Sober, But Still Toxic? A Journey in Progress

In this solo episode of The Sober Butterfly Podcast, host Nadine gets brutally honest about what happens after the drinking stops.

Titled “Sober, But Still Toxic? A Journey in Progress,” this episode unpacks the not-so-glamorous truth that sobriety alone doesn’t automatically make you emotionally healthy. Nadine reflects on how, even after years alcohol-free, she still caught herself being petty, judgmental, controlling, and stuck in people-pleasing patterns.

Nadine dives deep into:

• Why recovery is not a personality makeover
• How therapy and inner child work exposed the roots of her behavior
• The myth of perfection in sobriety
• Setting real boundaries (without needing a drink to enforce them)
• How “petty” can still show up—and how to lovingly call yourself out

Nadine shares personal stories, moments of growth, and reminders that healing isn’t linear.

Whether you're sober, sober-curious, or somewhere in between, this episode will speak to the part of you doing the work while still figuring it all out.

📚 Resources Mentioned:

• Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
• Embracing All Parts of You ft. Kezia from The Sober Elephant Chronicle

💬 Join the Conversation:
Have you noticed your own toxic traits post-sobriety? Share your story or tag @the.soberbutterfly on Instagram!

🎧 Listen + Subscribe:
Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and wherever you get your podcasts.

📢 Don’t forget to rate + review the show if it resonates with you! Your support helps the sober community grow. 🦋

Transcript

the-sober-butterfly_3_06-04-2025_072623: 0:00

so I stopped drinking. I started journaling, and I even bought crystals, and yet, somehow I still had the urge to text my ex just to make a point. Sobriety cleaned up my habits, but it didn't magically scrub away my inner saboteur. If you've ever looked in the mirror after months or even years of being alcohol free and thought, wait, am I. Still a little messy. Am I the problem. This episode is for you today we're talking about the site of sobriety that doesn't always make it to Instagram. You know, the petty, perfectionist, people pleasing, judgmental stuff that still shows up even without a drink in hand.

the-sober-butterfly_4_06-04-2025_072829: 0:43

This episode is called Sober, but still toxic, A Journey in Progress, because that's exactly what it is. Not a destination, but a journey. A messy, humbling, but totally worth it journey. So grab your favorite non-alcoholic bevy, and let's get into it. hello. Hello, beautiful butterflies and welcome back to the Sober Butterfly Podcast. I am your host, Nadine, and today's episode we're talking about that awkward in-between stage of sobriety where the liquor is gone, the hangovers have stopped, and you start to realize you're still kind of toxic. Like, why am I still this petty if I'm not even drunk anymore?

the-sober-butterfly_5_06-04-2025_073207: 1:29

I wanted to make this episode because I realized something kind of shocking. More recently actually. So I've been sober for over three years, coming up to four, oh my God, four years next month in July. And while so much in my life has changed, there are still parts of me that show up with old patterns, and I used to think that once I quit drinking, I'd become this enlightened version of self. I want you to. Think about Maslow's hierarchy. I am at the peak. Okay. I thought I would be this self-actualize goddess. Zen, healed, glowing, and do not get me wrong. Sobriety has given me so much. It's given me clarity, peace, purpose, but it also took away one of my favorite distractions. No. Let me walk that back. My favorite distraction was numbing out. Now I have to sit with my feelings and sometimes I don't. Like, if I'm being honest, I don't like what I find. so this episode. Will help you pull back the curtain on what sobriety has actually revealed and spoiler. It's not always pretty, but it is honest and hopefully relatable. In this episode, we'll be getting into things like therapy breakthroughs, inner child work, petty thoughts I've had even while sober And how being sober doesn't mean you are done doing the work. In fact, it's probably just the beginning.

