Black, Sober & Seen: Why Representation in Sobriety Matters | Black History Month Special

In this powerful Black History Month episode of The Sober Butterfly Podcast, Nadine explores a truth that isn’t talked about enough in recovery spaces:

Most sobriety spaces don’t look like us.

Nadine weaves together moving throwback clips from past guests of the show to highlight what Black sobriety actually looks like in real life: community, identity, trauma healing, motherhood, grief, faith, entrepreneurship, and generational change.

You’ll hear voices from:

• Ashley Johnson — founder of Wine Not, on navigating social spaces and professional settings sober as a Black woman
• Yasmin — on nervous system healing, therapy, and boundaries
• Symone French— on identity, shame, and unmasking without alcohol
• Jasmine (Soulfully Sober) — on motherhood and stopping before rock bottom
• Jasmine Flowers — on trauma, abuse recovery, and rebuilding life through sobriety
• Faith Hill — on grief, honesty, and self-trust
• Tiana Heath — on refusing to numb grief with alcohol
• Tommie Runz — on purpose and generational healing

Together, these stories show that sobriety is not one narrative. It is many. And when Black people get sober, it doesn’t just change one life — it can change entire family trajectories.

This episode addresses:

• Cultural silence around addiction in Black families
• The connection between trauma, the nervous system, and alcohol use
• Why boundaries and therapy are often discovered after sobriety
• The lack of representation of Black women in the sober-curious and non-alcoholic space
• Why sobriety can be an act of resistance, awareness, and liberation

If you’ve ever felt alone in your alcohol-free journey, this episode is an invitation to see yourself in sobriety.

🎧 Full episodes from every guest featured are linked in the show notes.

Key Takeaway

Find someone who looks like you in sobriety. It changes everything.

Closing viral reflection from actor and podcaster Horace Gold, this episode examines why choosing sobriety as a Black person in America can feel not only personal — but revolutionary.

Transcript

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the-sober-butterfly_3_02-05-2026_060252 0:00

Hello, beautiful butterflies and welcome back to the Sober Butterfly Podcast. I am your host, Nadine. And this space is where we talk about what life looks like when you remove alcohol and start becoming who you were always meant to be. And because it's February, we are doing something very special for. Black History Month. Okay. I'm black every month, but I'm especially black in February. Today's episode is called Black Sober and Seen why representation in sobriety matters. I'm not just sober for me, I'm sober in a body. A culture in a history, especially in this country that was not designed for us to be clear-minded, aware, and well, and that is why representation in sobriety matters so much for black people. When I first got sober four-ish years ago, I didn't see. Black people, especially black women telling sobriety stories. And I was looking, okay, trust me, I was looking, I have shared before, I did not know anyone in my personal real life who was sober. So I was on a mission to find the people who looked like me, who reflected back some of my stories and my lived experience as a black woman. You know, where were the women who, had similar family dynamics. That cultural pressure, my hair texture, like all of that played a factor in my decision to even start the sober butterfly before the podcast existed. Just my Instagram account. And through that process of creating something that I felt was severely lacking in the online space. Other black women, other black folks, slid into my dms, celebrating my account as a form of connection. Like, oh, thank you for doing this. Thank you for being so open as a black person, sharing the truths that we know impacts so much of our community. Because that can be the difference between someone deciding that sobriety is possible and attainable versus someone thinking that they are completely alone in this process and staying stuck in the cycle of addiction. So today's episode is a love letter. It's a love letter to the black community. To the ones who are grieving, healing, rebuilding, reparenting themselves and doing it all without substances.

the-sober-butterfly_4_02-05-2026_061033 2:41

today's episode is going to showcase some of the black creators I've had on the show over the years Talking about this very thing and around why representation in sobriety is so important for black people. I mean for everyone, but especially if you're black. Because as mentioned, we just don't hear and see ourselves out here as much talking about this very topic of sobriety in our community.

the-sober-butterfly_6_02-05-2026_061448 3:09

and if you're not black, please don't go anywhere. Stick around. You may learn something. You can be an ally in this revolutionary act because the revolution will not be televised. Wake up. We need to stay woke. I don't know if people are still using that word, but we need to stay woke out here, okay? We need to be fully aware of what's going on, whether you're black or not.

the-sober-butterfly_4_02-05-2026_061033 3:31

I'm gonna be sharing some stats, because when you are clouded by substances, you're no longer aware, you don't have your full faculties, and therefore you're not making the best decisions for yourself. And let me tell you, in 2026, we need to be super alert and on guard, especially with this administration, and that's the exact opposite of what they want from us.

the-sober-butterfly_6_02-05-2026_061448 3:52

So let's get into it.

the-sober-butterfly_7_02-05-2026_061547 3:56

Let's talk about why sobriety hits different in the black community. Because for a lot of us, drinking isn't just a personal choice. It is wrapped up in culture, coping, and survival. I hear things like this all the time, in the black community, we don't talk about problems outside of this house. Okay? Be strong. Don't embarrass the family. Pray on it. That's my favorite. Just pray on it. You are fine. Stop being dramatic. Everybody drinks, at least you're not doing drugs. And then there's respectability politics. You know the pressure to look like you have it together no matter what. To be a high functioning drunk alcoholic, to be unbothered. Meanwhile. You're falling apart privately. That was my situation. Like on the outside, the aesthetic looked perfect almost, but internally I was dying a very slow, dramatic death. And what makes this even more real is the fact that alcohol is not a small issue in our country. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, alcohol is linked to more than 178,000 deaths each year in the us. And so when people act like sobriety is extra or dramatic or white people stuff. No, this is truly a public health issue and it's personal. Now, add mental health into the mix. S-A-M-H-S-A data. Shows that among adults who have had any mental illness in the past year, black adults were less likely than white adults to receive mental health services. What does that mean? That doesn't mean that we have less mental health issues. No. It means that we are still not seeking professional treatment or support or help for mental health. And I grew up in a home where. Therapy wasn't a thing. Now, I do think we're starting to see a paradigm shift in a positive light, like more people are receptive, more black folks are out here talking about therapy and mental health, but we are still behind the curve. And that gap matters because what do a lot of people do when they can't access therapy, when they don't trust providers? They self-medicate with wine, with alcohol, with weed, with weekend blackout culture with, I just need something to take the edge off. And that's why representation matters, because when you see a black woman say. I'm sober and I'm still, everything. You know, I am still loved. I'm still fun, successful. It disrupts that narrative. It interrupts that lie, that sobriety is only for one type of person, and honestly, speaking from a lens as a black woman. Who is still unlearning a lot of tropes around what it means to be a black woman, to be a, a strong black woman who has to hold it together I feel like it is my, my duty, my purpose, my mission in life to. Stand up for fellow black women. So with that note, this episode mostly is black women telling their stories and sharing what it's like to be a black sober woman

the-sober-butterfly_8_02-05-2026_062322 7:16

So let me spotlight some people who are doing this work publicly. And also remind you that you don't have to be famous. You don't have to have a podcast to also do this work and for it to matter and count. If you are sober in your group chat, you are already representation because representation is not abstract. It's not a theory. Representation is a name. It's a face, a voice, a podcast episode like this that you play when you are craving or you feel triggered.

the-sober-butterfly_26_02-06-2026_055337 7:47

so my very first throwback for this Black History Month episode is to someone who, at the time was a first, okay. Doing something that had never been done before. A true pioneer, a black woman creating a non-alcoholic wine company, not juice, not soda, but a sophisticated, celebratory grown and sexy alcohol-free wine. Her name is Ashley Johnson and she's the founder and CEO of Wine not? And when I interviewed her, she was one of the first people who made me realize that sobriety for us isn't just personal, it's cultural. Ashley talked about navigating social spaces as a sober dj, places literally built around alcohol. And then what it takes to stand in that same environment and say. I don't drink without shrinking, without losing your creative juices. She also talked about growing up with an alcoholic parent and how that shapes the way you move through the world. And then also you will hear in this clip Ashley talking about being a black woman in professional settings. So she was at the time involved in a. Prestigious grad program as she was obtaining funding for her business and really shared how alcohol is often like the currency of networking and still choosing to opt out anyway. And also being one of the few black women people of color in general in those spaces can really. Shape the way you show up and also define how you see your success in the future. So without further ado, here's a clip from my conversation with Ashley Johnson, founder of Wine Not.

