be on high blood pressure and cholesterol. I was just, you know, you, you drink till 11. Midnight, whatever, and then you're like, oh my gosh, you know what? Why don't we all go pile up and get some cheeseburgers and have 3000 wasted calories at In-N-Out Burger or D'S Burgers or, or White Castle or wherever, whatever town we were in, it was like, that's not healthy.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Right.

Ian Fee:

And then wake up foggy and be like, Hmm, you know what? Hey, why don't we go have a Buddy Mary breakfast before we go go to work or see clients. Like it was just not a healthy lifestyle. So losing a ton of weight. Fitness has kind of been my, my dopamine hit to feel better. I work out, you know, sometimes seven days a week and try to stay super fit. So that's been a, that's my new vice really is working out and eating healthy and longevity is a big, big buzzword for, for me these days. So yeah, massive transformation on the health and fitness side. And then my, my mindset I got a life coach. And I highly recommend everybody get a, a life coach. I know everybody thinks it's taboo to have a, a counselor or a therapist but I also look at it too as like, you look at all these athletes they all have mindset coaches. They have physical coaches, they have swing coaches, they have coaches for. Food and nutrition. So it's like, man, a coach or a therapist, like the stigma therapist in the nineties is high school was like, oh my God, what's wrong with you? Why are you going to a therapist? And today it's like my gal, Angie, like keeps me on track in all aspects of my life, from relationship to kids, to business, to health, to fitness. It's really just an accountability coach and I think everybody should have one of those for sure.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I agree. I have a therapist. I need her. She helped me

Ian Fee:

Yeah.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Actually we talked about that backstage. I don't know. I. If the stigma is still prevalent in today's society, but I, I actually still do think, especially when it comes to men's mental health, that there is work that can be done around this idea of support. But it's like we are social creatures, Whether you pay someone to do it or not, you're seeking counsel, you might as well seek, I think a professional if, if you have that within your means to do

Ian Fee:

For sure.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Like, because otherwise it's like sometimes we seek the wrong counsel from the wrong people. So it's nice to have someone in your corner that can hold you accountable to your point and bounce ideas off of and help you. Optimize your lifestyle in whatever ways you're looking to do. So, so I think that's phenomenal. In

Ian Fee:

Yeah, and I think you need to, you need to search that outside your circle and like I'm sure you got some really close circle and I got a really. Close circle of four or five people. But you also need those, that person, that it's outside, that you know, Hey, remember back, remember our drinking days of like going through our phone or text me like, oh my God, who do I have to apologize? Did I say that? I really didn't mean to. I'm sorry. All these like, I gotta apologize to this person. Oh, yep. That was an inappropriate text. I should probably apologize to them too. And, when you do apologize to a friend, they're like, oh, it's okay. That was just drunk you. But really no. You need that outside person to go, Hey, you can't be a dick anymore. Like that is rude and disrespectful and you shouldn't do that. Right? So you kinda need to hear that from your therapist to like really jar you a little bit to go, oh yeah, you know what? You're absolutely right. And sometimes we don't, we don't get that with our closest circle'cause they are close and they generally be like, eh, no big deal. You were just a drunk idiot again. But those do. Scar, those relationships for sure.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

They absolutely do. I have too many accounts.

Ian Fee:

What we, we got lots of them.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Too many to.

Ian Fee:

It's a whole new episode.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

A whole new episode. So I, I mean, I love hearing about your transformation. I like to offer not so much like. Advice per se, but I like to offer practical tools or strategies. And so I'm just wondering what worked for you, Ian, like aside from doing that 10 day program how have you sustained your sobriety for seven years? Like are you still implementing different tools or aside from your life coach, are there other things that are helping you with your sobriety at this time? And if so, like what can you share with folks at home?