the-sober-butterfly_6_06-04-2025_073446: 3:01

When I first got sober back in 2021, I thought the hardest part was behind me. And everything in life would just be easier. No more tequila tantrums, no more blackout apologies. I just figured I would glow up spiritually and emotionally. With 90 days, I was expecting that girl. Cue soft lighting, daily journaling. Loving everyone's IG post. Completely false. That narrative was so incorrect. Instead, I got annoyed, I got angry, I got judgmental. I started noticing all the shit I used to drink to ignore, like how I would have to win every argument or how irritated I would get when someone walks slowly in front of me, I can't help it. I'm an Aries guys. And I remember in early sobriety, when I say early sobriety, I'm thinking quite literally the first 90 days, those first three months when everything is raw and fresh. And interestingly enough, getting sober. I got connected to sober folks online. That was my initial point of contact with the sober world. I've talked about this on the podcast before, like I didn't know anyone IRL in real life that was sober. So I was seeking. Community connection. Representation in the sober world. And so Instagram became that place for me. And I remember following all of these different sober accounts, and a lot of them would reference the pink cloud effect. And pink clouding is basically where you see life through rose colored goggles. Everything is butterflies and rainbows and cupcakes, and it's a sense of euphoria that I quite literally could not relate to. You know, everyone's talking about how amazing it feels to get sober. And I, in those first three-ish months, was probably the most angry I've ever been in my life. Like I was just steaming and anything would set me off and actually. Now that I really think about it, it was more than three months. I would say it was like six-ish months for me to like get a grip on my emotions because feeling was a foreign concept to me. Like I. What do you mean? I'm gonna sit through discomfort? Like how does that work? So anything would basically set me off and I was so sensitive and I was crying and I was basically acting out of character for me. And I distinctly remember this one time, I was probably like four months in sitting in a women's meeting. It was an online AA women's meeting, and I would go faithfully twice a week, Wednesdays and Sundays. And that group was incredible. It was like my first taste of what it was like to be in recovery and as someone who was going to these meetings. Religiously at the time, I got to know the women quite well and there was this one girl in the meeting. She was always the first to share, and it took me some time to work up the courage to even share. So I was mostly listening in these meetings. But this one girl in particular, was always eager to share and was always talking about the same issue, and I'm not going to get into it, it's not really relevant. And also I wanna uphold the tradition of anonymity. So even though you don't know this woman, just know that she was in this meeting, it would always share and cry. And one time she was crying and. I remember having like this out of body experience where like objectively I could see this was something really beautiful. This was a vulnerable moment for her, and while I could see that from the outside, I was just sitting in that meeting thinking to myself, ugh, like not her again. Yeah, that was me sober, but silently shady. And that's when I realized just because I stopped drinking doesn't mean that I'm done with the emotional work. I'd only removed the numbing effect.

the-sober-butterfly_7_06-04-2025_074143: 7:19

Fast forward another few months, and a year into my sobriety, I started this podcast And my intentions for starting this podcast have always been around storytelling and sharing, and really offering as much transparency and honesty as possible, especially as a woman, a woman of color, a black woman who felt as though the visibility still wasn't as apparent. It's just interesting, you know, in starting this podcast and reflecting back, one of the first interviews I ever did was with Ketia and Kaia. Is a sober influencer. She's an amazing woman. Her episode is incredible. I will link it in the show notes for reference and it's still very relevant, but she was the first person that like planted the seed for me around this idea that there are still sick people in sobriety, there are still sick people in recovery. And she made that very clear that just because, you know, you're connecting with these people online or even in real life and they are sober, it doesn't mean that they are these, you know, optimized versions of self enlightened babes. It's simply the fact that they are abstaining from alcohol. And I've also touched on the subject of being a dry drunk. And what that means in AA is like, you are not drinking, you're dry, but you haven't done any of the spiritual work or emotional work that it really takes according to members of AA to maintain sobriety and a big part of. What I connect to in terms of philosophies related to AA and their guiding principles service, right? So. Without realizing it, I started this podcast because I wanted to be of service and it has consistently been this way for me to stay grounded in my sobriety and offer inspiration and help to other people. Um, so that feels good. But when she said that, when Kaia was like, yeah, there are still sick people in sobriety. I had this almost like visceral reaction where I'm like, oh, it is that me. Like, is she talking about me? And she wasn't, she wasn't being messy and talking about me. It was, it was related to our conversation, but I had that moment where I was like, Hmm, like maybe this is a sign that I could and should be doing a little bit more work. You know, having that year under my belt, you start to feel confident, like, yeah, like I finally am no longer angry and sensitive and crying all the time, so this is good. I'm good. I don't need to do any more work with my sobriety. But the reality is, whether or not it's connected directly to my sobriety, there's always work to be done when it comes to personal development and growth, whether that be along spiritual lines or emotional relationships or interpersonal relations, it doesn't matter. Like I can always grow. And so she was the first person that made that abundantly clear to me, like, just because you are sober does not mean that you are still not sick. It does not mean that you are still not suffering. It does not mean that you have no work left to be done.