9:35

I grew up in a household with a alcoholism and I, I watched these people take a shot before work and function, and it's some type of like functional alcoholism where. You kind of can maintain this kind of life or this world, but feel straddle this line of like, oh, I could still get away with it versus not. Yeah, but the added, like being like a person of color, I was just always raised to be like, you can't be like. Yeah, like you, you have to be better. Like you can't do the same things that other people can do because the spotlight is on you. And so I think sometimes that pressure can lead you to a lie to the world, but also lie to yourself. Right? Like, 'cause it's like, yeah. To your point, functional, alcoholic, I have my life together. Look like on paper everything's great. Like I look great. I I, but inside where it counts. It's a wreck. It's, it's a complete mess. I literally just had this epiphany. I'm like, maybe I would've gotten help sooner. Maybe I would've quit drinking earlier if I wasn't so programmed for perfection. If I wasn't so worried about, yeah, what the outside or how the outside world saw me as a person of color in white spaces especially. Yep, yep. I mean, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. But literally, you just led me to that when you mentioned like being in work events and like being able to contain yourself and moderate, but like a lot of other people conversations I have, like, I don't think they would necessarily have that same mindset because it's almost like a privilege, right? Like I can drink as a, as a person that blends in. And it's not gonna be a company email up the next day. It's not gonna be like, you know, it might not be a conversation in the same way. It's not gonna be, all of a sudden my reputation is ruined and I'm an embarrassment for black people everywhere. You know what I mean? Yeah. But yeah, I remember I went to a retreat that my team did and. You know, a manager got so wasted, like, and it was a tree where we were like, we spent the night so everyone like really let loose and so she was just wild. She was standing on top of tables and I'm like, I could never do that next day. It was like, oh yeah, that's just, that's just such and such. That's just, you know, she just. It's like lowkey. I wanna be up there too. I wanna be dancing on the table too, but I can't. Yeah. I was like, I wish, I wish, but I remember I just had my little j and I just was sipping there. I was like, okay, Ashley, it's time to go to bed. You know? I don't even stay long 'cause I don't even wanna be tempted. Mm-hmm.

the-sober-butterfly_26_02-06-2026_061421 12:07

My next fair back picks up exactly where Ashley left off. This is Yas, a black British woman with Jamaican roots just like me. So, you know, we connected I learned so much from this conversation with Yaz. As another black female business owner in the sober space. Yaz spoke honestly around why we don't see more black women building businesses in the sober space, and that's due to access funding networks. These are real barriers that we face, and then I ask Yas the number one tool she uses to protect her sobriety boundaries. This clip is a little longer, but every moment is worth it, I promise you. So without further ado, let's listen to what Yaz shares in this episode.

Nadine 12:55

Representation in business and entrepreneurship around black sober women because we are out here. And I don't know why we're not necessarily. I don't wanna say we're not starting, 'cause we are starting businesses, but we're not seeing them on par or on the same level with some of our contemporaries. And I'm just wondering, do you have any ideas as to why that could be? Because I know that you're in England so it could look a little different than in the States and I haven't tried to start an an no alcoholic wine company or anything like that, but in talking to Ashley, like I just couldn't believe she was the only one. I'm like, well why is that? Like I know there are people out here. Black people who are sober. So I don't know. Um, so I'm just curious, do you have any, what's your thoughts in terms of how it is in England and how has your experience been as a business owner in your space?

Yas 13:47

So I

Nadine 13:48

So I.

Yas 13:49

uh, firstly. I, I don't wanna be a downer, but I think, um, you know, globally, 0.04% of VC funding goes to black women. We know this. Yeah, we know this. So when you're talking about trying to start your own business, um, as a black woman, it is hard. Like the funding support is not there. The, uh, and this is, I'm generalizing here, so. The funding support is not there. I'm not generalizing. That's a fact. But, um, if you, so like for instance, we don't have disposable income. We don't have savings. Jamie, my partner and I, we work really hard. Um, I'm a mom to two step kids. They're absolutely amazing. Um,

Nadine 14:35

Congratulations. You are welcome.

Yas 14:38

but we work really hard. So when we want to start our own business, the funding. To even get that funding. We turned down for loans. We don't, there's no investors. We don't have the network. And England is, no matter what people tell you, England is very much based on networks and hierarchy, right? It's who you know. Your net worth is your network. If you're not in those networks, you are gonna have to work part-time, like really, really hard to even get near those networks. And that's the step one. You have to

Nadine 15:07

Yes.

Yas 15:08

and somehow convince them to take an interest. But if I'm X, Y, Z, Joe blogs, I'm already in those networks. I just turn to whoever and say, gimme 20 k. I also turn to my dad and say, gimme another 20 k. Boom. That's my business started. Right.

Nadine 15:23

No, but I'm self, I'm self started,

Yas 15:25

And,

Nadine 15:26

like I'm a, I'm self-made, what are you talking about?

Yas 15:28

don't even please. That's

Nadine 15:30

dad just gave me like 50 k. Are you kidding me?

Yas 15:34

Do you know Nadine?

Nadine 15:36

Chump change.

Yas 15:36

the past year interviewing a lot of people, um, who are independents and they're amazing. They're amazing people. There's no shade to them. I love their businesses, but I, I interviewed them and I asked them, I said, how did you get started? I wanna know. And they'll always go, yeah, I did it on my own. I did it. And I'm like, yeah, okay. But who gave you, like, where did you get the initial thing? Did you save or whatever? was really lucky because actually my mom actually my dad. Okay. And that's

Nadine 16:01

You know what it is when they go, mm. That's how, you know, they're like, mm. Well, since you wanna get into the. Specifics? Um, I just had, it's the, I just, no, it's like, how did you get started? Like where did that disposable income come from? Like.

Yas 16:17

And this is no shade, and it's no shame yet if people have the resources to be able to start their businesses, I'm, I'm happy for them and I'm grateful. I don't want them to feel ashamed. I don't want them to feel like they don't deserve it. This isn't about that, but it's about, um, the. Deep inequality that sits in all of our communities towards women of color, specifically black women. we try and elevate ourselves, we are never given any help at all. Even though we are coming from, I don't wanna say the most disadvantaged, but we're coming with some disadvantages.

Nadine 16:54

Absolutely preach.

Yas 16:55

Right, and,

Nadine 16:55

continue.