Ian Fee:

I think the biggest thing, and sobriety's obviously a big piece, but your circle, your core four, like, I'm gonna write another book here probably in a couple years and it's gonna be so focused on when I was drinking, my circle was so big. I could get 26, 30 people at my house in a text and, you know, drive my wife at the time crazy, be like, Hey, we got 30 people coming over. Go grab a piece of wine and I'll grab some steaks on the way home. And I could have all these, you know, those, those weren't core relationships. My core four to five people now is like, they have helped me and they helped me today. Stay on track. No matter what your battles are in life, like you really need to evaluate, like, you know, many people have said, I don't know, ed Millet and Tony Robbins. Like, show me your, show me your five friends and I'll show you your future. Right? That, that is so true. Like your circle dictates your future. Are they there supporting you, pushing you, helping you achieve your goals? Are they the ones that are like, really, do you need to quit drinking? Like, you know, why do you need to work so hard? Or, you know, that goal's unattainable. That person probably shouldn't be in your circle

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm.

Ian Fee:

of influence. So my, my core has gotten so small and those relationships are so intimate now that we can talk about anything and everybody encourages everybody's goals. Everybody knows what their 2025 plan is, and we're all there to help and support and encourage it. Your circle dictates, you know, it dictates my sobriety.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

go, you know, I can go sit in a bar and I don't have a problem with that. I know some people do. That's their jam. I don't have a problem with it. Somebody wants to buy a drink or I still buy people drinks. I don't have to drink. I drink soda water which looks like I'm drinking. A lot of times I was sitting, I was just sitting in a bar. Crazy story. And I'm sure this happens to you too, in New York. I was sitting at a bar having lunch, had a soda water sitting next to a guy's, and he was having a martini. Heard I ordered a soda water. He is like, what's wrong? What do you mean what's wrong? Because I'm not drinking. I used to, Hey buddy, I used to pound six of those. You're on one, so you wanna let, let's go toe to toe. Right? It's like there's this stigma with alcohol of like, well, what happened?

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

Well if you got a couple hours, it'll tell you my story of, where it went and lost marriages and failed relationships. And I got, I got a lot. I. But it's always like, there's a problem, like the, we haven't socially accepted, like not drinking's. Okay. Even though I, I think that pendulum shift is happening.'cause more and more, I was just at a restaurant yesterday in Scottsdale and their mocktail menu was phenomenal.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Love to see it. Love to

Ian Fee:

Oh my. And I think, I think that shift is, is is happening across the country because more and more people I run into health and fitness is a priority Longevity. A priority. Eating healthier is a priority and not drinking as much has become a priority in our society. So it's, it's fun to see, I guess we're ahead of the curve. We're lucky.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

We

Ian Fee:

Hmm.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

are, we are the lucky ones. Truly. But also like from a business perspective, you're, I mean, you're a businessman. Like why would you not want to have that inclusivity? Why would you not want to profit from having a well curated mocktail menu that doesn't just consist of like soft drinks, like soda, like, you know, like

Ian Fee:

Right.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

you can charge, you can overcharge us sober people for like a$15 mocktail. That's how much they cost here in

Ian Fee:

Yeah, that it was 14. It was$14. I couldn't believe it, but you know what it was, I used to pay that and have$1,500 bar tab, so a$14 mocktail. That's good for me and, and I feel great. I have no problem.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

as a girl who, you know, thankfully, not thankfully I should say, but like maybe luckily I could go out and not pay for drinks. I was paying for it though. Here's the thing, Ian, I was still paying for it. I was paying for it the next day and the day after, and you know, like it was never really free. There is no such

Ian Fee:

It was never free.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

There is no such thing as a free alcoholic drink in my mind. And you, you said a lot that I found interesting. I wanna quickly go back to the core four because I, I think the key, and we've heard this in sober circles, the opposite of addiction is connection. But I think so many sober people or sober curious people, when you're embarking on that journey. are afraid of losing friends. You think that your, your circle will become small. Like we see it as like a deficit or like we're limiting ourselves. But the reality is like, sometimes you do have to release things to really, like, usher in what's meant for you, I guess like, I think my question for you, Ian, is how can you discern. your core for is, and if you don't have a core for how can you find your circle, your inner circle, that will help elevate you and support you and your goals.

Ian Fee:

Yeah, I think it's, it's quality over quantity. Right. The quality I have is phenomenal, and it's funny you bring that up. When I did a, a book launch about a month ago in Seattle one of, there was an open question deal, and I had one of my son's friends who I know well who was very sober curious. He's like, what is the one thing you could advise me to do? Well, his circle are pot smokers. Drinkers no life plans. Some don't even have jobs. Some still live at home. I said, you need to change your circle and it's gonna be really tough. And I said, you need to get super uncomfortable to get comfortable. It's gonna be very uncomfortable changing that circle. You need to get in circles of you're the sober curious guy. Get into that sober curious circle. That will change your life.'cause you're so influenced by your circle now you're afraid to get outta that community. And that community is so toxic and unhealthy for you and he was begging like, help me find that circle.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm.