the-sober-butterfly_8_06-04-2025_074711: 10:24

Okay, so now I wanna get a little bit more granular and talk about some of the ways, the insidious ways in which some toxic tendencies can still show up in sobriety. And I've compiled a list, and these tendencies, these behaviors are things that I have consistently struggled with. Even in my sobriety, I would actually take that back and say, especially in my sobriety, because as mentioned, I'm just more hyper aware of how I feel because I'm not numbing. And if you are thinking to yourself, Nadine, I don't have any toxic tendencies anymore. Good for you. You get a cookie. But my hope is, you know, maybe in me sharing some of these truths with you, you may be able to see or recognize within yourself some tendencies that may lay dormant at times or may flare up, or you know, things or areas in your life in which you can still grow and improve because it's progress, not perfection. So I'm gonna share this list with you, and if any of these resonate, let me know. Okay.

the-sober-butterfly_9_06-04-2025_074852: 11:35

I wanna kickstart this list with a topic that we have devoted an entire episode to here at the Sober Butterfly Podcast. In connection with Salt River Therapy. So the episode that we recently aired with Alexandria Atkinson from Salt River Therapy was centered all around people pleasing and I admittedly have always been a people pleaser. And I like to sometimes say I am a reformed people pleaser, but that is not accurate. It is something that I actively strive to work on. And I have to keep at the forefront because it's my default nature. Like I aim to please, what can I say? But here's the thing about people pleasing. I don't even think we touched on this in that episode, but I had a thought. I was like, people pleasing. It is toxic. Um, and it's not because we, as the people pleasers, are being taken advantage of. It's actually, if you think about it, people pleasing, is manipulation and a cute outfit because I used to think that my people pleasing tendencies always connected to me being like the nice girl. Even back to like adolescence, like I'm talking, being six, seven years old, some of my earliest formative memories involved me giving away my toys to quote friends. Because they were like, oh, I like your Barbie. And I'm like, oh, you can have it, and then obviously my mom being like, what the hell are you doing, giving away your toys? Like, I worked for that anyway. I used to think that, you know, I was just being a nice, good little girl, but it turns out I was fake nice. And the fakeness here. It is not always intentional, like I wanna be a fake person. I certainly, as a 6-year-old, didn't wanna be fake when I was giving my friend my Barbie, but it's fake nice because it didn't feel good, right? It didn't feel good. When I gave away this brand new Barbie that my mom just bought me, simply put, it was me trying to avoid conflict and gain approval. I was not setting boundaries at six and fast forward almost 30 years. Ow, that sounds crazy. I still am working on setting boundaries. The only difference between 6-year-old me and 34-year-old me is I now see clearly that my people pleasing. I. Wasn't about setting boundaries, it was about me managing people's emotions for them. And that's why I think people pleasing is a form of manipulation. How dare I try to manipulate how you feel about me? Why can't I just show up as my authentic self? And you appreciate that. How dare I try on a persona or act out of character?, Just to get your approval. So sobriety has helped me realize how much of that was about fear, sobriety and therapy. Fear of rejection, fear of not being, quote, the good girl and that fear has not been removed simply because I stopped drinking that fear. If anything is more pervasive, but it's helping me. I. Name, the discomfort, I have the language and tools now to properly articulate what lies beneath the surface. I. Why I'm choosing two people, please. And like I said, a, a big part of that is fear. In that episode with Alex that I mentioned, we get into attachment theory and I am a quintessential, anxious attachment girly over here. So I, you know, don't like feeling as though other people are going to reject me or leave me. And so. I have had to reframe, or I'm still working on reframing. Why me upholding a boundary or me saying no, or me acting in accordance to my desires and my values would not make me a good girl.