Yas 16:56

and who helps us? No. One, we help ourselves. Like that's it. We are bootstrapping this business. Jamie and I, I work another job. He works for himself. Every single cent that well pound that we make goes into the business. I don't have a sales and marketing team. You know, I don't have, we subcontract out the work to bartenders, freelance bartenders when we're having a big event because we can't afford to keep like PAYE scheme running. Like this is the reality of bootstrapping your own business. Um, and I wish that someone had told me that earlier, and I just wanna say to, I know this is turning into like some business podcasts now, but. I just wanna say to people, black women who are thinking about becoming, you know, opening their businesses, get some savings. Like if you can get some savings, get, if you can get a loan, get a loan, like, you know, or start, just start your um, investor as in getting into the right places with the right people. Start that now. Just start that before you're even releasing to market, because have to fight 10 times harder. That's one of my first mentors who said that to me. publishing, uh, one of the only black women in publishing,

Nadine 18:13

Wow,

Yas 18:14

You have to work, um, fight 10 times harder to even be respected. She didn't

Nadine 18:19

that's. I was about to say that's truth and you are looking at the team like, yeah, like, I think that's what people fail to realize. Like we are doing all the things at the same time on top of our other duties that requires income so that I can pour it back into the business and the podcast and this and that. So I, I a hundred percent with you there. And I, I agree. Um, would you, so, so you had said, had you noticed. Before, would that have changed anything? Would that have changed your decision to start your business? Had you known how difficult funding would be, or how much work it would be required, and how much personal investments you would have to pour into your business? Would you change anything?

Yas 19:00

I think I would have been more strategic. Like I'm kind of, I'm just a doer. I'm like, let's do it. Let's get it done. We'll learn on the way. So maybe I would've been more strategic, but would I have just like ditched the idea? No, because for me. Like it's the culmination of all of my passions and being able to actually be free, be creative, serve the people who we want to serve.

Nadine 19:24

Amen. That's what I was thinking. I was like, this is such a needed, not even good calls. It's needed. But yeah, continue. I'm sorry.

Yas 19:31

no, that's it. Like that's the best feeling. Like, okay, yeah, maybe we are broke right now, but you know, things change.

Nadine 19:37

Every business, I shouldn't say every business in the, but every good story starts with. It's a come up, right? It's like I started from here and now I'm here and then I'm gonna go here. Like, it's, it's, it's, there's levels. There's levels, and you're on your way. Um, I really appreciate everything you've shared ya. And I just would like to, I like to ask all of my guests this. It's been a, actually, I need to throw this question back, but, um, what is the number one thing you would say? Um, tool. Some people like to think about a toolbox, but what's the number one thing that you are doing and that you consistently do to protect your sobriety? what is the number one thing you would say? Um, tool. Some people like to think about a toolbox, but what's the number one thing that you are doing and that you consistently do to protect your sobriety? I.

Yas 20:30

Boundaries. Boundaries. I just cannot say again, like I know it's so hard and maybe. if you've not been through the therapeutic journey yet, like a bit of an abstract term, but it really means just listening to your own heart. And if you are not comfortable with something, you are not comfortable with the way someone's treating you, you are not comfortable with the space or situation you are in, giving yourself permission to remove yourself from it like that is the way that we protect our peace and ever since I started implementing boundaries, like I have felt so much stronger in myself.

Nadine 21:04

I love that. And as a, I was gonna say reformed, semi reformed people pleaser.

Yas 21:09

me

Nadine 21:10

Um, that's really. Hard, and I think at the detriment of my own wellbeing, at the detriment of my own mental health, I've put other people before me, and then what ends up happening is I end up resenting them, right? Because now I'm exhausted. Now I'm, now I'm defeated. Now I feel like I've gone against my own values. So I love that you said boundaries, I needed to hear that message because I'm still working on that. Thank you for sharing that, Yaz. So I,

Yas 21:39

ask you?

Nadine 21:39

oh my gosh. Nobody ever wants to do it. Yes. Ask away. Ask away.

Yas 21:44

Um, what are, well actually what are you using? 'cause I always, I always think, oh, maybe I'm, you know, maybe the scenes, the scene has moved on since I first got sober. But as, are there any like, new tools that you are using, like, that are really helping you? and like, has. noticed there's been like a massive digital trend in our community where we are just suddenly popping up like so black women and we are really supporting each other and really going hard. And I wondered if you've noticed that too and you being part of it. Like are you seeing the trend?

Nadine 22:21

I would say, because when you mentioned that when you got sober seven years ago, there wasn't really any options out there in the market in terms of like having even non-alcoholic options on the menu. Like I. Even a year and a half ago, or 2021 when I got sober, I also felt that like there were limited less options than there are now. But I, I don't know if it's almost like, you know, when they say like, low of attraction, like, I don't know if you believe in that kind of thing, but I don't know if it's just because Oh, okay, good. Because I definitely do, I don't know if it's just like me, like my mindset is different, but I feel like I'm attracting people and even things like. Non-alcoholic options, they just come to me like, I feel like I'm literally like in conversation with people, random people that you would never suspect because you can, can't really look at people necessarily and determine. Their sobriety status. But because I'm so much more comfortable going into year two of my sobriety, I'm having those conversations now. Like I said, I'm really serious about that sociological experiment that you've inspired. I'm gonna start telling people like, I don't drink, I'm an alcoholic. Just to see how that feels. But I don't say the alcoholic piece. I just, you know, I'm very open about like, I am sober. If I could wear a name tag that says, hi, my name's Nadine and I'm sober. I, I really would because I have so many eye-opening moments, like it's serendipity. It's almost like God is talking to me through people, and I'm sure I'm talking to people through God, like they feel the same way about me, but like, I think everyone. I, I do really believe this has been affected by addiction in some form, right? Whether it's directly or someone they love or care about. So there is this like invisible thread that is linking all of us together. And so for me that that is therapy in and of itself. Just anytime I can have a conversation that. You know, scratch is beyond the surface and it's like we get into something like the nitty gritty, like something that's really like speaks to my soul. And so then there's that part. So like just having conversations with people, that's a big part of why I have the podcast. And then for me, like going even back to if people listen to episode one of this podcast, my call to action was, I wanna talk to women, of course, but I wanna talk to black women.

Yas 24:33

Mm-hmm.

Nadine 24:33

when I started my sober butterfly, like the Instagram page, it was. Part, testimonial part, like when I say testimonial, just a way for me to hold myself accountable. A part of that was ego. 'cause it was really very early in my sobriety and I was just like, I'm gonna prove to myself like, you know, that I can stay sober and you know, like also doing it in a public way so I can hold myself accountable. So there was that part. But then ironically what ends up happening is people are really reaching out to me. They're sliding in the dms

Yas 25:05

Mm-hmm.

Nadine 25:05

to genuinely like show love and support and ask real questions about like how my sober journey is going. And a big part of that was women, black women who were like ci. Thank you. Thank you for doing something that I'm afraid to do. Seeing you is giving me inspiration to say that like, I can do this journey too, because I don't care what anyone says. We wanna see ourselves in any capacity. We wanna see ourselves in healing. If you wanna use Kara Devin's word in recovery, in sobriety and addiction, it's just, it is what it is. Like I feel more connected to you and other pages and other influencers and other people who are open about their sobriety.