Ian Fee:

Right. And I've talked to him a few times since then. My son and daughter do really good at encouraging him to get outta that circle that he's in. But people get so comfortable and you gotta get uncomfortable.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

For a change to happen, which is tough for people.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

And when you say get out of that circle, I think that's important. Like remove yourself from that, quite literally that ecosystem, right? That's

Ian Fee:

Mm-hmm.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

supporting the version of self that you're ultimately trying to become. But when you say look for your circle, or like I'm saying, how do you look for your circle? I guess like, because if you're sober curious, like, I wanna be clear, like you're not necessarily saying. Pull up to AA meetings. Although you can do that. But I guess my question is like, how can people who are sober curious start identifying those key players?

Ian Fee:

You have to find a new hobby.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Right. I think that's what,

Ian Fee:

What?

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

thought. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Yeah.

Ian Fee:

Yep. I, whatever your hobby is. Whatever your hobby could be. Knitting.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

was drinking. Sorry to cut you off, Ian. My hobby,

Ian Fee:

Yeah. No.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

So healthy emphasis on the healthy, healthy part.

Ian Fee:

We were so good at drinking, it wasn't even funny. Right.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I was a pro for sure

Ian Fee:

yeah, yeah, absolutely. We were in the process. We were in the, we were in the Hall of Fame of drinking.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I've retired.

Ian Fee:

Good for you. I'm proud of you too. That's a, it's a event to to sustain that. But your circle and, you know, you have to find something. For me it was fitness, you know, I, I thought I worked out, but I'm very disciplined on, you know, I'm a cold plunger now. I, and one of the other thing was yeah, I know, and you know, I don't know why I do it, but I feel great when I do. I don't know what the health benefits it does for your temple, but I tell you what, when I get out, I am wide awake and ready to go.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

quite literally, like.

Ian Fee:

I'm alive. I'm gonna challenge you. Have a cold shower tomorrow and be like, okay, I did it. I didn't like it. Which is fine.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

am not doing that. I'm not gonna lie.

Ian Fee:

I

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I will not sit here and lie to you. I've done cold punches though, like, because I'm the girl that's like, I'm gonna do anything once so I can do them, but like, I'm not voluntarily going,

Ian Fee:

You did it. Yep. Mike Al's the same way. She tried it and she's like, oh no, I'll take warm all day long. You wanna do a sauna? Let's go. Cold plunge. You have all day.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

record holder for the sauna. Truly.

Ian Fee:

The other thing I and I kinda got from my life coach is I journal every morning.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

beautiful. Me too.

Ian Fee:

It kinda sets the tone for me. And it's not a lot. It could be four sentences, it could be a half a page of a, of a little book right here. I, I travel with it. And it's just part of my routine. And, you know, we talked earlier about Atomic Habits, that book and. People were like, how do you sustain in seven years? And oh my gosh, you cold plunge now and you eat well. And it's kinda like, whatever. It took years of stacking those habits. I did a cold shower. 10 seconds was like, oh my God, this is ridiculous. What are we doing here? Well, 10 seconds turned into 15 and it took a year to get up to like a couple minutes and most people quit. So it's just keep stacking those. Do your best every day. Right. Do. If you did 10 seconds, do 11. Right. Just be better every day. You don't have to go in there and be, you know, the hall of Famer drinkers like we were and go in there for two minutes and be a superstar. Cold plunger.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah,

Ian Fee:

it took us a while to be superstar drinkers. It just didn't happen. We had to.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

it was

Ian Fee:

We had to.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

progression That's.

Ian Fee:

Right. It takes a little bit of time to become a pro.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah,

Ian Fee:

And it's no different in whatever you do, whether it's journaling, whether it's fitness, whether it's not eating so many cookies. Just start and do baby, baby steps. Just keep stacking those little baby wins and you'll look back in a couple years and go, wow, I got quite a routine. And look how I feel and look at my relationships. I have

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

that's beautiful.