the-sober-butterfly_10_06-04-2025_075548: 15:46

so I'm still unpacking my people pleasing, but I really do believe the root calls comes down to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of isolation, fear of being unloved, feeling as though I have to earn people's love and acceptance. I will also actually get into that a little bit later in the episode, but yeah, I am sitting with that discomfort of upholding my boundaries and not always being a people pleaser without reaching for a drink or being a doormat.

the-sober-butterfly_11_06-04-2025_075719: 16:19

I'm gonna say something butterflies, and they need y'all not to judge me, but petty, petty is a love language. It is my love language. Sober me still rolls her eyes and lowercase. I still screenshot Instagram stories. I may still throw some shade honestly, I think I could win a Pulitzer for vibes based sub-tweeting and don't lie, because I know that some of y'all do this too. If you've ever just typed the letter K and think I'm better than you. Okay, same. Here's the thing though, before sobriety that pettiness had a hazy filter I would get tipsy and go full FBI agent on someone else's social media or spiral into like a 3:00 AM text rant. And I won't lie sober. Me may still spiral at 3:00 AM and draft a lengthy paragraph, but I'm not hitting send. Okay. I have a little bit more discretion now that I'm sober. The pettiness is, you know, like I mentioned, still there, but it's less crisp, you know, it's less high definition. It's also educational because every time I get the urge to like clap back in a group chat or send a one word reply like. I don't know, like interesting. These are all triggers for me. So if I send you a text that says, interesting, I know what I'm doing. Just so you know, if you send me something and I just say, entrusting, yeah, I'm being petty. So I have to ask myself, you know, what is really underneath this? Even going back to people pleasing as mentioned before, like fear is driving a lot of my people pleasing tendencies. What's underneath my pettiness? Maybe I'm feeling left out, insecure, I don't know, unseen. It is one of those feelings that I have to put a name to, and that's where journaling comes in for me. That is why I journal, to make sense of my feelings, my emotions, and try and name them. And just a quick side tip for you, like a little pro tip, if you are someone who struggles to name or place your emotions like me, I want you to Google an emotional wheel and it might seem elementary. But an emotional will truly is a great resource for better understanding your emotions. Because I have had so many discussions on this podcast and in the real world, around people not probably being able to understand their emotions or maybe there's a sense of uncertainty around what you're feeling in certain situations. And especially in early, early sobriety. like you do need to be able to. Increase your emotional vocabulary and I find the emotional wheel allows people to visually pinpoint what that specific feeling is. And you can just go through the words and try and figure out which ones resonate the most with you at any given time. And if you can't find a word that fits, that's also good information. It could be a combination of things, but I've seen people gain a better understanding immediately after finding the correct word for labeling what they felt. So hopefully you can do the same when you use it.

the-sober-butterfly_12_06-04-2025_080539: 19:52

Another amazing resource for you guys to check out. Brene Brown wrote a book called Atlas of the Heart, mapping Meaningful Connection in the Language of Human Experience. This book is Chef's Kiss. Truly changed my life in the way in which I. Understand why it's actually really important to distinguish your emotions and even like misconceptions in standard English. Vernacular, right? Like she defines jealousy and envy. That was one that I'm just thinking of that stood out to me. Like most people will say oh, I'm so jealous in this lighthearted way. If someone says, for example, like, oh, I am going to Europe for the summer, oh, I'm so jealous. In actuality what we mean is. I'm so envious, but like the connotation behind envy is misconstrued. And so people think that if you were to say like, I'm so envious. It has more of a negative association, but the reality is envy the way she defines it. I'm actually gonna pull it up for us. Envy is when we want something that someone else has, while jealousy actually Arises from the fear of losing something that we already have. So basically, envy is focused on the desire for someone else's possessions or achievements. While jealousy is rooted in the fear of losing something like a relationship or being a part of a valued relationship. so going back to that example of someone telling you they're going to Europe for the summer, and you're like, oh, I'm so jealous. I wish I was going like that person going to Europe has no impact on your life. It's, it serves no threat. You're not worried that you're going to lose'em or you are gonna lose the opportunity to go to Europe because they're going. The reality is you're longing for that trip, that possession, that achievement or that status. And so it just really helped me make sense of. The emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human. And she helps walk us through a new framework for cultivating more meaningful connections. So yeah, love that book. I will also link that in the show notes for you. I mean, I love Brene Brown, but this book was one of my favorites by her. So you wanna check that out too, even if you are great at placing your emotions, I feel like this is just an extension for you to gain an even further, deeper, profound understanding.