Yas 25:44

yeah,

Nadine 25:44

women, that's important. But when I see a black woman doing it, I'm like, okay, like let's talk. And I'm constantly like inspired and energized by those conversations and I still don't see, I do agree, like there is more visibility, but I'm going to, you know, I'm going to push people. To be even more because, and that's the one thing I will say, like, I will say I'm an alcoholic. I'm, I'm fine with that term now, but that's one thing, not to leave this con conversation astray, but that's one thing I don't like about the anonymity factor when it comes to some of the, the programs, like I get that people deserve to have that privacy and I'm not gonna fault people for wanting to be. Private about it, but I think that lends its hand to secrecy. And secrecy for me is connected to shame. And shame to me is it connected to my addiction. So for me, I gotta like talk about it. That's why like I am, I'm more so like that's the one issue I have with people who are just like. We stay in this dark little room and we don't talk about it like in public. You don't know me, like literally in public, you don't know me. And I'm like, you were just bearing your soul to me. But okay, sure. So that's like the one thing I struggle with. But like, to answer your question in a very like, disjointed way, um, I guess talking about it like for me is the biggest thing that's keeping me sober. Um, and feeling like I have, like I'm of service to people even through this podcast, even through my page, like things that are like self-serving, like it's a little selfish, but it's, I know it's also serving and it's giving to the greater community as well.

Yas 27:16

Oh my God. Thank

Nadine 27:17

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for asking me. Nobody ever ask me questions, I'm like.

Yas 27:21

I really wanted to know because like what you said about service, like honestly it's so rewarding and I, I, I just, I dunno whether that's, is like something about getting sober or going through to a place where you have more clarity, but like. Serving other people is just the best. Like, okay, I, I'm, I'm benefiting because I feel good serving people, but like, is that wrong? Because serving people is just amazing and we are not, that is not encouraged in any other aspect of our societies. Yeah. Outside of like

Nadine 27:56

Amen.

Yas 27:56

work, church work. But in our daily lives, in our practice, just just because we're never encouraged to serve others and it's so good for everyone.

Nadine 28:07

It is for everyone and it makes me feel good. Like I, I believe altruism is self-serving in so many ways. 'cause I feel so good. I'm like, yeah, this is like for you, but it's really for me. Like, am I helping you? But like you're also really helping me by like me just being here and helping you. It's weird, but I, I totally agree with you. Like that service piece is critical and it's so much of my addiction. I was so selfish. I, I'm a selfish person. Like I'm not gonna lie, like I am very, like, you know, I'm in my selfish era. Like I don't have kids. I don't have a man. I'm like, it's me, me, me. I'm the only child.

Yas 28:41

Yes.

Nadine 28:41

lot of things about me.

Yas 28:43

child

Nadine 28:45

But at the same time, I'm like, when, especially when I was drinking and partying and doing everything under the sun, like I was just so, I was not. I only, like, I don't see things necessarily black and white, but I wasn't as good of a person as I am today.

Yas 29:00

agreed. I

Nadine 29:01

and I was very much like focused on my next high, like my next chemically like chemical state change. Like I wanna feel different, like that's what matters to me. And I couldn't show up for people the way that they deserved in the same way, um, that I can now.

Yas 29:21

Yeah, me too. Like just preach like, it's so weird. I feel like everything. Yeah, me too. Me too.

the-sober-butterfly_11_02-05-2026_062908 29:32

My next guest talks about something so many of us feel, but maybe we don't even say out loud, who am I without alcohol performing for me now Simone French is a talented singer from Mobile, Alabama, and Simone shared on this episode of the Sober Butterfly, her transformative journey of overcoming stage fright addiction, and really reclaiming her voice. As an artist, this is misnomer. Where a lot of people feel as an artist. Simone highlights this misnomer where so many artists believe that they need alcohol or a substance to elevate their creativity. And she fell. Fell into that trap, and a lot of her identity as a performer, as a mother. I was tethered to this as a performer, was tethered to this idea that she needed alcohol to overcome her stage fright and actually be a singer. Um, we know that's not true and we learned that in the episode, but the shame that she felt when she realized that she had lost her way with her addiction and with her drinking is so telling to how something is simple. How something as innocent as thinking that, you know, I can take a couple shots before I get on stage, can quickly escalate into full blown addiction. So let's hear Simone share in her own words.

31:10

Every day is something. I think. different. My life, the day to day, it pretty much looks the same. You know, I, I gig throughout the weekend, maybe early week, but for the most part, the day to day is the same. But it's something new every day because I'm so tapped in into this community that I've been blessed to be a part of. And. This sober community that I've, you know, thrown myself in, you know, it's women, women call me all the time and we talk about sobriety and we talk about drinking and, you know, And they tell me I've helped them and I tell them they've helped me and, and it's just beautiful. I just love, I love being able to pick up the phone and help where I can, you know, whatever the help may be, whether it's just listen, whether it's just tell my story. So you don't feel, you know, so alone about yours, whatever the case may be. I just love being tapped into this community of women, especially the black women who are on the same path. Yeah, because we got to speak up. We have to speak up. We're not, we have, I feel like, you know, it's, it's not a ton of us. We have to speak up and it's like you said, we celebrate everything with alcohol because You know, everybody talked about big tobacco at a time, but big alcohol. I don't know. Have you ever read? Um quit like a woman. Did you read that book? I did that was you know The handbook when you first get sober, I feel like they present you with a coffee of quit like a woman And so I with the first time the first go around I started trying to get sober I bought it picked it up kind of flipped through started and was like, ah And went back, you know doing what I was doing and then when I got It finally serious. And it was one of the things that I was in the rotation of my reading. There was a lot that I pulled from that. And, you know, it talks about how big alcohol, like it's just, it's pushing our face, especially as women, you know, you gotta, you gotta go to brunch. And yeah, you don't need an occasion to drink. You just drink because It's fabulous or that's the portrayal and we know it's far from that. We're the key demographic now. We could look through the years, the different iterations of how they were marketing to people or the public. Men, white men, obviously always get the, or men in general always get the start of it and then slowly but surely they started to encroach into our spaces. I'm a woman, I'm proud to be a woman, but I'm especially proud to be a black woman. And I think going back to the idea is like, The shame I think sometimes we hold ourselves to such a high standard as black women and feel like we have to be the pillar of the community or the pillar of our family or we can't disappoint or whatever it may be. and then like, obviously there's just so much negative press and stereotypes portrayed in the media around our blackness as a woman that we feel like we have to counter that. And I. I felt a lot of pressure to be a like a functioning alcoholic or never show people just how bad even in sobriety like that's why I started this because I'm like you know what I have to talk about this so much of us can regress in our sobriety or stay sick because we're too ashamed to talk about some of the hardship of just being a woman, being a black woman and what it's like to be in addiction. I know that the rates of, Alcohol use disorder, however you want to place yourself on the spectrum is very prevalent in the black community. And so we are not immune to the high rates of drinking, but I don't feel like the sobriety community reflects those statistics of like recovery on the other side, what that looks like, what that can look like. And, I don't know what the exact answer is. I'm speculating here, but I think a big part of it is just like, We don't want to position ourself as another, like, Oh, this is another thing, right? We have to show people that yes, it was hard. But I wouldn't trade anything for that. Because here I am, you said a mouthful there because there's so much, so many gems and there's so much truth in that. Because even as I'm still involved in those certain, we'll call them recovery spaces, the black women's sightings are few and far between. And it's like you said, I know, I just know I'm not unique in that way. we can't be the only ones. You know what I'm saying? You are unique, but not in this context. I'm not the only, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, surely we are special, but we're not that special. Right. And so, um, that's why I feel almost a sense of duty to, to speak up and to anybody who, who wants to know, you know, yeah, this is what happened. This is what happened. And this is what life is like now. I feel like I have to, to talk about it because, I get to repurpose that shame today. We get to repurpose. All of those embarrassing stories and we get to talk about it and somebody can be listening and say, dang, yeah. You know, I've had people message me and say, because you speak up, you know, on, on Instagram or whatever, it makes me want to stop drinking or how do I stop or what resources are there. And, you know, if, if sharing some embarrassing story about how I overshared in front of thousands of people help somebody to, so be it, you know, so be it. Um, so. I love it. Love it here. We have to continue using our voices like you, your beautiful singing voice, and also just the voice that you would give to your community.