Ian Fee:

whatever your advice is, whatever your, your new, your new identity is gonna be.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah, because it is, I think, a bit jarring once you put down. Those old habits, those hobbies that we just identified that are probably holding you back or toxic in some way or form. It's, it's an identity shift and it can be really, really jarring. But I, I mean, we both talked about it already, like it's clearly worthwhile. I'm not big into labels, but I think something you and I may have in common is like, maybe we have a bit of an addictive personality. At least that's how I felt when I was drinking. And I am similar to you to where I've completely optimized my health and I work out almost every day, if not every day. I have to remind myself rest are important. That's a part of the whole process as

Ian Fee:

For sure.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I, I, I think I. I think I do recognize sometimes some addictive traits and maybe like an addiction transference. So I guess that's my question to you. Do you believe that experienced maybe a bit of a transferal in terms of your obsessions? Like did it go from drinking to now I'm this health guy, like this is my new identity?

Ian Fee:

Well, I, I like where you're going with addiction. Because after not drinking, man, I could hammer some desserts now, right? And sweetss, you gimme some chocolate chip cookies. The cookie monster, there ain't gonna be any when you wake up in the morning.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

don't buy them. I can't, I literally can't buy Oreos because

Ian Fee:

Yeah,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

the whole,

Ian Fee:

I'll lead'em all. If they're there, they're gone.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

yeah.

Ian Fee:

Right. So it's like, I kind of know that now. And here's a fun fact. I, I just learned this and maybe I'm old and I should have known this is sugar is the number one addictive substance. Alcohol is like two cocaine's, like number three. I was like, sugar.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I

Ian Fee:

Wow.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

it. Well, yeah, I, I, I believe it because it's everywhere. The little white devil, like clearly it's like.

Ian Fee:

It is a little white devil,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Not the Coke, sugar

Ian Fee:

Yeah.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

it. It is quite literally in everything. And I only know that because I've done like as a health girly, like I've tried different fitness or health challenges where it's like no sugar and I've gone through withdrawals like you wanna talk about withdrawal? That is the worst withdrawal I've ever had in my life. Headaches. Headaches for days,

Ian Fee:

Yeah.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

like, I need to lay down and go to bed because life sucks without sugar. So I believe that.

Ian Fee:

Yeah, so sugar was a big turn to me. I was never a dessert guy. When I was drinking, I'd be like, Hey, I'd rather have a Bailey's and coffee and let's keep going or give me whatever. I don't want, I don't want an apple pie at 10 o'clock today. It'd be like, that sounds pretty darn good.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

So I think it's just managing. Your, and for me it was volume, right? Like I could, some people would order vodka sodas and I'd have like three to their one. I'd be like, who's got the problem here? Like, speed up.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

I'm like, this is a race, isn't it? Right? And I'm gonna win every time. So same thing goes for cookies. Cookies are around, like if there was a rack of cookies at your house and we came to visit and tour in New York and I saw cookies on your counter and you're going to grab your scarf, those cookies might be gone. By the time you get back from your scarf.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

be my fault for leaving the sugar around the

Ian Fee:

Yeah,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

like.

Ian Fee:

yeah. What were you thinking about that? Yeah, so sugar's been a a, a tough one for me to wean off of. So now it's getting into the natural sugars of, you know, fruits for sure.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Thank you for mentioning the sugar. I sometimes, I'm only three years in but I forget sometimes what that first year or those wee hours of sobriety looked like. for me, sugar was my everything the point where I gained. Close to maybe 15 pounds in early sobriety. And that almost sent me into relapse. I'm not gonna lie, because I've always been very conscious about weight and how I look obsessively actually. And so it was a big shift for me, but I had to recognize, okay, what's the worst, like. here. And I recognize thankfully that okay, I would rather be 15 pounds up because I can work on that with time than default to my baseline, which is basically alcoholism. Not basically definitely alcoholism for me. So it was, it was an adjustment period, but I'm glad that I was able to, to your point. It's a balance, right? Like I, I

Ian Fee:

Mm-hmm.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

volume and self-control it's still something I'm working through, but like what I mentioned before, I just know now I don't play myself. Like I know I can't handle buying cookies at the grocery store, so I don't buy them, you know, I'll go to the farmer's market on Wednesday and buy one cookie because I know that I can't go, you know, get more. So like, that's, that's what I'm trying, and it's been working.