the-sober-butterfly_13_06-04-2025_080943: 22:19

anyway, I digress back to being petty In conclusion, sober me isn't any less petty. Uh, I mean, like I'm a, I think I'm a little less petty, but she's just more aware where it's coming from. Sometimes it's my inner teenager wanting to be liked. Like if everyone's talking crap about someone else or gossiping, like if I join in, that to me feels like pettiness.'cause it's like, why do I even care what this other person is doing or how they live their life. Like normally I don't care about stuff like that, but I might do it to fit in for that social acceptance. So that's an example of, being petty in the name of like a contrived connection with someone else. Sometimes it's the part of me that is scared to be vulnerable, so instead she chooses sarcasm over softness. Sidebar. I am overly wary of super sarcastic people. Like, don't get me wrong. Born Brit over here. I love my dry humor, but I like, I'm thinking actually I'm triggered. I'm thinking about this guy that like was so sarcastic that I used to date and every word that came out his mouth was like this. Just, I don't know, sarcasm. I'd be like, oh, it's a pretty day. Oh yeah, you would think it's a pretty day. Like that's a terrible example. But like that was just how he was. And I'm just overly wary of super sarcastic people because I'm like, what are you really trying to say? Like there's something underneath that sense of sarcasm usually I find anyway. So. Me just trying to figure out why I might default to humor, over like softness. And sometimes I think it's me. I. Acting wild. I still feel drawn like a moth to the flame to chaos at times. I recently wrote in my note apps, I wanna blow up my life. No, I actually don't wanna blow up my life. But I, I sometimes get in that sense of like. Thinking back to what my therapist said, when you're bored, you are dangerous. She always says, Nadine, when you are bored, you are dangerous. And so sometimes I'm like, yeah, like am I just doing it for the plot I don't wanna shame that part of myself anymore, that petty part of me. I just wanna keep her in check in line. I want to clock the sheet before I press share and because I love you and we're friends, I am always gonna keep it real with you. I might still post things that have an undercurrent of shade, but I do it with intention because petty, when wielded responsibly can actually be a form of self-expression. It's growth with a side of K.

the-sober-butterfly_14_06-04-2025_081344: 25:01

Alrighty. So the last toxic trait that I wanna talk about that I still. Work on in my sobriety is judgment. Sober. People don't judge. Sober people don't judge. I mean, how many times have I said that myself? I'm not judging what's in your cup. Yes, we are. I am actively working on this. Please don't judge me for being. Honest about being judgy at times. I mean, don't get me wrong. Like mostly I don't care what's in people's cup like at this stage in my sobriety. But let me tell you in the beginning, going back to that first year and change of sobriety, I was heavily judging and don't be drunk around me. Heavens forbid you are tipsy or you've drank too much around me Because I was looking down on anyone who still drank. Like girl, you were just drinking heni out of a shoe in Tulum last year. Okay, relax. That may or may not be a true story anyway. I had to check myself because sobriety is not a competition.