the-sober-butterfly_17_02-05-2026_064234 37:08

For this next segment, I thought of two particular guests I had on the show. Who have experienced grief and loss, I think what makes death and loss so painful is for those who are left behind. And for these next two guests, both of them experienced the loss of a parent, which if you've never lost a parent, it, it can be a grief unlike any other. Um, I mean, losing anyone you love is really hard, but I think when you lose a parent, And you're not sober, it can almost destroy you. I unfortunately lost my father and it almost killed me like I was at a very low point, and I've talked about it on the show. I was in college and I did not know how to process the loss of my father. And these two guests also experienced that grief, that severe grief of losing a parent, and then the emotional strength that came from getting sober. The first guest I want to highlight is Faith. Now Faith and I also went to college together. She was actually the first guest I ever had on this podcast, so Shala Teeth. Faith, if you're listening, thank you so much for being the og. Of the sober butterfly in terms of all my guests that have ever been on the show. And I thought of faith because I knew that she was sober and her and I hadn't spoken in years, but I saw on social media that she wasn't drinking. And it was around the time that I had also quit drinking. So I was like, oh, I gotta have faith on the show. She came on and I didn't really know the direction in which the show would go in. I mean, that was my very first episode. I had an outline, but I didn't know that she was gonna talk about losing her father. And in fact, she lost her father. In her late teens like I did, and I didn't know that about her. So the conversation took a turn for the best, like not the best that her dad died and my dad died. But just the best in terms of like, we really connected and went there. And so I'm gonna play a little snippet of how losing her father. Really impacted her and how, I think that's another thing, like people don't realize that grief is not a linear process. Like you don't lose someone and then it takes, you know, eight to 10 months to, you know, get over it. Like no, it comes in waves and faith shares how her drinking played a role in that. And so I'm gonna let you hear a snippet of that episode.

39:44

I wouldn't say I was a daily drinker, but at a certain point it did become daily. I always had wine. I always just had it in my room or in the kitchen, and it was just always around. And I just think it was just a culture again that I can't really say started in college to be honest with you. Mm-hmm. Um, it started before college. Um, in high school, drinking was a big thing. Mm-hmm. It was just everyone was doing it. And I know when my dad passed when I was 15, alcohol was a way of how I dealt with it with other people. Mm-hmm. And so that, I think. Although that's a trauma response. When I was an adolescence, I was really young. I think that same type of response presented itself in college, whether I was going through something or not, whether I just wanted to not think about the things around me in my life. I just turned to alcohol, and so it became a friendship. With alcohol that I was just, you know, I didn't feel good or I needed a pick me up, I would just take a shot. And, and so it just, it never really affected my studies, but I, um, it definitely affected other areas of my life. Wow. Thank you for sharing. I really connect with the part where you mentioned your dad passing at a young age. I'm sorry to hear that. That's never easy. My father passed sophomore year of college and I think that propelled me into an even bigger drinking problem. So before I, I was drinking for fun and then I was drinking to numb, and so that's a big. There's a big difference between just doing it for the hell of it. Like, oh, woo, we're having a great time. And then like, no, I need this. Like, I don't wanna feel. And so that shift really was dangerous. And at the time I didn't realize it because I. Once again, everyone around me is drinking, so it's, it looks normal. I, I can kind of blend in. I'm like, oh yeah, like, this is just a good time. Um, but in like inside I was, you know, slowly dying. So I really appreciate you sharing the fact that, you know, when your father passed, it was already sort of like an instinctual. A friend that you turn to and you call on when you're at a low point and you need some, someone to comfort you or something to comfort you. Um, I very much can relate to that.

the-sober-butterfly_18_02-05-2026_064634 42:14

My next guest, Tiana Heath, is an amazing. Force in the media world. She has her own show, missing in Long Island, and I was actually a guest on her series. She had Beyond the Bottle, and then I had her come on the show. So Tiana shares how the grief of losing her mother really impacted her in so many ways and how she was able to. Not lose herself somehow in that process. And then shortly after losing her mother actually became sober, and that was a saving grace for her and a gift that she gave herself and her mother would be so proud. So let's hear Tiana share a little bit about her story.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 43:05

I lost my mother in January 2022.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 43:08

I'm so sorry.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 43:09

thank you so much. So, when I lost my mom, I was like, what are ways that I can just, like, not that go to acohol? Because I didn't want to do that because I heard that like you're grieving, you drink alcohol, decision you make, they're fleeting, you just become somebody like, no, I was like, nope, I don't want to be like that. So my mom passed, I drank a little bit. And then I just like, I don't want to drink anymore. I was like, I'm putting myself in situations I don't want to be in and I'm grieving and. I didn't feel my feelings. And when I did that, I felt so much healthier and so much better. When I was like, no, I gotta be sober for this. Like, I don't want to choose drinking to cope To cope with the loss. Like that, like that's your mom, know? Like that's, that's somebody. So I was like, nope. Because I felt like when I was I would get mad at people like, you didn't reach out to me because my mom died. Like I got like that. And I was like, this is, this is not good. Like this, this, this is something that I got to like, chill out on. just, there's so many benefits of just not drinking.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 44:18

Yeah.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 44:19

of drinking.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 44:20

Yeah.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 44:21

Once I realized that I got that in my head, I was like, yeah, I was. coping with it a little bit better. It was just so much better because it's grief and alcohol people that's what people turn to they turn to you know, alcohol, sex, gambling just

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 44:37

Many vices.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 44:37

crises. Yeah, so many things you know, grief attaches itself to but I wanted to not drink and it just helped me tremendously.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 44:48

Wow. That's beautiful. I really am sorry to hear about your mom, Tiana. And I actually saw that you posted on your story on Instagram today about her anniversary, her death anniversary coming up. So I know that that must be really difficult and really tough for you. It's, Interesting because I lost a parent. I lost my father and it was around the beginning of the year too. It was three days into 2011. And unlike you, I didn't have the maturity or the foresight to not mix. My grief with alcohol. And so I, I did everything that you're not supposed to do, or I highly don't recommend doing, which is numbing. I would numb myself to the point where I started lashing out. Like you mentioned, it was the first time in my life because I was a chronic binge drinker prior to that moment, but it was the first time that I learned to use alcohol in a way that was self destructive. Like alcohol really did almost take me out a number of times. And the thing about grief is it comes in waves, as you probably can resonate with, for me, it's been, you know, over 10 years and sometimes I'll just be sitting there and it will hit me and I'll be like, oh, I miss my dad. Oh, this is a lot. And I'm so grateful that I am not leaning on alcohol anymore as a crutch because that's the thing, people think that their masking, I was just like, okay. I don't want to feel this, like, who wants to feel like this? I'm just going to drink and numb out, but you're not really numbing out. Like, that's the thing, like that grief still lives inside of you. And it's going to come out one way or another. So I just want to say, once again, I'm sorry to hear about your mom, but like, truly you made the best decision ever.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 46:35