Ian Fee:

Were your parents, big drinkers?

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Oh, great question. Yeah. Yeah. My mom's been on the podcast actually. And she's sober. She got sober a few months after me, and it was a godsend. Truly, it transformed our relationship. mother's drinking, growing up, ebbed and flowed, but basically my dad died and. That's when her drinking escalated she doesn't like to talk about it. I think she's still processing it, but I noticed a huge shift then. And the funny thing is, you know, my parents have been divorced since I was a baby, but it's a bit convoluted. Anyway, so it, it was really, really. challenge to see someone that you love suffer in that way, but also you are suffering in the same way. But also I was deluding myself into thinking I didn't have a problem because my drinking didn't reflect hers. I was like, oh, I'm young. You know, you just, all the common excuses like, I'm young. I, I'm the life of the party. not doing it in the same way as my mom. But truly, I think I was very much on that same track. So. Yeah.

Ian Fee:

I don't think people realize how much their domestication, right. Your upbringing really

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Contributes. Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee:

your future, right? If you're if your parents were cyclists, you would probably be into cycling, right? My parents were taboo booze.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

yeah.

Ian Fee:

parents were da booze. That was like. Eh, let's follow the family tree. And for those younger parents out there, you know, it's the, you, you become that, you become what your kids see, right? I, I always like to use the analogy we catch more than we're taught,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

right? I mean, if you just a, a young kid, boy, girl, I don't care. You're, you're constantly watching what's going on, right? You learn from that more than being, hey, don't, don't drink. Well I just watched you for the last 10 years as a kid, you drink. So that's what I know.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

So be careful what, your kids are catching.'cause they're a mirror image of you. Right. Super important. People really don't understand their domestication and you know, and there is no playbook for parenting, right? Every parent that becomes a parent is a new parent. You know, you, you don't, you don't come, you don't open the, you don't open the glove box and go, here's the owner's manual.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

You don't. And I also think it humanizes like I have so much more, I don't know, grace from my parents because I also recognize that is their first time going through life as well. This is their first, I'm the only child especially. So like this was their first go at it. And I think obviously good intentions, right? And going back to the four agreements, assume the best. Like they definitely have the best intentions, but it's one of those things where, to your point, it's. It's hypocrisy. If you're telling me not to do something, you're trying to instill, instill these

Ian Fee:

So.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

but yet your actions are, you know, leading you in a very different, on a very different course. And I'm supposed to just listen to you. And then there are cultural things as well, like my family is British, Jamaican, so lots lots of drinking in the Jamaican

Ian Fee:

Mm-hmm.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

of like literally we would drink for baby showers, weddings, funerals. Like any excuse, we'd have these huge. parties and everyone would be sipping on the rum punch. So I just saw that too growing up, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. And you know, it makes me think, you know, I don't have any children, but one day I may and I'm like, thank God I'm sober. But I'm, I'm also just curious to learn from you, em, as a father, you know, you're sober now, you weren't then. For anyone listening at home, how do you feel like alcohol impacts your relationship with your kids? And do you think that there's ever a healthy amount of exposure to alcohol as an adult figure in the home that you could showcase to your, your children? Or do you feel like it's just better to be completely sober?

Ian Fee:

I think every family, every person is so unique in their own way. For me growing up with, you know, I, I would call my parents social alcoholics, right? They always drank. Did they always get hammered? No. But was it very consistent every day? Absolutely for, you know, my dad passed away at 94 a couple years ago. My mom passed away in October at 85. Cute little Irish lady. Heavy accent. Life of the party, always telling dirty jokes with this cute little Irish accent.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Does

Ian Fee:

but booze was,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

to drink both of your parents throughout their

Ian Fee:

yep,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

yep, yep. You know, even with some health scares, they would stop for a little bit and be like, you know, I'll never forget the story. My mom had open heart surgery in Palm Springs. My brother and I go down and check on her and like a month later, her heart doctor brings her a half gallon of vodka and be like, drinking, probably saved your life because your blood was so thin. I was like. Well, that's a doctor. I guess we drink alcohol to thin our blood so we don't have to take blood thinners. If we have problems, we'll just take vodka.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Wow.