the-sober-butterfly_15_06-04-2025_081602: 26:02

and this is probably the toxic trait that I've improved the most on, is the judgy part, because sometimes we swing too hard. I find in the other direction. I'm an extremist by nature. We go from messy to Messiah in like under 90 days, and suddenly I was side eyeing my girlfriend's. Ordering bottomless brunch mimosas, like I hadn't been the blackout brunch queen. or I'd hear like a friend vent about hangover and think, well, maybe if you stop drinking and got your life together, you know, those were like the thoughts that I had. Inner thoughts, like I wouldn't actually say that out loud and it's like, excuse me. Who invited Ms. Holier than thou to the group chat? And it doesn't feel good to be judgy. I I really did have to check myself because sobriety is not a competition, it is not a higher moral ground. It is not, you know, a Girl Scout badge. It is a choice. A deeply personal one, and judging people from not making the same choice I did is still toxic. And honestly, it was a way for me to make myself feel superior. And now that I have more perspective and sober time, I can see that I was using judgment as a way to make myself feel superior while I was still struggling. I was super raw as mentioned. I was uncomfortable, I was scared I wouldn't be able to maintain my sobriety. So judging other people became sort of like a, um, an emotional support blanket. But that's not community and that's not compassion and that's not gonna help someone who is actually struggling. That's just another way. That I get to hide. Hide behind an insecurity. And so with time I began to realize that being sober does not mean that I have evolved past being human. Human first over here, sober human first, hope human sober first. It doesn't mean that I am, you know. Immune to petty thoughts, bad days or side, eyeing other people's choices. It just means I notice things more, you know, sobriety equals clarity. I can sit with things, sit with that discomfort. I can ask myself, well, why do you care so much? I feel like if you were judging other people, you care. So why do I care? Why does their drink feel like it's my issue or my problem? And often the answer is it's not. It just isn't. So now when I feel that judgment creep in. I try to redirect it into getting curious or finding compassion. I have to remind myself consistently that everyone is on their own timeline. I still have friends who drink. I still have friends who we roll with you. I think maybe drinking too much and you know, part of me as a sober person is like, okay, I, I see some remnants of my drinking history. These people's experiences, and I don't wanna sound preachy, but I always remind people that I'm here, I'm an open book. If you ever wanna talk to me, I can be here in any capacity that you need me to be. Just know that everyone's story looks different and we don't have to be on the same chapter. And it doesn't mean that if you are misaligned in your lifestyle choices, that your story is better than someone else's, or that they're not writing their own beautiful story. So honestly, my judgment said more about me than ever did about them. And it just reminds me of like that nursery rhyme. It's not a nursery rhyme, girl. What am I talking about? Like, you know, I would say it like in elementary, middle school, like, oh, when you point the finger at someone else, three fingers point back at you. how relevant is that here? Right When we're. Busy looking over there, it's like maybe you should be looking in the mirror. Maybe you should be focused on yourself. The inverse can be true as well for people who are judging our sobriety, right? Our choices to not drink. maybe it's a reflection of how they feel about their relationship with alcohol. judgment in any form is usually less about the other person and more about you.