I'm sorry to hear about your dad too. Even though like people be like, Oh, it's been 10, 10 years. It still sticks. It's still there. She would have passed. be three years, January 24th 2025. It'll be three years. So if I stopped drinking for almost two years and I had eight months prior to that, so I didn't drink that much since she's been gone. I could only a few times on my hand I can count. I've been sober most of the time that she wasn't here.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 47:02

That's really beautiful. And I'm sure your mom was proud of you.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 47:06

Yes, me too. It was so you know, it's insane too when I first went sober my 100th day Being sober when I when I first went sober in 2022 My 100th day was her one year anniversary.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 47:21

Wow. Look at that.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 47:24

I was like, I

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 47:25

synchronicity

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 47:25

is so crazy. Yeah

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 47:28

amazing.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 47:28

I don't feel like I had hard moments only because I stopped drinking eight months prior.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 47:35

How did you stay sober when you were at your lowest? I'm reflecting too, cause I can't even remember cause I was not sober during that time when I lost my dad. So I'm like really curious to learn from you. Like, what did you do to stay sober?

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 47:50

I think about that often because I lost my mother, then I became so sober for those few months, and then I lost my job,

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 47:58

mm hmm.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 47:59

lose my mom and my job in the same year You could never tell me that 2022 was gonna go this way, but I just thought I thought about my future self I'm, like no like how how is this going to affect future me? every single day of not drinking matters.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 48:18

Mm hmm.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 48:19

But you feel all everything You're not like having the best time doing a cartwheel at like a bar, like you're feeling everything. So you're just you're crying, you're upset, you're questioning things, like in your normal state of of mind. Like I'm not medicated or anything like that. Like I'm fully sober.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 48:40

Mm hmm.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 48:41

so there's no medication that I take for, for anything. and I don't smoke weed or anything like that. But when I first lost my mom, I would say I was doing edibles. I was like, I gotta

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 48:53

It's self medicating, basically.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 48:54

yeah, cuz that's, that was, I was doing, that was edibles and a little bit of drinking because I felt like I couldn't sleep at night. I felt like if I close my eyes, I'm gonna see her.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 49:04

I couldn't sleep.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 49:05

sleep. Yeah,

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 49:06

hmm.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 49:06

like, I gotta go to sleep. So that and then when you're complete, I'm completely 100 percent sober you just literally feel everything and you process it a different

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 49:18

Every day.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 49:19

yeah, every, every single day. So

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 49:21

Yeah.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 49:22

days leading up to the three anniversary and I'm just like, it's okay to step back or something. Like I was in the gym today. I was like, okay, I think I'm done. I'm not pushing myself to like, get ahead of it. Like, I feel sad in this moment. I met this lady in the sauna and they were talking about losing our parents. I'm like, wow.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 49:42

Mm

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 49:42

it was

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 49:43

hmm.

tiana-heath-_3_01-22-2025_182416 49:43

one of, you know, so I took a step back just thought about like my body, myself. I'm like, okay, you don't want to push yourself too hard. just, you know, stay in gratitude. And and that's like how I've been doing it ever, ever since.

squadcaster-0ggc_4_01-22-2025_182416 50:00

That's beautiful.

the-sober-butterfly_20_02-05-2026_064926 50:05

Next I wanna talk about cycle breaking and motherhood. And I have two guests on the show both of their names are Jasmine. And both guests are mothers. And so I want to open with a clip from Ja, who is known as Soulfully, sober on Instagram, and Jasmine didn't quit drinking because of some like dramatic rock bottom, air quoing, rock bottom, whatever that may look like. She quit because she didn't like the version of herself her son was seeing, she suffered from some postpartum depression after having her son. I don't think she realized that she was going through postpartum at the time, but she turned to alcohol and then one day she just woke up and realized like she didn't like the kind of mother she was being. And so I'll let you hear Jasmine in her own words, share a little bit about that.

51:00

I'm not a mother, but specific to our conversation before around Postpartum and how hard that is. Do you feel like you were using alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with some of the harsh realities of being a new mom and like the hormonal stuff that happens behind the scenes? Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's funny. I think I had this serious self awareness about my drinking for a really long time. And while I was pregnant, I'm not going to say obviously, but like I didn't drink while I was pregnant and I used to say I just won't drink for the first five years of his life. Okay. Like I tried to set something like that. Like I knew that I didn't want to be a mom that drank just because of how I drank and I knew that it would impact like the mom I wanted to be, but yeah, because postpartum was so hard and because alcohol is just, marketed as this thing that's supposed to help you relax and Decompress and relieve stress. Yeah, I definitely was drinking hoping that it would help in some way. But what's crazy is that like postpartum, and I don't know if it was cause like everything my body was going through, like producing milk and you know, all the things that are happening with your body at that time, I would drink so much and not feel drunk. Wow. Yep. Like it was the worst. And so then it's well, what do I do now? If I'm chasing and drinking much and I'm not even like getting drunk or feeling it, then it's like something has to give. Yeah. And it can go in many different directions. Right. This is where I feel like people become more susceptible to trying other things maybe because they're like, well, this isn't working for me. So what else is on the table? What I can relate to and what you shared about not getting drunk, it wasn't postpartum for me. It was, I think my tolerance was just so sky high towards the end of my drinking that I would go out chasing this feeling. Like I never drank for the sake of just wanting to drink. I drank because I wanted to kind of alleviate some of the stresses and feel an out of body experience. And yeah, lose myself and lose my inhibitions. And I felt like towards the end, I had a really hard time getting there wherever there was, because it was always like I was chasing this like perfect equilibrium. Like I wanted to feel good, but not black out. Right. I wanted to be drunk, but not black out. But I would always skirt Like I would still have blackout moments, but like in the moment, I didn't realize it was blackout. It was really convoluted and complex, but I share that to say that I think that is the beginning of the end. It's almost like a symptom that your body is rejecting this and it's no longer serving you and it's time to release it. And if you listen to your body, which we can get into later, because I feel like you're very in tune with your body now, if you listen to those symptoms and those signs, then you can make a pivot and change your relationship. Yep. Or you can continue chasing or looking to feel something. But yeah, I relate to not being able to get drunk. And then I would have hangovers still. Yeah. Like I would still have the aftermath or the after effects of drinking the amount that I drink, which is a lot. Yeah. So then at what point did you decide, Okay, enough is enough this time. I don't want to be this version. of a mother for my son. How did you get to this place where you decided that you were done with alcohol for real this time? Yeah, I think, I mean, I just remember I was having a really hard time at work where I was just like, kind of really checked out. Crying in meetings, like just having a really hard time and I literally could not wait to pick my son up from daycare, make sure he got home safely, and then have a drink. And then I was like trying to get All of my drinks in between 6pm and midnight and then like waking up and doing it all over again. So like waking up and feeling hungover and sluggish because I'm not getting good sleep. Having a hard time at work of just like feeling stressed and like overwhelmed. I had just started a new job and it was a different environment on top of, you know, Recently having a baby and I remember I got to the point where I told my job. I was like, I need to take time just for my mental health. Like I need to actually step away from work and just focus on my mental health. I just felt like I was slipping somehow. And so I was like I got a note from my doctor that said, yeah start with two weeks, go to therapy, and let's see what happens. And I remember talking to my therapist and telling her like, yeah, I can't wait to make sure my son gets home safely so that I can have a drink. And she said, you know, have you ever thought about going to AA? And I was like, no. And it was still very much during pandemic times where AA meetings were online. You didn't have to be on camera. Like people didn't necessarily have to see my face. And she was like, you know, just go and listen. And so I ended up going to a couple of AA meetings and after my first meeting and just Listening to people's stories and like other things that people are battling with. I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like I Can't keep going like this. Like I don't want to get to a point where I'm telling a story about being passed out drunk with my son at home or you know, getting to a point like that. And so I stopped drinking. And I think the power, and by the way, kudos to your therapist. I think that was amazing advice just to listen, because I think AA can be really daunting and scary to hear those words. Wait, what? What are you suggesting? But if you just go and listen, you're often find that your story is sometimes embedded in other people's story. Maybe not to the extreme, but the, nature of alcohol and alcoholism is progressive, right? So if you're not here today, like nobody takes their first step in Oh, I'm a raging alcoholic, right? You build momentum towards this place. And so I think that was really powerful that you were able to take inventory, be self aware and recognize that you don't want to get to that place or become that person. So it sounds like. Going to meetings online and immersing yourself with community was the start of your sober journey Yeah, absolutely. And I just I remember after those meetings I was talking to some of my best friends and I'm like, I don't know if I have the right to call myself an alcoholic just because of what I was hearing from other people and I remember one of my best friends saying like you can't compare Severities of traumas like your trauma is just as traumatic and transformational to you as whatever you're hearing from this person. And I think that was like life changing for me too, because it's like, yeah, I've been through things in my life. And I drink the way I do because I am like coping or like trying to forget, or like trying to deal with some like unresolved things. And just because it might not sound as severe as like this person's story, That doesn't mean that it didn't have an impact on me. And that doesn't mean that I can't say that like alcoholism runs in my family. And my mom would say if it, if there's a gene for it, like you would have it because it runs in our family. And so I wanted to do something about it. I love that. That's beautiful.