Ian Fee:

I was, yeah, it was, it's actually a amazing story when she would tell it and very cute. And he was a very sweet doctor, but it was like drinking, probably save your life. So that made them keep drinking.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee:

So for me growing up my kids, the biggest thing now that I. Preach is, you know, I was the dad that had the RV and if son or daughter had double headers, the RV was, it was a mobile bar for me and everybody else. I wanted to make sure everybody had red solo cups in the stands in between games with barbecue, let's do some fireball shots and like I had 30 parents that loved me with cooler folds out there of whatever you want. I'm here for you. And I'd be in the stands at my son or daughter's. You know, baseball or softball game. But I wasn't present.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Got it.

Ian Fee:

I was, I was there, but I was not present.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee:

Par parties at the house, let's have 26 people over. Let's order some pizzas. Kids go upstairs. We're on a movie. It's great.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

I'm there, but I'm not present. And there is such a drastic difference between that and I wasn't present for my kids. Today. We have a phenomenal presence and a great relationship. It's all about them, right? It's like we get these goofy phones in our hands too. Are you really being present when you're talking to your friend?

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm.

Ian Fee:

If you're constantly looking at your phone and there's a value to people's time, just be present. Your phone will be there and respect that person's time, right? And respect vice versa. So for me, being present is. Is the biggest difference even when, you know, alcohol's around and do I think people can have, you know, acceptable amounts of alcohol? Absolutely. Does it become a problem late, a co Hey, I have a couple glasses of wine at night. I know a lot of those people. Or I'll have a beer or two. And they manage through it fine. Could it be a problem in the future? I don't know. I think everybody's so unique in their own story and that I, I know lots of people that have a couple glasses of wine at night, and they're, they're great. I, I know a couple people now that they're like, Ooh, all these research and whatever, be like two glasses of wine is not healthy for you. It's kind of toxic. And it's loaded with sugar. And they're like, Hmm, I don't wanna do that anymore. So I know a couple of those people that I don't think they ever had a problem maybe in their younger days, like in college or whatever, partying too much to drink. Sure. I think we all have those stories, but can I know a lot of people that peruse through society that can have a few drinks and every day and life's great, but me was like, let's go.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Let's go. Yeah.

Ian Fee:

go to have, like,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

me it was like, why do I wanna have two or three vodka sodas? Like, we're just getting started.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

right?

Ian Fee:

Let's go. Are we going to the club? Are we gonna go to dinner? Are like, where are we going? Let's go have more drinks.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Yeah.

Ian Fee:

So I, I think there's a lot of people that can do a lot better than what I did with the mass consumption of it.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

That's fair. And I mean, I was asking that question just because we were talking about our relationships with our parents, and I'm assuming because you had your kids write letters to you that you featured in the book, which I think is so beautiful. But also it must have been painful to read that back as the parent or maybe to

Ian Fee:

Oh, it's,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Right.

Ian Fee:

I can't read it today without crying for sure. It's very tearful, very emotional for sure.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Do they see your story as a cautionary tale? Are they able to recognize, okay, dad was like this, maybe I need to be mindful of my own drinking kind of thing?

Ian Fee:

Yeah, for sure. There's two stories. All three are so proud of the transformation. Like overwhelming love and support. And they, they were a big part of it for sure. So my son who's older still drinks today. We can go sit in a bar, go golf, has a couple beers, whatever. My daughter who's in law enforcement does not drink

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Wow.

Ian Fee:

today. I think a big portion of that is me. We had a family party at. My sister-in-law's house and I was driving home. My daughter had too much to drink, threw up outside the car. That was the last time she drank.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Wow. Wow. Wish that was all it took for me just one time. Throwing up.

Ian Fee:

and so I, I think that might've been just like, I don't wanna feel like that again. But definitely seeing,'cause she wants to have kids and be like, I don't want to be like how my dad was, which There was a lot of forgiveness. I talk about that a lot in my book that I, I had to forgive my younger self,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm.