the-sober-butterfly_16_06-04-2025_082211: 30:26

You know what nobody tells you when you get sober. That putting down the drink is the easy part, the real fun. Begins or the real detox happens when you can't numb anymore and when you have to sit with yourself. We've talked about this, that's where therapy came in. For me. It was like this, um, quiet place where the BS couldn't hide and it's no secret on this show that I got sober thanks to therapy and willingness of course. But around six months into my therapy, my weekly therapy sessions, I ugly, cried, and I met the root of my toxicity. She was a 6-year-old with her hair and plats or braids and you know, always trying to smile, always trying to please so she wouldn't be left behind. And that was the moment I realized my rage when someone doesn't text back or. Give me the attention, I think I want and deserve my inability to ask for help. It was all rooted in fear. Fear of being forgotten, fear of being unlovable, fear of losing control. Because somewhere along the way I learned that control was safer than closeness. And I remember one time in therapy, my therapist asked me, she's like, when did you learn that love has to be earned and butterflies? That question sat in my chest like a rock, because the truth is, I don't remember ever learning that. I just always sort of knew it. I guess it was just baked into the dynamics of my childhood, especially related to my father. Be the good girl. Don't need too much. If you're easy to love, you'll stay loved. And that belief followed me into adulthood and straight to the bar. When I drank, I became someone who could be funny and chill and flirty and outgoing. I could pretend I wasn't scared anymore. I could perform worthiness instead of actually healing the parts of myself that never felt worthy to begin with. So yeah, sobriety didn't fix that. Sobriety exposed it and suddenly I didn't have alcohol to quiet those old voices and I couldn't gaslight myself with, I'm fine, I'm okay anymore. And that's actually when the real work started. That's when I started to ask myself, what do I actually believe about love? What do I actually believe about rest? As someone who's restless safety boundaries and about who I have to be to feel accepted in therapy? I've done a lot of inner child work, which isn't cute. It's not the cute Pinterest healing version. It is. Truly sitting with the version of self that you tried to outrun, excavating parts of your past and parts of yourself that lay dormant. It's saying, Hey, I see you and you were never too much and you didn't have to earn love ever. And that shit is the real detox. You don't unlearn decades of survival. Mode. In a month of therapy or from a year of sobriety. But you can begin to start treating yourself like someone who's worth healing. And it's not because you're sober. It's not because you're perfect. It is because you are human. And that butterflies is enough. I wanna ask you a question. What did you learn about love growing up and is that still serving you today?

the-sober-butterfly_17_06-04-2025_082842: 34:30

as we wind down, one of the biggest changes in sobriety is that I can see myself now a lot clearer. I can clock when I'm spiraling. I can notice when I'm performing instead of just being, I can pause when I want to be petty. There was actually a moment recently where a friend didn't invite me to something. And I started typing this like really long, dramatic text. I even had some like clap emojis in there, but then I stopped and I was like, you know, I had to like pause and ask myself, why am I doing this? Like, why am I texting her? Like, what am I actually feeling? And it turns out using the emotions wheel, I was just hurt. I felt excluded, and that is not their fault. It is mine to manage. And that pause. That is sobriety at work. I did not send that version of the text. I actually did text'em and I asked them simply why I wasn't invited. It was like a whole thing. You guys know I am really good at going on tangent, so I'm not gonna get into it here. But basically it was a misunderstanding, like she didn't think I would even wanna go, which is why I wasn't invited. So that is truly for me. Such a moment of growth because even though I didn't send the petty text, if I didn't text her at all and simply ask like why I wasn't invited to this thing, I would've rambled with so many assumptions, which would've triggered my people pleasing, oh, she's mad at me. Oh, she must be this like just. I would've completely spiraled and maybe blown up our friendship. So I'm really glad that sobriety is giving me more clarity and more control over my emotions.

the-sober-butterfly_18_06-04-2025_083116: 36:19

so am I still a little toxic? Yes. Short answer, yes. But am I aware? Yes, I am. I'm not hiding from it in a wine glass. I'm unpacking it with grace, with tools and with time, and you don't become a perfect person when you get sober. You just become a more honest one. So if you are in that space where you're sober, but still messy, reactive, or just maybe emotionally chaotic. Welcome, welcome to the Sober by the Fly Club. No, um, you're not broken. You are just beginning. So please tell me what's your still toxic trait? Post sobriety. DM me on Instagram at the period. Zopa butterfly, or just drop me a voice note. I want to hear it. No shame. Just community over here. I love you Butterfly so much. Please don't forget to rate and review the show, especially if this episode made you laugh and self-reflect. I will see you next week. Oh, you guys, when you hear this. I'll be in Iceland with my mom. We are going on the little girls' getaway to the land of fire and ice. I'm so excited. It is summer for them. But it's still cold. It's like forties and 50, 50 degrees Fahrenheit. But it's also their summer sun. So I don't think the sun is going to set. I'm so excited for this trip. It's gonna be an amazing experience. So yeah, make sure you're following me on Instagram so you can stay up to date with this sober trip that I'm taking with my mom who's also sober. I love you guys. I'll share next week how our lovely trip went in Iceland. Until then, stay soft, stay sober, and stay honest. Bye.