the-sober-butterfly_21_02-05-2026_065121 58:26

Next up, we have Jasmine Flowers. This episode is so vivid in my mind and sometimes I think about it to this day. It's a different story, but a same realization. Jasmine shares that she experienced some trauma from being in a very toxic, abusive marriage, she shared some really like honest and powerful and quite dark at times. Truths. She was so, lost that she thought she was not going to live past 25, and like she always felt that nudge to become a mother. And through getting married and having her daughters, she thought that would save her. And then quickly realized that it wasn't like you can love your children so much and yet it still. Isn't enough unless you love yourself. And so through getting sober, Jasmine Flowers really started to love herself and break some generational patterns that were not sobering her. So I'll let you guys hear that clip now.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 59:32

Was there a turning point in your story to where you started to value life like this is a sacred thing that I should hold dear to myself and live accordingly?

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 59:42

Well, I had my first daughter, my just sweet little tiny human

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 59:46

Oh my God.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 59:47

I, I really truly, and this just came over me like a few months ago. I did not think I was gonna live past 25. Like, I just,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 59:56

my brain

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 59:57

was just like, you're not girl. It's all, it's all good. Just live out these glory years, right.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:00:01

Right.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:00:02

I re I just a few months ago remembered like, oh my God, I was pregnant with my first daughter at 25. Like I was meant to, you know, I believe keep going, you know, and,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:00:09

Yeah.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:00:10

my life. And I didn't get sober then, right? But I, I thought motherhood would make me better. I thought it would, thought it would automatically thrust me into feeling better. Now, did it give me purpose to live? So I no longer like, felt this pull that, I mean, I felt like this very strong pull to. To eventually one day like die. I didn't feel that as strong. It was still there and we can get to that later, but I didn't feel it as strong. So I felt like, oh, I have a reason to wake up in the morning. I have somebody to take care of. I have somebody to give all of this love and empathy and this like natural nurturer that I am, I now have somebody like this and in my little world, you know, and I had her dad at the time and I thought I had romanticized our life completely, you know, and, and it wasn't that I was in an abusive. Marriage. But I didn't see it like that at the time, you know? But definitely having my first daughter and then 16 months later having our second daughter,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:01:03

Oh they just became

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:01:04

everything to me, you know, everything. And I remember, when I did get sober, I remember my therapist said, you know what an incredible burden to put on your daughters to be your happiness, because that's it. I was not happy in any other circumstance unless something was to do with them, you know? And even then, I still wasn't feeling happy or fulfilled, and I was like angry. Like all I ever wanted was to be a mom. Like since I was a little girl walking around with little baby dolls everywhere, you know? all i ever wanted was to be a mom. And now I'm a mom and I'm not jumping for joy every day. You know? Why am I still miserable up here and in here? What's wrong with me? And I still did not directly equate it to, you are an alcoholic and you have a soul sickness and you've been suffering, you know, maybe for lifetimes, who knows? But this is, this is the moment you know.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:01:50

I'm not a mom, but like I, I can imagine the pressure you must have put on yourself at that time as being a young mother in your mid twenties. Like, oh, this is everything I've wanted. The happy nuclear family. You romanticized it. What role did substances play at this time? So, was your husband also mirroring some of your drinking patterns or using patterns? And how did, his abuse manifest in the relationship at this time?

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:02:19

so to his, I don't wanna say defense, but to help understand him for a pocket in this scenario. is a product of an alcoholic, right, of one parent. And I will say that, and you know that is. I'm allowed to say it. It's the facts. And so I think that there were moments where he was giving me quote grace, or that's what I was interpreting it as.

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:02:39

Okay.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:02:39

realistically, he was just building armor to like, you know, to take against me. And because again, my drinking was the same. So my ex-husband was an athlete, so we would go to a lot of events and we were always with a lot of people. And at the time, you know. Again, my, my serious low self-esteem. So at face value, you look at me and you're like, oh, she must feel great about herself. Well,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:02:59

Right.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:03:00

everything else in here and in here, again, sick and dark and just not happy. so we would go to these events and I would be the person that was like, oh, does everybody wanna drink? Let's get a glass of wine. And, you know, a lot of walking and mingling and talking. And because I didn't feel like I was at the same value level of these people, you know, based on education or based on professionalism or based on, you know, relationships. was like, okay, I'm gonna drink a little more right now. 'cause

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:03:25

Yeah.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:03:26

I, like, I couldn't be in my skin and I felt like everybody could see me naked and, and see my, see my literal scars. See my metaphorical scars. It's like they could see me and they could just shame me every, every step I was taking, which was me in my mind, but I didn't know it at the time. So I always ended up Intoxicated at events, I would end up being blacked out. Like I was the girl that would like sneak a bottle of wine like in the car so I could drink it. Or like I would do four or five more shots right before we left

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:03:53

Yep.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:03:54

like get, make sure the buzz was going and then I'd end up blacked out. It was, I mean, I reflect now. I have so many girlfriends throughout my ex-husband's time in the league that are like, we, I don't ever remember you being drunk. And I'm like. What the fuck? I'm like, that night, him and I definitely fought, I was definitely blacked out,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:04:09