Ian Fee:

And believe in my current self and create my future self. So I remind myself of those words often. I had to do a lot of looking in the mirror and forgiven myself and let go. Of a lot of stuff. And my gala, Angie has helped me with that. My therapist, my closest circle has helped a tremendous amount of that. And it is so refreshing.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

It is.

Ian Fee:

Like you can't carry that with you. You learn from it. You can look in the mirror and go, man, I've made a transformation of my life just like you have.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee:

you're know, you're not gonna go back and, you know, you don't have to go. Through your phone or be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry for that. Oh, I'm sorry I did that. Or you have all these regrets that we used to have in our drinking days. It is so refreshing not to have those regrets.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

It's,

Ian Fee:

I mean, it is night and day. You can wake up tomorrow and you're gonna be like, I feel great, and I have no regrets and I don't have to apologize to anybody for any of my stupid shenanigans that I did.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I mean, we're perfectly flawed too. I think that's the the thing, like, we're human, so we're gonna make mistakes. We've made mistakes, we will make more mistakes. But I think to your point, it's this idea that like, am so much more clear about what I do, what I say and the impact that it has. And I really wanna just echo something that you said because it's really important and it's a step that I think so many people skip when getting sober is. The self forgiveness piece, like truly having grace for who you were in that moment, whether you were sick, using, drinking, whatever the case may be, because otherwise you'll be riddled with guilt. You'll be consumed by shame and that's not gonna serve you or serve anyone. In the future. So I think that's the key piece because I think, you know, traditional programs like aa, like you take inventory and you, you know, make amends and you apologize to all these other people for your wrongdoings and so on and so forth. And I'm not critiquing the program at all. I'm sure you apologize to many people in your circle. But the most, I think, important apology is really the one that we need to give ourselves because it's hard to move. Forward if you're constantly dwelling on the past or what you've done, and doesn't excuse, it doesn't like completely excuse it or not even excuse it, it doesn't, you know, or remove the stain completely, but like to absolve yourself from that, that guilt, I think is just such a big piece and it's so integral to becoming a new version or better version of self.

Ian Fee:

Yeah, and like what you're doing with your podcast and speaking about it and

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

gosh.

Ian Fee:

you're, you're taking all your lessons. And you're making an impact on people, right? Which is absolutely amazing what you're doing. And to go make an impact on somebody like I go, make an impact on somebody every day. Whether you hold the door, whether you pay it forward and buy'em coffee, go spread some kindness. Go put a smile on somebody's face. If somebody cut you off, let'em in, let it go. It's okay.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

It infuriates people when you

Ian Fee:

Okay.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

to them after they've done like a really jerky thing to you, like an asshole thing. It's, I encourage everyone just to like smile or like say, God bless you, or something like, really fucking obnoxious. Use my

Ian Fee:

people.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

and like they will like, they

Ian Fee:

Oh yeah.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

to respond. They won't know how to react. It is the

Ian Fee:

Yeah. I was in the hotel business for a long time and many years, and a lot of upset customers, man. And I killed them with kindness and they got

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

angrier.

Ian Fee:

irritated. Yeah. And it'd be like. I can, I can't apologize enough. Is there anything else I could do for you? And they just get angrier, angrier and angrier and angrier of like the more kind and nice I was. It was, yeah. So kill'em with kindness for sure.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

And also, I mean, you're doing the exact same thing with your book and you strike me as the person that'cause you mentioned that being in the bar and just having a conversation with a guy who's asking you what's wrong, what's the problem? Because you're drinking seltzer and they're drinking a dirty martini. But have you found just in having conversations with everyday people, how much. Your sobriety or like just the story of alcohol, right? This idea of how prevalent alcohol is in society. How many people can connect to either being the problem, or just sobriety being the answer. Because I, I just have daily conversations with people and somehow it organically comes up and the amount of people that are touched by. Addiction or touched by this idea that like, okay, alcohol, to your point earlier, there's a shift, there's a pendulum shift. The US surgeon General talked about putting labels on bottles. I'm like, yes, let's do it. Let's inform the people. So, yeah. Do you find that just in like regular life, how many people are affected by of the, the damage, whether it be visible or invisible? The alcohol possesses?