Yeah.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:04:10

I would go home and do five more shots. You

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:04:12

Yeah.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:04:13

but I was always the girl who was like somebody sipping their wine and being like, is she gonna ever finish so we can mosey over back over to the bar? You know? Or like at the restaurant, I'd be like, with my hype friends, I'd be like, you wanna do a couple shots for dinner? Like

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:04:24

Yeah.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:04:25

having a regular dinner. Like there was no reason for it. But I, again. My super discomfort. I was like, say to them I'm wicked uncomfortable because I can't be vulnerable. So I'm, I can't show that I feel less than they are,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:04:38

Yeah.

squadcaster-7i30_2_02-03-2025_191828 1:04:38

I need to just drink my way into, I don't even know that I thought I was gonna drink my way into being social. I just thought I was gonna drink my way into quieting my mind,

the-sober-butterfly_3_02-03-2025_191827 1:04:47

Got you.

the-sober-butterfly_22_02-05-2026_065439 1:04:50

And speaking of generational healing, Tommy runs from a more recent episode on the podcast shared about his decision to stop drinking and get sober, and it was for himself, but in doing so, he also changed his family. History. he shared that his father and grandfather both suffered from alcoholism and sadly he lost his father at 39. And so now he surpassed the age that his father was when he died. And when Tommy framed sobriety in that way, that he was doing it for the next generation, he is also a father. It was a beautiful reminder that when one person gets sober, a whole family lineage can feel it. And so yeah. I'm gonna let you hear a little snippet from Tommy's episode

tommie-runz_3_01-16-2026_181433 1:05:49

It sounds extreme, but it's like, yo, what if somebody was listening to that and like, maybe me saying something like, have saved their life

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-16-2026_181431 1:05:57

Mm.

tommie-runz_3_01-16-2026_181433 1:05:57

in some way or someone else's life because they drank and they went outside and did something crazy. But, you know, if you're listening to this and it's like. You know, somebody that's struggling or whatever, or if you know of like an organization that like raises money to help people that are like this. 'cause I actually, I raised money when I ran from LA to Vegas. I raised like 7,000 bucks and like $7,000 is literally the average cost to have one person in rehab for one month. And I kept like trying to like tell people like, look like this actually will. save someone's life, but then you have no idea like how far, like saving that one person potentially from like, and having this person maybe become sober and live a life of sobriety literally changes like their family's trajectory. Like if, if like a mom or a dad or somebody or a brother, like, 'cause the end of the road for people that are stuck in addiction is ne is not good if they don't stop. And that changes a family's trajectory forever as well. But for me, like me getting sober, changed potentially everything. I'm three years older than my dad was when he died

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-16-2026_181431 1:07:10

Wow,

tommie-runz_3_01-16-2026_181433 1:07:11

And

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-16-2026_181431 1:07:12

beautiful.

tommie-runz_3_01-16-2026_181433 1:07:13

my, you know, and my kids like, I'm here. I see them, they're with them and we hang out. They know I'm sober. I talk about it.

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-16-2026_181431 1:07:21

Mm-hmm.

tommie-runz_3_01-16-2026_181433 1:07:21

that, that apparently listen to my story and maybe decide to do something. People tell me how many days they are sober at the moment, you know, like. If somebody had donated $3 and that was the way that I got sober, that $3 saved my

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-16-2026_181431 1:07:36

Right.

tommie-runz_3_01-16-2026_181433 1:07:37

my families everything, and maybe saved others. So it's that serious. And thank you for inviting me on the pod, because in my opinion, after like posting and remembering what people feel about when I share these

the-sober-butterfly_3_01-16-2026_181431 1:07:49

Mm-hmm.

tommie-runz_3_01-16-2026_181433 1:07:50

I'm like. First thing you see is sober black runner, and I'm always black and I'm always running, but I don't talk about sobriety as much as I feel like I should. And I appreciate the opportunity to be on your podcast and kind of remind me of like, what all this is for because you know, I love running the marathons and all that stuff, but when I'm dying one day in like 40 years or whatever it is. I'm not gonna be like, man, that marathon time was great. You know? but I will hopefully be thinking about like the things that I shared that maybe helped other people.

the-sober-butterfly_26_02-06-2026_062004 1:08:24

Okay, butterflies. So today you heard pieces of eight different stories, eight Black Voices, eight sober journeys, eight examples of what it looks like to be black, sober, healing building, grieving, serving, and showing up fully in this world. You heard from Yaz, Ashley, Simone, faith Tiana, Jasmine from Soulfully sober, Jasmine Flowers and Tommy runs, and the full versions of all of these conversations are linked for you in the show notes my biggest hope from this episode is that you were able to hear yourself somewhere in these stories. If you take nothing away from this week's episode, I want you to find someone who looks like you, who sounds like you, who comes from where you come from, because representation in sobriety matters. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of the Sober Butterfly Podcast. I hope you enjoyed my Black edition for Black History Month. and I'm actually gonna close this out with a creator that I've been following for a while on social media. His name is Horace Gold and I actually didn't even know he was sober, but I followed his content for other reasons. He's like. Really insightful and funny and, just like on the mark, usually with like cultural topics. And more recently he posted this reel on Instagram that stopped me in my tracks. The biggest takeaway for me was like, I love being sober. I love being black and basically, yeah, being sober and black is an act of resistance. It's a revolution. So I'm gonna leave you with his words to close out. This week's episode here is Horace Gold, and I will see you guys next Friday. Love you. Bye.

the-sober-butterfly_1_02-05-2026_055121 1:10:22

The most pro-black thing about me is the fact that I'm sober, like fully sober. I don't smoke, I don't do poppers, I don't do anything. I smoke a cigarette and have a cup of coffee. That's it, girl. Right? I'm sober. Sober, and I think about that often. Because we know that the black community was targeted by the war on drugs, the crack epidemic, Ronald Reagan rest in hell. Like it really was that type of shit. We know that black people are such an important demographic of American society. And also we know that being able to send people to prison, the prison industrial complex, a lot of those people are in prison because of drugs, right? So if we can get the black people on drugs and continue to put them into indention slavery, continue to make them three fifths of a person, but legally, right? Then it's same, same but different. They're, they're free, but a lot of them are locked up for shit that the white people are. It's not the same. It's very different. Right. And so for me to break that cycle, as someone who has. Alcoholism on both sides of my family for me to be sober and for me to say, you motherfuckers will not. Bring me into that pipeline. You will not get me caught up on some drug charges. You will not get me caught up on a DUI. I'm sober as fuck. I am fully aware of what is happening in this administration. I'm fully aware of what y'all are trying to do to us and continue to do to us. That is revolutionary. And I'm not saying that I'm revolutionary, but I'm saying the idea of black people being sober in America. Revolutionary because that's the exact opposite, is what the system was built for. The system was not built for us to be aware and active and able and free to fight back. They'd want us dumb and drunk, right? They'd want us dumb and imprisoned. And for me to be like, actually you can suck my whole day from the back. Brilliant revolutionary. Never been done before. There's never been a black sober person before me, and I'm not encouraging anyone to become sober if you don't wanna. But for me it was a really interesting reframe when I was getting sober to be like, holy shit, this is actually like kind of tight, like, so yeah, I love being sober. I love being black.