Ian Fee:

Everybody has a story. Everybody, everybody has some sort of trauma in their life, whether it was childhood or addiction. There's some chain in their family that has experienced that for sure. And there's, you know, for you and I and all, you know, a lot of people that are trying to get a good positive message out there about. Sobriety and the impact it's made. So many people have reached out to me, and I'm sure they have with you on your social media. Like, oh my God, you made my day, or that comment resonated with me. I have had hundreds and hundreds of people reach out to me that read the book, and it just all hit'em. And like ICI can't go. I was having this conversation with my kids. There's not one thing. Like, I can't go. There's one story that everybody kinda resonates with. They're all forgiveness. My most recent one was, oh my God, I didn't realize I, and they don't have a drinking issue. And they messaged me. It was like, I read your book. Great book. Thank you. What really resonated was your letting go of your resentment. Like, I, I had some, I talked about my parents in there and I. My brothers and I have kind of funded our folks for life. And there was this resentment in me of that and I talked about, and I just had to let that go. And that story resonated with this one lady and she's like, man, I, that hit me. And I pretty much forgave my resentment that I had towards my parents that I was carrying for 40 some odd years. So it. It, it's unique and touches everybody in so many different ways. Like, you know, the stories that you tell, it just resonates with different people and they'll ping you and be like, oh my God, you made a great impact on my life. Or, Hey, I'm kinda sober, curious. Can I have some ideas? Or, you know, and for me, that makes me feel great like that. I believe that is my why in this life is to go make an impact on people. And go share my story. So somebody could be a better father, better mother, better business owner, better son, better daughter, just a better human being. It, it takes sometimes those tragedies to happen to or hit rock bottom to go, I'm gonna go make a difference. Not only in me, but I'm not, I'm gonna try to help other people not go down this path of debauchery.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

repurposing the pain and

Ian Fee:

I like it. I like that.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

A great job, and I wanna thank you so much, Ian, as we wind down there are so many gems and I am going to encourage everyone to read Ian's book. I'm gonna plug everything in the show notes. You can find Ian's book available on Amazon. Where else? Plug it, plug your book for us, Ian. Let us

Ian Fee:

Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. And.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

the to.

Ian Fee:

Amazon's a place to go, and you can follow me on all my social medias. There's always good, free, funny content that I put out there. And yeah, I can't thank you enough for having me. So proud of your journey as well,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

You.

Ian Fee:

that How old are you?

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

I'm in my

Ian Fee:

You can't say, oh my goodness. Oh, I'm, oh,

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

a.

Ian Fee:

just a, just a baby. Well, good for you. At 34, let's like a pivotal point of, you know. Especially sitting in New York and all those cool fancy bars and martini bars and like, yeah, kudos to you. And that's quite a journey that you have. I was listening to a couple of your podcasts, man, and they are, they're awesome. So keep, keep your journey going.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Butterfly:

you, Ian. I mean, we both had wild rides and you know, a testament to your book, wild Ride to Sobriety, A transformation from drunken oblivion to profound clarity. So relatable, and I wanna keep sharing my truth and sharing my lessons. And I thank you so much for sharing yours once again, Ian, we'll plug everything. You're a friend of the show, so come back anytime and thank you for being here.

Ian Fee:

I would love it. Thank you so much for having me.

the-sober-butterfly_6_05-22-2025_083028:

I told you this was going to be a ride Ian Fee's. Story is such a powerful reminder that no one is too far gone. There's always a way back to yourself, back to clarity and to the kind of life that feels good to wake up to. If today's episode resonated with you, or if you just love the little sober corner of the internet, go ahead and leave us a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify. Seriously butterflies, it helps more people find us, and it lets me know what's landing for you. But I wanna be real. Like, if you don't like today's episode, if you don't like my show, please just email me. Do not leave me a review. Go ahead and slide in the dms and tell me all the things I'm doing wrong. But if you like today if you love TSB, tell me everything you love about it and put it in writing so I know it's real. Of course, don't forget to follow me in the show at the Period Sober Butterfly for more sober inspo travel wrecks and podcast updates. Ian's book, wild Ride to Sobriety is linked below in the show notes, so make sure you go grab your copy. It's an amazing read, okay. Until next time, butterflies, stay soft, stay strong and stay sober. Love you. Bye.